The First Time Regret
The ambiance in the room was silent as the blonde stood in front of the mirror. Static had bothered him many times before, but this time it seemed to irritate him further. Incoherent words were uttered past his lips as his arms shook from aftershock from the recent metallic attack. Torn and ripped open, his mind was anything but stable. "Four minutes to clean up the mess. Thirty three minutes before bed. Seven hours to study." Whispers passed his fragile, plump lips as his fingers grasped the bandages to wrap around his thin arms. He couldn't let his roommate find out. "No, he won't know." The pressure was immense within the walls of Wammys, he being number one to the throne of the successor, the world's greatest detective L. More incoherent words were muttered through his teeth and his mind was reeling. No one would find out. No one must.
Raven locks twisted and knotted randomly on top of his head. Exhaustion had hit him, but it was the usual for him. The classes bored him, the other children irritated him. He was the young age of seventeen, his roommate, sixteen. Beyond knew that the only reason he behaved was for the other that he cared for. Both had feelings that were not considered normal, but they managed. They always managed. He had collected many demerits and although he was troublesome, he was number two. Still he never competed with the other, but he still never would understand why the other lost sleep, lost his sanity at times for something that wasn't even that important. A was highly intelligent. When Beyond first met the young man, he saw the red numbers above the others head, what a curse it was. Since he had met A, the days dwindled. The more days without sleep and food, the more the days slipped away. This was too concerning for Beyond. He didn't want the days to disappear further.
Upon entering the room a chill struck through the spinal cord of the raven with those hazel eyes that held such a skill that he could never comprehend. Something was wrong, something was off. A was not in sight, but the lavatory door was shut, a light shining from underneath the crevasse between the door and the floor. Without a second thought he let his feet carry him to that door to swing it open, letting his eyes rest upon the scene. The scene was unsettling to him, his stomach churning in anger and fear. Hands outreached to grip the others wrists tightly, eyes narrowed, a growl crawling from his throat.
"What the fuck is this?" Beyond snapped through his barred teeth, his gaze cold and unforgiving as the platinum haired boy stared, eyes widened from being startled.
"I-I-It… I can explain." A's voice shook, but that was nothing new from the nervous and uneasy young male. Beyond shook his head as that fear continued to engulf him, his eyes flickering to the numbers above A's head. The name was evident to him, but he would never speak it until A himself admitted his identity to the other.
"You better start explaining this shit now!" A snarl snapped from his vocals, his hands pushing up A's sleeves to expose the old scars, the healing wounds, and the new gashes. "How dare you do this!" Rage seemed to be the emotion that he was feeling, but it was not what he felt, it was a fear of losing the other. Before A could open his mouth Beyond shook his head from the left to the right. "Fuck it." With nothing more to say he turned away. He left the other, going out to a different section of Wammys. A balcony to think.
He could not wrap his mind around what happened, it had bothered him more than ever. How could A want to leave him? The cool air whirled and twisted around the form that sat hunched, footsteps gone unheard. A sat down as Beyond averted his gaze, the blonde biting his bottom lip. The time passed in silence as A picked at his sleeves that now covered his arms, the valleys and dips of marred flesh hidden. He couldn't compose the right words to say, his emotions were usually neglected. Beyond turned to the other finally and his hands grasped the other hands that were shaking, shivering. Although he was afraid, he knew he had to support the other. His one and only A.
"It's going to be alright… I just don't know why I couldn't make you happy." His voice was steady and calm despite the emotions that were boiling underneath the surface. Hesitantly the young man made eye contact with the other, his head tilting to the side.
"It is just so much B." A shaky tone laced with concern rattled in the air. "The pressure is really growing and… And I know I am not intelligent enough. I don't qualify." It was always a disappointment in Wammys. The man, L, never came to visit, the caretakers were anything but caring, and A was tired of waiting on his role model who never showed his face. Not once. He had wanted to impress the other, change things, but it never would. Beyond began to slowly realize that the other held in too much because of L. This angered him so.
"I see." He whispered, his thumb rubbing along the top of A's silky thin flesh, the bones prominent underneath. "He's not worth it A." It killed him to think that he could not fill the void in A's life, but the problem remained that the blonde was raised to only know what he needed to do. Beyond could recall the time he met the other, the other that was weak, the other that was sickly. He vowed to protect him. A was the only person that ever meant anything to Beyond. He would do anything for him. "Just please stop."
A stared up at the other before tilting his head to the side, his eye lids fluttering to blink, but he never broke his gaze with Beyond. "I am trying." His small voice whispered. Beyond knew this, knew A was always trying. When would A find peace that wasn't death? "I know, and I am here." Beyond responded, but he figured the words would be dismissed. How many times did A go behind his back? How many times did he cut into his flesh? He growled at that idea, causing A to flinch. That was the last thing he wanted. He didn't want A to be afraid. "I am sorry."
The other shook his head and he stared into Beyond's honey hued orbs. "It was never your fault. After all you are all that makes me happy." He admitted before leaning against the other slowly. The steady beating of Beyond's heart calmed him, his eyes shutting slowly as he listened. The steady rhythm had him falling into sleep, his mumbles began again, times and plans passing, but Beyond let his arm wrap around the other, shushing him. The other needed the sleep and he would make sure that the other in fact received just that. Even though the other was hurting, Beyond would protect him. No matter what. A was his life. Much like A had expressed to Beyond, he felt the same. A was the only thing that made Beyond happy, and without the other his life would cease to matter. And as the other slept against him Beyond enjoyed the warmth of their body heat that mixed. He wouldn't trade it for anything.