WARNING. CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR PHANTOM HOURGLASS. ALSO CRACK AND LANGUAGE.
Oshus said slowly, for extra dramatic effect, "Because, Link, I am not just an old man named Oshus. I am..." he paused.
The winds of the Ghost Ship blew all around as the old man raised his red conch staff, and shouted to the heavens, "The Ocean King!"
Link gasped, and Linebeck's eyebrows flew into his hairline. Ciela fluttered around in excitement, sparkling brighter than ever.
Link looked down at his two hands, covered in blood and scars from fighting the Cubus sisters. He said in a low undertone, "No... that can't be... that's not right..."
Oshus said calmly, "What's wrong?"
Link looked up slowly, his eyes meeting the old man's. "Because... I am the Ocean King!"
There was another loud chorus of gasps.
Oshus took a step back in disbelief. "What? How can this be?"
Linebeck stepped forward, and put his hands on his hips. "It's time to end this stupid joke, everyone."
Link, Oshus, and Ciela all turned to him in curiousity.
"I am the Ocean King!" announced the sea pirate loudly.
Ciela sparkled loudly, and then said, "Wait! Link, Oshus! I just realized! I must have gotten the wrong memories back, because I'm not the Spirit of Courage! I... I am the Ocean King!"
Suddenly, a loud shriek rendered all of them temporarily deaf. The youngest of the Diabolical Cubus sisters floated down to the deck, an eerily disgusting grin on her face. She said timidly, "But that cannot be! Because I am the Ocean King!"
Behind Link, a loud grinding noise was heard. The blonde whipped around to see the stone statue of Tetra, moved slightly. Her eyes were open wider, and her mouth was wide open. Echoing seemingly from nowhere, a hoarse voice that sounded like nails being dragged down a chalkboard spoke out. "Link... Link... Save me... Link... I am the Ocean Ki-"
Link screamed out, "NO!"
Everyone looked at him confusedly. "What's wrong, Link?" asked Ciela.
"Fuck everything!" Link pulled out his traditional sword that he'd had no idea he'd had, and smashed the plotline to pieces. Following that, he laughed like a crazy person, smashed through the fourth wall of the ship, and dived back to the old games.
Make no mistake, I actually love the Phantom Hourglass game and fully intend to write more fanfiction soon. But when Oshus made his big "announcement", I stopped playing, and said to my sister, "Wait, didn't everybody already know that?" So, that's where this came from.