Dr Bruce Banner pressed the unlock button on the side of his Tony Stark tech miracle phone and frowned.
"Well, that's unflattering."
He walked into the kitchen for lunch, eliminating Steve and Thor from his culprit profile. Watching Steve try to operate the high tech phone was as painful as watching someone's grandmother try to use a phone, and equally as slow. Bruce had learnt the hard way never to text Steve in important circumstances (like if he and Tony were passing a takeaway on their way home and would he be able to pass on what everyone wanted since Tasha and Clint were working). The response was a garbled series of letters and numbers half an hour later. Bruce gave up in the end and rang him. It took four attempts before he managed to find the right button.
Thor was just as bad. Except he had the basic principles. He just jabbed the touchscreen buttons a little too hard and broke the screen. Seven times. Tony got bored of fixing the phones and gave him an old Nokia brick, modified so it contained a camera and the internet and all of the other stuff that modern phones had. Just less breakable. The bloody things could withstand a bullet, and yet Thor's fingers just went straight through. He was yet to destroy this one, anyway, but he also tended to ignore it, stating "the box is buzzing again" until someone conceded and answered it for him, playing messenger between him and his girlfriend when they all knew he could really talk to her himself.
So that left Natasha, Clint and Tony. Because Bruce didn't think that Nick Fury would stoop this low. And out of the three, he had a pretty good idea who was target number one.
"Which asshole changed my phone wallpaper?" Bruce asked. "I'm looking at you, Tony."
"Why would I do such a thing?"
Bruce narrowed his eyes, and somewhere in his chest the other guy growled. Everyone looked wary. Everyone but Tony.
"Brucey, honey, you know that doesn't scare me."
Bruce's eyes turned green for a second.
"Hulk no like picture."
Bruce blinked and shook his head, confused. Natasha nearly fell off her seat as she, and everyone else jumped backwards. Tony looked positively gleeful.
"Well, that was weird."
Bruce sat down to lunch.
"Look, Tony, you may as well admit it. You're the only one who'd be stupid enough to take a picture of the big guy when he was smashing."
"Nah-ah."
"Tasha? Clint? Steve? Thor? Anyone wanna say it was Tony?"
No one spoke.
"Alright then. This is your own doing."
Natasha reached for the phone.
"Can I see the picture?"
The Hulk growled in Bruce again, and his arm moved by itself to slam against the table in front of the phone.
"Sorry, Tasha. That wasn't me."
Natasha looked concerned.
"No one see. Hulk smash if people see. Hulk no like."
Everyone was stunned, Bruce coughed.
"You know, that really hurts my vocal cords."
Later, Bruce was in the lab doing what Tony (thought he) does best. Hacking. He got past the firewalls easily enough. The passwords were almost too easy. Bruce smirked as he dug up old CCTV footage and still shots just for the perfect moments.
A loud, low chuckle escaped from his mouth and he smirked.
"Easy big guy."
"Tony Stark, I swear to God I am going to kill you!"
Tony looked genuinely confused. Well, he would. He hadn't actually done anything since he tried to get Bruce to Hulk-out by putting a very unflattering photograph of the Hulk as his phone wallpaper (and everyone else's caller ID's for him). He couldn't help it. The photo was hilarious. He'd taken it with the flash on when the Hulk was engrossed in smashing, and it had startled him. The expression was priceless.
"Um, okay. Why?"
Clint came rushing out of his room, laptop in hand, a photograph of him upside down on a pole dressed in some very strange clothing as his desktop background.
"Stark, what the hell is this and why can't I change it?"
Tony frowned, "Clint, what the hell is that?"
"I was undercover, okay. Why would you do this?"
"I actually didn't."
"That's what he said to Bruce and we all know that was him."
Tony narrowed his eyes. Bruce Banner, you sly fucker.
Steve wandered in, "Erm, Tony. Why?"
Everyone laughed at the old sepia photo of Steve surrounded by dancing girls wearing an alarmingly old version of what was now his suit. It was very uncool. They couldn't help it.
"Hey," Tony said. "C'mon Tasha. Share."
"No. Way."
"He did it. Surely he's seen it," Steve said, blush still tinging his face red. "And that was a long time ago, alright? I… it just…"
He trailed off with a shrug.
Clint frowned, "How did you even find these?"
"MAN OF IRON!" Thor's voice boomed through the halls. Tony cringed,
"Is he angry shouting or is that just his normal voice? I can never tell."
Thor walked in, holding out his souped up brick phone.
"Why have you found this picture of myself and my brother? And how have you found it? I thought it was destroyed on Asgard."
Tony aww'd at the picture of Thor and Loki as babies in the bath. Loki was pulling Thor's hair. You couldn't mistake the smirk. Thor looked like he was wailing.
"Pretty sure he had help from Loki himself with that one," Natasha said, glaring at him. "Tony, get rid of them. Now."
"You better," Clint said, folding his arms.
"NOW!" Thor bellowed.
"That would be nice," Steve added.
Tony pressed the lock on his phone and actually blanched, "Oh God, he's got me too."
Bruce was lurking behind the door, trying not to laugh. He entered the doorway, leaning against the frame, arms folded, smile firmly in place.
"I want to see," Natasha said, and made a grab for the phone.
"No. Don't be grabby. Grabby gets you nowhere."
Bruce started fiddling with his own phone. No one noticed he was there since they were all bickering and trying to grab Tony's phone out of his hands. Suddenly the television screens all lit up, everyone paused, staring at them. Tony frowned,
"What the hell?"
The picture on Tony's phone blew up on to the monitors and he cringed.
"Oh God."
"You can't be that embarrassed about it, Tony. I mean, it's on the internet for all to see."
"Oh God. Banner. You're an evil man. JARVIS. Find the video and purge it from existence. Now."
Bruce smirked, and the whole rooms rage was directed towards him, he smiled apologetically.
"Really, it's all Tony's fault," he pointed out. And they all agreed with him. Tony was still cringing over the full frontal picture that was still on the television.
"Hulk find pictures funny. Hulk picture stay. Hulk picture not as bad."
Bruce shrugged, "What he said."
Natasha stalked out of the room, pausing at Bruce's shoulder.
"I want this fixed by tonight. That applies to both of you, Tony. I'm still holding you personally responsible. Even if this idiot decided to join in. you won't like what'll happen if it isn't."
"Little lady no threaten Bruce. Hulk already break lady once. Hulk no want to do it again."
Bruce held back a laugh.
"Bruce, control your other half. That voice is freaking me out," she snarled, and flounced out. Clint grimaced,
"Guess I should go calm her down." He clapped Bruce on the shoulder, "Nice one, Bruce. I might have been a target, but as pranks go, this one was pretty good."
Bruce smiled.
"Um. Okay. I really don't know how to…"
Bruce took pity on Steve and tapped in the codes required to change the picture, showing him for the thirtieth time how to change the wallpaper himself. His face brightened.
"Do you want me to fix yours, Thor?"
"Actually, I quite like it. Reminds me of good times!" he bellowed, beaming. Bruce shrugged with a half smile.
"It was pretty hard to find that."
"Did you ask my brother?"
"Might've done."
Thor rolled his eyes.
Bruce turned to Tony, "Do you want me to fix that?"
Tony turned around, evil glint in his eyes, smile fixed.
"Yes. But seriously, I didn't think you'd be up for something like that. Seriously, I'm impressed."
Tony pressed a few buttons while he was talking and a grainy CCTV image of Bruce just after transforming back from the Hulk appeared where Tony's image once was. Bruce raised an eyebrow.
"Is that the best you can do?"
"We've all seen that before, Tony," Steve said, averting his eyes nonetheless.
"Many a time!" Thor bellowed.
Tony winced, "Inside voice, Thor. Seriously. Bruce, why are you impossible to stay mad at? You just found a very compromising picture from a video that by all rights should have been purged from the world and that Pepper will kill me for not thoroughly making sure that it was, as well as baby pictures from another realm and Christ knows what else, Natasha wouldn't show us. And yet everyone is still blaming me for it, and I just can't bring myself to be upset with you. Really. It's a gift."
Bruce shrugged, smile planted firmly on his face.
Tony leant over to Bruce, lowering his voice, "How about we work together on the next one. Combine forces. That way, we could be invincible!"
Bruce rolled his eyes, but let himself be led out of the room nonetheless.