For Ya-chan (yannychigi) my queen for her birthday ^^
I would like to apologise beforehand for my super duper crappy writing ahaha I haven't written in months so I am like a baby now oops. Also I haven't proofread and stuff... Forgive me...?
"H-haru-chan…w-wake up…please…"
Makoto's hands trembled as he gently patted the cold cheek. Haruka was limp, pale, and unconscious, lying beneath him on the wet grass. There was nothing beautiful about the scene beneath his eyes. Haru-chan had always been beautiful. Anything that had Haru-chan in it had been beautiful. But an unconscious Haru-chan who was barely breathing was anything but beautiful – Makoto had never been so terrified before.
"Haru, c-can you hear me…?"
Shivers had run through Makoto's body the moment he had left for the swim club, shivers that had struck fear in his heart and that had him running all the way to the Mutsuki Bridge with only one thought in mind.
Haru.
The feeling of dread, the terrible lack of warmth in his chest, everything was multiplied the moment he saw a familiar body lying half submerged in the river below. Still, silent, unmoving. Those deep blue eyes that often had Makoto mesmerised were sealed shut. And Makoto couldn't even scream.
Makoto never forgot that day, could never forget that day. The deathly cold in his chest was a memory he wanted to get rid of, but it insisted on lingering in his mind. Even when Haruka had finally woken up and the warmth finally back in his chest, the unpleasant image and painful feeling was etched in his brain. Makoto went sleepless for many nights after that incident.
Haruka had fallen into a disturbed slumber, moments before having been ever so slightly worried about Makoto who was sleeping in the other tent with Rei. Can't be helped, he had thought, Makoto was the one who agreed to the training camp.
The stars hung in the sky, like a painting worth a million. The gentle wind caressed the ocean's surface, and the moon admired it's reflection on little ripples of water. It was silent, save the soft whispers of the breeze and the chirping cicadas.
It was the sudden freezing sensation that ripped through his chest that woke him, and Makoto's shout for Rei the next moment had Haruka sitting up, heart beating fast in fear. Makoto.
"Did you hear that?" Haru asked, turning his head to face the tent's entrance. That had definitely been Makoto's voice. But what was he doing, shouting for Rei in the middle of the night?
"Hear what?" a sleepy Nagisa rubbed his eyes.
"That voice." Makoto.
The rain beat down upon the waterlogged sand as Haruka, followed by a questioning Nagisa, opened the flap of their tent. Swayed by the heavy wind, Haruka stumbled forward to the tent neighbouring theirs. The tent Makoto and Rei were supposed to be in. But they weren't. And panic surged through Haruka like an electric shock, coursing through his veins.
"It's still warm." Haruka patted Makoto's sleeping bag gently before standing up and heading towards the rough tides.
He surveyed the landscape; the ominous surges and swells of the water had sent the normally calm horizon into disarray. Waves erupted all over the waters' surface before they were swallowed up by bigger, stronger ones. As each wave grew larger and larger, as the rain beat down harder and harder, Haruka's already frenzied heartbeat sped up it's symphony of dread.
Makoto, where are you?!
Just as Haruka was about to shout, his eyes focused on a small figure, being pulled to and fro at the mercy of the powerful waters. Squinting even more, a similar figure appeared and disappeared beneath the blanket of each oncoming wave.
"Is that – "
Haruka didn't even wait to hear what Nagisa had to say. That was definitely Makoto.
"Call Amakata-sensei!" was the last thing Haruka shouted before diving headfirst into the depths of danger.
The water was alive. So alive, so powerful, so cold. For the first time in his life Haruka felt unwelcomed by it, as if it were waiting for its chance to dispel him or bring him under. And for the first time in his life, Haruka finally understood Makoto, even if it was just a tiny fraction of what Makoto felt about the ocean.
The harder Haruka swam, the tougher it was to get to Makoto. The tides pulled at his limbs, the water slapped his body. It was painful, it was tormenting, and Haruka felt weaker and weaker as his chest started to grow colder and colder. Breathing was oh, so hard.
When the chestnut hair was almost within reach, Haruka sped up and got hold of Makoto. The body that was so muscular, so strong, was now but a lifeless weight in Haruka's arms.
The waves crashed over each other, constantly swaying Haruka in different directions. There was nothing in sight except the dark sinister waters that were now threatening not just his, but Makoto's life as well. And with the added weight on his body, Haruka wasn't sure he would find land anytime soon.
Luck proved otherwise, and the waters calmed ever so slightly, pushing them in the direction of Sukishima.
Haruka was not aware of anything at all. Not of how the sky kissed the ground through the soft pitter-patter of a slight drizzle. Or how the waves playfully covered the shore with increasingly gentle movements. It was only Makoto.
Makoto. The stable rock on which Haruka had stood and lived on, for all these years. If Haruka were a building, Makoto would be his stable foundation. If Haruka were a ship, Makoto would be his harbour. Makoto was the only one, the only one who had been Haruka's shelter in the time of storm. The only one who had uplifted him when he needed it the most. The only one who had never left him. There was always solace in Makoto, had been, and would be for a long time, Haruka was sure. Or had been had never planned for this to happen.
After all these years of becoming one with the water. After all these years of him accepting the water, and the water accepting him. After all the trust and love that had been built up, all Haruka was left with was an unconscious Makoto and a burn of fear, worry regret in his chest. He should've known. He should've known better than to let Makoto please the other team members. He should've known what a big lump of selflessness Makoto was, and had always been. He should've known.
Lying beneath him on the wet sand, barely breathing, it was as if Haruka's life was on the very edge of disappearing. His limbs were burning from exhaustion but he couldn't care less at this point. His very being was about to crumble to dust.
"Makoto! Makoto! Oi, wake up!"
Shaking Makoto's shoulders only to be greeted by a deathly silence unnerved Haruka so much he felt sick right to the stomach. He almost lost all composure, almost wanted to break down and scream, but visions of the choking spluttering Makoto just moments ago in the ocean brought Haruka back to earth.
"Someone…" he trembled, "Is anyone there?!"
He didn't know what to do. Makoto wouldn't wake up. Makoto. Makoto. Mako –
"Nagisa! Rei!"
Haruka was so desperate. He was so desperate to have someone help him. So desperate for someone to save Makoto. Because he couldn't do it. After all that Makoto had done for him, he couldn't do anything. And if he were to walk through a life of endless pain without Makoto by his side, Haruka would rather die than accept that reality.
But no one came to his aid. No one answered his cries. Was this the punishment for being so self-centred all those years? Was this the punishment for not caring much for others? Was this his punishment, for taking advantage of Makoto this entire time? The things he had kept to himself not to hurt others. The thoughts he buried in his mind and shielded from Makoto's knowing eyes. It could not have been any clearer than glass – he had been hurting Makoto this entire time. Makoto, who was always so caring despite Haruka not responding. Makoto, who was always supporting him no matter what terrible decisions he made. Makoto, whom he had kept in the dark all this while. Makoto, whom he had hurt as well.
Haruka was shaking, he couldn't handle the guilt that was building up inside of him, threatening to swallow him whole and never let him go. If only he had treasured Makoto more. If only he hadn't been so blinded by his own desires. If only.
Now Haruka had to save Makoto. He absolutely had to save Makoto.
Putting his ear to Makoto's unnervingly still chest, Haruka strained his ears to hear even the slightest sound, the faintest heartbeat. And he found it. A soft, barely audible, thump of Makoto's heart. Makoto was still fighting, why had Haruka given up so easily? His shoulders slumped in relief, and he almost fell back against the sand in triumph when the image of Makoto lying there unmoving before him blinded him for a split second.
Hurriedly scanning for any injuries and finding none, Haruka cupped Makoto's cold cheek and listened for his breathing. Makoto's heart was still beating, but he couldn't take for granted that Makoto was also breathing.
Haruka couldn't even celebrate when he heard a soft painful gasp for air; Makoto's breathing was so weak, so small, so undeniably irregular that moments passed and there was no accompanying breath.
Needless to say, it had come to this. Tilting Makoto's chin upwards gently, Haruka pinched his nose, took a deep breath, and –
It was alive, Makoto's heart thumped and thumped, vivid and comforting. Haruka couldn't help but let loose a small smile before shifting his body closer to Makoto. The welcoming warmth was such a dear cherished feeling that Haruka never wanted to lose. He had never felt so near to Makoto's heart before. But just so he could get closer, just for this one time, Haruka tentatively placed his cheek on Makoto's shoulder. There was no response, and the steady rhythm of Makoto's breathing had never felt so sweet.
Yielding to temptation was wrong, but Haruka couldn't not yield to this temptation. Not after what had just happened. Not after what Makoto had just gone through. Not after those words that Makoto had said to him before Nagisa and Rei found them. Haruka could not get that out of his head.
Inching closer and gaining courage, he finally finally rested his head on Makoto's broad chest. Just listening to the beating of his heart was enough right now. This was the only thing that mattered, this was the only thing Haruka needed at this very moment. Makoto was safe. Makoto was alive. Makoto was by his side.
Just as a gust of wind blew by Haruka whispered:
"Thank you for everything, Makoto."