Disclaimer: If I owned Twilight, Leah would have never dated Sam, never got her heartbroken, and would have the most caring imprint in the world.

Leah's POV

My eyes shot open, and I sat up in bed, screaming at the top of my lungs. I had the dream again. The dream what was actually a reality. No matter how hard I tried to suppress the moments that ruined me, I couldn't help but have slipped up a few times. I've heard the saying 'what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger' a million times before. I used to believe that. But this... this memory, it was different. It didn't kill me, but did it make me any stronger? No, no it didn't. If anything, it was wearing down my defenses, making me weak, so when the time was right, I would have nothing to save me from the impending doom. But there was nothing I could do to stop it. Whenever I blocked it from my mind, it would always come back to haunt me in my sleep. I had to get out. But I was scared. Scared of what would happen if I left.

No matter how hard I tried to get away, there was always something keeping me here. It was invisible. A pull. Nothing was physically keeping me here, no. I just felt as if I had to stay here, almost like a gut feeling. Whenever I tried to think of a reason to go, my mind always came up with a reason to stay, yet none of the reasons were it. They were just excuses. Excuses that I welcomed, that I listened to. Things like Dad's health, Mom's court case, and Seth's... well, just Seth in general. Each excuse was taken into consideration, and each excuse kept me here. Even though I know why I'm staying, I can never admit it, but if I had to, it would be because he was here. Sam Uley. The man that broke my heart.

I can't believe him. I mean what the hell?! You don't just go break up with someone, then not even a week later, he's dating my FREAKING COUSIN! Oh yeah, that was another reason why I cry myself to sleep at nights, and wake up screaming in the early hours of the morning. I walked in on my fiancé and my cousin MAKING OUT on MY BED! I thought she would have had at least SOME decency to maybe, I don't know, keep her hands off my freaking fiancé! Bitch. But the only thing that can pull me out of my depression long enough to have a decent conversation and a meal, is my baby brother.

I didn't realise I was crying, or that Seth had even come into my room, until he was crouching in front of me, wiping away the tears that flowed. But it felt good knowing someone was there for me throughout this mess. Don't get me wrong, my parents were trying to help, but whenever it gets to the touchy subject of Sam and Emily, they jump straight to their defense. It kills me how my own parents don't even think it was wrong of him. Seth, on the other hand, hated Sam. The night he found out that Sam left me for Emily, Seth toilet papered his house. As well as egging his car. And dumping tinned spaghetti on his front lawn. And shoving a whole watermelon in his letterbox. I have to admit, my baby brother had quite an imagination when it came to pranks. Not that I'm surprised. He did learn from the best.

Seth pulled me into a lying position, and hugged me into his hard side. Seth was hot. Temperature wise. I felt like I was lying in a fire or something. And he had grown up quite a bit. Before he only used to be around 5'10", but now he was around 6'4"-ish. It was weird. But not as weird as the amount of food he ate or the amount of muscle he gained. It was phenomenal. I wonder what was with that. There must be something in the water that makes the Quileute boys so massive, because some other guys around the rez have grown a good 8 inches within a few weeks, and packed on the muscle. Well, at least that's what I heard from Seth. He's the only one who even bothers to talk to me. I wish I could make it up to Seth for dumping all of this on him, but how am I supposed to make it up to him if I can barely get out of bed. I sighed, and opened my mouth to speak, but Seth spoke first.

"I know what you're going to say Lee. But you don't have to make it up to me. I'm your brother. It's what I do. Was it the same dream, Lee?" he asked in a soft voice that calmed me down.

"Y-yeah. It was. And Seth, I do need to make it up. No-one should see their sister like this, but you did. I feel like I've taken away your innocence. I mean, look at you! You've grown at least half a foot within the past few weeks! I'm sorry Seth." I whispered brokenly.

"It's fine Leah. You're family. I love you."

"I love you too, Sethy," I whispered, using the name I came up with when he was born. And it was true. I really did love him. I think he was the only person who I didn't completely ignore, or think horrible thoughts about. I think I even wished my Dad away. I know, it's a horrible thing to wish when his health is already failing him, but I couldn't stop myself from thinking it. I never meant it, but I still wished it anyway.

"Harry? Harry! HARRY?!" my mother screeched from the bedroom. Her voice was filled with panic, worry and fear. Seth and I were up and into my parent's bedroom within seconds.

After Seth yanked the door off its hinges (literally) I sprinted ahead of him, only to be stopped in my tracks by what I saw. My Dad was doubled over, clutching his chest while sweat poured down his face. His breathing was shallow and even then he managed to throw up. His form was slumped against the wall, like it was too heavy for him to move. I knew immediately what was happening. Thank the Lord I wanted to be a doctor before I dropped out of school. My Daddy was showing the symptoms of a heart attack. Knowing what was happening made me oddly calm.

"Seth, pick Dad up, and carry him to the car. Mom, go get your keys and drive Seth and Dad to the hospital, I'll call the family and meet up with you later. Call me if anything drastic happens, and I'll be right over there. Go, now." My voice was soothing, and by the looks on their faces, I could've screamed and it wouldn't have mattered. "Now! I think Dad's having a heart attack!"

They were suddenly in action. Mom grabbed her purse and keys and headed for the car, starting it up, while Seth loped across the room and lifted dad easily. "Take care of him Seth. I suggest you sit in the back with him, and make sure he doesn't get any worse." I turned to my father, who was lying in Seth's arms. "I love you Daddy."
With that, Seth was down the stairs, out the door and into the car in no time. That was when I let the pent up emotion I was feeling overcome me. I dropped to the floor and let the tears flow down my sickly pale face. I probably looked like one of the monsters from the tribe legends, the Cold Ones. I wouldn't be surprised if some of the natives turned into giant dogs and ate me. Because I knew that my Dad didn't have much chance of living. The only way he could live was if we saw the signs early enough. Even though we caught it early, the way Dad looked, I'd say it had been going on a while, but he didn't tell anyone. And let's not forget the 30 minute drive to the hospital.

By the time I finished crying, it was almost noon. Mom and Seth hadn't called, so I guess Dad was fine. But I still had a few phone calls to make. Preferably not to my Mom's side, because she would find out, and they'd come to see how everything is going. Like they even cared. If they cared then they never would have broken me like they did. But now isn't the time for that.

I sighed and picked up the phone, dialing my Aunt Jo's number. She had the biggest mouth, and the whole family would know within ten minutes. It would save me a whole load of time.

She picked up on the third ring. "Hello?"

"Hey Aunt Jo. It's Leah. Um, I just thought I should tell you that Dad's gone to the hospital, I think he's had a heart attack." I paused, and took a deep breath. "Can... Can you call the rest of the family for me? I just, I don't know what to do. What do I do Aunt Jo?" By now I was sobbing into the receiver.

"Ssh, honey. It's going to be okay." Empty promises. She couldn't guarantee that.

"Deep breaths. Okay, good. Is your Mom there?" she asked calmly.

"No. She and Seth went to the hospital with Dad. I said that I'd stay behind and clean things up. As well as calling the family and letting them know..." My voice shook, but I didn't stutter.

"Okay. I'll call everybody, and then I'll come down as fast as I can to help you, okay baby?" She was always the nicest Aunt, even though she and her sister gossiped like old ladies.

"Sure. See you soon Aunt Jo." I hit the 'end call' button, and stared at the wall. I tried to see nothing, but all I could see was Dad, slumped against the wall. He was too young to die... well, kind of... but his age wasn't the point. He was around thirty when he had me, and I was now 22 years old. Dad was over 50 years old, and his cholesterol levels were way too high to be healthy. I guess we should have expected this.

I was snapped out of my thoughts by a knock at the door. Slowly, I got up and looked at the clock. 12:57. It's been almost 9 hours since I sent Mom, Dad and Seth to the hospital. 9 hours without a call, or a text. I was beyond pissed. I, honestly, was extremely angry.

Another knock, oops. I walked towards the front door, and took a deep breath, preparing for the questions she was, no doubt, going to ask. I clutched the doorknob with all my might, and slowly opened the door. My gaze was on the floor, as I didn't want to see the pity that I could feel emanating from her. But when she spoke, her voice was too deep to be a woman, and far too familiar for my liking.

"Lee-lee, what's wrong?" My head snapped up at my old nickname, only to see Sam Uley, in all his shirtless glory.

"S-S-Sam? What are you doing here?" Please don't see me cry, please don't see me cry, please don't see me cry, I chanted over and over in my head.

"I came to see Harry and Seth. Where are they?" With that, I broke. The tears I tried to hold back were now running down my face, and the sobs stopped any words from forming.

Two hot arms wrapped around my shoulders, and my face was buried in Sam's bare chest. I closed my eyes, and tried to speak, but all that came out was a strangled cry. When I opened my eyes, I saw that I was now sitting on the couch, in Sam's lap, still crying into his chest. If that wasn't strange enough, I couldn't remember even moving towards the couch, or anything. Sam must've picked me up or something. I don't know, and I honestly don't care.

I wiped my eyes, and took a deep breath. I turned to apologize to Sam, but the words caught in my throat when I saw the amount of pain in his eyes. Pain for what, I'm not sure, because I hadn't told him about my father yet, had I?

My thoughts were interrupted, as the song Three Cheers for Five Years started playing, alerting me to my ringing phone.

"Hello?" I answered without checking the caller ID.

"Leah," my mother's voice was low and shaky, "Leah, your father... he's... d-d-d.... dead. They couldn't save him Leah." The phone slipped from my grasp, so I didn't hear what she said after that, and I never got to say anything either.

"Leah?" I had forgotten Sam was still here.

"Yeah?" I rasped. No matter how much I hated him, I needed him right now.

"We have to go to the hospital. Your mother wants to see you." I didn't protest, I couldn't find the energy to protest. I just wanted to see my Daddy for the last time, before he was buried.

It's been a week since my father died. My Mom has been crying herself to sleep at night. Her quiet sniffles were heard throughout the house, even though her bedroom was downstairs. I'm pretty sure she was quiet though, but I'm not sure how I heard it...

Six days ago, I got these excruciating pains. Pains that would shoot through my limbs, and leave me unable to do anything for myself. Mom and Seth knew what was happening, but me, who was the one to study the human body and research all kinds of diseases in high school, had no idea. Seth was running around after me, helping me with everything, and I mean everything. I mean, I was still able to bathe myself... once someone filled the bath and stripped me down. Even though it always nipped at what little dignity I had left, it was quite amusing watching Seth fill a bath with pink bubbles, and clamp his eyes shut as he helps me undress. If it weren't so embarrassing, I would've taken a picture. But since I love my baby brother, I decided against it. He felt as if he had to be the man of the house, since Daddy wasn't here...

Instead of feeling the usual sadness from his loss, I felt anger. It was my fault Dad died. It was my fault that he didn't get the chance to live past his 60th birthday. It was my fault for being so selfish. I had wished him away, and he was never coming back. The pain, guilt and anger was all that radiated from me, as I wiped off my make up, which was sure to be ruined by the tears I could feel gathering behind my closed lids before I threw on the black dress to mix in with everyone who would be at the funeral. But something was going to change today, I'm not sure whether it was just because we were burying my Daddy, but I had a gut feeling that my life was going to change dramatically.

I walked out the door, with Seth and my Mom walking ahead of me. This wasn't going to be easy, but I needed this. Knowing it was my fault made it that much harder.

The service passed quickly. Seth, Mom and I lingered behind as our friends and family walked away, their heads bowed slightly. I couldn't take it anymore. The guilt was killing me. I held back the tears, and ran. I ran to the place where my Dad, Seth and I went for our first ever 'camping trip'. It was a small clearing that was on our property. I still remember that day, as if it was yesterday.

~Flashback~

"Daddy, are we there yet?" I whined. I was 10 years old, and Seth was only 4. Mom wanted us out of the house for her book club thing she had going on, and Dad offered to take us to a "special" place.

"Almost there, baby. We're only a few more minutes." He was carrying all our camping gear, as well as little Seth, who was almost fast asleep with his face resting in the crook of Dad's neck. I sighed, but kept walking, my little legs trudging along after my hero.

I wondered off into my own little world, and before long, I was standing in the most beautiful clearing, with wild flowers blooming brilliant colors.

The rest of the night was spent with Seth, Dad and I laughing, telling jokes, and pulling pranks. The next morning, we were awakened by a squirrel scurrying around our tent, and with the last of the marshmallows, so we had to retreat back to the house to have breakfast.

We trampled in, our pajamas soaked from the rain, eyes sparkling and grins plastered over our faces. Mom took several pictures of us that morning, before she sent us off to our rooms to change into dry clothes.

~End Flashback~

The tear pricked my eyes, and I succumbed to the vulnerable feeling. I cried for hours, letting it all out. After the tears subsided, and the sobs came to a halt, I felt angry. Not at Dad, or at Seth, or Mom, or anybody really... nobody except for myself. It's all your fault Leah, whispered the little voice in the back of my head. I hardly noticed my body shaking faster as each second passed. The voice was getting stronger, as the insults increased, and the guilt soon had my body quivering so fast my vision blurred slightly. But that didn't stop the voice, which was now louder then before, screaming insult after insult until I couldn't take it anymore. I burst out of my skin, and into something more. I was scared and alone without my Daddy to tell me everything was okay. That was when I started to scream; only it wasn't a scream. Instead, what came out was a loud, heart broken howl.

Leah? A voice in my head asked.

Who are you? Why are you in my head? I mentally shrieked. I cowered into the ground in the surrounding bushes, as the whimpers escaped my throat and a tear the size of a golf ball slid down my furry muzzle and into the dirt.

A huge wolf, the size of a horse and as black as pitch weaved its way stealthily through the trees followed by six other wolves all varying in color.

The smallest wolf was a sandy color, and was staring at me, with his tail wagging.

Leah! came Seth's voice. How'd this happen? Sam, I thought it was only the Quileute males that had it in their genes to phase?

"Seth? What's going on? I'm scared." I barely whispered/thought the last sentence, but everyone heard it, as if I shouted it.

The next few hours was spent explaining what I had become (werewolf), what we did (kill vampires), and the current situation (a red-headed vamp, who wants Charlie Swan's daughter Bella; I don't get why we have to protect her though. She was a leech lover anyway).

I had finally calmed down enough for me to phase back, which kind of scared me. I didn't have any clothes, and I was going to end up naked in front of five teenage boys, Sam and my brother. There was no way in hell.

C'mon Leah, Embry 'said' softly, as he helped me calm down. We won't look. I promise.

Seth, can you please go get me some clothes? Maybe then I'd feel comfortable. He was off and running before I could even finish the sentence, and was back within minutes, carrying my clothes as he ran towards me in his human form. He handed me a white summer dress, and it was the middle of winter. I communicated through my eyes, showing my immediate distaste.

"Leah!" he whined. "Trust me, our body temperature will allow you to walk around in your underwear when it's the dead of winter. And dresses will be so much easier then carrying around a full outfit." Gah! The things I do for this boy. I took the dress in my mouth, after glaring at Seth, and went behind the bush, having Embry stand with Seth in his wolf form to help calm me down enough to phase back. It took me a while, but I finally did it. I pulled on the white cotton dress, and stepped out of the bushes to glare at Seth.

"Really? This dress? Are you trying to torture me Seth?" I took a shaky breath, as a failed attempt to calm myself. It worked... slightly.

"Sorry Leah. It was the first thing I picked up." I cocked an eyebrow, with my right hand on my hip that was jutting out, due to leaning on my right leg, with my left foot tapping on the ground. I tilted my head and widened my eyes expectantly, waiting for him to give me the real reason as to why he picked out this dress. I knew it wasn't 'the first thing he picked up' because this dress was buried in the very back of my closet, shoved in a bag underneath the carpeted floorboards. Damn him and his super sense of smell.

"Okay fine!" He held his hands up as a sign of surrender. "I got it because you were so happy every time you put that dress on. I actually thought it was the dress that made you so happy, but it turns out it was the old Leah... my Leah. Not the one who cries herself to sleep every night, or wakes herself up by screaming at the top of her lungs. Not the one that never smiles, or loses herself in a world someone else has created in an attempt to escape the real world. Leah, we miss you. The old Leah who taught me all the pranks, and how to hotwire Mom's car." His eyes teared up, and I just knew I was officially the world's worst sister.

"Seth," my voice broke, and I was holding back the tears. "Seth, I'm so sorry. I should have been a better big sister. I'm so sorry." I ran into the bushes and quickly shed my dress as the fire took over my body. Before I knew it, I was standing in my wolf form, running deeper into the forest, leaving the old, happy Leah behind, and running towards a life filled with bitter laughs and twisted smiles.
I had gotten half way to Seattle when a huge black shape flew at me, effectively tackling me to the ground.

Leah, phase immediately, ordered our Alpha. Damn, out of all the people to follow after me, did it have to be Sam?

Uh, Sam? Two things. One, I can't with your fat ass pinning me down, and two, I don't have any clothes with me.

This seemed to capture dumbo's attention, as he seemed to drop the demand. He got off of me, and motioning me to follow him. I thought very briefly about running again, but Sam was one step ahead of me.

You run, and I will make you phase back, clothes be damned. DAMN HIM! Damn him to the deepest pits of hell!

Whatever Sam, I just wanna go home. I can't leave Seth worrying.

You really care about the kid, huh?

No shit, he's my baby brother. The only man that's left in my life, since all the other abandoned me. At this, Sam cringed, and I smirked. I thought of Emily's scars, compared to her once beautiful face, and how only a monster could do that. This caused Sam to cringe again, just as I had planned.

I began to think about all the times Sam had told me he loved me, how he kissed me, how happy I was when I was with him. Then I began to think of how much it hurt when he broke up with me, how many days I cried for, how many horrible nights I woke up screaming, and lastly, I thought about The Dream. I relived it for him, the dream that broke everything I had within me.

Just before I replayed my death, I cut myself off, knowing I would end up crying in front of him. I would not let him see me like that though. His pity would surely break me, and I was already broken beyond repair.

I'm tired, Can I go home? I've already got the phasing thing down, and I'm really hungry, I almost begged, but I was not going to stoop to that level.

You can't go home yet, Lee-Lee, your temper isn't in check. You can stay the night at mine and Emily's house. She'll have food cooked, and you can sleep in the spare room, Sam offered, but I immediately declined.

I'd rather not go to watch you and your precious imprint make out in front of me. I think I'll find somewhere else to stay; maybe Embry's or Jared's… I trailed off, hearing Embry's excitement, in the matter, while Jared complained, thinking about how Kim would be staying at his place for the night. Okay, maybe not Jared's, I joked. I realized I wasn't acting like a bitch, so I instantly put up my protective barrier. Embry, I'm crashing yours.

Sure thing Leah. Want me to go get you some clothes or anything?

Yeah, thanks man.

No worries. With that Embry phased out, and I started walking back to La Push. All too soon, the walking pace got a little boring, so I picked up the pace, forcing Sam to keep up with me. He, unfortunately, did keep up, and I decided to make it a little competition. I was good at blocking out my thoughts from the rest of the pack, so Sam was unaware of the game, which just made it even more fun.

Soon enough, we were flying through the forest, and all my bitter thoughts disappeared as I pumped my legs faster. It took me about five minutes after I reached my backyard that Sam still wasn't here. I knew he was still in wolf form, as I could hear his thoughts, but when I listened hard enough, I could hear his paws hitting the ground with a 'thud'. He he, I knew he was a fat ass.

I heard that, he growled menacingly.

Ooooh! I'm so scared! I snapped sarcastically. Whatever Sam. I'm going to phase back, so please, either advert your eyes, or leave.

He left to go phase behind some bushes, and I had phased back at the same place where I had stripped and ran earlier.

Pulling it on, I realized that Seth was right. I was always so happy whenever I was wearing it. But, he was wrong, however, about it being the old Leah. It wasn't the old Leah, it was the dress. That dress was the one I wore on my first date with Sam. It also happened to be the one that I had worn when I first kissed him. This dress held so many memories of Sam that I immediately wanted to burn it. But I couldn't bring myself to do so. Instead I shoved it in my old school bag, in the back of my closet, underneath the floorboards that I made Seth apply carpet over, once the bag was safely under the boards, hoping that I'd never see it again. But every little detail of him had to haunt me.

I walked up to my window, and jumped, easily catching the open sill. I climbed in gracefully, and ran right in to Embry's bare chest. I stared at him, and he stared right back at me. His eyes finally left mine, and I found myself staring at his lips, his chest, his rock hard abs… Stop it Leah! I mentally scolded myself. It was then I remembered he was only 17. Pedophilic much?

He smiled, my pedophilic ways we unnoticed, as he helped me pack enough clothes to last me a week. I spent most of the time wondering why, until he eventually explained to me.

"Well, since you're still a new wolf, I'm not going to leave you stuck with wearing my mother's clothes if you accidentally phase. Plus, you might need to stay here for a little while, so if you need any more clothes, I could just get Seth to bring more." I nodded my head as if I knew what he was talking about. I did, it's just it didn't make much sense.

Before I left, I told Embry that I was going to have a shower and change. He nodded, and sat on my bed, while I gather a pair of short shorts, and a black tank top. I know what you're thinking. No, I wasn't trying to seduce him; Seth was right though, with our extreme body heat, I could walk around in my undergarments in the dead of winter.

The shower was long, hot and relaxing. It washed away all the grit from my hair that was left behind after being tackled by Sam. I was surprised I didn't trip on my fur actually. All the guys had very short hair, but their fur was still shaggy, and since my hair was almost down to my waist, my fur was even longer; almost down to my paws from my neck.

I looked at myself in the mirror, and grabbed a pair of scissors. I observed them nonchalantly, before I grabbed a lock of hair and brought the scissors up to below my ear. I was just about to clamp the ends of the scissors together, when I chickened out. I couldn't do it.

I sighed and made my way back to my room silently, and closed my eyes before launching myself out the window. I had this feeling in the pit of my gut, so I opened my eyes to see the ground coming dangerously close to my face at a very fast pace. I hissed a cuss word before strong arms caught me and I was set on my feet. I looked up to thank Embry, and smiled sheepishly. He just laughed and shook his head before we silently made our way back to his house and called it a night.

This was the first night of my new life. Hopefully it would all work out, and I'll have my happily ever after.

I still remember the night with perfect clarity; the night of my horrible transformation. I wish that I could say it was just a nightmare, but I can't. This… this monstrosity is how I live my life, and have lived it every single day for the past four years. No matter how depressing it is, between the 'love' of my life marrying my cousin, knowing I can't have kids, changing into a giant wolf, and not having anyone to confide in, I always find a way, because I'm not just some whiny, prissy little teenage girls. No way… I'm Leah Clearwater bitches.

AN: heey ;D

I know you guys came here because you've either had enough of the vampires, or you wanted to try out some wolf drama, but may I suggest you read the story Lost in Your Own Life by The Happy Emo? It's an Alice and Jasper story, and its absolutely amazing.

and while I'm at it, why don't you check out the story Imprinter, Your Own Personal Body Guard by GossipGirlBeatles FANATIC. its a Paul and Rachel fic and its AMAZING! she actually beta'd this, and came up with most of the plot. give her a BIG round of applause.

so, tell me honestly, what you thought of it, and any improvements I could make, and leave it in a review.

see you on the flip side,
Rachel xo