Chapter 1
I woke up in a rough panic. Sweat trickled down my neck and face. My thin white t-shirt was drenched, as was my hair. I could feel the heat radiate off of my body, which meant my face had to of been red from the flush that crept over my cheeks. It's been the same thing for the past few month. Always the same dream-well more like a nightmare. After Slade I was sure they would of stopped, but they seem to only become worse.
It doesn't always start the same but it always ends the same. It ends with her body lying next to my feet. her blood seeping through her clothes and pooling around her own body. Whether it be from a sword, a bullet, a knife, or even an arrow, it's always the EXACT same. It's prodding from her chest, then coming out from her back. A through and through never missing her heart. By the time I reach her there's nothing I can do. I stand there helpless not being able to help, not being able to take the pain away. I watch her die, her voice calling out for help. Calling my name over and over, begging for not just anyone but for MY help. For me to be her hero and save her. No matter how hard I try, I am not able to. I can't save her, I can't keep her to stay. To stay here with Diggle, Roy, Layla, Sara...and me. I can't keep her from leaving us, from leaving me.
As she saves her last breath, she whispers out loud but barely enough to where I can hear. Her voice is soft and quite. "Since I am dying. I just want to say, you can't stop being the Arrow, Oliver. You can't give up on everyone in this city. They need you more than you know, especially after tonight. You can't stop fighting. Diggle, Roy, Sara, Thea, Captain Lance, and Laurel all need you. You're not allowed to give up on them and you're not allowed to give up on yourself." I shake my head, smiling at her despite the cold situation occurring. It was so like her to be the mother hen even when she is lying her dying in front of me.
"Oliver there is something I need to tell you." I crouch down near her, so I was able to hear. "You have to let someone in okay. You need to let someone in. I know you think that it's better to keep everyone away from you. Everyone is safer when they are not apart of your life. The only thing I have to say is that's bull shit and you know it. Oliver you have to let someone love you and you need to find someone to love yourself. I know you were going to do this all alone." She gestures to everything around us, waving her hands. "But you know deep down that you can't. You need help, you can't do this by yourself. That's why you have Diggle and Roy. They are here to help you. They are not giving up on you."
I start to cry. I know Diggle and Roy are here, but she's the only one I care about helping me on my mission, my crusade. She's the only one I need with me. She is my light, my heart. She lets me overcome the darkness in me, in my soul. She is the only one who sees me as me, not someone broken and beaten, not a murderer but someone who saves people, who saves lives.
"That's why you need to be with Laurel." Wait, what?! Laurel? "She loves you Oliver and you love her. I can tell from the way she looks at you,and the way you look at her. She's the one for you Oliver. You need her light to fight your darkness. Stop trying to protect her, because you can't go through life regretting that you never pushed yourself to be with her." What the hell is she talking about.
I don't look at Laurel like she's my everything. I sure as hell am not in love with her. Why would she think that. I haven't been in love with her since the island. Since I got back. I stopped loving her a long time ago. I know Laurel has feelings for me, but I don't reciprocate those feelings. The only woman I love is the same one who is dying in front of me. The same woman that I can't save. I have loved her for a long time. I wouldn't say from the moment I saw her. Though she was the first person who could see me as a person. The first person I was able to trust. The moment I fell in love with her was when she stopped me from killing Kurt Williams, by locking me in the Foundry. She was so proud of herself with that accomplishment, and when I yelled at her she surprised me. She stood up against me and yelled back. That's when I knew she was it for me.
"Oliver you have to promise me that you are going to fight for her. Will you?" Will I? Hell no, I won't.
"No I won't and before you start screaming at me, will you listen to me." She shook her head. Her hand shot up immediately, grasping the back of her hair. I could see how much pain she was in. "I don't want to be with Laurel." She opened her mouth to speak. "No hear me out. I don't want to be with her, because I don't love her. I haven't loved her in a long time."
"What do you mean...Slade took her because he wanted to kill the woman you love, which is Laurel. I mean who else would it be, unless it was me. But it couldn't be me, because well clearly you don't love me. I am just the IT girl. Besides why would a sexy billionaire be interested in a nerdy IT girl." I love it when she babbles.
"Is that really what you think? That you are just some IT girl. That I couldn't possibly be interested in you. Well I call that bull shit." I recalled what she said earlier, which earned me one of her dazzling smiles. "Because what you just said was wrong. You're not just some IT girl, you're more than that. You are my partner, my friend. Yes I will always love Laurel in some way, but I am not in love with her, because I am in love with you! You're it for me. You are my light and I don't want anyone else. I love you Felicity. Don't you know that. I have always loved you, I will always love you."
Minutes passed and I started to think maybe I read into her own feelings wrong. I was sure she felt the same way about me. Diggle even told me that she loved me, of course I didn't believe him and maybe now I had good reason to. "Umm Felicity...say something. This is starting to get awkward."
"Oliver I love you too. I have for a long time. I just never realized you felt the same way about me. I didn't think it was possible for you to." I gazed into her eyes and found love, and adoration but I also sensed pain and lots of it.
"Felicity I want to kiss you so bad right now, but we need to get you to a hospital." I turned to call out to Dig. A light pressure was placed on my arm and then I felt a small tug. I whipped around to find Felicity trying to stand with tears rolling down her cheeks. Her breathe labored and she started to pant. Exhaustion flooded her body and pain reflected on her face, and yet she wore a smile.
"Oliver it's useless. We both know I am not going to make it to a hospital. I am already dying and I am not going to make it much longer. I mean my life is going to end, because well I'm dying. Not that I want to die...because I really don't..."
I was quick to cut her off. "No Felicity you are not going to die. I will not allow that to happen. Do you understand." I had just spoken those same words mere hours ago in the mansion when we were trying to fool Slade. Truth is there was no fooling to do. "We need to get you to a hospital, but I have my bike, which is why I am calling Diggle." I looked down for not even a second and all hell broke loose.
"Felicity!" She had fallen to the ground and was loosing consciousness. No. I am not loosing her, I can't loose anyone else. I just can't, especially not Felicity. Not the woman I love. I ran to her quickly and dropped on my knees. "No baby! Felicity you have to stay with me. Do you hear? You can't leave me I need you. I can't live if you're not living. I won't be able to go on. Felicity please...please Felicity. Open your eyes, damn it Felicity open them. I need to see your beautiful eyes, hear your soothing voice, and feel your touch.
"I love you Oliver." That was the last ting I would ever hear Felicity say. I reached my hand across to see if I could find a pulse, but it was pointless. Her heart stopped beating and my throat constricted. She was gone. I picked her up and carried her down the street, towards the foundry. Crying the whole way, my vision became blurry. I reached the metal, security ridden door of the foundry and nearly lost it. My knees buckled and I collapsed with Felicity's body in my arms.
There I cried until Diggle and Roy found me. Diggle reached to grab Felicity's body and Roy shouted angrily towards the universe. "It's too late Dig. She's gone and there was nothing I could of done to stop it. I have failed this city, but most importantly I failed her. We promised her and each other we were going to protect her. I told you we would, I would protect her. Now I have failed her. I have failed the woman I love."
After countless nights of dreaming the same disaster every time I knew I had to do something about it. I have to tell Felicity how I feel. I can't keep denying it. I'm in love with her. If anything the nightmares have taught me that, what happened in my subconscious can happen in reality. I don't want to miss or regret not being with her. I love her, and I need her. I am just going to have to get the courage to explain it to her. I know she would be better off and safer without me, but she is also safe with me. I may not be able to protect her from everything but I am sure as hell am going to try.