Author's Note: Thank you so much to those who reviewed my last story! I realized that Crutchie did not make any sort of appearance in it, so this one has a lot of Crutchie. Anway, writing Newsies fanfiction has been awesomely fun, and I'm excited to see what you think of this one. Enjoy this story, and please review!
Jack sat on the rooftop, gazing at the endless rows of buildings. It was early; usually he didn't come up to the roof until nighttime, after the rest of the newsies had gone to bed. He didn't want them to think he liked being alone more than being with them. Because he didn't. It was just that recently, Jack had had so much to think about, like his new job illustrating the paper, and the life-changing strike that he had led just weeks before. And Katherine. Always Katherine.
And then there was Santa Fe. Jack knew that his dream of going to Santa Fe was never going to disappear- it was a part of him, like an old friend. But he had promised the newsies and Katherine that he wasn't leaving. Jack was happy with that promise, he really was. He knew New York was where he belonged.
Jack realized that he had been spending more time alone, and choosing to come up to the rooftop and draw instead of messing around with his boys after selling, And he had been spending more time with the Jacobs, especially Davey, because he seemed to be the only one who understood how Jack was feeling- restless, disconnected. Davey wouldn't call him a traitor if Jack said he wanted to be alone, or had thoughts about a future beyond being a newsie. Jack could tell Davey about being satisfied with his decision to stay in New York, but reluctant to give up on his lifetime dream. Davey wouldn't be offended because Davey was smart, and open-minded, and wouldn't feel personally betrayed. Jack had to admit that the newsies could sometimes be, well- idiots. Narrow minded, stubborn idiots. Jack loved them with all his heart, and they were his family. But sometimes he had to get away, and think, and breathe fresh air for once. Well, as fresh as New York City air could get anyway. He hoped they understood. They had to understand.
"Hey Jack?" Jack turned around and saw Les, halfway up the ladder and looking nervous. It was rare for a newsie to approach Jack uninvited when he was on the roof, and Jack could tell that Les was a little apprehensive about disturbing him.
"What do you want, kid?" Jack asked, sighing. As much as he didn't want to put down his drawing – he was deeply absorbed in the glowing sunsets of Santa Fe- he would never forgive himself if he didn't listen to one of his boys when they came to him with a problem.
"You're really letting me come up? Thanks!" Les scrambled up the rest of the ladder and ran over to the side of the roof. "Wow! This is incredible!"
Jack grinned. He loved seeing the newsies' first reactions to his penthouse, and watching them realize that there really was some beauty in the dirty city of New York.
"Does Davey know you're up here?" Jack asked. Since the strike, Davey had learned to trust the newsies with everything, including the wellbeing of his little brother, but Jack knew that Davey was still a worrier. And if Les was out of his sight for even a moment, Davey was sure to be wondering where he was.
"No," Les said calmly. "Henry and Specs were teasing him about some big word he was using, and he was getting sorta mad, so I slipped away. He won't notice." Les suddenly looked anxious again, and he sat down next to Jack.
"So what's up, short stuff?" Jack asked, throwing his arm around Les's small shoulders. "You gotta problem?"
"It's not really about me," Les said hesitantly. "I don't know if I should tell you, but-well,"
"Spit it out, Les," Jack said, getting worried. "It can't be all that bad,"
"Well, its- it's Crutchie."
"Crutchie?" Jack repeated, startled. He turned Les to face him. "What's wrong with Crutchie?"
"Well, nothing really I guess, it's just that he's been acting sorta, I dunno, sad. Usually after selling he'll ask me about my day and stuff, but now whenever I go talk to him he just nods. And he doesn't play around with us at when we're here either. He just sits on his bed and kinda smiles like we're not really there. I thought 'cause you've known him the longest, you might know what was wrong with him. Did I do something Jack? Is it me?" Les looked so anxious and upset that Jack pulled him close.
"Nah, kid it's not you." Jack assured him. Les seemed visibly relieved.
"So why's he all sad, Jack? He's always so happy and everything."
"I don't know, Les, but I'm gonna find out." Jack felt terrible that he hadn't noticed something was bothering Crutchie. Had he really been too wrapped up in thoughts of Santa Fe and Katherine to see that there was something wrong with his best friend? It had taken Les, a little boy who was only ten years old and had known Crutchie for maybe two, three months, to bring the problem to his attention. Jack tried to think of anything that had happened recently that could have made Crutchie upset. The strike, maybe, but that had been months ago. The Refuge? Jack couldn't blame him for being scarred by what he must have gone through in that hellhole, but Crutchie didn't seem to have been deeply affected by it. Jack knew he got nightmares, and was definitely still jumpy and a little nervous, but Crutchie seemed like the same Crutchie he'd always known. So what was it? Jack suddenly felt impatient, like he needed to face this right now. He grabbed Les by the arm and jerked him to his feet.
"Come on Les," Jack said, already halfway down the ladder. "Let's go." Les quickly followed Jack, and the two newsies were soon inside the Lodging House, Jack desperately trying to pick out Crutchie from the crowd of boys running around wreaking havoc on the place. Suddenly Jack caught sight of Crutchie, who was sitting on a bunk and watching Albert ride around on Finch's back. He looked distracted, just as Les had said.
Jack bent down to say something to Les. "Hey, thanks for coming to talk to me, kid. You's a good brother." Les beamed with pride for a moment, but then his smile faded.
"You'll tell me what's wrong with Crutchie, won't you? And you'll fix it?" Les asked. Jack nodded firmly.
"'Course I will. Don't worry about it. Go have fun." He pushed Les towards Race and Romeo, who were having a heated debate over the best qualities one could find in a girl. Les quickly joined the conversation and began talking his mouth off.
Jack took a moment before going to talk to Crutchie to think about what Les had said to him. Les had so much confidence in Jack's ability to solve any issue that could possibly present itself that it boosted Jack's own confidence in himself. Jack took a deep breath- whatever the matter was, it was nothing that Jack Kelly couldn't fix.
"Hey Crutchie," Jack said, approaching the younger boy. "How's it going, kid?" Crutchie jerked his head up like he had just woken up from a dream.
"Oh, hey Jack," Crutchie said, smiling vaguely at him. "I'm okay."
Jack shook his head and settled himself down next to Crutchie on the bunk. Why did Crutchie always say he was okay when he clearly wasn't?
Jack and Crutchie sat in silence for a moment, but it wasn't the comfortable silence, full of understanding and ease that usually surrounded the two friends. It felt awkward, like they had just met for the first time. That scared Jack like hell, and something unexpectedly occurred to him.
Had he done something wrong? He must have, or Crutchie wouldn't be sitting here, putting in so much effort to appear completely normal and trying too hard to make it seem like things were as they should be between him and Jack.
"So you wanna tell me what's really going on?" Jack asked. "How come you's sitting alone over here? And why won't you talk to me?"
Crutchie seemed to give up on his act. "Come on Jack, just leave me alone, okay?" He turned around and faced away from Jack, who was losing composure by the second, and growing more certain that he was the cause of Crutchie's behavior. How could something he had done without knowing it be making Crutchie this upset?
"No, I ain't leaving you alone. I'm serious. I ain't gonna leave until you tell me what the problem is."
"Since when did you become my mother?" Crutchie muttered under his breath. Jack had never seen him like this- irritated, angry, sarcastic. All he knew was that he didn't like it at all.
"I ain't your mother, but I'm your brother, and that better be good enough! You're my best friend, Crutch."
Crutchie stayed quiet for a moment, breathing heavily. Then he slowly turned around and faced Jack, looking him straight in the eye. "You sure about that?"
"What?" Jack said incredulously. Those words were some of the most painful he had ever had to hear.
"Look Jack, I'm not gonna stall no more. I ain't some little kid who can't protect himself. I know you all thinks I am, but I ain't. I drag myself around New York with a gimp leg and a crutch everyday, I get picked on by almost everyone, 'cause they's all bigger and stronger than me. I got thrown in the Refuge because I couldn't get away fast enough. But I ain't complainin'. I can do anything as long as I know I got my brothers back here. Especially you. But if you ain't my best friend, yeah, I's still got the boys, but I lose everything. And that's the worst thing that could happen to me, Jack. But it happened. You're gone."
"What are you talking about, Crutchie? I'm still your best friend. Why do you think I'm gone?" Jack struggled to comprehend what he had done to cause this.
"Davey," Crutchie said, so quietly it was difficult to hear. And suddenly Jack understood.
"I know he's smarter than we is. I know it. He's part of the family, same as all of us. And I ain't trying to be a bother, or get in your way or nothin'. I's just telling you how I feel. 'Cause sometimes when I want to talk to you Jack, you's too busy talking to Dave. You don't really want to talk to me. Ad that's okay, but it hurts sometimes. And when I come up to the roof at night, you's still dreaming about Santa Fe. Even after you promised you'd stay here. I ain't telling ya to stop dreaming, and I want you to be happy. Really I do. But there's days when I think you ain't ever gonna be there for me again, and you don't got enough time for me, when you're always with Davey and thinking about Santa Fe. Your newest friend and your oldest friend. " Crutchie seemed to realize how much he had said, and he sighed.
"I'm sorry Jack, I shouldn't have said anything. It's stupid. I should'a just shut up."
Jack was in shock. He had racked his brains to figure out what could be bothering Crutchie- and it had been him all along. It killed Jack to think that he had hurt this kid, who was one of the bravest, strongest people Jack knew, who had suffered so much, and who needed Jack more than anyone else in the world. And the worst part was, Crutchie was right. Jack had been talking to Davey and brushing off Crutchie when he came up to them, because Crutchie was the strongest reminder he had that he was never going to get to Santa Fe. Jack hated himself for being so engrossed in a far away place, a place that he would probably never even get to see. Because no one that lived in Santa Fe could be as good of a friend as Crutchie, the boy who stuck by Jack through everything, would fight for him in a heartbeat, never complained, only wanted other people to be happy. The most selfless human being Jack had ever come across in his life. Jack had to make him understand. He only hoped he could; Jack had never been especially good with words.
"No. I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. It's all my fault." Jack draped his arm around Crutchie's shoulder, and gripped it tightly.
"Crutchie, listen to me. Yeah, Davey's one of my best pals. But nothing in this damn city- not Snyder, not Pulitzer, not Davey or Katherine or anybody else- can change the fact that you will always be my best friend. A guy can have a lot of best friends, you know. I's been distracted lately, and stupid, and I ain't makin' excuses, but I's had a lot to think about. That's the thing about being a dreamer, Crutch. It keeps you alive when you've lost everything else, but sometimes your dreams take over and you stop living for a while. I know I's been a lousy friend the past couple weeks. But I promise you, I ain't ever gonna leave you. We's known each other too long, been brothers too long. And Santa Fe ain't got nothin' on you, kid."
Crutchie looked at Jack apprehensively, but Jack could see that his eyes were already smiling. "For sure?" he said.
Jack grinned. "For sure," he answered.
Jack looked around the Lodging House, watching the newsies interact with each other, his arm still tightly around Crutchie. He was overcome with gratitude that he had all of them in his life. And he was more relieved than he could express that Crutchie didn't feel hurt or abandoned anymore, because even though Crutchie thought he needed Jack, Jack knew that he would always need Crutchie more. And Jack felt like he might be ready to take a break from the rooftop for a while, and immerse himself in life with the newsies. He felt ready to live again.
"You know, Crutchie," Jack said, leaning closer to the younger boy. "It takes a real friend to finally get a dreamer to wake up."