Inspiration: I usually am against slash phics. The idea of Erik being gay is disgusting to me, though that may be just because I want him for myself. Yet thie couple was just too cute to resist! C'mon, don't say you don't think its funny! Don't say it! ...fine, say it. But maybe reasind this might change your mind. I give a full dedication for this to my "twin", who once again inspired my insanity with an inside joke.

Disclaimer: Okay, assuming you already know that I don't own Phantom because I'm writing fanfiction, I just want to say I am not investigative journalist named Kay Leroux. That is just a very clever name I came up with to introduce the story as if it were true and being made into a book. (A thousand point to whoever guesses where I got the name from!)

Clarification: Characters based on the 2004 movie because I adore Gerry's interpretation. Except the deformity because I think it could've been so much better. And the swordfight because, seriously, Erik losing to Raoul? A fop? A FOP? Just trim his hair! It's the source of his power!

FirAndremin's Diary

It's always about that blasted Opera Ghost, isn't it? Always about him and his tragic love for Christine whatsherface. Just face it! The whole thing is a damn pity trip! Who cares if the ingénue left with Foppy deLoser? There were much more interesting cases of unrequited love going on at the time.

But no! No one stops to think about them, either of them! No one ever did. Why bother? I mean, they were just the managers. Isn't it much more fun to pick a side, either with the Phantom or that patron? Or even with Meg who has entirely less lines than both of them! It's ridiculous!

Such a case is that of Joseph Bouquet. Sure, the guy was a pervert. Sure, he spied on the ballet rats when they were changing. Sure, he was a greasy faced drunk with mussed hair and missing teeth. But he had a story too! No one ever talked about how he secretly wanted Madame Giry! Honestly. Here, let me show you:

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Madame Giry: Joseph Bouquet, hold your tongue! (Slap)

Joseph Bouquet: (Takes slap with a smile) MORE! Err… I mean… you wanna bind me to the bedpost with that lasso? It wasn't what I had in mind but…

Madame Giry: JUST KEEP YOUR HAND AT THE LEVEL OF YOUR EYES! (Runs off)

Joseph Bouquet: …She digs me!
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Of course, the phanfiction writers wouldn't have that! They needed Madame Giry to be free for their evil phiction purposes! Well then, what about Carlotta? Everyone at least knows about her and Piangi! So then why is there never anything dedicated to her?

Yet another example:

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Phantom: Our Don Juan must loose some weight… (Pokes Piangi in stomach with sword)

Piangi: (Ala Pillsbury doughboy) Hoo-hoo!

Carlotta: Ma! That's his battle cry you fool! Defend my honor, Piangi!

Piangi: (Leaps at Phantom and bites his cape) Hoo-hoo!

Phantom: Ahh! Get this blasted dough-boy off of me! (Cape rips. He jumps into a trapdoor)

Carlotta: Mi amore! Once again, you my hero! (Plants kisses all over Piangi as he munches on the torn cape)

Raoul: (Runs in buckling pants) I'm back from the bathroom to face my rival! Hey, where'd he go?

Piangi: Hoo-hoo! (Leaps at Raoul)

Carlotta: No, Ubaldo! Not him! Aim for Christine! Christine!
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Yes, I can see how writing about that pair could quickly become a disaster beyond your imagination… still! We other characters deserve 'phans'. At least fans! We deserve 'phiction'! Just think on it! Aren't you tired of hearing about what happened to Erik after he left the Opera House? Honestly, how many possible outcomes could there be? How many times can you write his life before you exhaust the possibilities and are forced to write out-of-character garbage?

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Phantom: The porcupine is mine!

Christine: No! It was my fathers!

Raoul: No, Christine… it wasn't. You see… I am your father!

Christine: You are?

Phantom: But he can't play violin! He doesn't even know what a violin is! And he's only like four years older than you!

Raoul: Nah-uh! (Takes off mask and becomes circus gypsy)

Phantom: GASP! You are the man who had me in a cage!

Meg: I thought you strangled him.

Phantom: I did. Hey, when did you get here? And who told you I killed him?

Meg: Apparently my mother and I are interchangeable in phiction.

Phantom: Ah, I see.

Raoul/Gypsy: Back to the matter at hand. Now I shall put Christine in the freak show, where she will learn your pain and see just how badly she has hurt you! Muahahaha!

Meg: I bet you this story gets good reviews anyway.

Phantom: Aw Meg, don't be a hater.
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Don't let this happen! Try something else!

If you can't come up with a couple, then I can! You want a heartrending story of love that burned deep but couldn't be? Then why not turn to them? Living up to the standards of high-class Parisian society could be stifling. Luckily they always had each other. Unfortunately, they didn't know they had each other, so they spent all their time trying to hide what they really felt. Can you feel their frustration?

Don't leave this story yet! Please, I implore you to read. It will only take a moment of your time to see what really went on in the manager's office. For you see, this is a story of feelings that would not be denied and fate that denied them anyway. This is the story of two characters which you probably know and adore, but really don't give a second thought to. This is the story of Monsieur Richard Firmin and Monsieur Gilles Andre.

I share with you now excerpts of both their diaries, combined into one unbelievably poignant book.

Investigative Journalist:
Kay Leroux