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HOLD MY HAND HARDER

Disclaimer: I unfortunately do not own any of the Eastenders characters in my story. This is pure fiction for my own sick perversion!

This is continuing from Friday night's episode and is, as I already said, complete fiction!

If you don't like this fanfic, or slash at all, then don't bother reading it. Concrit more than welcome, haters not!

ENJOY!!!!

P.s: My first fanfic EVER!:o Chapter One IN SYEDS POV

I want him. I can smell his unique scent from here, all the way across the room. He knows it. I can see the twinkle in his magical eyes. I hold on to the door handle. I use this as a crutch, as a way of keeping myself from running at him and devouring him like a sweet dessert.

"Where's Amira?" I ask, keeping my eyes fixed on the wall so that I could resist the magnetic pull that he was so infamous for.

Christian continued painting the wall and shrugged. His muscles flexed slowly with each stroke.

"I don't know Sy…she said she'd be popping over at around one?" he said unsurely, smiling slowly.

My heart raced at that smile. I knew that smile. It was suggesting that maybe we could do something. Something really bad. Something I really badly wanted…

"Oh…well, uh…" I mumbled, uncertain of what I should say next.

Christian seemed to notice this and put down his paintbrush. He walked towards me and stopped just an inch from me. I could feel the heat of his body, so close to mine.

"Maybe you could help me out? I'll never be finished on time." He asked.

I looked into his eyes and felt myself melt against him. I fell against his body and tried to press my lips against his but Christian stopped me.

"It's not what you want Sy…" he whispered.

I shook my head violently.

"Oh God, it is!" I gasped, trying to wrap myself around him but again he stepped just out of reach.

"You want me?" he asked, raising his eyebrow, looking ridiculously sexy.

I smiled and laughed.

"Yes Christian! I want you, now c'mere!" I growled, pouncing on him.

For one beautiful second Christian brushed his wonderful lips against mine. I felt my soul reconnect with his. It was as if the jigsaw had finally been placed together. I clawed at his shirt and ripped it off. Christian pressed me against the wall, the paint still wet. His lips softly kissed all the way up my neck until they hovered over my ear.

"Syed…" he whispered so damn sexily. I pressed myself against him even more and closed my eyes and wondered why something so wrong felt so right….

"SYED!"

I jolted out of my sleep and sat up. Amira was at the end of our bed, glaring at me. She was dangling some keys in front of me.

"Get up, Christian needs to be left into the flat." She snapped.

I rolled my eyes and pulled the duvet over my head, lying back down.

"You do it…" I whined, closing my eyes, hoping my wonderful dream would come back to me.

I felt Amira jump on the bed and climb on top of me. She pulled the duvet away from me.

"Babes, please do this for me! I've to go to work soon and my hair isn't even done!" she pouted.

I looked into her almond eyes and wondered why I was so unhappy with this beautiful woman. She was a dream…just not mine.

I nodded and took the keys from her hand.

"Fine…but tell Mum I'll grab my breakfast at the Café." I mumbled, pushing her off me gently.

Amira kissed my forehead and rolled off the bed.

"You are the best!" she sang, skipping out of the room.

I pulled my jacket around my body tighter. I trudged across the square slowly towards the flat. I could make out Christians silhouette in the distance. I waved slowly and picked up my pace. He nodded in acknowledgement.

"Hey." I said breathlessly as I shoved the key in the hole.

Christian smiled.

"Morning Sy…having a lie in, were you?" he asked as we walked up the stairs.

I looked at my watch and laughed.

"Nine thirty is hardly a lie in!" I chuckled.

Christian smiled and nodded.

"True, but it is if you've up since eight." He argued.

I turned to face him.

"Oh God, I never apologized for being late, did I?" I gushed.

Christian shook his head and patted my arm.

"It's fine Sy. You have a nasty habit for not apologizing for a lot things. Why change now?" he asked softly.

I opened the door to the flat and looked him right in the eye.

"I shouldn't have to apologize for being happy!" I snapped.

Christian smiled sadly and stepped closer to me.

"No, but you really should apologize for lying. To me and yourself." He said softly.

"Who says I'm lying?" I demand, standing so close to him that we were almost touching.

Oh God, it was just like my dream…

Christian hovered his lips over mine and closed my eyes heading in for a kiss but Christian took a step back, causing me to nearly crash to the floor.

"That's all the proof you need there." He said sadly.

I sat in the Café, moodily staring at my cup of tea. Who the Hell was Christian Clarke to accuse me of lying? I mean, how dare he! I am unhappy with Amira but why should he get to point that out? He gave up the right of telling me how I feel when he…

When he what?

Flew home and tried to stop my wedding?

Tried to convince me that he loved me?

Told my mum I was gay and that he'd die for me?

Christian did all he could to try and stop me from making this mistake. I didn't listen… curse my temporary deafness.

I returned to the flat at six, after a day of moping, to collect the keys from Christian. I walked up the stairs slowly, dreading what I was going to have to endure. It took all my strength to restrain myself from jumping on him and begging him to forgive my stubbornness.

I walked through the door and looked around at the flat. It looked amazing. Christian had really out done himself. I laughed.

"Wow, it's beautiful!" I whispered.

Christian looked up from painting the skirting boards and smiled his wonderful smile.

"Yeah…it is actually. Amira's going to love it!" he decided.

I nodded in encouragement.

"How couldn't she? It's perfect. You're perfect." I said quickly.

Christian chose to ignore my last sentence.

"Yeah. Well, I hope you guys are happy here Sy, I really do." He said honestly.

I sighed and looked at him in longing.

"Christian, you're right. I'm not happy." I announced.

Christian straightened up and shrugged.

"I wish I could help Sy…" he mumbled, pulling on his jacket.

I closed my eyes shut and leaned against the door.

"Please…I can make this right." I promised.

Christian shook his head and started to walk towards the door.

"I haven't got the time to do this all over again Syed." He whispered.

I grabbed his hands and clasped them against my chest.

"We have all the time in the world Christian! We could do this! I love you!" I declared.

Christian looked as though he really wanted to believe me but he still pulled his hands away.

"You broke my heart once. I don't know if I could this all over again."