The Stasis Project: An Adventure Time Fiction
Prologue
"In the dark recesses of the mind, a disease known as FEAR feasts upon the souls of those who cannot overcome its power…And so fear is forced deep within the soul of a hero. Conquered…at least, for now."
~Pat McHale
"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."
~Helen Keller
Nearly two centuries has passed since the war. And oh, what a war. The land in which you live was once the greatest of all lands. The inhabitants of the land came from all races, all walks of life. There was harmony, joy. There was peace. Nevertheless, as many know and as all must understand, all things must end.
The nations of this world were crumbling. All they had were their guns. They used for no other reason than to take. Eventually, it came to be that there was one solution that had been used only once before.
The Mushroom Bombs
The detonation of the mushroom bombs was all it took. The dust settled and the tallies were counted. All the previous weapons were destroyed and abandoned, leaving empty streets with broken tanks and broken homes. The kingdoms were sufficiently destroyed, wiped of the face off the Earth. Eventually, the world became a better place, a kinder place. One could say a perfect place
Now, we turn to your race, the Humans. Objectors to the entire war, they tried to remain calm as tanks and troops circled the land. They were peaceful but considered by many today as the lowest of creatures. Unintelligent, unclean, uninteresting. Today, many consider humans a delicacy.
They had their opinions, their dreams. Vanquished by those who wished to control. The select few that fought to seek peace were known as rebels. Together, they began to occupy the world in peace. They chanted, sang, went to their government and cried out, "Stop what you are doing and listen." Though there was no stopping the kings. When the bombs were dropped, every single Human in the land was affected.
Initial estimates put the death toll at five million Humans, gone in an instant. The survivors became half-breeds from the radiation sickness. Regardless of who lived and who died, the Humans went into hiding and for years, have not been seen.
Only recently were you discovered in a forest by two Dogs. You were smelly, yes, but still a human. A pure Human, the only one of your kind. Just a babe too.
The Dogs were going to eat you but they recently had lunch and thus you were saved. Now you the adventurer have been given a second chance. You have befriended the Dog child of your saviors and are now the best of buds. Of course, you were just a child so you are not going to remember a thing I tell you about the war but hey, deal, okay? The question is, will you seek to explain the deaths of your ancestors or will you seek noble justice and align the kingdoms of Ooo, now the princessdoms, into complete and utter peace?
What will you do?
"I will eat this everything burrito, three minutes! Bllliiiiindfolded."
"And I will bet sixty coins of my treasure that you can-not… schnarf that thing down."
"what you say?"
"I say, YOU CAN'T SCHNARF THAT BAD BOY!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Then lay dat money down."
"Oh-ho-ho. It is on like ping-pong."
"I say it is on like lemon."
"It's on like CROUTON!"
"IT'S ON LIKE…"
"You gonna eat the burrito or what? It's getting cold."
"Oh, oh yeah."
"Ready?"
"One sec. Got to get the blindfold on."
"Can you see anything?
"Nil."
"Now you ready?"
"Born"
"Then…ROCK AND ROLL!"
Finn the Human attacked the burrito with all the ferocity of the mightiest beasts. Despite being blindfolded, he easily located the glorious Mexican dish. Ground beef, cheese, bacon, egg, strawberries, chicken, tomatoes, cereal, jalapeño peppers, pickles, jelly, peanut butter, chocolate, ice cream, and all consortium of ingredients flew every which way. He poked further into the giant dish and swallowed down all the ingredients. All of them.
"Cough-buhah-coughhhha. Jake!" Finn exclaimed, head out of dish and covered in five types of meat. In his right hand, he was holding a saliva-covered spatula. "I though I said no spatulas or frying pans! As much as I'd like to eat everything, it's just not happening. So before I eat anything else, are there anymore surprises?"
His friend, Jake the Dog, looked closely at the burrito. With all certainty, he replied "There may be one or two forks in there. But dude, you got two minutes and I ain't digging in that burrito. So try not to stab your esophagus."
"Somds guut." replied Finn, now back in the burrito. Jake turned his back, ticking down the seconds and still trying to perfect his "turn-that-frown-upside-down" belly trick. All the while, the challenge got smaller and smaller.
Jake, in frustration, gave up on his belly and looked at the wristwatch he carried around. "Okay dude. You got thirty seconds left so you ca-ca-ca-can-na-na-naawhoa." Finn, in his glorious triumph, just sat there. He was now three times his regular size and polishing off the last of the burrito. The chair he sat in was broken. In a large and booming voice, he belched out, "SUP JAKE?"
"Uhmm, dude. You win."
"YEAH, I KNOW, RIGHT? I WAS ALL, 'YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME BURRITO? I DON'T THINK SO. YOU CAN JUST LET ME EAT YOU.' AND THAT'S HOW IT WENT."
Finn shifted his weight and stood up, floor creaking and stomach a-sloshing. "PAY UP, JAKE." The dog begrudgingly handed over the sixty coins and looked up at the chubby cheeks of his best friend, covered in all kinds of stuff. His eyes squinting with pride, he spoke "You know what. I'm alright paying up just to see my best bud so huge. Now, come here man." Stretching his arms, he gave Finn a good ol' bear hug.
A third voice arrived on the scene. "Finn, Jake, I looked in your beds. Couldn't find…GREAT STONKIN' CYCLOPS! Finn, you are HUGE!" Jake and Finn looked at their roommate Beemo and just started cracking up. Jake said it best with, "Oh, Beemo, you know just what to say."