Disclaimer: Anything that you recognize from the show is not mine!
A/N: Okay, so I was in the middle of writing a new chapter for Days in Stride, when this little plot bunny attacked me. This one shot fic is in Oliver's POV and it takes place during 'Beautiful Disaster', some time before Alyx and Oliver set off for San Antonio. However, you do not need to read that fic in order to understand this one. Anyway...enjoy! Please review!
Coal black eyes with malicious, yellow irises glared back at me from the mirror. Deep voids of hatred; proof of what I really was. Or what half of me was, at least. A vile, disgusting creature--heartless and cold. The epitome of evil itself.
A demon.
It was demon's blood that ran through my veins, corrupting me like a virus. Making me wage a constant war against myself. It hadn't been a real problem until I hit my teenage years. Up until then, I hadn't known about it, or who--more correctly, what--my father was. At the age of thirteen, my mother, Lily, decides to tell me that my father's some kind of demon with yellow eyes named Azazel. She waits until after I practically burned down the school (I started a small fire in my classroom after some kid pissed me off. No one else knew it was me.) to explain this fact about my parentage that she'd neglected to inform me of. It was irritating, let me tell you. Lily's not the best parent in the world, but you think that she would take the time to let me know these things before I caused actual damage.
Since then, I've grown up battling demonic rages and blackouts. Try going through that and puberty at the same time.
I tore my gaze from the bathroom mirror, revolted at my reflection. Gripping the edges of the cool, porcelain sink, I fought the anger coursing through my body. It was unbelievable--this time was the worst so far. I don't remember it being this bad before. I could feel it threatening to overtake me at any given moment, stronger than ever. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to push away the bad thoughts and feelings, but they just wouldn't leave. I felt like I was going to explode…there was no way that I could keep all this shit inside me any longer without going on a rampage or something…
Raking my hands roughly through my hair, I cursed my father, wishing he'd just go rot in the deepest pit of Hell for what he's done to me. He ruined my life. He's trying to turn me into a monster--a fate I didn't intend to choose. Not that I really had a choice; it was planned out for me before I was born. Damn him.
Furious, I slammed my fist into the mirror, shattering it. Pieces of glass fell into the sink and onto the floor. Lily would not be happy about that, considering all the other items I'd broken over the years during my demonic fits. My hand was a mess now, too, blood flowing from deep cuts along my knuckles and fingers. It didn't phase me much; I barely felt the pain.
Muttering a number of profanities under my breath, I walked out of the downstairs bathroom, and went to my room, which was in the back of the house on the first level. I sat on the edge of my bed, head in my hands. I was exhausted, not having been able to sleep in about a week. I tossed and turned every night without fail, my father's harsh voice invading my thoughts and dreams. My dreams became nightmares--horrible images of death and destruction. Messages from my father to embrace my fate and join him.
As if on cue, his ruthless voice filled my head, telling me the same thing, over and over like a broken record. You don't need them. He said. Waste them, son. You know the feeling of that power…use it.
He was talking about killing Lily…and Alyx.
I jumped to my feet, nearly pulling my hair out of my head. "Stop it!" I shouted. "Shut up and leave me the hell alone!"
Alyx Winchester…oh god. Alyx. I couldn't kill her. I wouldn't.
I had to control myself.
Alyx was the reason for my existence--I carried on, and I fought this because of her. I loved her more than anyone or anything in this world. She was the only person who made life bearable. She's the only one who's ever given a damn about me.
I was surprised that Alyx was still sticking around. Especially after all the trouble I'd caused between her and her family. She and her father, Dean, and uncle, Sam, are demon hunters. And, to top that off, my asshole of a father was responsible for the deaths of Alyx's mother and grandparents. So, you can clearly see how Alyx being my girlfriend creates quite a problem. Our relationship is practically taboo in the world of the supernatural.
It made me wonder if we'd both be better off if I just left. I could just give in to the inevitable and join my father. The pain of keeping this bottled up inside would go away. Alyx didn't need me hanging around, mixing up my issues with hers, making everything worse. I could pack up and leave without saying a word. She'd get over me. Find some other normal guy to love; one that she could actually spend time with without the constant fear of getting killed. She deserved better than me.
My cell phone started ringing on the nightstand, ripping me away from my negative thoughts. Heaving a sigh, I reached over and picked it up, glancing at the caller ID on the front screen. Of course, it was Alyx.
I flipped the phone open quickly. "Hey." I answered.
"Hey," she replied. I could hear the smile in her voice. "What'cha up to?"
The sound of her voice had a curious, calming effect on me. It was so good to hear from her. It was like a rainstorm putting out a fire. I don't know why I had actually thought about leaving Alyx behind. It would break her heart as much as it would mine. And I'd never want to see her hurt like that.
"Nothing." I lied.
"Cool," she said eagerly. "'Cause I was wondering if you wanted to go to the movies tonight."
It sounded like a good time, but I was in no condition to go to a movie theater right now. And I felt horrible about spoiling her plans.
"Uh…I don't know if that would be the best thing for me right now." I told her.
"Why?" she asked, the tone of her voice changing drastically. She was worried.
"I'm having some…problems."
"Demonic problems?" she questioned.
I sighed, and rubbed the back of my neck. "Yeah."
"I'm coming over to see you, then," she stated suddenly. "Is Lily home?"
"No, she went away for the weekend. But Alyx, you can't--"
"Okay. I'll be over ASAP."
Before I could tell her that coming over here to see me would only make it worse, she hung up. I tossed my phone back onto the nightstand, and attempted to take control of myself as much as I possibly could before she arrived. I had calmed myself down enough that my eyes had returned to their normal color when there was an urgent knock on the front door.
I opened it up and let Alyx inside. "You shouldn't have come." I muttered.
"I'm not leaving." she protested. She stepped through the door and went to kiss me, but I backed away before she could succeed. I couldn't risk it--compared to me and what I was capable of, Alyx was so fragile. One wrong move and I'd do something that I'd regret.
Alyx frowned, but I kept my distance nonetheless. She stood back and scrutinized me from head to toe. I knew that I looked a little worse-for-wear. My hair was more disheveled than it normally was, there were dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep, and I was extremely tense. Alyx was, unfortunately, making my edginess worse as well.
"Oliver, when was the last time you got a full night's sleep?" she demanded, crossing her arms over her chest.
I shrugged. "A week, maybe." I scratched my head nervously, making the mistake of revealing my injury to Alyx. My cut up hand was still slowly oozing blood. She grabbed it forcefully but gently, and looked it over.
Glancing up with a concerned expression, she asked, "What did you do to yourself?"
I pulled my hand from her grip. "Nothing." She scoffed, and towed me over to the couch, commanding me to sit down so she could heal my wounds. Having the ability to quickly heal injuries with the touch of her hand was a power that Alyx had discovered a few months ago. In less than two minutes, my hand was fixed; the wounds disappeared completely. Her touch was cold, but comforting against my warm, sweaty skin. I wanted so much to kiss her right then, but I knew it could endanger her life. I had controlled the rage within me for now, but it was still there; a threatening presence. A reminder to keep my feelings and emotions in check.
"Tell me what happened." she ordered. I hesitated, and instinctively moved to the opposite side of the couch, away from her.
"I broke the bathroom mirror with my fist," I said. "I just got so angry. You don't know what this feels like, Alyx. You have no idea what I have to go through every day to manage this. To stop myself from becoming what he wants me to be. I can't fight this anymore, Alyx. I can't do it." I stood up and faced away from her, pinching the bridge of my nose. My father's voice was coming back into my thoughts again, and I was trying to ignore him.
"Yes, you can." she objected.
"No…you just don't get it. I hear his voice in my head, Alyx. He's telling me to kill you as we speak," Alyx's eyes grew wide for a second. "He interrupts my thoughts at night and during the day. At school, it's the worst. I sit there in class while he tells me to off the kids sitting next to me. It's making me crazy, Alyx. It's like I barely have control over myself anymore."
She stood up and grabbed my hand, and I turned to look at her, once again taking my hand from her grip. She was making this harder for me.
"You can fight this," she stated. "I understand that it's hard, Oliver, but the worst thing you could do right now is give up. You can't let your father win, because that's what he wants. You're better than that. I know you are."
The harsh voice of my father died down, and a slight smile tugged at the corner of my lips. "What would I do without you?" I asked.
She grinned. "You, my friend, are going to get some sleep."
"I probably couldn't if I tried."
Alyx, being as stubborn as she was, started to pull me down the hall toward my bedroom. "Well, you're going to try." She dragged me into the room and pushed me onto the bed quite forcefully. I smirked, noticing that the longer Alyx stayed with me, the more the fire raging within diminished. My father's voice had disappeared as well.
I laid back, hands tucked behind my head, watching Alyx kick off her sneakers. "Are you sure that you can stay? Won't your dad get worried?"
"I already took care of it. He knows that you needed my help." she replied, sliding in beside me. I turned onto my side to face her. She was lying on her side also, very close to me. I reached out reluctantly to run my fingers along her cheek. She placed her hand on top of mine, smirking. "What are you so afraid of?" she asked.
"Hurting you."
"You won't," she reassured me. "Not now, not ever. So don't worry." Next thing I knew, her lips were on mine, and I was pulled into a kiss. She broke it a few moments later. "Good night."
"'Night." I answered, closing my eyes. I felt her take my hand, and soon after that, I fell asleep. And, for the first time in awhile, I slept soundly, without my father harassing me. Alyx's presence had literally chased away the demons plaguing my dreams, offering temporary relief from the battles against them.
The next morning I awoke to find her still laying beside me. I smiled and leaned over, kissing her softly on the cheek.
Thank you.