Disclaimer: I would do anything to be involved in the wonderfulness that is this show, but alas I own nothing.
Amy Farrah Fowler was in a fowl mood.
She had been for quite some time—give or take a few months—and she often could not figure out why. The reason for her belligerent attitude weighed heavily on her mind as she knocked on the door of apartment 4A.
The door swung open to reveal her absolutely brilliant boyfriend, Sheldon Cooper. A brief smile graced her features and she attempted to receive, if not a kiss, then at least a hug. His abrupt turn back into his apartment before she could so much as cross the threshold quickly turned her smile back into the ever-present frown.
Her musings on her fowl mood abruptly returned with a vengeance.
Oh, she thought, that's right. My boyfriend's a robot.
Sighing, Amy stalked into the apartment and threw her bag on the couch. She witnessed—with a grim sort of satisfaction—that Sheldon's eye twitched as the bag made contact with his spot. "Amy, I happen to know that you are similar to me in the way that order appeals to your senses more than chaos. Due to this superior personality trait that we both possess, it shocks me that you would discard of your belongings in such a reckless fashion."
Amy rubbed her temples as her beloved boyfriend lectured her, unable to suppress the slight groan of frustration that escaped.
Sheldon decided to pause his extended lecture to look at his girlfriend oddly. He noted she was hunched over a little more than usual, he fingers moving in a relentless motion around her temples and, to be frank, didn't look happy at all. He nodded in understanding, deciding to save the rest of his lecture for a later date. Instead he turned to his kitchen and reached for a cup from the cupboard labelled "Hot Beverage."
"Menses," he concluded quietly. "Amy, would you appreciate a cup of tea or hot cocoa to sooth the pain of your menses?" he inquired over his shoulder, already preparing the unordered drink.
Amy buried her head in her hands before snapping, "I'm not on my menses, Sheldon!" This caused him to pause, thinking through other possible explanations.
Finally he responded, "Well I would watch out, if I were you. By the sound of it, it'll be starting soon."
Deciding to go with another tactic, she smiled sweetly at his very odd way of caring. "Sheldon, the best way to aid in the turbulent flow of hormones and emotions, as many people's experience finds, is cuddling."
Sheldon twitched, quickly putting down the cup. Appearing to think it over, Amy smiled, at least partially satisfied that he seemed to be considering it. This smile quickly disappeared as he decided, "It's not in the Relationship Agreement. I was thinking through the cuddling section, and I have no recollection of menses being part of it."
With that he quickly strode to the bathroom to cleanse his bowels. Collapsing on the couch, she listened to him sing his odd little Texan song and shook her head. It was only then that she realized the apartment was completely empty, save for herself and Sheldon.
Leonard must be out, she concluded. Not that it makes a difference.
Her bitter thoughts were interrupted by the opening door. "Bestie!" Amy exclaimed. Hopping from her place on the couch, she rushed over to greet Penny.
"Hey Amy, where's Sheldon?"
"It's 4:25," was the simple response. Penny nodded in understanding.
"Bathroom, then." Before Penny could choose a place to sit, Amy grabbed her arm and dragged her back across the hall. Letting herself into 4B, she sat on the aqua couch.
"Amy, what are you doing?!" Penny asked. Staring at her distraught friend sitting dejectedly on her sofa, she didn't wait for an answer. Her phone was instantly dialling Bernadette's number.
Amy hardly noticed anything, barely acknowledging the indent the sofa made as Penny sat.
"Sweetie, Bernadette will be over in a sec. What's up?" she asked softly.
Looking up, Amy asked, "Do you think I could still hang out with you, Bernie, Howard, Raj and Leonard if I broke up with Sheldon?"
Penny froze, unsure of what to say. Quickly assuring her that it would be fine if that were the case, she turned to the more pressing question.
"Ames, you're going to break up with Sheldon?"
"You're WHAT?" Bernadette screeched, walking through the door. Quickly dumping her bag, she scurried to the other side of Amy and put her arm around her. "Amy, what's happening between you two? I thought you were so happy!" Groaning for what seemed to be the hundredth time that day, Amy shook her head in the negative.
"While it seemed that we were initially a perfect match that I doubted would ever be possible in my life, I have found that he is no longer the ideal boyfriend for me," she confided slowly. Bernadette and Penny exchanged quick, knowing glances.
The two blondes had discussed this many times. Amy, as initially introduced into the group, had seemed to be a perfect match for Sheldon. Uninterested in romantic 'hokum' and ready to pursue science with a vigour that far surpassed their wish for love. She had been just as obsessive with order, just as unwilling for human contact.
Soon she had started to develop. The sudden presence of people—of friends—in her life thawed her robotic ways and began to reveal a humanized version of Amy Farrah Fowler they had never expected. They saw her ready to take on a real relationship. Perhaps her wardrobe had remained unchanged and she was still rather awkward, but she had outgrown Sheldon.
She was ready for a man and was stuck with a boy.
Carefully removing her arm from her friend's shoulders, Bernadette carefully advised, "Amy...maybe it's time to talk to Sheldon? Simply tell him that the Relationship Agreement needs to be amended slightly? Or that you would like to help him with his intimacy issues?" Amy rolled her eyes as the mention of the Agreement.
"The Relationship Agreement doesn't need to be amended, it needs to be discarded," she sated emphatically. Penny nodded in agreement.
"Yup, that thing has gotta go."
*Knock, knock, knock* "Amy?"
*Knock, knock, knock* "Amy?"
*Knock, knock, knock* "Amy?"
Amy stood abruptly and yanked the door open. "What, Sheldon?" she demanded. Taken aback, Sheldon stayed silent for a few seconds.
"I-I thought you were going to help me decide which season of Star Trek to watch this evening during Pizza Night," he stammered.
Penny saw her friend lose resolve over the vulnerable state of her boyfriend, so she pushed the door closed herself.
"Hey!" came his indignant cry.
"She'll be over in a moment, Sheldon!" Penny yelled through gritted teeth. Sighing, she took Amy's hand. "Sweetie, I hate to say this, but I think this is best done now. Go talk to him. I'll make sure the guys come here when they get home from the comic book store."
Amy nodded, breathing deeply. "Thanks, Penny." Turning to face the other petite blonde, she added, "And you too, Bernadette. I'll...let you know how it goes."
Cautiously she exited the apartment and walked across the hall. Opening the unlocked door, she noted Sheldon looking through his Star Trek collection, eyes narrowed. She cleared her throat, yet there was no acknowledgment. She cleared it once more and was answered with a, "I'm not talking to you."
"Sheldon, stop being a child. I need to talk to you. There is a discussion that I believe to be long overdue."
His curiosity piqued, Sheldon grudgingly stood. "And what would that be, Amy Farrah Fowler?"
"Our relationship status."
Those three words caused Sheldon to hold his breath for just a moment. "What about it? It had been established—several months ago, in fact—that I am your boyfriend and you are my girlfriend. That is why, in the Relationship Agreement, it says 'Sheldon Lee Cooper, hereafter to be referred to as the boyfriend, and Amy Farrah Fowler, hereafter to be referred to as the girlfriend.' I believe that is perfectly clear."
Satisfied with his own answer, he awkwardly walked over to the couch and abruptly sat in his spot after cautiously shifting Amy's bag which he had been too annoyed to move before.
"Sheldon, you misunderstand me. I am looking for certain changes to be made in our relationship."
"And what would those be?"
"The termination of the Agreement in favour of a spontaneous relationship. In addition, I believe it would be prudent to terminate the idiotic physical boundaries."
Sheldon almost passed out then and there. "Amy Farrah Fowler, the termination of the agreement would lead to disorder and chaos! As for the physical boundaries, I recall we both fully agreed that with the creation of our new relationship titles, no physical changed would be made to our relationship except in the cases outlined in the agreement!"
Amy hardly waited for him to stop talking before spitting back, "Then it's not a relationship, Sheldon."
Several moments of silence ensued. Slowly standing back up, Amy realized just how much he towered over her. "Amy, I believe you are quite out of your senses. This is of course a relationship. You are the most compatible to my intelligence. You also used to be of the same frame of mind in regards to the Relationship Agreement!"
Amy simply sighed.
….
On the other side of the door, the other boys were returning from their afternoon trip to the Comic Book store. Penny had been sitting on the stairs for what seemed like forever before she heard them approach. Unceremoniously, she grabbed two of their wrists, trusting the third to follow, and dragged them into her apartment.
"Sweet, are we getting a little fivesome today?" he asked hopefully, spotting his own girlfriend on the couch. Penny and Bernadette both frowned in disapproval, shaking their heads in disgust.
"Amy and Sheldon are having a talk," Penny clarified. Three pairs of eyebrows shot up.
"About what?" Leonard asked nervously. Raj simply looked terrified.
"Amy, if you have noticed, has grown up—socially-and she is currently trying to get Sheldon to do the same. If he fights her, or doesn't agree to try, starting with the shredding of that stupid Relationship Agreement, then she walks."
The guys stared in shock at Bernadette, unable to believe her story.
"This has to be some sort of prank," Howard cracked, turning around to go across the hall.
Penny grabbed his wrist and shoved him onto the couch. "You go nowhere, Skinny Jeans," she threatened. Raj and Leonard carefully sat next to their friend, too afraid to remain standing. The girls automatically started pacing, pausing only when they stated to hear raised voices from the apartment across the hall. Slowly, very slowly, they found placed to sit.
Five nervous friends sat vigil, staring at the door across the hall.
….
"Amy, you have completely lost it!" Sheldon yelled.
"No, Sheldon, I haven't. I've grown up! And I'm sick and tired of waiting for you to grow up too!" she shot back.
Indignantly, he responded, "Grow up? I am Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper. I have an IQ of 187, in line for the Nobel Prize and a renowned theoretical physicist!"
Amy laughed harshly, making Sheldon intensely uncomfortable. "Yet you can't even touch me!"
He flinched. "Amy, you know I have intimacy issues. I thought you agreed with my reasoning! Germs are disgusting and physical contact merely creates a breeding ground for germs. You're a biologist, figure it out!" he responded weakly.
Amy had to close her eyes to process the pure stupidity the supposed genius was spewing. "Yes, Sheldon. I am a biologist. Which is how I know that everything you're saying right now is complete BULLSHIT."
"Amy Farrah Fowler, don't you start using that language!" Sheldon chastised. Neither spoke. Amy simply had nothing to say to that. His statement was beyond comprehension in the given situation.
The crowd across the hallway heard the apartment go silent, assuming it was over. Maybe they had made up? Creeping to the door, they opened it as quietly as they could just in time to see Amy burst into a fit of laughter. Laughter, they concluded, that in no way signalled the end of the fight. Their eyes were glued to the couple however. No one budged.
"Dr. Fowler, I have no idea what is so funny. In my home, there will be no use of the word bullshit," Sheldon said coldly.
"What's funny, Dr. Cooper, is how ridiculous you sound. I want you to be a normal boyfriend—hold my hand, let us cuddle, kiss me!—but you won't. You don't want me to swear and say bullshit in your apartment, so I will! Bullshit, Sheldon, bullshit!"
Sheldon began twitching and decided to confront the elephant in the room. "Amy, you know why I can't touch you. And the Agreement makes me feel safe. Secure. I need order!"
"Well I need a relationship."
"You have one!"
"No I don't! I have an intellectual camaraderie."
"It's the same thing!"
"No it's not!"
Penny and Bernadette followed the conversation, heads swinging back and forth. The guys stared uncomfortably at each other. If neither scientists had noticed them by now, this was some serious stuff.
Sheldon took a deep breath, attempting to calm down. Amy made no such attempt.
"Amy, how is it not the same?"
"Kiss me, Sheldon."
"Excuse me!?"
"Kiss me."
"Amy, I can't..."
"Kiss me, Sheldon. Then tear the Relationship Agreement apart."
"No!"
"Sheldon!"
"You can't expect this from me, Amy!"
"I expect you to try!"
"And why should I have to?!"
"Because you're my boyfriend! If you want to be my boyfriend, it means you care for me! If you care for me, TRY SHELDON."
"What do you want me to do?!"
"KISS ME!"
Before the friends at the door knew what was happening, Sheldon strode across the room, grabbed Amy's face and kissed her.
He didn't kiss her on the cheek. He didn't give her a peck. He kissed her. Like a boyfriend kisses a girlfriend. Like a man kisses a woman.
And before Amy fully understood what he had done, he was gone. He was halfway across the room, grimacing and gagging.
"There Amy. I tried." And with that he ran to the bathroom to brush his teeth. The apartment was silent once more. Sheldon walked back into the room shrouded in the same silence as when he left.
He gripped the Relationship Agreement in his hands.
Amy watched as he struggled with himself. He flipped through pages, pausing to read a few, but couldn't bring himself to tear. She caught him attempting every few pages, but the chaos was simply not coming easily.
Amy slowly made her way to his side. She took the Agreement from his hands and he winced, terrified she would rip it without a second thought. Instead, she gently placed it on the coffee table, and gripped his hands tightly.
"Sheldon, this doesn't have to happen right now. Just...let me help you. I know I can." She took his silence as encouragement. "But for me to help you, you need to try. Will you try? For me?"
His jaw clenched and unclenched. He nodded after a while. Amy closed her eyes, the battle seemingly won. She quietly grabbed the phone and put it in his hands.
"Would you like to order the pizza? For Pizza Night?" He nodded again. "And maybe we could watch the original series of Star Trek?" He nodded again. "And would you like to go to the zoo for Date Night on Thursday? You can see the koalas." He nodded again. "Sheldon?" His eyes slowly moved to hers as he breathed heavily. She leaned in watching for signs of desperate discomfort. He twitched ever so slightly—just once—but stayed still as her lips touched his softly. Eventually he closed his eyes, letting it happen.
As she broke away, he was able to give her a slight smile. He felt strange. Like he had failed her. Like he had taken the entire relationship and...and screwed it up. But her kiss, to him, was redemption.
And for her he would try.