More than Fiction
A Bones Fanfic
By: Amanda Croft
Spoilers for season 4 finale – "End in the Beginning"
Disclaimer: I own nothing save for my own original ideas.
Summary: A glimpse into Brennan's head before she deletes her story.
Her finger hovered over the delete button as she read what she had just typed. It was a good story; she knew that. It was probably even publishable as a short story. Her editor would probably love it and want her to turn it into a series that could all be published together. But she couldn't keep it. She couldn't allow others to read it. This story was far too personal. This was more than just some work of fiction. It was her life and desires and secret hopes for the future, some of which she had yet to even acknowledge to herself until now.
Unlike all of the other books she had written, there was no way she could pass this off as anything other than truth, reality, her world. True, there were aspects of truth in her stories about Kathy and Andy. She knew that despite her adamant defense of the books being purely fictional. But at least those she could pretend were solely fiction. The truth in her novels was fragmented and scattered. Observations about artists (Angela), administrators (Goodman), or grad students (Zach) here. A hint of a relationship between the hot FBI agent (clearly Booth) and the forensic anthropologist (herself) there. Just tidbits that could be legitimately explained away as making it to the book mostly subconsciously.
What she had written to occupy her days, and nights, waiting for Booth to wake up, however was clearly anything besides a work of her subconscious. The story was that of their world, her and Booth's world, simply thrown into a new context. Everybody that was of any importance in said world was included. Heck, she hadn't even bothered to change their names or personalities. Hodgins was still slightly eccentric and ever observant, not to mention ready with a conspiracy theory. Angela was her best friend, an artist of sorts, and friendly to everyone. Sweets was still essentially a psychologist. Zach was sweet and innocent and naive. Cam was an investigator in search of the truth. Jared was fiercely loyal if a bit misguided. Max was the morally questionable source of power. They were all there and all demonstrated the loyalty to herself and Booth that she knew they all shared in real life. And then there was Booth and herself.
This story had revealed things about her dreams that she had been denying to herself for a very long time. She and Booth were married and expecting a child in the story. They were so very deeply in love and completely free to show the world. They perfectly complemented each other and made up for what the other lacked. She realized that they already did that to an extent, but she wanted the whole package. She wanted the commitment, if not the actual marriage, and the right to go home to her Booth every night. And as for the baby … that was one of her deepest dreams. She really did want to be a mother, regardless of what she had told everybody, including herself. She didn't just want any baby though. She wanted Booth's baby, and not just because he had shown himself to be an excellent father and would provide good genes. She wanted someone that would always love her and never leave her. And she wanted a part of Booth that could never be taken away. That was why she had come up with the idea of artificial insemination with Booth. At least that way she could partially accomplish her dreams.
So Temperance Brennan reread that last sentence, her finger still hovering above the delete key, as she considered the possible fall out if anyone ever found and read this beautiful story. Every word and emotion in that story was true and she couldn't let anybody ever see it. She couldn't let anybody get that clear of a look behind her walls and her mask. She had spent her life, at least the last half of it, carefully constructing both. So she resolutely lowered her finger, gently erasing days of work and years of hidden emotions in seconds. As she did, she heard a noise from Booth's bed. Maybe, just maybe she would get a second chance to make those dreams into something more than fiction.