Disclaimer; I do not own Gunslinger Girl, it is the rightful property of Aida Yu.
Additional Disclaimer;I do not own Black Lagoon, the rightful owner is… Rei Hiroe?
The Handsome Men as always, belong to Person WMAA/N This fic assumes that the church of violence is a front for the CIA in Roanapur and that Eda is in fact a CIA agent.
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Eda of the Church of Violence
---"Ohy, Ohy, Ohy! What the hell is this?"
Eda pointed rudely at the small brunette in a miniaturized nun's habit that was innocently flipping through a magazine, not even paying attention to the nun. Eda was still sore about her ruined bounty hunt, a hunt which resulted in her being held at gunpoint by a crazy short kid all the way to the Lagoon Company offices.
She had decided she had her fill of pint sized psychopaths. Wanted for murder in the first degree by Uncle Sam or not, Eda declared that she'd die happy if she never had to meet another kid with anything larger than a water pistol ever again. So what the hell was this?
"Well, I'm not really sure about the details, but headquarters sent this little child here to be your partner." Yolanda tried to inject some humor into the situation. "They were so impressed with your job with the plates, Uncle Sam decided you were eligible a program to train the latest weapon our country has to offer…"
"THIS?" Eda voiced skeptically.
"Well you did meet Hansel and Gretel before." Yolanda tried very hard not to laugh at her subordinate's reaction to her new assignment.
"That was different!" Eda protested.
The little girl cleared her throat to draw their attention and held out the magazine while pointing to one of the articles inside. "I want this one!"
If Eda wasn't paying attention to the girl and her choice of reading material, she was now. Eda did a double take. "You… want a high powered assault rifle?"
"Fabrique Nationale de Herstal FN F2000. Empty weight three point six kilograms. Length twenty seven point three inches. Effective range, five hundred meters. Uses standard STANAG Magazines in 5.56 x 45mm NATO cartridges," The girl elaborated. "It's a little big though…"
Eda compared the girl to Gretel, and despite the dissimilar physical appearance, Eda got the same vibe from her. As one would expect from someone almost killed by Gretel, Eda was not very happy to come to this conclusion.
"Oh! But if I stick the grenade launcher module on, it's perfect!" The girl spun on her toes with a flourish. "You'll get it for me, right Miss Eda?"
Eda fainted.
---
As it turned out, the brunette was a mechanical body. A cyborg developed by the United States government as a specialized assassin. With physical abilities far above that of regular human beings, these mechanical bodies were supposedly the latest most effective weapon against crime and terrorism fielded by first world countries across the globe.
And now Eda had one.
She didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
In the decade or so she had spent in the service of her country, Eda of the Church of Violence, also Eda of the Central Intelligence Agency, had never quite come across anything quite like this.
The girl was a blank sheet when she arrived in Roanapur. No name, no I.D, nothing. Apparently, she had been 'programmed' to come to Roanapur and find Eda in order to be named, given a gun, and do whatever it is that little girls with high powered assault rifles with an integrated grenade does.
Lovely.
This mechanical body was apparently a new 'long distance field operations' type, and so didn't need much maintenance from the one white coat the sent to accompany her. Eda wasn't even aware there were other types of cyborgs, so she didn't really care about that stupid little detail. What counted was this little problem.
Never in a thousand years did Eda dream she would have to page through a baby names book in order to name for an excited preteen girl.
"Do you have one yet?" The short haired brunette asked for the umpteenth time.
"No." Eda growled. Eda never expected to have a child of her own, having already foreseen that the city of Roanapur would take her long before she could settle down and have a kid. It was inevitable, and Gretel had come oh so close to making her just another name on the wall of Patriots.
"Pleeeeese give me a name!" The girl whined. "I've been waiting for one for three weeks now!"
"Shut up!" Eda fumed. "I'll give you one when I find one!"
Picking a name was more difficult than it was turning out to be. Eda was tempted to pull out the book and point to the first name on the page and be done with it, but the scientist, may his soul burn in the fires of hell, shot that idea down pretty quick.
Apparently the Italians had this idiot named Lauro who was such a loser that his own cyborg shot him. After that some basic guidelines were set down. One of which was name your girl correctly, so she might not put a 'point forty Smith and Wesson' into the back of your head.
Eda wondered why the country she had already devoted her life towards had seen fit to torment her like this. If she was going to die, let someone like Revy or Chan be the ones to do her in, not death by some whining preteen girl. Let her have a little respect damnit!
Speaking of Revy, Eda remembered the gunwoman was due to show up for late night drinks in the chapel tonight! If Revy ever saw her now; she'd be able to never live it down!
It would be much worse than that too. As of late, Eda had been pestering the half Chinese gunslinger about her relationship with that hot stud Japanese salary-man-turned pirate. Every drinking session, Eda had asked Revy whether she'd knocked boots with her prince in distress.
Prince gets captured by schoolgirl and big samurai, gallant damsel with dual handguns come to the rescue, then they do it like monkeys. Or at least, that's what Eda had been suggesting to Revy on nearly a daily basis now. Given how shy Revy actually was to Rock, it was all the more fun.
Revy had actually warned Eda that when she finally dug up some dirt on Eda there would be hell to pay. Having never actually had anything to hide, other than being a CIA operative of course, Eda dared her drinking buddy. Well she was regretting that foolhardy dare now.
Eda seriously considered eating a bullet to spare herself from Revy's revenge.
"Pleeeese Ms Eda! Everybody is calling me 'the cyborg' and 'the girl'! I want a N. A. M…"
"Maybe I'll just name you Rebecca and be done with it!" Eda snapped.
Oops.
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"So… run that by me again."
"She's a distant cousin on my sister's mother in law's side three times removed…"
"No I got that part." Revy, whose real first name was incidentally Rebecca, worked hard to stifle her laughter. In other words, she chugged another beer.
"How is it that your really distant relative, who happens to have my name, dress in a nun's habit and walk around with an assault rifle two thirds her height, decides to come all the way from the Big Apple to this dingy place?"
"I have no idea." Eda said truthfully.
Revy was having a ball watching the older woman actually be uncomfortable for the first time in almost forever. Revenge never tasted so sweet, even better than beer. "Ah, and you happen to be her only living relative?"
"Please stop Revy. I don't know how to fight this."
Revy pressed on mercilessly. "Oh but I must! I must know how the great gunrunner Eda has a relative that is so familiar with her that she calls you 'Sis-E'!"
Eda's head impacted with the table. She emitted a low groan.
How Rebecca (the cyborg, as opposed to the gunwoman across the table) ever came up with that ridiculous nickname was beyond her. Nicknames were common in the city of villains. Revy was called 'Two Hands'. Balalaika was called 'Fry Face', a term that was both patronizing and respectful at the same time. Even Yolanda had one, but it was so obscure nobody knew it. Eda never expected to gain one of her own, especially one that sounded like 'Sissy'.
She imagined a mini Eda, dressed in her provocative party clothes, cheerleading her futile attempts to hold Revy at bay on her shoulder. Think Eda. Revy is bowling you over! Your pride as a gunman, no, as a professional, rides on this! "Aren't you worried that she might turn out like Gretel?" Eda blurted out.
The mini Eda fell flat on her face. Nice going Eda. You might have tipped the whole 'don't let the world know about cyborgs thing out of the bag'.
Revy shrugged, "Rock will love her."
Comeback! The mini Eda pumped her fist in the air.
"Oh, Rock likes kids? That's a pretty cavalier attitude you got there Revy. Planning for some of your own?" Eda seized the opportunity to turn this embarrassing conversation around. Revy actually gaped when she realized her mistake.
Victory dance. Ha! Take that Rebecca! This is how a real master of conversation…
"Ohh, Sis-E!"
Mini waved a white flag and ran away. Oh hell.
Rebecca came running up to her, now with an even bigger weapon slung effortlessly over her shoulders. "Look at this! It's a real live Milkor MGL! I've never seen one before! I took it from stores. Can I have it? Please? Please?"
Both Eda and Revy stared in horror as the preteen girl who barely reachedtheir shoulders, ran up to them swinging around a loaded grenade launcher like a harmless stuffed teddy bear as she ran towards them…
So excited was the young cyborg that she hadn't yet realized that her finger was spinning the massive weapon from inside the trigger guard.
"OH SHIT!"
"FUCK!"
Then, as was inevitable for someone playing with a big gun from inside the trigger guard, little Rebecca accidentally depressed the Grenade Launcher's trigger, and it fired a single explosive into the ceiling.
--
"Like I said, you need to train the girl. Unlike other models these ones are a bit temperamental because their conditioning is lower." The Scientist admonished.
"I… see." Eda nodded, her arm in a sling and face being bandaged up.
"It was fortunate Rebecca was able to throw both you and Miss Revy out of the collapsing building before escaping herself. It would be disappointing for you two perished some a simple accident." The scientist continued.
He did not mention Rebecca had thrown both Revy and Eda through the air into glass window arches of the Chapel. It was a two story drop from there. But then again, being catapulted from ground level into an almost ten foot throw like basket balls was something Eda was keen not to be reminded about.
Cyborgs were really scary, taking two grown women and throwing them through second story windows like basket balls before running out of a collapsing building unharmed.
She was lucky Revy had woken up the next day and written off the whole thing as an alcohol induced dream, despite the gunwoman's dislocated shoulder and a destroyed chapel. The cover story was that the two drinking buddies went a little wild that night and used an M76 to destroy the chapel in a drunken fit.
Yolanda had even the audacity to kick up the prices for the Lagoon Company's next order.
Of course, most of the damage was 'her fault'. As penance, Eda broken arm or not, was ordered to do menial labor for the next three months with docked pay.
"Okay, now that I'm done with you, I would like to inform you that Yolanda had ordered you to you should go do the dorms. Ricardo brought a couple of his friends back last night and one of them vomited all over their beds. The stench is quite bad." The scientist finished.
Eda wanted to cry.
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Thirty five years of life… Ten years in the services… amounts to this.
Cleaning the dishes.
Somberly, robotically, Eda rinsed the white porcelain plates. Her life had really taken a turn for the worse ever since Rebecca had barged into her life and sent it straight to hell.
Doing the laundry. Changing the sheets. Mopping the floor.
She wasn't a CIA operative anymore. She was a cleaning lady. Yolanda had taken her gun from her and ordered her to sober out and think her actions through.
Think what actions through? Rebecca had just arrived!
"Right. That's the dishes." Eda sighed somberly as she dried the last of the plates and put it back on the rack. "Now I have to sweep the yard…"
"You don't have to do that, Sis-E."
Eda spun around to face a bashful looking brunette in a nun's habit. "You!"
"Hello Sis-E."
"Get out! I never want to see you again!" Eda shouted.
"…Okay." Rebecca sighed understandably, tears welling in her eyes. She turned to leave "… I just wanted to tell you that I did the yard for you."
Rebecca walked away…
"Wait!"
Now Eda may be short tempered, childish, playful, money grubbing, cocky… well you get the gist, but that was her cover. Heck all the convent members who were CIA had their covers. The lived it, they breathed it, never for a moment removing their masks even among each other.
In a city like Roanapur, a moment's hesitation or weakness would mean certain death.
They had to become the people they claimed to be, if not, the Church of Violence would be revealed to be a CIA getup in an instant. However once in a while Eda's real personality, that of a thoughtful, intelligent and sometimes empathic woman peeked out.
And so here it did.
Rebecca turned around at the sound of Eda's voice. Eda make a quick but thorough check to make sure nobody listening. When it was clear, her hand clamped around the smaller girls arm and dragged the small cyborg into the kitchen.
Rebecca allowed herself to be led on without complaint.
"Why are you here?" Eda finally asked. "Speak freely."
Rebecca, unable to look Eda in the eye, answered. "I was ordered by the Head Director of Cyborg Operations Mr. Superior and CIA Director Robert Ludlum to come to Roanapur to serve as backup for Agent…"
"No." Eda said firmly. Then she reemphasized her question. "Why are you here? A cyborg? Your file says that you are fourteen. That's it."
As if to emphasize her point Eda removed her glasses.
It was a symbolic gesture. Her glasses were her mask, just as Yolanda had her eye patch. Under those opaque purple glasses were they azure blue eyes that her parents so often remarked were beautiful… eyes that she hid to hide her shame. She did not want Revy or Rock, wanted outlaws in their own nations but people she felt were her dear friends, to look into her eyes.
It was the hardest part about being a CIA agent, knowing one day she might have to turn on those she had befriended with her false face. The glasses hid her true self, so she could face the dirty city of Roanapur with confidence as the gunrunner Eda or the Church of Violence.
But when she took her glasses off, she wasn't that person anymore.
She wanted to be completely honest about something.
"I imagine you have a family somewhere." Eda said.
Rebecca looked into those blue depths with her olive green ones. Tears came to her eyes. "I… don't have one."
Eda was taken aback. Rebecca began to tear up.
"When I woke up in the agency, I couldn't remember anything. I knew where I was supposed to go and what I was supposed to do, but I didn't know anything about myself. Not even my real name" Rebecca confided.
And then Eda began to listen.
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"I was alone. There were tests done on me before the scientists decided I was ready to be sent to you. During that time I was without a name. I had no handler, no identity. I wandered the halls alone during my free time. The other girl in the facility… they called her Black... often talked with me. She was a cyborg too, and was alone as I was. There were other cyborgs in the facility too, but they never saw us.
"Black and I… we often watched from the windows of our prison at the others girls laughing and playing. And those girls… they had 'Handlers'. That's the term for the adults in charge of the girls. Some of the girls had good handlers who treated them well, others… they weren't bad, but they did make me worry for those girls. But they all had one thing I did not.
"They weren't alone. They had each other and they had their family. Fathers, brothers, teachers… the Handler could be many things, but above all I found these adults were what gave the girls purpose, gave them life. Even Black, the cyborg used as a test bed for new technologies, had the scientists, and some of them even cared greatly for her.
"It was what I lacked. I lacked a purpose.
"Can you imagine, living day by day, not knowing who you are, where you came from and what you are supposed to do? Living as a blank page, with no purpose in life? That was how I felt. I didn't have any reason to exist. I just did. It's not a pleasant feeling. I had no identity I could call my own, even if I tried to forge one myself… I have nothing to work from in the first place. I didn't even know where to begin.
"But one day I knew I was going to get one.
"I don't know where I came from or who my parents were, they wouldn't tell me that. But one day I was told that I was to be assigned to someone named 'Edwina Darwin', a CIA agent who was in need of help. Suddenly, you were they only name I knew and you were supposed to give me my name and identity.
"You were my Handler.
"I was so excited. After three months of doing nothing, I was beginning to doubt my own worth. Can you imagine, having this empty void in your heart suddenly being filled? I had a purpose now. There was something.
"I wanted to meet you. I found out as much about you as I could. You graduated at the top of your class, you've selflessly dedicated your life to safeguarding our country, you where going to be my handler.
"I realized that even if I didn't have a past, I had a future.
"You were the person who would give me my name, my identity, my future.
Miss Eda, even before I met you, you gave me hope."
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"… gave me hope." Rebecca tearfully finished, before breaking into anguished sobs. "And now I've messed it all up for you!"
Elsa didn't know how to react.
Never in her life had she come across something like this. Considering she lived in [the self proclaimed City of Villains, fought two pint sized murderers, fended off a horde of crazed bounty hunters, and more recently learned that her government was making killing machines, this was quite a feat.
How was she supposed to deal with a crying adolescent girl?
Eda coughed into her fist. The one not in a sling. "Err… look Rebecca, it's not all that bad…"
"I broke your arm, hurt your friend destroyed your home and got you into trouble." Rebecca brawled. "You probably hate me now!"
"Not all that bad!" Eda tried. "Look Rebecca, this is Roanapur. Shit like this… it happens all the time. Just the other day, the Yellow Flag got blown up (again). People say they hate each other all the time!"
That didn't exactly help matters and Rebecca cried even more. Eda was beginning to worry. Oh hell, those idiots in suits just dropped her into a twisted from of parenthood without any warning.
"…which is normal around here when tempers run high!" Eda continued. "Relax Rebecca! Everything will be fine after we cool off. I don't hate you, I'm just… annoyed with you."
Rebecca stiffing her tears, paused to look at her handler. "…you mean it?"
Eda put on her best cocky pose and grinned. "Hey this is Roanapur, the city where it doesn't matter where the hell you came from or what you did. As long as you're still breathing the next morning you're good to go!"
"Really?"
"Really." Eda held out her hand. "Well we got off to a bad start, so let's start over. Call me Eda, that's what everybody does."
Rebecca looked dumbly at the hand for a moment.
"You're supposed to shake it."
"Oh!" Rebecca early took Eda's hand and shook it.
"Not so hard was it? I think this is the start of a wonderful partner…"
Rebecca should be more careful with her own strength sometimes. She was so enthusiastic about mending the bridge that she shook Eda a tad too hard, and ended up dislocated the older woman's arm at the shoulder.
"AHHHH!"
"I'M SORRY!"
--
Yolanda was very amused.
"Well you're not on cleaning duty anymore, and I think the amount of punishment you received was sufficient. I'm not docking your pay checks anymore."
Eda stifled a witty remark. Both her arms were in casts. It was a humiliating position for a gunwoman such as herself to be in.
"Anyway, I heard you almost patched it up with the girl." Yolanda mused. "Such a pity. She was crying in the convent last night."
"You're mistaken Sister." Eda blurted out.
Yolanda fingered her Desert Eagle dangerously. Eda had broken an unspoken rule in the Convent; never raise your voice to the head honcho.
Prime reason? The Big Desert Eagle she had holstered in the folds of her habit. "How so?"
"We didn't almost patch it up." Eda corrected. "I still am ready to accept the girl."
"Is that so?" Yolanda said, a slight smile touching her features. "You can come in now."
To her surprise the door of Yolanda's office creaked open and a timid looking Rebecca crept in, Cello case containing her FN F2000 on her back.
"Do you mean it?" Rebecca asked cautiously.
Eda paused for a second, and then smiled. "Of course."
Rebecca ran up to embrace the CIA agent disguised as a gunrunning nun with a relived smile on her face and tears streaking down her face.
"Hey watch it, both my arms are broken!" Eda warned.
"Sorry." Rebecca said between sobs.
"I expect you to train her how to use that gun." Yolanda said as she lit a cigar in her mouth. "Now that out top gunman is incapacitated, we'll need a substitute as soon as we can."
"Yes ma'am!" Eda attempted to snap off a salute, but with both her arms in casts, it was all but impossible. Sighing, Eda instead ruffled her new partner's head through her habit since the girl's head was buried against her chest. "Cute kid."
Yolanda blew a puff of smoke off and reclined into her chair.
"I think this will be the start of a wonderful partnership." The old nun smirked.
And it was.
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THE END
--A/N
What's there to say? It's a crossover.
I actually made this in hopes of contributing to the existing Fanon (Nacht revived Emilio, Person crafted the Handsome Men, Sheo created Giuseppe…). Perhaps I'm being a little arrogant by trying to follow in their footsteps, especially since I'm just randomly selecting characters from other series to give partners, but that's just me.
There may or may not be a second chapter to this. I'm writing one on Seras Victoria from Hellsing and her new cyborg tag along, but it's not turning out too well. Theme discusses Seras and her new ward's humanity, or lack thereof.
Perhaps I should just drop that and go off and do one on Roe from L/R. A master of disguise teaching his little cyborg to use paper masks and disguises will go down well.
Thanks You, Read and Review Please!
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