The blank page glared ominously at the writer as she struggled to think of a glorious idea.
The typed words were deleted as soon as they appeared on the screen. Raven sighed and dropped her head into her hands.
What is wrong with me? She thought.
A long time ago, writing used to be the only way she could ever express her real feelings. Writing provided a way to illustrate her honest opinion,both positive and negative. She had numerous folders inside the computer, each bursting with thousands of documents. Some contained long paragraphs of her ideas and feelings,while others contained only one line,maybe just one word. This computer was one of the many reasons she advocated so strongly against anyone entering her room. Not only does a portal to her mind stay in her room, but also the machine that guards her emotions. If anyone on the team stumbled upon the documents, she would never find it in herself to look her team in the eyes again.
Before the incident with her demon father, her feelings would pour out onto the blank documents. She spent hours locked in her room, not only meditating, but writing. Her emotions now freed to vacillate however they pleased without causing an explosion, Raven now found herself unable to write. She felt as if she suddenly reverted to a dilettante in her writing, lacking feeling or focus. Before her emotions became free, writing just flowed naturally and smoothly, however now she noticed the glaring errors in her literary art. Almost as if the freeing of her emotions came at the cost of her writing skills.
When one window opens,another closes. She thought darkly. Perhaps if I read some of these documents, I could find a topic to write about...
Within the first folder Raven clicked on, she saw the entire alphabet. Of course it was a coding system, so nobody could find exactly what they wanted on the first try. Helpful or not, Raven felt a little more assured with her code,along with then ten firewalls she had Cyborg install-no questions asked,of course. Raven began with the first document,entitled "A".
A
Annoying. This team certainly can stretch the most inflexible nerves to their breaking point. Between Beast Boy's incessant and unremitting joke addiction, Cyborg's meat addiction, Robin's leadership addiction, and Starfire's mustard addiction,I have just about had it with this team.
Beast Boy's jokes rank number one on my scale of annoying factors. Why won't he ever leave me alone? His jokes are never funny, yet he continues to act like they're the greatest damn thing in the world. Doesn't he realize that my aggravation can only end up in one form? Shattered on the ground. Doesn't he realize the danger I could put everybody in simply by angrily rolling my eyes, or even-rarely-laughing? Notice the rarely inserted before laughing. His jokes are never funny or hilarious, the adjective he deems fulfilling for his latest joke about a dyslexic Satanist. For whomever is curious as to the punchline, the guy sold his soul to Santa. Ha. Ha. Ha. (not). My emotions don't allow me to be happy or even the slightest bit bitter, so I would much appreciate if he learned when to leave me alone.
Cyborg's meat addiction. A human should not be able to consume ghastly amounts of processed beef,especially not a robot. However, the half robot,half human somehow always found a way and less than an hour later would be back for more. Honestly, it's revolting to watch him eat breakfast in the mornings. His lack of self-control directly equates to my lack of appetite first thing in the morning. The mere thought of watching my teammate scarf down another mile-high plate filled with bacon and eggs and whatever kinds of meat he finds makes me want nothing more than to see my most recent meal in the bowls of my toilet. As a matter of fact, his
The document ended there. Must've been the Titan alarm, Raven figured. She sighed, remembering how much anger she held towards her team. Those emotions had been falsely directed-she wrote those feelings down directly after her heartbreak of Malchior. The following nights after her showdown with Malchior dragged by very lonely. Of course Malchior attempted to charm her once more, his enchanted voice muffled by the large chest she had left his book in, and hearing his voice did nothing but upset her more. It was during those nights that Raven wanted nothing more than to destroy the book and sleep in her room forever, but she reasoned that imprisoning him within the book would be a greater punishment than death. If Beast Boy had not given up on his goal to make Raven smile, she would still be trapped within her room and overcome with heartbreak. She had only Beast Boy to thank.
After reading the first document, memories of the others flooded into her mind. Suddenly, she remembered what every other saved article holds. She scrolled to document "G" and began reading.
G
Guilt is currently setting over me and it's changing the color of my cloak. I keep changing in hopes of ridding myself of this foul dark green, but as soon as the leotard touches my skin it transforms. I'm about to go talk to Guilt personally, but I figured I'd write out how I'm feeling before I go talk to what I'm feeling. I'm feeling guilty (well duh). Guilty because of what I am. I'm a demon, a monster. I warned this team of what I am before I decided to help them in the fight against Starfire, back when we had no clue what or who she was. Robin accepted me to the team in his blind kindness, and Cyborg was the one who said I'd fit in. But I don't. I don't fit in and that is where the problem lays. I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere, not even Azarath. If my mother knew that I could so easily be controlled by Trigon, of what use am I? Plus, after what happened with Beast Boy earlier today during breakfast...
Raven quietly laughed, taking advantage of her free emotions. She laughed at the revelation of how often the Titan alarm interrupted her writing.
A quiet peace settled over Titans Tower as Raven opened a new blank document. She smiled to herself as she began typing, her fingers moving rapidly as they churned out words from her heart. Maybe now that her emotions could run free, she failed to see a reason to contradict why she can't broadcast her opinion. Especially her opinion of a certain changeling...
Later that night, Beast Boy lied within his bed, quietly thinking to himself. Keen animal senses detected a person standing outside his door, and his senses were proved correct when he heard paper slide underneath his door. He returned to his bed after he retrieved the paper. As he read, a small smile progressively turned into a large grin. Once he finished, he haphazardly tossed the paper outside and a little more than ran to his teammate's room where he was greeted with a shyer, but also smiling, face. Raven was nervous, but as Beast Boy sat on her bed with her and talked, she felt a bubble of blissful joy burst within her.
Finally, something good had resulted from her writing.