A little angst for everyone. Not exactly sure how to classify this one.
Unreachable
Do you remember the first time we met?
I do.
It wasn't in the lab.
It had happened long before you began to work here.
Nobody else knows.
On the Ides of March.
The sky was crying.
But we were both laughing.
I wasn't prepared for the rain... I didn't have an umbrella with me.
But you did.
I was waiting for a bus, and you were waiting for your ride.
You saw me.
You offered your umbrella to me.
And I took it.
We talked as we waited, laughed as we waited, connected as we waited.
And we waited for a long time.
Then a car drove up to us. Your ride was here.
You told me to keep the umbrella.
You didn't need it, where you were going.
The man in the car looked familiar.
But I didn't think too much about it.
Though I probably should have.
Because everyday after we met, you never left my mind.
That's kind of funny.
Because I didn't even know your name.
So imagine my surprise when one day, I saw you again.
Not in San Franciso.
But here.
I wondered if you remembered.
But the moment you spoke, I knew you didn't.
"Hi. My name is Sara."
That was understandable.
I'm not a really memorable guy.
But that didn't matter because we began to work together.
And you were the exact same as you were when we first met.
There is a natural relationship that develops between two people when they spend as much together as we have.
Collecting evidence.
Processing DNA.
Blowing up toilets.
Best friends. That's what we've become.
But I can't tell you that I want more.
Because between friends and lovers, we are obstructed by a barrier.
A barrier that comes in the form of a human.
A man.
That man.
In the car.
The sideways glances, the secret smiles... they aren't unnoticeable.
I've seen them all.
The way you look at him.
I only wish you could look at me the same way.
But you will never know that.
This is just a crush, I tell myself.
A meaningless crush.
But even I can't bring myself to believe that lie.
Because that's what it is.
A lie.
I've been lying to you for a long time. I've been lying to me.
Can this feeling last so long if it's just a crush?
But it hurts to call it anything more.
I just want to know. Need to know.
Does he satisfy you?
Does he cherish you?
Does he love you?
The way that I love you?
I know my feelings are unwelcome.
They will only complicate things.
So I keep quiet for now.
And I can only watch.
Watch as you wait for him.
And he continuously hurts you.
And the only thing I can do is be there for you as a friend.
Only a friend.
Because I know.
I know he makes you sad.
But he also makes you happy.
And I would do anything just to see you happy.
You know I would.
Anything.
Even if it means the man in the car.
Can't be me.
And that's the hardest thing to do.
To talk to you.
To laugh with you.
To be with you.
And know that you are unreachable.