Disclaimer: I don't own any of the charter's or locations from twilight I have just used them. But I do own the original ideas for this story, the ideas that I made, and this story. Any similar stuff you find in other stories, I didn't mean to copy off of or I don't care that they wrote the same thing as long as they do the thing above, unless they haven't read any story that had those ideas before.

Chapter 1

"Bella, I don't want you, I don't love you!"
I woke with a start again, my long hair all over the place my forehead covered in sweat, my breathing hitched. And it's only 1 am Great! I keep having that dam dream lately, it does help me to write my song's but it also kills me a little each time, leaving my heart dying a little more each time. Why did he leave me, Why? I got out of bed and walked over to the piano in the corner of my room and started to get the frustration out. I did play when I was younger Renee wanted me to play the piano and dance ballet both got lost along the way. After he left me I was a broken empty shell, after about 7 months of crying, screaming and trying to end my life I came to the realisation that he was not coming back. So I decided that I should vent my feeling's as every time Charlie asked me how I was I exploded ranting and yelling at him them running to my room and staying there for hours alone with my mind, which can be a very dangerous place to be left alone it turns out. I went to his house to use the beautiful piano left to turn to dust like my heart after a month or so I had picked it back up to my surprise. I though back on everything that had happened, I tried to end myself about 5 months after he left I took some flat razors of Charlies and went for a long walk to our meadow, I lay down running the razors down from my forearms, bleeding out by the time Jake found me I was a mess, and now I had 3 perfect scar's to remind me how close I had come the first time. He took me back to his place and helped put me back together again, there were a few other attempts all with the same ending but each very different to begin with, Jake was always there to help me get out of the hole I had put myself in.

After summer holiday's I couldn't stand being in forks anymore, on a Tuesday morning I waited until Charlie left for work knowing that he was going fishing with Billy that afternoon and wouldn't be home until late, he tried to avoid me as much as I did him. I packed my stuff into my track and I left. I wrote a note to Charlie telling him he could call me but I was not coming back, I was getting away so I could live, because staying in Forks would kill me. I drove until I reached Seattle, then I found someone at a local market that wanted to buy my truck, he was telling me how his dad had one just like it, and thanks' to Jake keeping it it good running order I got $2000 out of the guy. I didn't have the heart to tell him that after I left it wouldn't probably fall to pieces. I then took my money and picked the next plane out. One way to New York, no turing back. after landing in New York I decided to find somewhere to work, a local bar near my new apartment was looking for bar and wait staff so I applied. Manny the owner was a nice guy who gave me a job with no experience at all. My first shift was thursday night, I turned up to start setting up tables when I saw Manny having an argument with one of his bar staff. "Fine your fucking fired! Get out!" "With pleasure, I cant stand working in this shit hole anymore!" Manny told me she was asking for more money because she thought she was worth an extra $300 a week! No bar staff are worth and extra $300 a week I don't care where they are, Manny advised me. "Hey Bella do you know how to open a beer bottle?" Hell yeah I could do that "Umm yeah I guess." "I'll pay you double what you were gunna get doing tables tonight if you can help me with the bar?" Easy money I could do this. "Yeah sure Manny just let me know how much and where to stick the money and the emptys." Manny only had one rule dressing. I had to dress older than I looked cause I was still underage. I came back after going home and putting on some crazy outfit I sure Alice would have had a shit fit about My jeans were low rise and very tight my top was a deep blue form fitting halter neck that stopped just above my navel I wore my 3 inch heeled boot's so I could be taller. I checked myself out in the mirror of my bathroom then left for my first night of work. That was the night I meet the band, my new family that was 4 years ago. Now we don't play bar's like Manny's anymore, I'm Bella, I'm 22 and I'm part of 'Mortally Wounded' and we have the newest alternative metal album that is tearing up the charts and I'm still having that same fucking dream about Edward leaving me and destroying my life.
I pulled out a new piece of blank sheet music paper picked up my pen I set up at the piano and started to get my mind on paper before it consumed me.

You don't remember my name

I don't really care

can we play the game your way?

can I really lose control?

Just once in my life

I think it'd be nice

just to lose control - just once

with all the pretty flowers in the dust

I could feel this song pouring from my heart, it killed me to do it but I had written my best stuff at these moments. Lestat and Armand will love this one, another heartbreaker at 1 in the morning and me with the eyes of the dead because of it.

Mary had a little lamb

his eyes black as coals

if we play very quite, my lamb

Mary never has to know

Just once in my life

I think it'd be nice

just to lose control - just once

If I cut you down to a thing I can use

I fear there will be nothing good left of you.

I did notice at that point Armand had come into my room. He stood behind me just waiting for 2 hours while I worked to finish the song, after I got the last notes down I turned to him and sighed.

"Couldn't sleep again?"

Armand put a hand on my shoulder lightly his voice filled with concern and worry, I was feeling slightly sarcastic and tired.

"What gave you that idea? The fact I'm up and writing or the fact that you have had to come and check to make sure I'm still alive, that I haven't taken to myself with a butterknife?"

"Bella! Please you know we all love you and only have you best interest at heart. If I felt that the writing as bad for you I would put a stop to it, the fact I can't put a stop to your dreams about the bastard kills me enough for you every night I hear you scream and cry for him. I want to take away your fear and pain and if writing does that for you I will let you keep writing, but if we ever think your not coping we will make a change you may not like do you understand?"

Armand was pissed looking but his eye's gave him away they were like Lestat's also he could be yelling at me telling me I was wrong and that he was angry with me but their eye's told me the truth, they cared for and loved me.

"Yes I understand Armand, I'm sorry"

I look up into his eyes telling him the truth.

"As long as you know Bella, don't make me send Marius in here or he will start some wonderfully boring story about playing on the beaches of Rome with Lestat after he changed him. Do you really want another one of those?"

Armand was smiling at me now all sign's of anger gone from his face and his eye's. I stood and hugged myself to him, he hugged back. At that point Lestat came into the room

"Ok I know the stories about my birth are not that interesting but they are no where near as bad as yours you arse, about the slave traders in Madrid."

Lestat chuckled as he came up behind me. I turned from Armand and jumped to his neck for a hug. Lestat lifted me off the ground, he hugged be back, kissing my temple.

"So my Bella what have you written for us tonight?"

"When I woke up it was sitting right in the tips of my fingers so I had to let it out. It's called Lose Control."

"Let's have a look then."

I smiled at him, he smiled just as big back at me I handed Lestat the pages, knowing full well he had heard me for the past 2 hours writing it. Dam vampire hearing. He sat at the piano with me picking up his violin and asking me to start off for him. Armand picked up his laptop and brought up his recording programme then he moved to his drums on the other side of the room. Vittiro came in at that point and picked up his Bass guitar Pandora moved to her keyboard finally Maius walked in a picked up his guitar. This was a rough play through, but they knew I needed it, it felt good we spent the next hour playing it, fine tuning the arrangements of music for everyone. If I keep going at this rate we will have the second album done before the first one has been fully realised, we had 5 song's that we could use as B side's for singles or on the second album now. After our play through everyone said it was an awesome song and our arrangements were great, they left me to go back to sleep it was now around 4 am. Lestat stayed and cradled me to his chest until I was asleep, free to torment myself with dreams about Edward again......