if you are familiar with youtube chanels such as cinema sins or gaming sins well that is essentially what this is only for books. I was trying to think of a not so serious account to have some fun on and I had been watching a cinema sins video when I thought of this. So I said why not. Here's how it's going to work I'm going to have a book to write sins about every time I come across something in a chapter that I think is stupid I'm going to ad on one or more "sins" to a sin tally I will have. Sins don't really mean anything and something I might sin you might not see a problem with at all so please don't take anything I write about serious unless I openly say I hate the book I'm writing about. I'm gonna start with pjo books first because I've read them the most and what a better book to start with then the book with the most favorites that is actually completed on the site. The Queens Champion. If the original author of the queens champion wants me to take this story down then I will but that is up to Anak. all sins in this story will be because I feel something wasn't up to scratch in the book. whether its the author contradicting themselves or someone in the book acting out of character for that specific book.
I would highly recommend you read the queens champion before reading this book
I am going to be skipping over certain parts in this story that I don't need to sin and it would be best if you already know what is going on in the story.
at the very least be reading it at the same time as this so you can understand fully what is happening.
Disclaimer- All rights go to Rick Riordan and/or Anaklusmos14 for the original story
Enjoy.
Original story- normal
Sins-bold
Twelve Olympian gods and goddesses stormed into the throne room on Olympus expecting to battle the Titan Lord Kronos as he attempted to destroy their seats of powers. {this is a question I have always had for the pjo series. Where are all the minor gods while this giant war is happening. We only here about the ones that switched side to fight for the titans but there are a lot more then just those ones+1 [sin tally[1]
But when they burst into through the doors, they saw a sight no one expected. Luke Castellan, who had become the host for the Titan Lord, lay motionless on the floor, apparently dead. Percy Jackson stood above Annabeth Chase with his sword aimed at her throat. Unnoticed by the Olympians were the tears falling from his face. { after everything that has happened so far in this war they should have been expecting something like this +1 [sin tally[2]
When Annabeth noticed the Olympians, she quickly cried out for help."Mom, please help me. Percy is trying to kill me. He's a traitor." Annabeth yelled sounding helpless. efore anyone could react, Athena sent a blast of energy at the son of Poseidon, knocking him off his feet. { Athena is the goddess of wisdom right, she more so than anyone in that room should be hesitant to do this even if Annabeth is her daughter could be thousands of reasons why this is happening and she acted like the opposite of what someone with her domain would do in this situation. +1 [sin tally[3]
"You lying bitch." Spat a hobbling teenage girl in a silver parka. Thalia Grace, Lieutenant of the Hunters of Artemis, stood glaring at the blonde haired turned to attack the girl but was met with both a master bolt and trident leveled at her face."Enough!" Zeus bellowed. "Thalia, explain what is going on." Zeus ordered in an agitated tone."First, you must restrain Annabeth. She is a traitor and will kill Percy first chance she gets." Thalia said gesturing to the semi-conscious Percy Jackson on the throne room floor."You lie. We clearly saw Jackson trying to kill my daughter." Athena hissed."Silence!" Zeus yelled. "Ares, detain the girl. Apollo, tend to Jackson." Zeus barked before gesturing for Thalia to continue. {what reason do the gods have to believe Thalia for all they know she and percy could be the traitors and they just locked up the last one that could prove it. I mean she will probably swear on the styx but it would be easier to just do it now. The gods in this story sure aren't acting like gods +1} [sin tally[4]
Ares snapped his fingers and Annabeth was bound in celestial bronze shackles, while Apollo checked on Percy who was starting to regain his senses.
"Annabeth, Percy and I were on our way to the throne room following Kronos. Outside the door, a statue of Hera fell and landed on my leg. { even if Hera was mad at these demigods for whatever reason. what good would collapsing a statue onto one of them do in the middle of a battle for there life. this sin is directed more towards uncle rick then anak because this was in his story as well +1} [sin tally[5]
I heard her say that that was where his Achilles' spot was to Kronos or Luke. Percy whirled around and stabbed Luke in his side, a strike that somehow found Luke's Achilles' spot. Annabeth then began attacking Percy, screaming about him killing the love of her life. Percy quickly disarmed her and had his sword at her throat. When Annabeth asked what he was waiting for, Percy told her that her fate wasn't his to decide. {why couldn't it be his fate to decide. demigods have been killed by other demigods before why does this specific one have to be killed by the gods other than the plot says so +1 [sin tally[6]
"How do we know you're telling the truth?" Athena snapped at Thalia. Thalia glared at the goddess before speaking, "I swear on the River Styx that every word I just told the gods was true." {see it wasn't that hard to do +1} [sin tally[7]
Both Percy and Thalia sat near the hearth as the Olympians repaired the damage to their thrones and the throne room. Annabeth was proven a traitor and sentenced to Tartarus after her memories were searched and the gods saw she had been a traitor since the beginning with Luke. {we already knew she was a traitor thanks to Thalia but sure might as well prove it again +1} [sin tally[8]
Once the throne room was repaired, the gods brought all the surviving demigods from the war, along with all the Cyclops and nature spirits who fought, inside the throne room for the reward ceremony. {and not a single minor god was seen that day +1} [sin tally[9]
Percy comforted his cousin as she continued to cry about the betrayal of their best friend. The same girl, who up until an hour prior, Percy had been hopelessly in love with. He, along with just about everyone else, thought she felt the same way. Apparently it had all been and act {she must have been a damn good actor if it had Aphrodite the goddess of love herself fooled. Or did she know and just didn't tell anyone, either way its a sin +1} [sin tally[10]
After Tyson, Grover was appointed a new Lord of the Wild and given a place on the Council of Cloven Elders, to which he fainted after being told. Next was Thalia. She was promised help in filling the Hunter's ranks and was complimented by both her father Zeus and mistress Artemis. { man everyone else gets a badass new job or weapon for helping in the war but Thalia gets the best award of them all for her rather large contribution to the war. a whole two compliments. +2 sins, one for each compliment} [sin tally[12]
"The council agrees," Zeus said. "Percy Jackson, you will have one gift from the gods."Percy looked up slowly, "Anything?"Zeus nodded grimly, "I know what you will ask, the greatest gift of all. Yes, if you want it, it shall be yours. The gods have not bestowed this gift on any mortal hero in many centuries, but, Perseus Jackson—if you wish it—you shall be made a god. You shall serve as your father's lieutenant for all time."Percy didn't hesitate."No thank you Lord Zeus." He said emotionlessly."No." Zeus growled. "You are turning down our generous offer?" {not gonna lie being stuck as only a lieutenant in a military for the rest of your life does sound kind of shitty I agree with Percy on this one. no sin needed}
"I understand it is unexpected my Lord. But I would like a gift. Do you promise to grant my wish?" Percy asked eyed him warily, "If it is within our power.""It is, and it's less difficult than making me a god. But I need your word on the River Styx." Percy added. {see Percy knows when to swear on the river styx +1} [sin tally[13]
Percy turned and looked at Hades, "Someone once told me to always get a solemn oath."Hades smirked, "Guilty.""Fine," Zeus growled. "In the name of the council, we swear by the River Styx to grant your reasonable request, as long as it is within the power of the gods."Thunder boomed outside. {Zeus just swore in everyone without there permission, even if that was how it works which I'm sure it isn't, that's kind of a dick move but whatever now we don't have to read every god swearing on the styx. +1} [sin tally[14]
"Honestly Lord Zeus, I need some more time in the mortal world. Everything I thought I knew turned out to be a lie. {you were in love with one girl who betrayed you and suddenly everything you thought you knew turned out to be a lie +1} sin tally[15]
While I'd like to be immortal, I'd rather avoid being bound by ancient laws. {in every pjo book written by Rick this is one of the reason that none of the gods ever directly help there children, but then why can the titans come down and directly fight demigods as long as the demigods challenge them. the least anybody can do is make up what the ancient laws are or stop using them as major plot points in your book +1} [sin tally[16]
Hades' eyes widened before narrowing at Percy, waiting for him to continue. {I can imagine Hades's eyes widening and then narrowing but it looks stupid in my head +1} [sin tally[17]
"I want the minor gods who joined the Titans to be pardoned just this once. I want the peaceful Titans like Calypso and Leto to be freed from their prisons. And lastly, I would like both my Uncle Hades and Aunt Hestia to have their thrones returned to them. That is my wish." Percy finished before returning to his position kneeling in front of his father. Zeus snorted, "Is that all?""Percy," his father said, "you ask a lot." {this really isn't that much at all, I would have asked for full immortality and then all of that. But I guess that's just me +1} [sin tally[18]
Zeus' anger seemed to diminish rather quickly after Percy's oath. He was angry about being told what to do but now had an extremely powerful demigod at his disposal and decided that the benefits outweighed the drawbacks.
"Very well Perseus. We the council shall grant your wish." Zeus thundered as two new thrones rose at the end of the rows of thrones. {same thing as before answering for everyone else +1} [sin tally[19]
Hades' looked at Percy oddly before giving a grudging nod of appreciation. Hestia walked up to Percy and hugged him tightly.
She leaned down to his ear, "Thank you Perseus. If you ever need help, come to hearth and I will be there for you." She whispered before planting a kiss on his cheek and walking to her new throne. Percy's face broke into the smallest of smiles for a second before the pain of betrayal wiped it from his face again.
Percy returned to his position kneeling in front of Zeus, waiting to be dismissed.
"Artemis, please come here, daughter." Zeus announced. Artemis narrowed her eyes a bit but got up from her throne and strode over to where Percy was standing."It would be easiest if you could just give Perseus the same immortality as your hunters." Zeus asked. {why would it be easier? this just seems like a stupid excuse for percy to get artemis's blessing +1} [sin tally[20]
When everyone was gone, Percy made to sneak off through a side room to escape the party. But when he turned, he saw Hera glaring at him from her throne.
Percy tensed a bit but then surprisingly made his way over to her throne and bowed. { is this book being written in third person or first person? who is it surprising to? +1} [sin tally[21]
"Lady Hera, I was wondering if I could please have a moment of your time." Percy asked narrowed her eyes at Percy but gave him a slight nod.{ people sure like to narrow there eyes a lot in this book. +1} [sin tally[22]
"I just wanted to apologize for the way I spoke to you last year after the quest in the Labyrinth. I didn't actually agree with what she said to you but I was naïve and stupid. I was trying to direct your anger toward me instead of her. I am sorry for what I said." Percy explained. He bowed and turned to leave but was stopped when Hera spoke."Wait, Perseus." Hera turned back and looked up at Hera, half expecting to get incinerated. {if Hera hadn't incinerated him when he had said whatever he said to her then. why would she do it now when he is apologising? +1} [sin tally[23]
the total sin tally for chapter 1 of The Queens Champion is 23. Review and tell me what you think