"Turnabout in Gravity Falls"
Ace Attorney is copyright Capcom. Gravity Falls belongs to Alex Hirsch and Disney. No profit motive is intended.
XXX
Being a lawyer. A cushy job with an even cushier salary. The only complaint you could have as a lawyer is the carpal tunnel from all the needless paperwork.
…Unless you're me.
My name is Phoenix Wright.
The redhead driving this motorboat is Wendy Corduroy. That other redhead with the ribbon in her hair is my junior partner, Athena Cykes. And the brunette is my daughter, Trucy.
"Watch out for that –" I cried out as the boat smashed through a sign reading Gravity Falls.
"Hey!" An irate voice yelled out. "I just replaced that sign!"
Why am I stuck on a motorboat?
It's a long story.
XXX
Right after Ellen and Sorin Sprocket's wedding, Athena and I prepared to go to the Legal League's annual convention. It was being held in Olympia, Washington.
Trucy needed to come with us. When I left her with Apollo, she got accused of murder. He got her acquitted, but still…
Yeah, Apollo. You were wise to run to Khura'in, where I can't get you.
We decided it would be fun to rent a car and drive to Olympia, then fly back. Athena and Trucy took turns driving. Trucy just got her license. The journey was relaxing and uneventful.
"This is weird." Trucy was riding shotgun, navigating, while Athena was driving.
"You're going to be more specific, dear," I called from the backseat.
"The town we just entered? It's called Gravity Falls, but the name is in parenthesis on the map. And there's a little note under the name. 'Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.'"
"It's obviously the cartographer's lame idea of a joke," Athena said, not taking her eyes off the road. "I mean, I'd be worried if it were foggy, or if the town's name was Silent Hill."
Trucy turned up the radio.
"Police are still on the lookout for the escapee from the local insane asylum," a DJ intoned from the radio. "Details about the inmate have not been released, but he is believed to still be in the area…"
"Now I'm creeped out," I said.
"Seriously, Schmebulock," another voice came. "How is this going to get us a new queen?"
"Shut up, Jeff! You know I'm the most articulate…"
"Only when you're on the radio. When you're not, you're a broken record…" Jeff retorted.
"You're ruining my broadcast!" The DJ named Schmebulock snapped. Which is an odd stage name, come to think of it.
Trucy clicked off the radio.
"Let's just get out of here," I said. "I don't think we should tempt fate, with that odd warning on the map and the insane asylum escapee…"
"Says the guy who ran across a burning bridge and was surprised it collapsed," Trucy said.
Athena's stomach growled. "Can we eat first?"
"I'm getting hungry too, Daddy," Trucy whined.
"Fine," I said. "We'll eat, then get the heck out of here." There didn't appear to be any fast food joints, but there was a café up ahead. The building was shaped like a log, and the sign read Greasy's.
Well, it looked well-lit at least. The biggest danger was the heart stopping menu. Athena pulled into the parking lot, and the three of us walked inside.
The hostess, whose left eyelid was rather droopy, seated us across from a family of three. The two kids were racing to see whose syrup dripped onto their pancakes first. The girl had her fluffy brown hair held back with a rainbow headband with little puffy cloud ornaments at the ends. She was also wearing a heavy purple sweater with neon hearts all over it. The boy had on a brown trapper hat over his hair and wore an orange shirt and navy vest. A portly man wearing a suit with burgundy spaghetti tie and a small cap sat with them.
"They look so happy," Trucy said. "I wish I had a brother."
OK, maybe she doesn't know Apollo's her real half-brother, but shouldn't she be grateful? He did get her off on murder charges. Not to mention he puts up with the myriad torture methods she uses on her assistants. Athena still wakes up screaming sometimes.
And if something happens to Athena, Simon Blackquill's going to take it out on my hide. He guards her like a bulldog. And I still have the scars where his stupid hawk scratched me.
The door opened again, revealing a gray haired sheriff wearing a khaki hat, a green uniform and dark sunglasses. His partner, a scrawny guy with a unibrow that'd make Bert jealous, followed close behind.
I heard a feminine gulp. The girl across from us lifted her menu and hid behind it.
The sheriff walked to their table.
The girl put down her menu, cleared her throat, only for the sheriff to grab the boy's left arm and cuff it.
"Dipper Pines," the sheriff began. "You're under arrest for the murder of Toby Determined."
"What are you talking about?" Dipper asked.
"Toby Determined is dead?!" The man seated with the kids asked.
"I…" Dipper put down his arm. The cuffs fell to the floor, too wide to contain his thin wrist.
"Dang," The sheriff said. "Don't they teach you how to build muscle tone in the big city? And those are the kid-size cuffs!"
"I'm very sensitive about my thin wrists," Dipper said. "And I didn't kill anyone!"
Athena was already standing up.
I stood up. "Excuse me."
"Move along, nothing to see here!" The deputy said.
I showed him my badge. "I'm a defense attorney,"
"You want to be his lawyer?" The sheriff asked me in a dubious tone.
"Yes," I said. I was on my way to a convention, but what kind of lawyer would I be if I just left this kid in need? This is a tiny town. He probably doesn't have many options.
The sheriff nodded. "Very well, Mr…"
"Phoenix Wright," I said. "And you are?"
"Sheriff Blubs," he said simply. "This is Deputy Durland. He'll take you to fill out the paperwork."
Ugh. Paperwork. Even a tiny township has bureaucracy. I nodded.
"And Mr. Wright?" Blubs said.
"Yes?" I asked.
He whispered the last thing. "You and I both know this boy is innocent."
"Then why?" I asked.
"My hands were tied," Blubs whispered back. He said the next thing louder. "Now go. I'll handle the booking."
Athena took us to the police station, following the squad car carrying Dipper, Sheriff Blubs, and Durland. Durland led us to an office and handed us paperwork to fill out. I filled out the defense request. "I need to have Dipper's guardian sign this."
Durland shrugged. "I tried to contact their parents, but their mother hung up on me."
"Why should she do that?" Athena asked.
"I dunno," Durland said. "She said hello, and I said I was from the Gravity Falls Sheriff's Office and she said, 'What did Mabel do this time'? And I said, 'I'm calling about the other one.'" And she just hung up on me! Leave the space blank."
I pushed the form toward him. He put it in a file folder without even looking at it.
"Don't you want to see if it's in order?" I asked.
"Um…" Durland shifted uncomfortably. "Can't read good. Or at all."
Athena and I looked at each other.
Trucy didn't seem bothered by Durland's confession. "So does this happen often?"
"Murders?" Durland said. "Naw. But of course Toby Determined had to get himself offed when Blubs and I have to search the town for that kid who escaped from the insane asylum!"
"Kid?" Athena repeated.
"Oops," Durland said. "It's supposed to be top secret."
"I won't tell if you won't," Athena said.
Durland checked his watch, a plastic kid's model that was a disagreeable neon orange in color. I was surprised it even worked. "The kid should be in the interrogation room now, so I guess you can talk to him. Third door on the left. Can't get the wrong interrogation room, cause we have only one."
Trucy, Athena, and I left the office and entered the open interrogation room.
Dipper was seated in a metal chair behind a metal table. A tall pale-blonde teenager wearing a perfectly pressed gray suit with purple vest and black ascot was standing next to the table.
The door opened before we could say anything, and a pudgy young boy with powdered hair in a high pompadour, a light blue suit with an American flag pin in the lapel walked in. He held a brown leather attache case.
The temperature in the room dropped twenty degrees instantly.
"Gideon Gleeful," Dipper said, only slightly less icily than the ambient temperature in the room.
"Dipper Pines," replied Gideon, almost cheerfully.
"What brings you here?" Dipper asked. "Here to laugh at my misfortune?"
"What, little ol' me?" Gideon asked, trying to look innocent. "I'm here on business. You see, when I went to prison, I was told I needed to learn a new trade. And I've just finished my correspondence law courses. I am now Gideon Gleeful, Esquire. And how lucky is this! My most hated rival is the defendant for my first murder trial!"
"You're the prosecutor?" Dipper said. "Oh…hot Belgian waffles." He shot a glare at the teenager. "Why didn't you warn me?"
The teenager shrugged. "I said you wouldn't like it."
Dipper grimaced. "You didn't say I'd feel like vomiting!"
"Well, I'd be willing to talk to District Attorney Strange on your behalf," Gideon said. "If you just give me one thing…"
"If you say Mabel, I'm going to slug you," Dipper said. "I don't care if you add an assault charge…"
"Get your mind out of the gutter," Gideon said with an eye roll. "I just want you to confess."
Dipper blinked. "A confession?"
Gideon opened his attache and took out a quill pen and some nice-looking parchment. "If you just write out your confession and sign it, we might not have to go to trial."
Dipper took the quill and quickly wrote something.
"Wait!" Athena cried.
Dipper slid the paper to Gideon.
Gideon picked up the page and cleared his throat. "I, Mason 'Dipper' Pines, confess to the following: I ate Mabel's bonbons and blamed it on Waddles, I tried to peek in on my uncle Stan in the shower hoping…" He stopped reading and scanned the paper. "I meant confess to the murder." He crumpled up the paper and tossed it behind him, where it bonked the silent teenager on the head.
"Why should I confess to something I didn't do?" Dipper retorted.
"You did it," Gideon snapped. "I have concrete proof!" He took out a tape recorder and pressed play.
"…I did it. I killed him," came from the speakers and seemed to fill the room. If it wasn't Dipper's voice, it was a very good imitation. There was even cracking at the end.
"That recording is bogus, and you know it!" Dipper said, voice cracking exactly like the audio recording. "You probably recorded my voice without my knowledge and cobbled it together."
"I don't know," Athena said suddenly. "The fear is real."
"You think this recording is real?" I asked her.
Athena shook her head. "No, I think this recording is totally fake. But whoever is speaking there is genuinely afraid."
Gideon shrugged. "You're welcome to take that copy with you. Test it at an independent lab, if you'd like. It won't change the outcome of tomorrow's trial. And Oregon is a death penalty state."
"But I'm a minor," Dipper protested.
"You're being tried as an adult," Gideon said.
"What?!" Trucy asked. "He's only a little kid!"
"I'm thirteen," Dipper retorted.
"Wait…" Trucy said. "You…you're not lying about your age?"
Dipper sighed. "I get that a lot. Gideon, you said the D.A. is named Strange. Is that Tad Strange?"
"No one else," Gideon said sweetly. "It was actually his idea to have you tried as an adult and pursue the death penalty."
"Really?" Dipper looked rather annoyed. "How ungrateful, considering we saved him."
I made a mental note to talk to this district attorney. Something's definitely off here. A rookie prosecutor? Defendant and prosecutor both minors. Gideon was even younger than Dipper if his looks were to be believed.
And the death penalty?
"I didn't catch your name," Gideon addressed me.
I extended my hand. "Phoenix Wright. This is Athena Cykes."
"They're with the Wright Anything Agency," Trucy said cheerfully.
Gideon made no move to shake my hand. "I've heard of you. Little far from home, aren't you?"
"I'll go wherever I'm needed," I said.
"To lose?" Gideon sneered. "I have more evidence than that recording. My case is airtight."
"I haven't been a lawyer very long," Athena said. "But I've learned that if evidence seems too good to be true, it probably is."
"I can see neither of you will back down," Gideon said. "Very well. This is an unexpected bonus. I'll win my first case, defeat the legendary Phoenix Wright. And I'll impress the girl I love and do it all legally!"
"How is getting me convicted going to impress my sister?" Dipper asked. "If you stick a needle in my arm, she'll hate you forever."
"Pshaw," Gideon said. "I'm sure she'll get over it after a couple of years. And this town doesn't use lethal injection to carry out the death penalty."
"What, then? Hanging?" Dipper asked.
"You'll find out soon enough," Gideon said ominously.
"Well, if you really want to impress the girl," Trucy said. "How about you just prosecute badly so my daddy can win? Then she'll love you because you spared her brother! Girls love guys who can take the high road."
"Trucy!" I said. "You just suggested to a prosecutor that he should lose on purpose! Great vote of confidence, daughter of mine!"
Trucy just gave me her impish smile. "Well, Daddy, you do win all the time, but it seems like it's very stressful for you, so…"
"Why, losing on purpose would be a breach of ethics," Gideon said.
"And prosecuting an innocent person isn't?!" Dipper said, folding his arms.
"Good thing I don't care what you think," Gideon said. "I don't know why you killed Toby, and I don't really care."
"So you have not established a motive, Mr. Gleeful?" I asked.
"If I had to guess, it was because Toby led him into an ambush," Gideon said.
"And how do you know that?" I asked.
"Because I put Toby up to it," Gideon said. "But honestly, how has Toby gone this long without being murdered?"
"That's not really an excuse," I said. "Winston Payne is still alive…"
"Whom?" Gideon asked.
Right. "Never mind," I said.
"I'm going to go rehearse for tomorrow if you'll excuse me. Colby!" Gideon signaled the teenager, who had been standing at attention near the door.
The teenager, whose name was apparently Colby, opened the door, and Gideon bowed condescendingly before walking out.
Colby shut the door behind Gideon, expression inscrutable.
"Are you like his assistant?" Trucy asked.
"In a sense," Colby responded. "I'm studying to be a lawyer and work as a bailiff. The D.A. suggested I shadow Prosecutor Gleeful."
"I'm hearing a lot of contempt toward said prosecutor," Athena said.
Colby shrugged. "That much is obvious? Ask Mr. Pines here if you want to know more about how Gideon summoned the supervillain that almost destroyed the town."
What?! I looked to Dipper.
"Don't forget the giant robot," Dipper added. "And the spy camera network."
"Of course. How could anyone forget that?" Colby said dryly.
"So got a last name to go with that cute face?" Trucy asked.
Geez, Trucy. You might be my daughter, but that's no excuse to use such terrible pick up lines. That was barely a step up from "Do you have a map? I seem to be getting lost in your eyes."
Colby gave a smirk. "Oh, do you usually flirt with adversaries? But you since you asked so nicely, my last name is Roquefort."
"Adversaries?" Athena asked. "You seem to dislike the prosecutor."
"Enemy of my enemy is my friend?" Colby said. "Sorry, but it is not that easy. I'll only wish you luck for tomorrow's trial. You'll definitely need it." And with that, he left the interrogation room.
"I wouldn't want to meet that kid in a well-lit alley, let alone a dark one," Dipper said. "I can't quite put my finger on why, but something about him gives me the creeps."
"I'd love to meet him in any alley," Trucy said.
"What about that guy who really likes you in school?" Athena asked. "Trevor Slightly?"
That dorky wannabe magician?
"Trevor doesn't fill out a suit like Colby," Trucy said. "Besides, what happens in Gravity Falls stays in Gravity Falls."
"That is true, yet disturbing," Dipper said.
Couldn't agree more with the kid. I think Trucy's going to need another lecture on 'no dating until after you're married' but after I take care of this case. "So, Dipper...is that really what you want to be called?" I asked.
"Only my parents call me Mason, so…" Dipper said.
"All right," I said. "We're going to defend you. Which means we need to ask you a few questions before we visit the crime scene and investigate."
"Who do you think did it?" Trucy asked.
Dipper didn't hesitate. "Gideon Gleeful."
"The prosecutor did it?" I asked. "There's an awful lot of precedent for that." I remembered Manfred von Karma's howl of rage. The blood running from under Godot's mask. Those men of wrath and pride. Prosecutor and Queen-pretender Ga'ran Khura'in. And Edgeworth told me about the former Chief Prosecutor for the district turning out to be a multiple murderer.
"My claim to fame was a case where the prosecutor didn't do it, but I see your point," Athena said.
"Did I ever tell you about the case I had where it turned out the prosecutor caused a fire that nearly destroyed an entire town?" I asked.
"What?" Dipper asked.
"Oh, it was an accident," I said quickly. "Why do you suspect Gideon?"
"You don't know him like I do," Dipper said. "He's an arrogant, spiteful creature."
"So typical prosecutor?" Athena asked.
"He could get rid of any evidence that points to him," Trucy pointed out.
"But why would he just give us this recording if he's forging evidence?" I asked. "We can look into Gideon as a suspect, but there might be other candidates. Do you know anyone who'd want to set you up?"
Dipper blanched. "Well, do you have all night?"
"Come on, you can't have that many enemies," I said.
"There's Robbie Valentino, Mr. Poolcheck, Blind Ivan might have gotten his memory back, Bud Gleeful, the manotaurs, a very angry and horrible shapeshifting abomination…"
Wow. He must be a prodigy when it comes to cheesing people off. "OK, do you know anyone who'd want to kill the victim? What was his name again?"
"Toby Determined," Dipper said. "The head reporter…well, only reporter for the Gravity Falls Gossiper. Last August, he got a job as a sportscaster for Gravity Falls Public Access TV, but he got fired for too many harassment complaints. All of them filed by Shandra Jimenez. The newspaper is failing, and sometimes Toby had to pawn equipment just to have enough money to keep it afloat. Like his microphone. He'd use a turkey baster as a substitute microphone."
"Was Gideon telling the truth about how he led you into an ambush?" I asked.
"Yes, that's true," Dipper said. "Gideon's had a crush on my sister since they first met. It's only slightly less disturbing than the crush Toby had on Shandra Jimenez. He thinks I'm in the way, even though Mabel has explicitly told him that she can't stand him."
"And I assume Colby was joking about that stuff about a supervillain and a giant robot…?" Athena asked.
"Um, no, that stuff was all true too," Dipper said. He sighed. "The mayor passed the Never Mind All That Act, so don't discuss what I'm about to tell you in town. Gideon summoned a dream demon named Bill Cipher. Bill was this vicious dorito who wanted to make the world as weird as he is, and he's been trying to enter this world for decades."
"OK, I can take giant robot and spy cameras, but you really expect me to believe Gideon called forth a demon?" I asked.
Athena and Trucy looked at me as if I had sprouted a second head.
"You're on a first name basis with people who can channel the dead," Trucy said.
"Well, they do say the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince the world he didn't exist," Athena added sagely. Her smile faded and Widget turned purple to indicate worry. "Just like the Phantom."
"Yeah, but the Phantom was human," I said. "They just called him a phantom because he was like ether."
"I don't expect you to believe me about Bill," Dipper said. "But he existed. He might not be entirely gone, but he existed and he was dangerous. He turned my uncle into a gold statue and used it as a backscratcher. He stole my body. And that was heavenly compared to when he threw me like a rag doll. If he hadn't messed up the laws of physics, my spine would have been shattered on impact with that tree."
"So what happened to him?" Trucy asked.
"My family defeated Bill by tricking him into entering my uncle Stan's mind, and then using a memory-wipe gun to erase his mind." Dipper said without hesitating.
"Wait, what?!" Athena interrupted. "How can you just erase someone's mind?"
"Well, using that gun too much ruins your sanity if Old Man McGucket is any indicator," Dipper replied. "Great-uncle Stan had bad amnesia for a while, but he regained his memories. As for Bill, the only thing left of him is his physical body turned into a stone statue. My friend Wendy told me that the statue was found in the woods shortly after my sister and I went home. The townspeople put it in the park. Some jokers put obscene graffiti on it, but the graffiti would disappear and…" Dipper swallowed. "So would the vandals. Now the statue's in the basement of City Hall and locked up."
"You said you 'went home'?" I asked. "So you don't live here?"
"Mabel and I are from Piedmont. Our parents sent us to Gravity Falls to spend a summer with Grunkle Stan. When the summer was over, we went home. Then…" He chuckled slightly. "Our school was hosting a science and technology expo, and I took Mabel with me. And she was playing around and caused a chain reaction that destroyed part of the school and polluted the air. Seriously, the area around the school is not currently safe for anyone who wants to have children. Or live past the age of fifty. The school wanted to expel Mabel, but Mom managed to talk them down to a three month suspension. My father thought it would be best to send us elsewhere while Mabel served out the suspension. Uncle Stan and his brother Uncle Ford were still sailing around the world, but our friend Soos agreed to let us stay with him. We've been attending Gravity Falls Middle School since then. I know I've only given you the Cliff's Notes version but telling you everything that happened last summer would take over twenty hours."
"The murder took place last night," Athena said. "So what were you doing?"
"Soos took Mabel and me to get some takeout. Mabel wanted to get some candy from the convenience store next door, so we went together. Then we went home, ate the takeout for dinner, watched some TV and went to bed."
A verifiable alibi? There must be some damned good evidence beyond the recording if the D.A. thinks he can take this to trial.
"Is there anything you remember about last night?" I asked.
"There is something…" Dipper seemed hesitant. "Mabel was acting odd. Well, more so than usual. She didn't say much during dinner. Which is strange, since she's very chatty. I remember I got up to use the bathroom, but her bed was empty. And when I got back into bed, she was still gone. And then she came in, crawled into bed, and pretended to be asleep. I know she was pretending because she was faking some loud snoring. I think maybe she saw something and is scared. I know you're already going out of your way to take my case, but please keep her safe."
Athena saluted. "You can count on us."
"I'm scared," Dipper said. "I've been chased by dinosaurs, traveled through time, faced down an insane dream demon. Why is this mundane thing scaring me more?"
"I know it's scary," Trucy said. "But you're in good hands with Daddy."
"Also, be careful," Dipper said. "You're not from around here. This town really plays with your mind if you're not used to the weirdness."
"Believe me," I said. "Weirdness I can deal with."
Famous last words.