Disclaimer: I don't own Kyou Kara Maou...well except in my dreams.
A.N: This is a really whiny and angsty story, I apologise if Wolfram doesn't seem "manly".
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About Love
An End Has a Start
He was my King...
He was my Friend…
He was my Fiancée… no matter how fake that was…
He was the one I would give up my life for…
He was a wimp…but I love him…
And now…
He is gone….
I knew he wouldn't be coming back this time, there is nothing left for him to do here. Shinou was gone and the four thousand year old task is done. His purpose was fulfilled and nothing is holding him back from going back to his world and being a normal teenager again…
Except…maybe…no.
As much as I would like for him to stay for me…he never would, because I am nothing. Nothing but a soldier, a comrade, a friend, an accidental fiancée, never someone he loved or would care to love. In the moment that I realized this, as I watched him with my half-brother Conrad, the great swordsman and his "nezukeoya", I knew he would never feel the same way to me as I feel for him.
I knew he would never make an exception for me, no matter how many times I tried or fought for his affections they were reserved for everyone else and the so-far-imaginary girl that he is going to marry. Who was I kidding?
No one else fell into the trap but me. It was no one's fault but my own. It was my selfishness to pursue him, only to push him away. It was my stubbornness to never let him go. It was my jealousy that led him to others. It was my petulance and childish rage that turned him away. It was my pride to never back down…
It was my foolishness to believe that he would love me at all…
I sigh and stare out of the window of the gigantic room that we used to sleep in together. How fitting that it's raining as I mourn. It's been a week since he left and I've locked myself in here. I wonder how Greta is taking this…I feel ashamed that I've been so selfish and only thinking of my pain, when Greta, darling Greta loved him as much as I did. I must apologize to her when I decide to leave here…if I leave. The room just holds so many memories, I remember everything that happened here…mostly the fights but there were some good moments.
I turn from the window and look at ou- no his bed…his now completely vacant bed. I clutch at the pink nightgown that I'm wearing, the wound in heart is now a gaping hole, the pain is almost too much to bear. I walk to the mirror on the other side of the room. As I stare at my reflection all I see is limp blonde hair, black bags under red-rimmed dull green eyes on pale white skin and tear tracks from previous grieving sessions. I am only a shell of what I used to be since before Yuuri left…no longer than that…since before Yuuri came and I fell for him.
He made me change and made me feel alive…and at the same time…his rejection and his insensitive words….
Killed me from inside out….
A lone tear escapes my eyes along with another and soon I was crying again, except this time it was different because now I have truly given up and lost all hope. I am letting go…Yuuri you win… I can't fight anymore. You can now go and be with whoever you want. There is no way for me to stop you anymore since…you stepped into the water and left for good.
Whether it was from the pain from my heart or the lack of nutrition and sleep from the past week, I'll never know but I do know that I collapsed and welcomed sweet oblivion with open arms.
Your words cut me…
You stab my back…
But it's okay…
Because I love you….
When I woke up I was still in Yuuri's room, but I was now on the bed and Gisela was standing over me with a concerned expression on her face. She was also holding onto a tray which from I can see held a variety of food. Instantly the smell and sight made me nauseous.
"Wolfram…" She said. "What Happened?"
I kept my head down and didn't reply.
Gisela tried again and said "Did you know how stupid you were just then? Starving yourself, Lack of Sleep, Locking yourself in here, isolated…you…damn it almost died! Is that want you want Wolfram? To die?"
I shrugged and looked up at her.
She started to look annoyed and concerned at the same time…and was that…a hint of…fear. I didn't get to see properly since suddenly, it went black again.
It was dark all around and I realized I was in my subconscious. Interesting place, though rather dark and empty, I am currently just standing in the middle of open space and the darkness but I can still see myself and hear drops of water falling down…oh wait, that's me I'm crying again. That seems to be my favourite past time of late.
I curl into a fetal position waiting my impending doom.
It must have been a few hours at least but time doesn't seem to exist in this plane of existence. It is completely devoid of anything.
I sigh…
If this is to be my fate I expect to have at least something…even if it was just a painful reminder of my past life, like Yuuri…
Damnit, nothing will stop me thinking of that wimp…
I hate him…
I really do…I swear…
Stupid wimp…
I hate that I left,
That I can't see you anymore.
I hate that it's quiet,
And life is really dull.
I hate that it's lonely,
That I never seem to be content.
Most of all…
I hate myself.
For abandoning you,
When I need you maybe more than you need me.
And with that Yuuri ran from his room and into the kiddie-pool that his mom had set up in the backyard. He stopped just before he got in, realizing that he can't go back…Shinou was gone. Suddenly a hand pushed him into the pool and as he was spiraling through the vortex again the last image he saw was Murata's reflective glasses.
"Say hi to Wolfram for me Shibuya." He smirked. Yuuri smiled.
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He was going home.