My Luv is like a Moont Doom
Ma name is Diabolica Claudiabolique Stantard Moonshadowlight. I leeve in da super hood of da hobbit town, The Shawer. I am a orphaline who as bin fond in a bosket by ma adaptive father Balbo Baggin, who is a fury creator calld a hobsit unlike me cuz im a elf. Ive bin pety deprassed all my liv becuz ma parent didnt luv me, and becuz I'm a butiful fucking elf. I hat ma race so much they are all so fucking prep and snub and not into real and butiful dark stuff like drewsing in black gothic clothes and lsitening to goffic musik. Theya re all fucking hyppy idiots who dont know that life is hard and so depressing. I hav long black soily hair and i'm very slim and have pale skin, the only thing i luv about me. I hva also really deep blue green dark eyes that everyone envy me. I dress masylf with leather stripes in goffic style i taint in black with a lot of red lace all over and black fishnet. A lot of ppl also watch me werdily becuz of that but a dont care of those fucking idiots. The only ppl i like in that hood is ma border Frodo n his luv Sam Gameguy who r so goffic like me. Their friendz Pippy n Merry fucking rokcs too and d r fucking hotty, like Emo depressed princes. We all like depressed musik like da band Express Mount Doom n Dark Forest Sonata. 2day im majoraly excited cuz Gandalf is cuming back in ds hood. He is so cool with his black magik tricks and he has big goffic rings n a big black hoarse n a evul staff with a dragon shape thing on it. He taught me everything about goffic things and to Frodo and da boyz too.
I wuz wanking with Frodo befoer the big oke tree for Gandalf to cum. We were drawing ewvil draws of goffic signs and smoking pot when suddenly we heard him come. He was on a supper big vassel taht his horse wuz leeching. It had spike n everything n red smoke like hell, it was super dark. He looked at us with his red eyes under his big dark mantel and said:
-Whatz up biatch? Did ya keep sum of your herb for da Master Gandalf n his Stalone?
I smiled seducively at him and me and he magicanaly telesported himself betwin us. We all laugh hastily and smoked a little until we finally deported to da vallage. On da road to ds vilalge, Gandalf said:
-Diabolica, i have a upper bad news for ya...you ahve been cursez with da spell of da Lonely Ring!
-Oh my Satan, did I and Frodo shouted.
End of da chapter 1!!!