Tonks and Lupin

"When I first saw you, I knew. I knew that your soul had come from the same place mine had. You always had an air of solitude, of sorrow, even. I want to - I need to change that. I want those beautiful dark grey eyes to be filled with joy, with glee, with laughter".

At least, that's what she had planned to say. What she did say was: -

"Remus, I-uh…just wanted to...um…"

"Yes?" Lupin looked up from his newspaper, then said with concern, "are you alright, Nymphadora?"

The girl's cheeks were flushed a deep rosy red and her eyes were downcast, but his last word made the pert little chin snap up and her eyes flashed.

"You know I hate it when people call me that. Everyone knows!"

Smothering a smile, Lupin apologised. She really was such a handsome child when angered.

"Please do continue, Tonks. Is there something on your mind?"

Still taken aback at the apology, she nodded. Her parents never apologised for using her Christian name. She supposed it was too much to expect them to, after all, they had chosen the stupid name in the first place, she thought bitterly. Her friends sometimes used it to tease her, and most of the ministry people were not the kind of people who would take kindly to being corrected. So apologies were scarce.

But Remus seemed to have respect for her wishes. He was so wonderful! She had to tell him how she felt. But the words were not finding themselves. Nervousness returned, closely followed by panic. She had to say something.But what?

Lupin waited. Nymphadora did not seem in any rush to speak however, so he gazed around the room, at the discoloured walls, the serpentine chandelier, the dark moth-eaten carpet, the doxy-infested velvet curtains. It was a pretty awful room, not the sort of place to lighten anyone's mood, nor to encourage confidences, he thought. He glanced back at Nymphadora. She seemed very ill at ease, frightened, even. Not at all like her usual cheerful self. The little heart-shaped face had paled and she was clutching and loosening her grip on her wand.

Lupin wondered if she was perhaps thinking about the consequences of her new membership of the Order. He knew better than to suggest this, however. She would not admit her fear, and disliked any talk of the Order members being possibly harmed. Her extreme optimism, almost painful - and at times seemingly inappropriate - would not allow anyone to even hint at being killed. He shook his head. The poor child was just starting her career. She should not have this responsibility. A stifled sob broke into his musings.

"You think I'm a child, don't you?"

It was Lupin's turn to be taken aback. He hid this feeling, however.

"No, Tonks", he lied. "You are an exceptionally brave girl – woman, I should say. To accept an offered membership of the Order with such alacrity is admirable. Your parents must be bursting with pride. And Mad-Eye's reference, well…wonderful as it is, it hardly does you justice…."

He continued on in this vein while Tonks marvelled at the sound of his voice. She was sure she could listen to it forever. Everything about Remus was beautiful of course, but his voice was something else. It always seemed to Tonks that Christ must have had a voice like his. It was so kind, so full of compassion, so deep. She felt herself calming down. Now was the time to say her carefully prepared speech. Unfortunately, she couldn't seem to remember a word of it.

"Thank-you Remus," was all she could manage. Idiot, idiot! Why did she have to be like this? No wonder he thought she was a child. She felt her calmness evaporating. Somehow her wand slipped from her fingers, causing the moth eaten carpet to ignite between Lupin's feet. He leapt out of harms way, pulling out his wand while Tonks slapped at the fire with her cushion.

"Ohhhhh, I'm so sorry! Are you okay? Oh, I'm such a clumsy fool!" she cried, slapping away so hard that feathers were flying everywhere. Lupin waved his wand and the feathers disappeared. Tonks dropped the cushion.

"Sorry", she said dully, her eyes fixed to the floor. She could feel them smarting. Don't start crying in front of him, you baby! she thought, furious with herself. Stop it, stop it! She chanced a look up at him. He smiled softly, and held out his hand.

"Life can never be dull when you're around, Tonks."

*