I Never
Disclamer: I own nothing Doctor Who related
Stupid Game, Rose thought, staring at her practically still-full pint.
Empty glasses littered the table. She was sitting between two drunken fools, previously known as Captain Jack Harkness and The Doctor, as they attempted to recover from a fit of laughter. As usual, the 50th century references went right over her head.
In her normal life, Rose usually loved "I Never." She had never been accused of being a saint and was usually knackered within the first hour. However, they had now been playing for close to 2 hours and Rose had barely caught a buzz.
"How many cat people?" the Doctor asked, choking through a guffaw. Jack's head was in the crook of his arm, his body shaking with laughter. He finally looked up, his eyes moist, trying to catch his breath.
"Sixteen!"
"And you were all in the same room?"
"The Same Closet!" Jack practically shouted, bursting out in laughter once more. The Doctor pounded on the table with his fist, before wiping a tear of amusement out of his eye.
"Oh my god, Jack! You have no morals, whatsoever!"
"Aw, the reverend didn't care. He got his fifty credits." Jack admitted. Rose rolled her eyes as the guys chattered on. Rose took a sip of her beer.
"Oi! That's against the rules!" The Doctor snapped, slurring slightly.
"I'm sorry, but I'm thirsty and I've barely had a chance to drink this whole bleeding game!" She snapped.
"Not our fault you haven't done much." Jack said. His inner bitch really surfaced as he drank.
"Excuse me, but I have done plenty. I just don't happen to be a former time agent from the 51st century," she shot at Jack. "Or a master of all time and space. It's not my fault I've never schtuped the Mata Hari." Both men drank simultaneously, laughing into their beers.
"Oh, bleeding hell!" Rose sighed as she cupped her face in the palm of her hand. The Doctor placed a friendly arm around Rose's shoulders and shook her.
"Awww, C'mon , Rose. Don't fret," The Doctor flashed a boyish grin at her. "We didn't mean to leave you out. We'll try to keep it more… Earth-centric, kay? Right, Jack?"
"Hmm?" Jack turned toward him, looking very inebriated, "Oh… yeah sure. Earthy, right."
"I'll go," announced the Doctor, smiling at Rose. "I've never snogged Mickey Smith" Rose picked up her pint, and was about to drink, when she saw Jack had picked up his as well. She stared at him dumbfounded.
"What?" Rose barked. Jack looked at her, pint still at his lips. "When did this happen?"
"Uhh… Awhile ago?"
"When?" Rose asked through clenched teeth.
"Remember when we were in Cardiff and a Slitheen was mayor? Well, Mickey was all upset because you were mooning over the Doctor and I was there and… y'know"
"I can't believe it!" Rose exclaimed.
"It was just once!"
"I didn't… Didn't think Mickey was like that?"
"To be fair," Jack sighed as he took a drink. "51st century Pheromones are much different from your own and can have an unexpected effect on some people, especially if they're unprepared." Rose looked at him skeptically before sighing. Her eyes softened a little.
"So how was it?" She asked. Jack thought for a moment.
"ehh… B+"
"Yeah, I can see that." Rose said as she took a drink. "Alright, Jack, your turn." Jack smiled and scratched his head pensively.
"Well, there's not a lot… " Jack said. "Oh, I know: I've never fucked on the Tardis." Jack stared intently at the Doctor. The Doctor stared back blankly.
"I never have," The Doctor shook his head.
"C'mon" Jack said. "Never?"
"No, no. It'd be like cheating on your girlfriend." He ran his fingers through his hair. "I'd be afraid of hurting her feelings, and she'd send me into some black hole, y'know?" The Doctor gave a quirky grin, which quickly fell as he saw that Rose was lowering her glass to the table.
"No!" He cried, "No!"
"What? Rose?!" Jack asked pointing toward her. Rose smiled bashfully, biting her bottom lip.
"You didn't!" The Doctor 's mouth was agape and eyes wide.
"Actually… I did" Rose looked up at the Doctor.
"With Mickey?"
"No, no," Rose said, shaking her head. The Doctor's brow furrowed and he stared at Jack.
"Whoa, not me." Jack said, holding up his hands. The Doctor turned his attention back toward Rose.
"Who!" He asked, gravely serious.
"Doctor, it was so long ago…"
"Who!"
"Adam," Rose mumbled after a beat.
"Who?" the Doctor asked, confused.
"Adam. The English boy, first time I met the Dalek." Rose answered.
"You mean that 6-year-old we took to Satellite 5?" The Doctor asked, incredulously.
"He was 20," Rose corrected. "And he was really sweet." She added, trying to compensate.
"I kicked him out! I've never kicked anybody out before!"
"I liked him." Rose shrugged.
"Where was I?"
"I don't know. Off somewhere… We were alone, and got to talking. And I thought he was pretty tasty…"
"Stop, Stop, I don't want to hear anymore," The Doctor ran a hand through his hair and covered his mouth with his hand.
"I can't believe you had sex in the Tardis." Rose was about to answer, but paused, as if not completely in agreement with what he said.
"um… yeah. In." She quietly said. The Doctor looked over at her sideways, intrigued.
"Rose," he said. "Where in the Tardis?" Rose looked at him for a moment, she was blushing.
"Doctor, does it really matter?"
"Where?" he asked quietly. Rose hesitated before answering.
"On the console." She answered, embarrassed. The Doctors eyes went wide and his jaw hung open. Disgust crossed his face
"Oh. No… C'mon! You're kidding me?" The Doctor exclaimed. Rose just looked at him with a grimace. "That's not fair! I haven't even had sex in it!"
"But I thought you said you didn't want to…?" Jack interjected.
"Yeah, but it's my ship! I shoulda christened it!" The Doctor pouted into his hands. "I'm gonna have to disinfect everything now. I hope you didn't leave any bum prints on it."
"Well, actually it would've been my chest…" Rose volunteered. The Doctor held up a hand and rubbed his eyes.
"Oh, just Stop, please…I don't need anymore information." He said. Rose looked at him remorsefully.
"I'm really sorry, Doctor. Please don't be mad. It was a long time ago and I really didn't mean for it to happen. Please forgive me" She pouted and looked up at him with big, hazel eyes. The Doctor's eyes softened and he gave her a half grin.
"You know I can't stay mad at you," he extended his smile. "But don't do it again, young lady" he said sternly, pointing a finger at her. Rose grinned at him, poking her tongue through her teeth. He smiled back.
"Alright, Rose, Your turn," Jack said, resting his head on his fist. Rose glanced at both men, her mouth forming a mischievous grin.
"I have never," she started. "Had sex with… Sarah Jane Smith." All three looked at each other. Nobody drank. Rose and Jack both looked at the Doctor, questioningly.
"What?" the Doctor said, looking at both.
"Reeeeaaally?" Rose said, the grin still there.
"I haven't. Never did," the Doctor said.
"Never?" Jack asked.
"No"
"Not even when you two were traveling" Rose asked.
"No," the Doctor shook his head, completely dumbfounded by the assumption.
"Could've fooled me," Rose mumbled sarcastically. "The googly eyes you two had around each other…"
"Really, never. She was my companion. My assistant. My… my best friend," The Doctor replied, still taken aback. "Nothing like that ever happened."
"How old was she when she traveled with you?" Jack asked.
"Twenty-five maybe"
"Wow," Jack said, staring into space. "She must've been something else. I mean, she's hot now, total MILF… But Sarah Jane at twenty-five? God, she must've been…" He inhaled deeply. "She probably could've made a star go supernova" He sighed at the thought. Rose snorted and rolled her eyes.
"Yeeeeaaaah, she was great, alright," The Doctor looked out into space. "Oh, she was quite lovely, yes, but it was more than that. She was funny. She was brave. She was cunning. She clever… aww, Unbelievably clever!" He shook his head musingly. "Y'know, she was like Rose, only without the attitude problem and the cockney accent." He added with a wicked grin.
"Oi," Rose shouted with a giggle. She punched the Doctor playfully. He grinned back at her. "Alright Doctor… You're up!" The Doctor rubbed his barely-there 5-o-clock shadow.
"Welllll, how about…" He looked toward Jack. "I've never been with two women before." He watched as both Jack and Rose picked up there glasses. Once again, the Doctor's eyes widened.
"Rose Tyler. I'm Shocked!" The Doctor said, unable to control his smile. "What would Jackie say?"
"I told you two I have done things" Rose said, taking a drink of her beer. "They've… just all been on this planet."
"Please fill us in on the details, Rose," Jack said, chin in hand. "Time, place, lingerie…"
"It was about six months ago…"
"You were with me six months ago!" The Doctor exclaimed, crinkling his nose.
"… aaaannd it was one of those times when we stopped at Mum's to do laundry." She looked at him as if trying to jog his memory. "Me and my girlfriends went out to the club, had a few drinks, and… y'know." Rose waved her hand in the air and grinned impishly. The Doctor just stared at her with wide eyes and an odd smile.
"Where was I?" He squawked, a little louder and a little higher than he intended. Rose shook her head.
"I don't know. I think you said you didn't like that thumping music and wanted to catch up on your research into string theory or something" Rose answered. The Doctor just stared, his expression unchanging.
"Right. Yes. Brilliant, yes" he sputtered and took a long swig of beer. He inhaled hard, trying to clear his head of the image of Rose and her friends. Together.
"You ok, Doctor?" Jack said with a laugh.
"Yep" the Doctor squeaked. He stared at both Jack and Rose. The three erupted in a fit of drunken giggles. As the laughter died, Jack held an expression full of warmth and affection.
"I'm up," he said, staring into his beer. He took a deep breath. "I have never spent the night with a beautiful human" he looked toward Rose. "And a Time Lord," he stared at the Doctor. "At the same." He licked his lips nervously.
The three just looked at each other, letting the tension and excitement build with each passing second. The noise of the pub around them faded. There was no sound except the beats of four hearts. Not a word was spoken. None of them moved, unsure of what would happen if this moment ended. Each one looked into the future and saw what could happen and what might. Every possibility seemed too big to accomplish. Ever consequence seemed too awful to face. Too electrifying to face.