I've gotten cocky lately. That's why the past few stories sucked. I hope this one is better. Mom wants me to go to church with her. On Sunday, I'm telling her I'm Atheist. Wish me luck.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.
Dick, Wally, Artemis, Conner and Megan all stood almost shoulder to shoulder, their faces grim as they stared on at their team leader, hanging onto every word that slipped past his dark lips.
"This mission will take all of our focus and every spare minute we have. If there are any of you who cannot devote their full heart and head to the cause, please step out now," Kaldur eyed everyone carefully, not giving one person any more time then the one before it.
Not a person stepped out. They all stayed in a perfect line, their eyes never breaking the gaze they had on their leader. A smile haunted Kaldur's lips, but he covered it up.
"I have split us off into teams of two. You need to accomplish your objectives by six tonight. Does everyone understand?"
Everyone silently saluted before all calling out in unison, "Sir, yes sir!"
Kaldur swallowed a wider smile, walking away from them and snatching the hats from the back counter. He strode back to the team, walking over to Conner and Megan first. He handed them each a red Santa hat, unable to hide a smile any longer.
"You two are on tree duty. Find the biggest and best Christmas tree and decorate it until it is simply gorgeous," he commanded.
Both nodded, slipping the hats over their hair with big grins. Kaldur walked over to Artemis.
"You are in charge of hanging green tinsel all over and the stockings," he handed her a hat.
She had to adjust her ponytail until it was at the nape of her neck so the hat would properly fit over her head. Then Kaldur confronted Wally and Dick. He held their hats tightly, eying them long and hard.
"You two… I trust you with Christmas dinner. Do not make me regret this," he demanded, handing the hats over carefully.
The ginger and the ebony grabbed the hats eagerly, pulling them down over their ears with huge grins before looking at each other, and nodding in a slow rhythm with smirks.
"I myself shall handle the snow and icicle decorations outside. I want Megan's siblings to see our Christmas spirit!" Kaldur backed off, putting his own hat over his head with a proud grin.
"Sir, yes sir!" they all screamed enthusiastically, saluting.
Kaldur face-palmed lightly.
"Please stop saluting me," he pleaded behind his shameful hand.
"Sir, yes sir!" they all yelled again, bringing their arms to their sides.
He kept hiding his face.
"And stop with that too," he continued the plea.
They all kept grinning, nodding instead of resuming the proud yell.
"I will see you all at six. Break!"
Megan grabbed Conner's hand and flew, Wally threw Dick onto his back and ran them both off and Artemis just ran seeing that she had no super-powered hero for a teammate. Kaldur stared after them all, finally dropping his hand to his side. He sighed roughly.
"I should have stayed in Atlantis…" he grumbled, but then he changed his mind.
He loved the team like a big brother loved their stupid younger siblings. No one was perfect after all; not even Barbie.
XxXxX
"Put me down," Dick demanded for the hundredth time with a neutral face.
Wally had him over his shoulder now, carrying him as if he were kidnapped. The white ball on the tip of his hat kept smacking his face and it was annoying the hell out of him.
"Never!" Wally shrieked into the wind with a maniacal laugh.
The ebony groaned, reaching up and putting the puff ball back behind his head, only for it to be smacked into his face again. It was really starting to piss him off.
"Damnit KF! Put me down or I swear I'll shove this stupid hat down your throat!" Dick cried hysterically, beating on Wally's back in the way Fiona had back in Shrek if anyone out there actually went to see that movie.
Wally reached a hand behind him and grabbed one of Dick's hand in his own, smiling to himself.
"There are easier ways to turn me on, sweet cheeks," Wally teased.
Although the pale face was facing away from him, Wally could feel Dick blush. It was probably that really cute dark blush that took up his whole face except for his eyes, making it look like he hadn't slept in days, but the cute kind of insomnia. Wally weakly let go of Dick's hand, turning his attention back to the road.
"So, what should we have for Christmas dinner, dear? I think the kids would like Christmas ham, but you've gotten terribly fat over the holidays and your poor hips don't need anymore abuse," Wally grinned ear to ear as Dick hit him again in the small of his back, making him buck in surprise.
He liked pressure points, especially when they made Dick scream and hug what he could in fear.
"I'm not your wife," Dick reminded Wally, his face a dark scarlet.
Wally nodded. "I'm well aware. You're obviously my husband. We are a gay couple and we adopted the strange children that no one else in the orphanage wanted because we knew how they felt."
He got hit again as Dick squirmed uncomfortably.
"Quit it!" he cried, clearly upset about the topic.
Wally frowned for a second before he recovered.
"Fine. We're just a couple because your dad doesn't approve of you being gay and he threatened to kill me if we ever wed and you refused to elope with me. The kids are my sister's, but she died in a horrible car crash so we agreed to take them until their dad comes to get them," Wally corrected, laughing hysterically as he heard Dick start to approve of the idea.
"W-W… No! No! We aren't a couple at all! There is no- nothing romantic! We're youngest too so that makes no freaking sense!" Dick denied it all.
Wally growled, narrowing his eyes at the guy on his shoulder.
"Either we're together or I drugged you and I'm holding you hostage in my basement as a sex slave until the end of time. Take your pick."
Dick actually had to stop and think about it.
"Either way, I'm doing you," Wally added, grinning insanely to himself.
Dick still stayed silent, thinking as hard as he could.
"If I was your sex slave, would you kiss me or just abuse me? Is there any love at all?" he asked quietly, dead serious.
Wally frowned to himself, staring hard at the road.
"If you'll wear a sexy maid outfit, I might kiss you every once in a while. Other than that, it's all abuse," he decided.
Dick sighed heavily, pursing his lips.
"Do I get to actually clean in the maid's outfit, and do I get to wash it, or am I just chained up in the corner in a dirty outfit for the rest of my life?" he was really thinking hard on this.
Wally hummed in thought, stopping for the red light.
"You can clean, but only the basement because I don't want my wife to know I have a sex slave. I'll have a washing machine down there for you," Wally nodded to himself, fine with the idea.
Dick froze as he recognized Barbara in the front seat of the Subaru behind them. He waved, grinning ear to ear at her. She jumped in surprise, but she waved back with a grin. Then Dick turned his attention back to Wally.
"You'll be married?" he almost sounded bruised.
When Wally heard, he weakly patted Dick's back, dashing off as the light turned green.
"Or a husband. You would be just my sex slave after all. If we were married though…" Wally let his voice trail.
Dick tensed as the arm Wally had around his legs moved up a little. He didn't tell Wally to stop though.
"If I was your husband, would you hold my hand in public and kiss me at the fancy restaurants in front of the sexy waitresses?" he rested his elbows against Wally's back, cupping his face.
Wally had to think hard about it.
"Sexy as in tall Latino with huge boobs or sexy as in average sized blonde with pretty eyes?"
"Tall Latino," Dick smirked to himself.
He knew Wally was weak for the foreign girls. He loved their accents.
"I wouldn't kiss you," Wally said slowly, making Dick's heart sink, "I'd invite her to join us for a three-way."
Dick couldn't help but laugh even though his face darkened in shade.
"What if I didn't want to do her?" he argued. "Would you ignore me and still ask or would you respect me like a good husband?"
Wally hugged Dick's legs as they went up hill.
"I'd respect your decision, but I'd be thinking about her later that night as I go downstairs with the sex slave," he couldn't help but laugh.
Dick looked over at Wally, his eyes narrowed.
"Oh, so you have a sex slave? I thought you loved me! Does this marriage mean nothing to you?" pain riddled his voice and he couldn't help but feel awful.
Wally's eyes widened and he stopped on the side of the highway, setting Dick down.
"I do love you!" he cried, freezing the second the words left his mouth.
Both boys stood there awkwardly, blushing violently. Soon, laughter took them over and they were on the ground, laughing their guts out.
"We're such dumbasses," Dick giggled to himself, hugging his stomach in pain.
Wally put an arm around him, hugging him tightly. When the laughter died, Wally kept his arm around Dick.
"So… about that sexy maid outfit…"
This is going to be a short several chaptered story for the Christmas thing. I don't write SB/MM, so I don't plan to have it. Hope you liked this. Me and my friend Sam (ginger Sam, not the one mentioned here before), had this discussion last year. It was funny… I haven't seen her since. Review?
-F.J.