Well, it's been a while since I've written anything. I got a little urge to write, though, and this is what resulted - I'd been thinking this song would make a good post season 4 songfic for a while. Just one thing: pretend that Jude went to California instead of London, cool? It takes place pretty soon after she left, and it's in Tommy's POV.
Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star or the lyrics to Boys Like Girls' "Heels Over Head".
Wow.
What just happened?
How could you do this to me, girl?
I got your runaway smile in my piggybank baby
Gonna cash it right in for a new Mercedes
That's all I have left of you. Your last smile, and some memories. Memories that are becoming increasingly painful as I realize that's all they are – flashes of the past, no indication of a future. They don't get me much. Every time I look at the Viper, I think of you now. And that fateful sixteenth birthday. I can't even drive it anymore.
Maybe I should trade that car in for something else.
You were worth the hundred thousand miles
But you couldn't stay awhile
But then, I'd be giving away a piece of you – of us. That day… that day changed everything. I don't know if you saw, but I couldn't hide the disappointment when you answered your phone, expecting Shay. I mean, you might be the worst driver ever, but I'd rather have continued that lesson for miles than hear your excitement over another guy.
But you couldn't even stick around.
I got your little brown shirt in my bottom drawer baby
And your little white socks in the top drawer
You were always leaving your shit around
And gone without a sound
I've been to the rehearsal space a couple times, with Speid and the SME boys. We've actually been hanging out a bit lately. But it kinda sucks, you know? Seeing the traces of you all over that place. A jacket you left, or a piece of scribbled lyrics on a napkin.
And now you're gone.
Yeah I'm the first to fall and the last to know
Where'd you go?
How could you just break our engagement, and on stage? I was the last to know. Sadie knew, Jamie knew… everyone but me. I mean, I found out at the same time as thousands of nameless fans. And I was the one who was affected the most.
Now I'm heels over head
I'm hangin' upside down
Thinking how you left me for dead
California bound
And now, I'm all messed up. I can't even function properly without you; all I think about is you. Actually, all I can think about is how you're not here. You're in California, probably soaking up the sun and forgetting all about me.
I got a first class ticket to a night all alone
And a front row seat up right by the phone
I thought about following you out there, you know. That platonic half-smile through a crowd of admirers right before you got in the limo just wasn't enough for me. First class ticket straight to LA and everything. Then I realized, you didn't want me there. I had offered to go with you, be your anchor. And you rejected me.
Now all I hope for is your call. My phone sits on the bedside table every night, but it never lights up. And neither do I… not anymore.
Cause you're always on my mind
And I'm running out of time
Not without you.
I need you.
And I feel like I ran out of chances, and out of time.
I've got your hair on my pillow and your smell in my sheets
And it makes me think about you with the sand in your feet
You know how I said I've been to the rehearsal space with SME? Well, I went alone once. Right after you left. I went to the rehearsal space just to be alone, but in your atmosphere. And I had flashbacks of all the time we'd spent together in that place – your 17th birthday, our first night together. I saw the blanket and pillows we wrapped ourselves in, and I tried to picture you there with me.
But all I could see was you on the beach, falling for tanned surfers who aren't me.
Is it all you thought it'd be?
You mean everything to me
Don't get me wrong; I hope California is treating you well. The thing is, California is over there. And I'm over here, in Toronto.
And it's hard to function when the center of your world is miles away.
But I'm the first to fall and the last to know
And where'd you go?
I thought the engagement was the solidarity you wanted, but I was apparently way off. Jude, I just… why couldn't you have told me? We could have talked about it. But to find out from the side of the stage, with roses all ready to give to you?
Now I'm heels over head,
I'm hangin' upside down
Thinking how you left me for dead
California bound
That was unbearable.
I was head over heels for you.
And now? Now I'm lost.
I keep dwelling on the fact that you're not here. I can't get past that.
And when you hit the coast
I hope you think of me
And how I'm stuck here with the ghost of what we used to be
I hope you're thinking of me too, otherwise I'm really wasting my time, huh? Maybe look out into that California sunset and remember me? Because I'm sitting here alone with only memories of you.
You're burnin' bridges baby
Burnin' bridges, making wishes
Yeah you're burnin' bridges baby
Burnin' bridges, making wishes
You're burnin' bridges baby
Burnin' bridges, making wishes
Yeah you're burnin' bridges baby
Burnin' bridges, making wishes
I mean, I know you had dreams. Your ultimate goal was to be a rock star, not to fall in love with me. But did you have to break my heart to get there? Did you have to separate us? I wish you the best, and you wish to be a star, so I'm trying to support you. You've got the talent, and the drive… the drive that tore you away from me.
You're a chance taker, heartbreaker
Got me wrapped around your finger
Chance taker, heartbreaker
Got me wrapped around your finger
I always tried to steer you towards opportunities that would better your career. I just never thought they'd steer you so far from me. But continue to take those chances, Jude. I'll still be rooting for you. I'll be first in line to buy your CD, first to call in when it plays on the radio, and in the front row at your concerts. Like I said, I'd do anything for you.
I got your runaway smile in my piggybank baby
Gonna cash it right in for a new Mercedes
If I drive a hundred thousand miles
Would you let me stay a while?
But I still wonder that if I did something for me – like flying out to see you – would you meet up with me? Would you tell me that you loved me, and that you were glad to see me? Or would you resent me for following you out, and send me home?
Now I'm heels over head,
I'm hangin' upside-down
Thinking how you left me for dead
California bound
I'm so screwed up right now. I haven't slept well in so long; I can't think straight. You won't let me.
And when you hit the coast
I hope you think of me
And how I'm stuck here with the ghost of what we used to be
Have you forgotten all about me? Do you miss me? Do you still love me? …Did you ever really love me as much as I loved you? God, I miss you.
Now I'm heels over head,
I'm hangin' upside-down
Thinking how you left me for dead
California bound
I still love you, Jude. And I know you're off to California, to a bright future. You'll take the states by storm, I know it. But I also know how the life of a star can get lonely. How you'll want someone around, someone who cares about you, the real you.
And when you hit the coast
Maybe you'll finally see
And then you'll turn it all around and you'll come back to me
And all I can do is hope that when you start to feel like that, you'll remember that I'm here. Waiting for you with open arms.
I honestly don't think this is my best work at all. I sort of just opened up a Word document spur-of-the-moment, threw on the song, and wrote (which is what I normally do, but yeah, haha). I barely even read it over, I just posted it up here. Let me know what you think! I welcome criticism alongside compliments, especially considering I don't think this is all that great.
So yeah. Read and review! :