Disclaimer: Even after all this time, I still am the owner of Mai HiME (or any other television show).
Warnings: Huge authors note at the end... Also, I did my own proofreading so errors are inevitable.
The Next Life
Natsuki had read the short letter three times now, so she could be fairly certain that she had neither misread nor misunderstood the missive. She could only think, "You've got to be kidding me." She drew her arm back to throw the now crumpled paper away, when she felt herself hesitating. Natsuki was a HiME and she had learned to trust her emotions, her instincts, completely.
Daniel Kuga was wringing his hands. There were far too many things to worry about. He was so far past second guessing himself that he doubted there was a comfortably pronounced number for the doubts he had.
His father was sick. His father had brought him to an unfamiliar country and then gotten sick, making the 16 year old stumble through stilted conversations with emergency personnel and other officials in a language he felt barely competent with. Then, in the sea of fear and molasses like time, his father had dropped a bomb on him about why this was the first time Hiroshi Kuga had returned to the land of his birth since before his own child was born – well one of them. Apparently all this time, the only child had actually had a half-sister. The whole concept was messing with his head and he didn't know what to do. He'd made choices and acted on them, but he still didn't know if he should have and just how badly it was going to blow up in his face.
When the door flew open and the stern faced woman entered, he mistook her for a nurse- a nurse obviously not wearing her uniform, seeing as she was sporting a leather jacket and jeans. The woman didn't look as if she had any intention of staying very long. Daniel didn't have time to process further, because with the sound of the door, his father stirred.
Hiroshi opened his eyes, briefly wondering if he was dead. "Sa… My god… Natsuki?" He knew his first born was a dead ringer for his first wife. They were not, however, as identical as he had imagined they would be. The woman in front of him had a set to her jaw and shoulders, and a general sharpness to her that Saeko had never had. Somehow, he knew this woman was a fighter. Shame rushed to fill Hiroshi for the millionth time as he admitted the part he had played in her needing to be so strong.
"I hope you realize the irony of you asking me to meet you in a hospital." Her voice was guarded, but not as bitter as it might have been- as would be her right.
"Asked? I…" Hiroshi knew he wouldn't have the guts or the nerve to interrupt her life. He could not fathom a reason for her to be here now.
Daniel knew this was his time to speak up. "I contacted Dad's lawyers about arranging for mom to fly out here. I asked about you too. They wouldn't tell me how to contact you myself, but they said they could get word to you. I…" He broke off, running out of steam as he again wondered at how screwed up this situation was and how legal any of this could be.
It was hard for Natsuki to know what to react to first. She wasn't particularly comfortable with the idea of her father's lawyers still keeping tabs on her, but it didn't anger her as much as she thought it would. Apparently there was still a part of that little girl who was desperately looking for a sign that her daddy loved her, still inside her heart. Along that line of thought, there was something that stood out. She may have once been looking for signs, but she had never found one that pointed to more than the last vestiges of responsibility and guilt on his part. She had assumed that she would never be mentioned to the chosen family of Hiroshi Kuga. She looked at Daniel, briefly wondering if the nervous, conventionally handsome young man was much of a reflection of the boy Hiroshi had once been. "How… How long have you known about me?"
The teen hung his head, knowing that having only known for a couple days would not look good. His mind raced for something that would not sound so terrible but his thoughts were interrupted by his father's voice. He was grateful, and so out of his depth. Daniel decided then that he would leave the two to their massively uncomfortable conversation as much as he could without actually leaving the room.
"I hid you from him. I spent years telling myself that my actions were justified. Then I was going to be a father again. There would be a child who needed so much, help, love, support, for so long. I was terrified and ashamed, and again I decided to shut it all out and to protect myself. I said 'It is too late now' and went on. Those thoughts always came back though, and every day I would wonder: 'How is she doing?' and 'What would have happened if… ? I imagine what would have happened if I had tried to take you with me and inserted you into my life in America with Hanna. I saw how you would have fought me when you realized I had not been faithful to your mother. Then I would imagine telling that tragic faced man with the afro and the creepy blue haired boy to go to hell and take their overseas job offer with them, and trying to make a life with the two of us work in Fuka."
Natsuki jolted, instantly recognizing his description of Sakomizu-sensei and Nagi. She wanted to grill Hiroshi about their role in his choices at that time, but it was honestly easy enough to guess. It was also obvious that the man wouldn't know more than he had just said. It was one more dirty secret that her old teacher had kept from her. That was one thing the two men had in common, secrets. It was a hell of a way to live. Natsuki knew from experience that there was nothing so lonely as a secret.
Hiroshi sipped at the water at his bedside and wheezed a little. It was mortifying to feel this weak. Not only was he confined to this tiny bed, but he had inadvertently let his son, and his lawyers, do the heavy lifting of making this overdue reckoning come to pass. He did appreciate the irony, however, and expected that he deserved to be vulnerable in this way, in this place where he had committed his last, worst betrayal.
He watched the shifting emotions on his daughter's face and once more winced at the phrase. He could hear Saeko's voice reminding him that this was their child. He heard his own saying she was Saeko's daughter, that she was Saeko herself. Now though, he saw that firm jaw and he knew, Natsuki was his daughter- that she should have been, anyway. He was sick and weak, but perhaps on this hospital bed he would leave some of his sickness, his weakness, behind. "I'm sorry, Natsuki. I know I don't deserve it, but is there any way I can make even a portion of it right with you?"
Natsuki was stunned. She had half expected an apology. She had definitely expected some kind of explanation. She really had not expected any level of sincerity, she realized. It was, even now, difficult to trust.
"Let's worry about forgiveness when we know it's worth my time." Natsuki's voice was clear as she presented Hiroshi with a little test. "I am not a little girl who doesn't know who she's going to be. I am an adult who has fought for her place in the world. I am not the definition of meek womanhood that most of Japan prefers. I can be as brilliant and stubborn as my mother in one moment, and a complete idiot in the next," she shrugged. "I've learned to accept that. I've not only accepted but embraced the fact that I am in love with another woman, and that will never change." She said it with a finality that could be felt as surely as it could be heard.
Hiroshi felt the knee jerk reaction to homosexuality that he had been raised with. He also saw the challenge in his daughter's eyes. He knew that she expected him to withdraw his apology. She expected a self-righteous tirade and then to never hear from him again. It was sobering, and he asked the only non-offensive. "Does she love you back?"
Once again Natsuki was surprised on this very surreal day. "Yes, absolutely," was her simple reply.
"Then… Then I am glad that someone loves you the way you have always deserved." Hiroshi lay back and half closed his eyes. This was exhausting, on every level.
Natsuki stared at the pale, tired man who was once half of the center of her world and then an even greater part of the center of her pain. She had carried the idea of him for so long she felt as tired as he looked.
The once-HiME looked into the distance and suddenly she was seventeen again, realizing that she had been chasing death and had finally caught up. This was it, and it was all or nothing. She was required to make three sacrifices that day. She had to sacrifice her control by putting everyone's future into Mai's hands. She had to sacrifice her emotional armor by giving her honesty to Shizuru. Then she had to sacrifice her life to the HiME festival for the sake of a world that always, always took more than it gave. That third sacrifice was by far the easiest of the three.
Afterwards they had all had to sacrifice their anger by forgiving each other. It was not so hard to forgive when you were surrounded by reminders of all the hurt you, yourself had caused, inadvertently or otherwise. "I have forgiven many things, and been forgiven just as many. People are weak and easily manipulated," she shook her head. "People are so very strong, and they will amaze you when you least expect anything at all." Natsuki stared into her father's soul. "I am not a perfect person and I can't give you perfect absolution, but for what it's worth, you have my imperfect forgiveness. Use what time you have left to be a good father to that one," she nodded at Daniel who had been attempting to be both silent and invisible. "He seems like a nice enough kid."
Hiroshi was silently sobbing, desperately trying to mouth his thanks. It was more than he had hoped for, and in his joy he allowed himself to forgive the relief he felt as those intense, green eyes moved away from him and his daughter brought balance to the universe by walking out of his life by abandoning him in a hospital room.
The next generation had proven themselves far better than their parents, which was as it should be.
Maybe in the next life he could aspire to be as strong and good as them.
Notes: I have wondered for years if writing a sequel to A New Life was actually a good idea. I was torn and I deleted several different versions of this story before this one was ever attempted. It has been a long time coming, and I hope you will forgive how rusty I am.
I have been thinking about how much I miss the wonderful people I met in this fandom, and how much I missed writing for it. I lost track of almost all of you, and it was entirely my fault. I find it difficult to maintain communication when I'm suffering from depression, and I'm afraid that I was for quite some time. I'm prone to those kind of feelings anyway, but I made some poor decisions, and then a number of very hard ones. I have been trying to find a place for myself, and create a better me. I've also lost far too many family members in the last couple years.
Here's to things improving though, and I hope with all of my heart that life is being justly kind to the people I came to adore while obsessing over a little show about battle princesses...