Disclaimer: These awesome characters do not belong to me. Cuz if they did this would equal much yumminess, treesmex, yadda yadda.
A/N: I just read the most brilliant story ever. It's a Bleach story, called 'So, Five Espada were Sitting on a couch.' And it's so awesome. So I decided that I'd base this fic off of said brilliant story. It's AU, High School oriented (of course! What could be more fun?) Warnings include ooc-ness, silliness, language, sex appeal, naked people, Hotaru!molesting, implied Yukimura/Fubuki, and other stuff that's fun, and I won't mention it here. I'm giddy with excitement people. Let's begin.
Summer School Equals Fate's Hand Giving you the Finger
As custom, every summer school session starts off with one defining moment in every student's life which screams for that one last final exam to be rescored, that sign up sheet the parental unit signed to be burned, and a rude awakening in the auditorium when the opening speech started.
You see, for most students, summer school was a horrid ritual, one to get ahead in gaining credits, or to catch up for a previously failed class.
For young Akira, choosing to take a science class during the summer seemed like an intelligent idea, and in finding out that his companions were taking classes during the first session of summer school, it merely sweetened the deal.
But at 9:45 am, the second break of the day, Akira was bored out of his mind.
He and four of his less than pleasant companions sat in the spacious student center on the first floor of the school, disregarding the teachers' warnings to move, they were blocking traffic. Now the student center was just a large open area covered in shiny floor tiles and on the walls hung pictures of the schools best and brightest. It was a place where students hustled to and from class, met up with their friends for short chats before the next bell rang, and marveled at the crankiness of a certain suffering-in-silence type Chemistry Teacher. The one all the girls were fangirling over.
"I'm bored," the blind teenager stated, crossing his ankles politely together and sitting back against one of the many random pillars of the school's 'brilliant' and I use the term lightly, architecture.
The one eyed, older teen to his left snorted with contempt and casually dug a hand into the front of his jeans, "You've been bitching about it for the past five minutes. Take some evasive action ya brat."
"Like you even know what the word evasive means," Akira retorted, "And that, gentlemen, is why Bontemaru failed grade eleven English."
The blond to his right who was occupying his time lying sprawled out on his back against the cold floor snickered in amusement, "Heh, what a loser."
"Shut up Hotaru! You're the one who failed Japanese class!" Bon hissed defensively like a wounded cat.
The blond stared blankly back at him, "So?"
"YOU ARE JAPANESE DIPSHIT!" Bon roared, flinging a fist into the air for emphasis.
"It's no use trying to get through to him, Bon-han," an incredibly amused squinty eyed teen soothed. "He's just really stupid."
"And you have squinty eyes," Hotaru said, nodding his head in confirmation.
He unwittingly crossed the line, did an offending dance of victory, and mooned it. (Now take that image into consideration. Memorize it. And replay)
"I WAS BORN THIS WAY YOU BASTARD!" The squinty eyed teen raged, bolting up to his feet, balled fist raised in the air.
The last member of the group raised a thin raven brow in question, "Really? But Sasuke told me you got attacked by a giant jelly fish that sprayed its ink into your eyes, horribly burning them. Poor Tora-san." At this point in the recollection, the raven haired teen shook his head and tutted sympathetically.
Bon immediately burst out laughing, while Hotaru repeatedly said, "I thought jelly fish were the ones that smelled really bad when they sprayed you."
Akira was half amused by Tora's misfortune of being bullied by a middle school student and half appalled by Hotaru's lack of sea creature knowledge.
"That little brat!" Tora hissed, "I heard there were rumors but I didn't think he started them!"
In between chortles of laughter, Bon managed to gasp out, "A-A jellyfish! Bwahahahaha! Leave it to Kyoshiro to believe the little brat!"
He'd never let the squinty eyed teen live that moment down. Ever.
Regardless, the main fact still reigned supreme: Akira was bored. Here he was, sitting in the middle of the student center with four other males, during one of their four breaks from class.
Truly this was the epitome of pathetic with a capital P.
But an idea suddenly struck the young honors student like a fish to the face.
"Hey…ever wonder what's under that short skirt of Akari's?" he asked the other males, a positively wicked, uncharacteristic grin spreading across his upturned lips.
"Oh I've wondered alright," grunted Bon, taking a moment to examine his previously occupied hand.
Tora leaned over sharply, a lecherous grin overwhelming his features, "What do you have in mind, Akira-chan?" he asked, the sudden tragic death of his dignity long forgotten in favor of new fun.
Akira glared at him in response to the aggravating name.
Hotaru sighed, rolling over onto his side and propping his chin in his palm, "This again?"
Akira shot him an annoyed look, "Yes, this again. Last time Fubuki-sensei caught on to the plan and put us in detention. I still think it was that brother of yours that told."
Hotaru bristled at the mention of his elder half brother, and the urge to throttle him grew.
"Again?! You mean you've done this before? And didn't tell me! Some friends you are, bastards the lot of you!" Bon snapped, crossing his arms over his chest, face set in a hard line.
Tora and Kyoshiro mumbled their agreement.
"Shut up, Bon-Bon," Akira said, "anyway, are you up for round two? There's nothing else to do." He rose to his feet and brushed stray dust from the back of his pants, sightless eyes gauging the other males for reactions.
"I'm in, definitely!" Tora chirped, grinning from ear to ear with glee as he stood.
Kyoshiro stood as well, a silent nod and a grim smile his consent, "I am too. Hopefully this won't end like that time I peeped on Yuya-san in the girls' locker room."
Tora whipped his head around to stare at the raven haired teen, "Now that you mention it, you never told me the rest of that story."
Kyoshiro took a deep breath, "I…I can't talk about it," he replied, voice thickened with fear.
Akira now looked onto the blond expectantly, "Hotaru, you in or out?"
The blond gave him a long look, golden eyes blank.
Finally he stood, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "I got nothing better to do."
And just like that, their adventure began.
"You know, she could turn out to really be a dude in girls clothing."
"Blasphemy!!"
"Shut the fuck up Hotaru!"
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From what the boys had discovered, and it wasn't that hard to listen to Akari's babbling, the pink haired female was taking P.E (formally known as gym) with her precious Kyo.
Two weeks of P.E were dedicated to a few hours in the blue, chlorine filled pool. That ment swim suits, which ment wet, dripping curvy bodies, which in turn ment: wet boobies.
But no, the boys couldn't just waltz into the girls' changing room like they owned the place and expect to not receive horribly painful punishment.
They liked their dangly bits right where they belonged and attached in the right order thanks ever so much.
The four males had to take another route: the boys changing room. It may have been the easier way to every boy's sticky wet dream, but it still proved to be a most dangerous journey.
So they eased along the blue cobbled tiles of the changing room, ignoring the scantly clad teenage boys sauntering around the tall wooden clothes lockers in testosterone hazes, pleased that in turn the other boys ignored their strange descent into unnerving territory. The target: the teachers office, with-holding a door to the haven they seek (the girls side).
"Oi, Akira," hissed Bon, averting his eyes from a drenched swim suit clad teen bouncing by, "I've been wondering…how exactly are you going to see the nakedness? I mean, you're blind right? So…how does that work?"
The blind teen in mention froze mid-step, not uttering a sound as the babble in the locker room washed over the explorative and curious males.
"Oh yeah I forgot about that. Too bad Akira, no wet boobies for you," Tora stated in a sing song voice as he patted the blind teen on the back.
"You're the one who came up with this plan and you can't even benefit from it? What a dumbass," Hotaru scolded, shaking his head and 'tsking' while crossing his arms over his chest.
"Don't worry, we'll carry on in your stead and take pictures…" Kyoshiro paused, "…never mind, you still won't be able to see them." He trailed off into an uncomfortable silence, only drowned out by the murmuring of the other males in the room.
Akira suddenly perked up, stabbing a finger in the air and shouting, "FOOLS! I HAVE OTHER WAYS OF SEEING! DON'T UNDERESTIMATE ME!" His face was twisted into a haughty smirk as everything zoomed in on him and a flame-crackling background was added to the scene.
His other companions, as well as the scantly clad swim students could only stare in stunned silence at the teen cackled madly.
"…Yeah, no more Death Note for you," stated Bon, lips set into a thin line.
"It's for your own good," agreed Tora, "sooner or later you'll be calling yourself Kira and trying to become a God through bloody and intelligent means."
"What the fuck are you morons up to now?" Rumbled a familiar voice.
The uninvited guests turned toward the source, and were met with the raven haired, crimson eyed asshole- er, teenager known to them as Kyo. Or asshole, in some cases.
"We're gonna see some boobies," squealed Kyoshiro excitedly, earning him an irritated look from Kyo, as well as the curiosity of the other males in the room.
Kyo crossed his arms over his broad chest and leaned against the locker nearest to him. "You're gonna sneak a peek? Don't count on that happening. That bastard Shinrei's got security covered tighter than Fubuki's asshole."
The others stared at him in stunned, horrified silence, as an image none of them were willing to speak about for as long as they lived passed into their minds eye.
"Changing the subject, we'll find a way," said Akira, composure established.
"You'll need a little help, of course! And lucky for you're I'm here!" chirped yet another familiar voice.
Yukimura popped into the scene, dressed in nothing but a slightly damp towel draped dangerously low around his hips. So in retrospect, he wasn't dressed.
"Yukimura-san, what are you doing here?" Kyoshiro asked, genuine astonishment ringing in his tone. He also didn't notice the teens' lack of clothing.
"And where are your pants?" questioned Tora, arching an eyebrow quizzically.
Bon huffed, scowling at the very site of the newest addition to the team. "Damn. I should have seen this coming."
"…Him not having pants? I never knew you liked that guy so much," mused Hotaru.
Seconds later his comment was repaid with a harsh slap to the back of his head, and a mumbled, 'shut the hell up, idiot!'
"Why, I've got swimming class, silly, and my pants are in my locker, where they should be," the scantly clad teenager replied, oblivious to the desirable, lustful,
Akira frowned. "How are you going to help us?"
Yukimura smiled that Cheshire-cat grin of his, and immediately the males knew Something Bad was going to take place. And Soon.
Unfortunately, no one noticed a very eager Kyo drag an equally confused Hotaru toward the bathroom stalls.
All those hormones floating around the room, they were mainly focused on the potential-boobies. Not the attempted likeable rape of their comrade.
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Witnesses to The Something Bad said it went something like this:
"Now, remember the signal," Yukimura instructed, and for once, a solemn expression danced across his features.
Kyoshiro pursed his lips, eyebrows furrowed. "What's the signal?"
Yukimura's serious expression was killed, and in its place remained a lecherous grin. "Oh, you'll know."
"Hey, where'd Hotaru go?" Bon voiced his false concern (because really, he just said so in order to say something) and pulled his hand from the front of his pants.
Yukimura giggled, cast an eye to a particularly dark abandoned corner by the tall turquoise bathroom stalls and put their minds at ease. "He's probably getting pleasantly molested as we speak."
"Kyo's…gone…too," murmured a suddenly uncomfortable Tora, whose forehead broke out into an uneasy sweat.
"Well who else did you expect? Shinrei? No, no Tora-san, those two won't stay in the same room, let alone would Shinrei-san allow Hotaru-san to molest him." Yukimura seemed to have all the answers.
Bon's single eye blinked, and then he looked toward the door leading to the boobie-fest. "Just get your ass over there and do your part already! I'm gettin' horny just thinking about what could be under those clothes."
"You're so naughty Bon-chan! I guess I'll take care of that problem for you," said Yukimura. And just when Bon feared the worst, the raven haired teen thrusting a pale hand into his pants, Yukimura instead sauntered over to Fubuki's office, sashaying his hips as he went.
"Damn. That guy would make any uber macho dude go gay as quick as…" Tora struggled with the analogy, and looked toward Kyoshiro for the words.
"As quick as Edward Cullen lost his sex appeal?" the raven haired teen offered.
Tora shrugged, "Sure, whatever. Not my call."
"Will both of you stop your annoying banter and pay attention?" snapped Akira, brows knit into a concentrated glare. "We need to follow Yukimura's signal the moment it happens."
"That could be a full blown stampede of naked chicks for all we know," Bon said.
"Then you see my point," Akira quipped.
A chorus of oh's followed.
Meanwhile, in Fubuki's office…
"Fubuki-sensei? Can I talk to you for a moment?" Yukimura breathed, bright blue eyes hooded with lust, and something else. Probably amusement.
The man turned away from his paper work and peered at the teen over a stack of neatly written notes. "What is it?"
"May I sit, sir?"
The man indicated a padded wooden chair across from his desk with a sigh.
Yukimura gladly took a corner of Fubuki's desk, and crossed one long lean leg over the other, causing the towel on his hips to ride up. As a result, revealing more of his creamy pale skin.
Fubuki frowned accordingly, but decided against voicing his protest. "Is there a problem, Sanada-kun?"
"I understand perfectly just how you feel, Fubuki-sensei."
At this, the man raised an eyebrow.
"The lust is a difficult thing to overcome. That's why you must…adjust." At that moment, the teen leaned over the desk, closing the gap between the two.
"Oh Fubuki-sense!~~"
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All ears perked up at the sudden sound.
"That was the signal!" Akira exclaimed, rising from his seat on a bench and making a bee line to the doors.
The others followed, not questioning why Akira figured this was the signal, but Tora glanced fearfully at the others. "Should we be worried about what's going on in there?"
Bon snorted. "Hell no. Let Shinrei handle it."
The remaining members of the team crossed Fubuki's open office door (refused to peek inside at the scene unfolding of course) and slowly pushed the doors to the girls' locker room open.
Steam coiled around the room, masking their presence, and leaving the vulnerable females in the room just that: vulnerable to prying eyes.
"Oh Saisei look!! Another pimple!" squealed Saishi, pointing to the offending bump atop her breast (A/N: god that's awkward to talk about and I have them. Boobs I mean).
Kyoshiro dissolved into a fit of giggles, a goofy smile nearly splitting his lips apart. "Hehe, we made it guys..."
"We sure did," Tora chimed in with blood running down his nostrils and staining his shirt.
Bon smirked and threw his arms around their shoulders, "Yeah now shut the fuck up and keep your eyes peeled for Akari."
"Akari-san, how do you get your skin so soft? Tell me your secret!" Okuni demanded, brushing a strand of her currently shortened dark hair away from her rosey red lips.
She was seated on a bench, nude as the day she was born, and giving the boys quite an eye full.
The mist suddenly dissipated, and the boys, from their hiding spot behind a tall turquoise set of lockers, leaned in for the crowning moment of truth.
Akari's back was to them, and Akira couldn't help but notice the lack of sexy curves. As well as the fact that she was wearing a towel wrapped around her waist rather than her whole body.
Bon didn't care. For all he knew, chicks in this school, in this steamy, sexy locker room, walked around with their hooters hanging out for all to see and admire.
Tora's mind couldn't form thoughts at the moment; the only working functions were in his eyeballs, crotch, and bloody nose.
Kyoshiro was pretty much in the same boat, high pitched giggles bubbling from his lips.
"Holy shit," murmured Bon, "Turn around damn you, turn around."
He appeared to voice his desire a bit too loudly.
A millisecond later Akari turned around, eyes hard as chips of ice, fists clenched.
The boys quickly noticed their error. For Akari had none of those squishy, supple things called breasts.
A man's chest mocked their terrified forms.
"She's a dude!" screamed Tora, covering his squinty eyes with his palms.
"You bastards!!!!!" roared Akari, muscles quivering in need to pounce.
"Run!" Akira managed to yell before she did.
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"Sanada, what the hell do you think you're doing!?" Bellowed an enraged Shinrei, face pinched into a look of aghast fury and equal horror.
Yukimura withdrew from Fubuki's lap and smiled as he adjusted the towel to a safe position on his bony hips. "No need to worry, Shinrei-san. We were just visiting."
With that, he sauntered out of the office.
"Fubuki-sensei, are you alright?"
The man glanced at him, straightened his tie, and nodded. "Everything is fine. I-"
Terrified, pain filled screams erupted, causing both males to draw back in alarm.
Kyo glanced up from his molesting of Hotaru and chuckled darkly. "Those dumb bastards won't get out alive."
Hotaru would have agreed, but at the moment he was against the bathroom stall, nose deep in plaster and messages scrawled on the wall.
He noted one that said, 'knock on door for a good time.' It was written in eye liner pencil and outlined inside a big heart.
"Oh, someone's in there. Ready for your good time, as promised?" cooed a familiar voice.
One thought ran through their minds.
'Shit, Yukimura!'
Or, 'that one guy. Guess he wants a good time too.'
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The Something Bad that occurred that day was forever drawn upon as a warning to the younger boys and details of that horror were immediately silenced, in fear of the whole school being blamed for the incident.
Unfortunately nothing could repair the damages caused. This included the mental trauma as well as the huge gaping hole in the ceiling from where Bontemaru was sent through.
"You know," mused Tora when all was said and done, "Hotaru-han was right, in the end."
Bon and Akira simultaneously told him where he could go shove it, and steered their bruised, battered and bandaged bodies in the direction of the school nurse for more ice packs.
"Oh well, at least it didn't turn out as bad as it did with Yuya-chan."
Kyoshiro flipped through a girly magazine with his good arm and sighed contentedly.
"Kyoshiro!!! What's this I hear about you peeking at girls?!" bellowed an all too familiar voice.
His eyes widened fearfully. "Not again."
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End. It took me… a really long ass time to finish. I started this months ago, at least, and now I've finally gotten in the mood to finish it. This kinda serves as my therapy, cuz I've been suffering through this paper I had to do in English and…yeah long story. I don't own Samurai Deeper Kyo, as stated above, as well as Death Note or Twilight. Now I know I'll probably get some shit for that comment, but honestly, I'll just laugh if someone has the balls to bitch. YES AKIRA IS BLIND, but he has ways of 'seeing' and I remember from like, vol. 16, he saw some of Yuya's lady parts. He was like O.o. Drop me a line if you see any errors that can be fixed, and I'll fix 'em. Please Review, I'll love you forever!
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