"I hope when you look up at the stars, you know that they are all me in different lives, trying to find you."
Ell's words echoed around in Carmilla's head as she looked out of the window. She traced the familiar constellations with her eyes, her thumb flicking restlessly on her lighter, sparking it up and letting it fade again. It reminded her of how fleeting human lives could be, how fleeting the lives of the girls she had lured for Mother had been. A bright spark that ended so abruptly and was but a mere moment in Carmilla's eyes. This moment had been their entire life.
It had been Ell's life too.
Carmilla looked over at her sleeping roommate. Would Ell forgive Carmilla for loving another? But then Ell had never known Carmilla, she had known her by another name, another identity in another time. Although timeless, the vampire found that the pull of time had changed her. The decades in the coffin had changed her. The freedom of the modern world had changed her. Laura had changed her. Laura had freed her. No, surely Ell could not begrudge Carmilla this happiness.
Carmilla looked up at the stars again. She didn't really believe in an after-life but she could see the comfort in believing that your loved ones where still there, somewhere. And maybe she was wrong. After all she had seen Ell when she faced the evil light. She had heard her. Ell had been conscious and able to reach Laura. Maybe that wasn't because of how she had been taken but just because she was gone. Maybe there was an after-life.
She looked at the stars and remembered what Ell had said to her as they met in the battle. 'Know that they are all me in different lives, trying to find you.' Carmilla knew she couldn't find her but she allowed herself to believe that Ell was speaking the truth about being the stars.
'Oh Ell, what would you think of me?' She whispered to the stars. 'What would you say if you were here? Could Laura really love a monster?' Carmilla was a vampire and vampires don't cry so the saltiness on her cheeks wasn't because she was crying as she remembered Ell drawing away in disgust when she learned her true nature.
But Ell's face was fading in that memory, replaced with Laura's unflinching, if originally very suspicious, acceptance.
'Could you forgive me for loving another? Would you let me love another? Stop searching and allow me to be, to move on. It's been so long.' Carmilla continued addressing the stars. 'She doesn't see me as the monster I am. Maybe you were right to pull away. Flesh cannot love stone. But I want it so much. But doesn't that just make me more of a monster?'
'No.' Came the soft answer from Laura's bed. 'Carmilla Karnstein, you are not a monster.' Laura rolled out of bed, movements heavy with sleep.
'I've done unforgivable things Laura.' Carmilla replied, not able to meet her eyes.
'And you saved everyone here.' Laura approached the vampire, hesitating before reaching out to push a strand of hair behind Carmilla's ear.
'I'm not a hero.'
'If you insist. But your not a monster either.' Laura let a hand reach for Carmilla's free hand and laced their fingers together. Carmilla held her other hand limply at her side, no longer flipping the lighter on and off.
'Cupcake' Carmilla sighed the nickname out, finding herself unable to find the words to articulate her emotions. Laura was too cute, too sweet by far, too innocent and trusting for her own good. Here she was with a murderous vampire, clasping her hand and insisting that she wasn't a monster. Carmilla stared into Laura's eyes, her pupils big in the dark.
How did she get lucky enough to have this girl stand by her, to like her? How did Carmilla Karnstein get lucky enough to find someone who would insist she wasn't a monster? How did she get lucky enough to find perhaps the only person in the world in all of time who could tell her she wasn't a monster and each time she said it a bit more of the vampire would believe her. Carmilla couldn't tell the future but she knew, in her heart, in her soul, that Laura would repeat this until Carmilla could completely believe her and she knew one day she would because Laura said so which such sincerity and conviction that she couldn't completely deny her. She could never deny the girl anything.
'Thank you.' Carmilla breathed and Laura smiled softly, gently puling Carmilla to her for a kiss.
Before Carmilla could close her eyes she saw something out of the corner of her eye. She saw a shooting star. And maybe, if there was more life after life, then Ell was right and she was watching from the stars and she was listening and she was happy and content. Maybe she was giving Carmilla her blessing, a promise that she wouldn't keep searching for her. And that was enough for Carmilla as she kissed the girl before her, the girl who didn't see a monster and never had. The girl who would make her stop seeing a monster. The girl she loved.