(edited the statement below since apparently, links aren't allowed? :/)
(This fic was based on the image below (remove the spaces to access the link) ; Copyright bloodtier from tumblr)
i41
.
tinypic
.
com
/
1zyey46
.
jpg
"Oh for the love of-"
Jade stood there, speechless. Karkat was always full of surprises, she knew that well. She restrained from choking him numerous of times when he proved to be most annoying. Resisted the urge to borrow Kanaya's chainsaw and just let the blades slice through him so he would stop insulting her. And resisted the urge to do something so vile as to kiss him so he would finally shut up.
She resisted all of those urges. Especially the last one.
But now, before her, Karkat was on her bed. Nude.
Karkat. On her bed. Nude.
To make it worst, a strangely large ribbon was tied to his waist area and covered his genitals. What on earth was he trying to pull off?
If this was a prank, she wouldn't give a second thought about the idea of a bloodbath.
"Karkat." Jade said with a hint of annoyance in her tone. "What are you trying to do?"
The troll mentally face palmed but kept his position. Jade was reminded of the line 'Draw me like one of your French Girls', but who could blame her? His stance said exactly that!
"Seduction." He said bluntly.
Oh.
Jade was momentarily confused, not sure if she should be 'seduced' or be completely horrified. If this was what seduction was, she wouldn't mind not being seduced ever again. It was scarier than seeing a million Daves die.
"Save your dignity while you still have it, Karkat. You look stupid!"
Karkat frowned and shook his head. After putting much effort into tying the damn ribbon and making himself look presentable, she'd say he looked stupid? Pft! Humans! If good fortune befalls them, they keep shoving it away. What a bunch of idiots!
"Karkat!" Jade was growing even more annoyed now. Placing both her hands at her waist, she glared at him. "Get your ugly ass off my bed, and get dressed!"
"You're missing the point of SEDUCTION, FUCKASS!" He snorted, feeling far more intelligent than the other.
Jade could only look at him with confusion, what was he trying to prove here?
"Hey, fuckass…WHY WOULD YOU SEDUCE ME?" Her voice finally broke out into a yell. "Never knew it was 'Seduce Jade' day, GEEZ, I think I should make more reminders for those!"
Giving up, Karkat sat up and rested his cheek on his shoulder, still not covering himself up. "Well fuck you. Why did I even bother?"
"You tell me. I'm just as clueless!"
They both sighed as Jade approached him, and threw his pants that were hiding under the bed all this time. Instincts told her they were there, and she was right. Lucky.
"Ready to explain yet or are you still feeling retarded?"
Karkat put on his pants and gave her a cold look. As if she did something horrible.
Well for him, she did. But technically, she didn't intend to!
"What are we?" He asked, almost out of the blue. His eyes were travelling around the room except where she was at. "Aren't you my kism-"
"No." She replied quickly, knowing where this conversation was getting to.
It took her a long while to fully grasp the concept of the relations trolls had. It was more complicated than she could have ever imagined. Aside from the weird titles, how come they needed to fill their quadrants? Why is it they needed two kinds of lovers to produce offspring? Whatever happened to commitment and loyalty?
Kismesis? He and her? Ha! Blasphemy!
If she remembered right, he wanted John to be his kismesis too.
Was it really that important for a troll to fill in their quadrants? Even when they still had much to live for and worrying about reproduction isn't something they should be doing?
Jade concluded she would never understand them.
Especially the one troll that she thought she knew most about.
"We had this conversation before, Karkat... I'm not going to be included in those weird what-chapma-call-its! The 'love' that trolls have…I just don't like it." She said honestly. A bit saddened although she had no idea why.
Maybe she did.
Being involved with a troll meant sharing. And sharing your supposed lover just didn't seem right.
Suppose she was his "kismesis" due to their constant bickering and endless fights. She had to admit, she practically hated his guts. Especially back when he did nothing but insult her and make her feel bad. But they both softened up after a while. The bickering is still there, as well as the always present swearing, but it was never hate. At least she didn't felt hate. Did he?
And what did "hate" have to do with his supposed act of seduction? Was he deliberately trying to make her hate him? Or was he just that stupid she'd find that kind of scene …sexual.
Ugh. Trolls.
Why are they so hard to figure out?
"You're seriously still going on about that? I told you already, I DON'T have a fucking matesprit. Not anymore anyway since that shitass Strider stole Terezi away."
So if Dave didn't do that, he'd have had Terezi as his matesprit and me as a kismesis?
"UGH! You are so stupid! This is why I hate you!" Jade buried her faced in her hands. Still resisting the urge to beat the crap out of the idiotic alien beside her. "That TOTALLY made me change my mind. You know what? Take of those pants of yours and just…do me! Or whatever it is you need to do to fill those buckets of yours!"
"HOLD THE FUCK UP, HARLEY." Karkat stopped her before she could spat anything else. He, too, was growing more and more annoyed at whatever it was she's been saying.
He's stupid? Ha! She's the stupid one.
Humans just don't get it.
And to think he's been trying to make her understand through the only way he knew best. Afterall, he's learned the ways of being a romantic by carefully analyzing the movies that he watched. He was an expert in romance! Troll romance to be exact, but what's the difference?
Humans were pretty much the same. Only with a different skin color. And a slightly different appearance. No horns. Or fangs. Or the ability to understand intelligence.
"I wasn't trying to have you as a kismesis so we could have ugly fucktard grubs in the future. Fuck no. Well maybe, but that wasn't my intention. Gog help me I will shoosh as if you've never been shooshed before if you keep yapping about shit again."
Jade was still mad. Still so very mad. But she allowed him to explain, and he had better do a good job. Cursing and insults aside.
"I'm TRYING to know if we actually have something. GET IT, FUCKASS? GET IT?" He took a deep breath before continuing, "Turns out I like you. Or whatever it is you humans want to call it so long as it's equivalent to romance. But shit, you probably get wh-"
"Get to the point, Karkat."
"That WAS the point. Jegus, Harley, how stupid can you get?"
Both of them stayed silent for a while. Karkat was itching for an answer. And it was getting cold considering he was only wearing pants.
Jade tried to take in what he said. Debating with herself if it was a good thing, or a bad thing.
"And the plan to scar me for life was for?"
He face palmed again. This time, with both hands. "To get a reaction. Any reaction! Obviously you don't know how to appreciate the finely tuned body of a troll."
"You're like a stick. Not finely tuned at all!" She let out a scoffed and caught herself observing this "body" he was boasting about.
She still stands by her statement. He was a stick.
A stick with an attitude and temper problem.
A stick that should be pulverized or something and erased from this world.
A stick that needs to learn how to properly seduce someone, even though she too was clueless of the whole process.
"It's the fucking thought that counts." He grumbled. "So, feeling anything romantic yet?"
He expected her to scold her again. Or even snap and fill his mind with bullshit.
Instead…she laughed. She fucking laughed.
"Being horrified is definitely a recipe for romance!" Her laughter lessened down to a giggle, and slowly, into a smile. She looked at him. Her large, green eyes met his alien ones. His eyes were so weird. She thought. But then again, everything was weird about him and all the other trolls. Their blood. Their lifestyle. Even their names!
But maybe their weirdness was what made her want to know more. Despite all the confusion it caused, she wanted to know more about the trolls. Their planet. Their weird lifestyles. Everything. Especially about that one troll that said sorry for bringing cancer into her world.
"Maybe." She softened up as she stared at the ceiling. "But not because of the whole seduction thing. It was stupid, really."
"THANKS. I FEEL COMPLETELY ACCOMPLISHED TODAY."
"Don't get me wrong, fuckass. I'm scarred for life, but if I think about a little more, it was a cute attempt." She giggled to herself again, "But that's beside the point."
Curiosity hit him. She better say something after insulting his genius attempt. "And your point is?"
"Maybe, just maybe, I like you." A small smile escaped her as well as a small tint of pink in her cheeks as she moved her face towards the confused troll's cheeks. He didn't move or say anything as she planted a soft kiss on his right cheek, "Maybe I've always had."
Word Count : 1,609
Note: First contribution in the wondrous , wondrous world of homestuck. I am sorry for the oocness. Haven't written in ages, and I thought, 'Hey, I want to write fanfiction again' and then 'oh hey look, Homestuck!". So instead of sleeping at 2 in the morning, I did this. Welp.
Excuse any typos and errors please