Disclaimer: I do not own OITNB.

There is only a hand full of times in my life that I have ever been truly terrified. Thinking about how I would live without the two most important people in my life on the same day, the day that I quit the cartel, the day Kubra decided to take his revenge on my quitting the cartel, and now.

This was never how my life was supposed to end up. My mom should still be here with me, helping me through this whole ordeal. I miss how she would always make things better, making me feel like I was worth something. How she would hug me, telling me I can do anything. And for a moment I would actually believe her. It's been a year since her passing, which also happened the day Piper decided to leave me.

I should have quit the cartel a lot sooner. I know Piper would still be here if I did. Even though I resent her for leaving, I would still give anything for her to be here right now.

I'm finally starting to heal; there are bruises still all over my body, but my body no longer aches with every little movement. The thing that gets to me most is the nightmares. I'm constantly reliving that day over and over again. There is no escape. My attacker has been arrested, but knowing that Kubra is still free makes me sick.

"Ms. Vause, we have your test results."

Suddenly I can't breathe. I already know what she's going to say, and hearing it will just confirm my fears.

The doctor knows my story. The way she's looking at me, gives everything away. I can feel the tears building up, and I don't have the energy to keep it held in.

"The test came back positive, you are pregnant."

Flashback: 1 month ago

I'm making my way back to my apartment after my shift at Joe's. I've been a waitress for 3 months now, and I'm struggling to pay my rent.

"Alex Vause?" I don't recognize his voice. I turn around, and I'm certain I've never met this man.

"Can I help you?" Before I can process what is happening, I feel a sharp pain in my stomach, and the man is now hovering over me.

"Kubra sent me, you fucked up Vause." I feel his fist connect with my face, and I'm certain he is going to kill me.

"Please, don't kill me" I hate to beg, I sound pathetic.

"Trust me, I won't kill you, but you're going to wish that I will."

I don't register what he's saying, until I feel him roughly tug at my jeans. That's when my instincts kick in.

"Fuck." I start to fight, hitting him wherever I can, but he's a lot stronger than me. I feel an object hit my head. I know what's going to happen, but I'm too weak to move. It's like I'm paralyzed. All I can do is scream, or at least I think I'm screaming. And hope that it ends quickly.

Please let it fucking end quickly.

I make it back to my apartment an hour later, and my mind kept racing. I know what my options are; I know I don't have to keep it. I never even thought about my future until I met Piper. Even then, I made it clear to her I didn't want kids.

I'm still deep in thought when my phone starts to ring, and I answer it without checking to see who it is.

"Hello?"

"Alex?" It can't be. I instantly recognize her voice, and I'm stunned.

"P- Piper?"

A/N: Sorry that this first chapter is kind of rough. This just kinda came to mind and I had to write it. I'm honestly not sure where im going with this or if I will continue with this story. If people like it, I will continue it.