Title: The Colleague Jack/Gabrielle (and a little Charlotte)
Rating: K+
"Eat. You've ben drinking that scotch like it's water for the past two hours."
Jack Quade looked up distracted to his landlady and close friend, Gabrielle Jaeger. He smiled weakly. "Sorry," he said. "I was just... thinking." He took the place of food she offered - one of his favorites, fried chicken and mashed potatoes - and started eating.
Gabrielle sat beside him. It was obvious he was eating because she'd told him to, not beause he was hungry - and that scotch had to be burning a hole through his empty stomach. Something - or someone - had really upset him. She reached around to run her fingers along the back of his neck and he tensed up. That meant it was really serious. "You want to talk?" she asked softly.
Jack turned to face her and found some degree of comfort by meeting her eyes. She had become a good friend to him in the last few months, his best friend along with Charlotte and Dan, and he could talked to her about anything. "Rhiannon tried to get me onside again and she made this stupid comment about how I had no idea what it was like to deal with unwanted sexual attention. I wanted to smack her."
"Oh, Jack. Do you want me to say something to her?"
His smile was rueful and bitter. "Like what? Jack knows plenty about sexual harassment, he lived with it for two years? I just wish she'd get it through her stupid lying head that nothing she can do or say will appeal to me."
Gabrielle rached up and touched his arm gently. "If it helps at all, I think you're the strongest person I know." Stronger even that Steve, for Steve had chosen to go down the path of alcoholism based on nothing but a social habit of heavy drinking whereas Jack's problems stemmed from a lifetime of being abused by people who should have protected him.
When he had first moved in, he had been having nightmares. Just wasn't good with new beds, give him a few days and Diazepam... but his counselling had brought too much to the surface and drugs weren't getting him through it and he'd confessed after one bad one that he'd been sexually abused and hated sleeping in strange beds. He'd cried in Gabrielle's arms that night and she'd eased him into sleep with something he deperately needed but had rarely recieved, platonic touch. He loved to lay his head in her lap and have her stroke his hair, although he wasn't brave enough to ask for it, she always had to offer.
Over the last few months they had drifted into a close friendship. He respected her, which she loved, was intelligence, compassionate, even affectionate on ocasssion.
So affectionate she wasn't sure exactly where she stood with him. Sometimes he felt more like a boyfriend then a friend and tennant, how well he knew her and how in sync he was with her - even things like enjoying cooking together and watching the same movies. A platonic boyfriend, she had thought ruefully more than once. That's what she and Jack were, a platonic couple.
She had no idea how Jack felt about her - beyond his fondness for her as a friend - although he had admitted he didn't know if he'd ever feel ready to be in a relationship again. His last two serious relationships- with two of Gabrielle's predecessors, actually - had ended badly for him and the string of one-nighters he'd indulged in last year had left him feeling empty after the initial conquest.
He used sex to feel better about himself, to make himself feel like a man. Over a decade of doing it and he was painfully coming to terms with that painful truth. Gabrielle couldn't blame him for it, when your first sexual encounter was with a man who managed to half-convince you that you really did want it, it was only natural, if somewhat tragic, that you'd counteract any thoughts of being gay with a homophobic streak and a tendancy to sleep around.
She couldn't blame him for Rachel's abrupt departure, one of the best temp nurses she'd ever had. Rachel had been foolish anyway, getting involved with someone everyone knew was in a dark place.
She understood now what had driven him to deck Steve that unfortunate day when their pateint's quarrelling had led to the death of the wife; not only did Jack absolutely hate being touched by men, something Steve had thought was a way of showing they were pals, but he didn't like witnessing anyone being manhandled, and when Steve had only a few hours later grabbed Gabrielle as she had walked away from him, well, it was all Jack could take.
She knew that it scared him that his treatment of Rachel and maybe that he'd sensed in Mercedes a vulnerability to be taken advantage of could be a sign of being a sexual predator, that having been sexually abused himself preconditioned him to it. She had somuch respect for him that he was willing to face up to that, and felt so much anquish for him that he had to go through that.
She understood him so much better now and knowing why he did the things he did - and more importantly, knowing how hard he was trying not to fall back to his old ways and old defences - made her respect and admire him so much... and maybe even love him a little.
And she had no idea how he felt about her, and as such, she tried not to explore her feelings too deeply.
She lay her head on Jack's shoulder and he absently kissed the top of it. "You're a good friend," he murmered softly. "I've never felt like someone's got my back the way I do with you. Wish I could have traded you for the wicked witch of a stepmother."
Gabrielle made a face. The idea sounded vaugely incestous. "I never want to think about being your stepother, Jack. If you bring it up again I'll throw you out."
He laughed. She loved hearing him laugh. "Sorry."
"It's OK. How are things with Charlotte going?"
"As well as you'd expect. She's upset. It's not fair to have her go through this. Her private life isn't the greatest, I know, but there's a big jump from having poor judgement and forcing yourself on someone."
"You honestly believe Rhiannon's making it up?"
"At the very least I think she's incredibly confused. But I know Charlotte, Gabby, the most inappropriate she's ever been with an insubordinate is me."
Gabrielle had to laugh at that. Jack and Charlotte were open about their past intimacy. Charlotte used to come over for dinner and a few drinks and the three of them could laugh about it. And she knew Jack was right. It was one thing when it had been consensual, just very drunk, it was another... but Rhiannon seemed so convinced and Gabrielle hated being caught in the middle
Thankgod, Jack and Gabrielle were pretty understanding about it. They got that as Rhiannon's boss she had to take these things seriously, no matter how much she wanted to side with Charlotte. "I'm glad you've been so understanding about this," she said gratefully. "Others would have seen it as me siding with her."
Jack shrugged again. He really didn't see what was so understanding about it. "You're in a crap position," he acknowledged. "How is me being hateful towards you going to make that any better."
She tilted her head so she could smile up at him. God, she loved the way he looked when he was comfortable, the way he smiled and the way his eyes seemed so much less gaurded. "Nonetheless, I'm glad you were good enough to not make things harder for me." There was am intergrity to that that Jack didn't even know he possessed.
--
"I wonder what they talk about all the time."
Privately, Gabrielle thought Rhiannon had an unhealthy interest in Jack and Charlotte's friendship. She was always asking questions about it, asking Gabrielle if she thought it was appropriate for Charlotte to spend so much time with a younger colleague - Jack was younger that her, she took pains to point out - and if Jack ever talked about their relationship. "I don't know and if I did, I wouldn't tell you," she replied.
They were at Cougars - 'they' being Gabrielle, Rhiannon, Bart and Steve - and when Jack and Charlotte had walked in and seen Rhiannon was part of the group, they had immediately sat at another table and were now in animated conversation. Rhiannon didn't like it. She'd never liked how close Jack and Charlotte were, how fond Zach was even at a year old. And she especially hadn't liked it when she'd realised she was falling for Charlotte.
Charlotte. Rhiannon felt so guilty that she had gotten Charlotte into all this trouble but she hadn't known what to do at the time - she had thought Charlotte was saying something to Zoe about her so had complained to Gabrielle Charlotte had sexually harassed her. Now things were a big mess and she didn't know how to fix it.
"They're probably talking about the fact you looked like a frightened rabbit when he threatened to break your neck," Steve offered. There was a snigger from Bart. It was true, Rhiannon had looked terrified yesterday when Jack had made the threat against her. He'd been babysitting for Charlotte and had to bring the little boy in to do some paperwork. He'd left Zach at the front desk to be cooed on by Dan and Ricki, and when he'd come back to find Rhiannon holding her former charge, he'd looked at her with cold hate and threatened to break her neck if she touched Zach again.
To make matters worse, Frank had laughed when she'd complained. "So now you have it in for two of my doctors rather than just one?" Rhiannon had decided it was best not to cross Jack or Frank any further and press charges.
But still... it hurt her deeply that have Zach, who she adored, be snatched from her in such a humiliating fashion. She wished she could take things back. She wished she could be close to Charlotte again.
She wished Jack Quade would get out of the picture. "I don't see what she sees in him," Rhiannon said snobbishly. "He's been around the block so many times, I don't know why you feel safe living with him, Gabrielle."
"Jack's sweet once you get to know him," Gabrielle said defensively, wondering why Rhiannon had such an axe to grind with him. Why was she acting like Charlotte was too good for him when she had claimed Charlotte had come onto her? "They've always been close. I guess making a baby and losing it, well, that's a pretty hard bond to break."
"I'm sorry? they made a baby?" Rhiannon felt as though the air had been sucked out of her lungs. Jack and Charlotte, together? Why hadn't Charlotte told her this? She had thought they were close.
"You didn't know?" Gabrielle asked. "I thought Charlotte would have mentioned it, they're fairly open about it."
"I thought she was a lesbian." Rhiannon didn't know why she felt so betrayed. Her relationship with Spence, a man she'd never met, seemed non-existant, but to know she'd had a thing with Jack... she thought about how infatutated she had been with Charlotte, how she had thought about them being together... and this arrogant surgeon had beaten her to it.
"I don't really know where Charlotte is," Gabrielle said, feeling she'd said too much as it was. "It wasn't even a proper relationship. Jack said they'd been dumped by their girlfriends on the same day and got very drunk together." She shrugged. "It's not really any of anyone's business but it's public knowledge and if you and Charlotte were close I figured she would have said something. I wouldn't have mentioned it otherwise."
Rhiannon felt humiliated. Suddenly Charlotte wasn't what she thought she was.The idea of Jack's hands all over her made her feel sick...
... "It's really not fair that we're sitting here and she's over there," Jack pointed out of beer a few tables away. He noticed Rhiannon glaring at them and glared right back, taking pleasure out of seeing her flinch. He'd really scared her with his threat. "Lying dyke bitch."
"Bloody hell, Jack, if I'd known that's how you felt about gays I'd have never given you the time of day," Charlotte said with a smile. Jack poked his tongue out. "It's fine... I mean I'd rather just spend time with you anyway. Steve and Bart don't interest me that much."
"Glad to know I"m you're number one," Jack quipped.
"You're always my number one. You've been so supportive over this, Jack, I don't know what I would have done without you."
Jack shrugged. "You're a good mate, Char, and I know you would never do something like this and I know you have a lot on your plate at the moment. Whatever I can do for you, just ask."
"You're incredibly sweet. I don't know why someone hasn't snapped you up yet."
"Not my fault you and Gabby are such great women that you make others look boring."
Charlotte smirked. "What is it with the two of you? You always seem so much more at ease with her than anyone else."
For some reason - and he blamed the beer - Jack felt the colour rising to his cheeks. "She's just a mate, that's all. Like I'd get involved with the NUM again."
"Come on, this is a totally different situation. You didn't know Terri well enough to know she wasn't over Mitch and you didn't know Deanna well enough to know she was a complete cow. But you know Gabrielle pretty well I'd say."
Jack felt himself blushing harder. He'd never seriously thought about Gabrielle like that - well, you couldn't not live with someone who you connected with and made you feel like they had your back and see them in just a towel and not have stray thoughts, but... "I'm not ready to date again yet," he finally managed to choke up. "My counsellor told me," he added smugly, which was a semi-truth. She had actually said he shouldn't date anyone without first being a friend.
Charlotte grinned. Jack was getting defensive. He was so easy to wind up when he was interested in a woman. "Whatever you say," she said. "But you deserve someone special in your life." She leaned over to hug him...
...Rhiannon watched with envy and bitterness. It wasn't fair that Charlotte should turn her down and then go in the arms of someone like Jack Quade. "What the hell does she think she's doing?" she asked bitterly. "It's not enough to come onto one subordinate?" Gabrielle noticed that only moments ago she was bad-mouthing Jack and now she was bad-mouthing Charlotte.
..."Charlotte, I'm going to kiss you," Jack warned her softly, his voice amused. "Rhiannon is looking at us and she's just about dripping with jealousy."
Charlotte resisted the urge to laugh. She realised Jack was quite serious and was angry enough with Rhiannon that she wouldn't mind sticking it to her. "OK," she said, and she felt oddly calm. Jack had never touched her sexually other than that first night and she had always been mildly interested in knowing what he was like sober.
His kiss was gentle, affectionate, respectful, but completely lacking in passion. She was surprised by just how much. Everything they had shared, their steamy night together, even if it had been years ago... She reliased suddenly how much she loved him as a friend and nothing more...
... From a few tables away, Rhiannon seethed with anger. She was kissing him? She was letting him put his hands all over her? OK, so his hands weren't exactly all over her, just on her arm, but still... this was who she'd been rejected for? "That bitch," she seethed.
"Calm down," Gabrielle said, just as surprised by their sudden embrace but not about to show it. "It's none of your business."
None of her business? How could it have been none of her business? Charlotte had let her believe she was a lesbian but here she was, kissing a man with a foul reputation when it came to women. How was that not her business? Rhiannon felt sick with rage, jealousy and disappointment. She started towards them...
... "Anything?" Jack asked after a few seconds, the smile playing on his lips telling Charlotte he already knew the answer.
"No," Charlotte admitted, smiling herself at the stupidity of it.
"I've always remembered just how hot it was that night and wondered if - "
"Me too," Charlotte admitted, and realising how silly the situation was, they laughed.They were comfortable enough with each other to laugh...
... "You bitch!" Rhiannon screamed hysterically. She'd already had a few drinks and seeing Charlotte and Jack kissed had been too much for her. "I can't believe you lied to me! I thought -I thought you were interested on me, I wouldn't have kissed you if you weren't! And you'd rather have him?"
A few seconds of dead silence past as Rhiannon realised what she had just screamed out for everyone to hear - including Gabrielle, Steve and Bart. Completely humiliated, she went to strike out at Charlotte.
Quick as a snake, Jack wedge himself between the two former friends and caught her hand mid-air. She spat in his face and struggled against him. Jack wrapped his hand around her throat and for one moment Gabrielle was horrified that, having gone after his beloved Charlotte, he was coming good on his promise to break her neck, but instead he closed his fingers on the pressure point in her neck and had her in a dead faint within seconds.
Gabrielle and Steve rushed over and Jack happily passed the unconscious Rhiannon into Steve's arms. "Do something with her, will you?" he asked no-one in particular. The contempt in his voice was clear. He wiped his face. "I'm taking Charlotte home."
Charlotte managed to walk out the door of Cougars before collapsing in Jack's arms in hysterical laughter. "I can't beleive that happened," she said.
"If I'd thought she'd have reacted like that, I'd have done it much sooner," he said, laughing himself. "Oh, God, the look on her face."
"Try the look on Gabby's. I don't know if she was more shocked at being had or plain old jealousy."
He looked confused. "Why would she be jealous?"
"Oh, I don't know... maybe for the same reason Rhiannon was."
"What, you think she has a crush on you?" he deadpanned.
It was Charlotte's turn to stick her tongue out. "You know exactly what I mean. I think she was jealous of me. You have to admit, you guys are pretty close."
"I'm close to you, too."
Charlotte sighed. Sometimes Jack could be clueless when it came to women. She yawned. "I'm so tired," she said. She took a step and realised how drunk she was - on both alcohol and giddy euphoria that Rhiannon had outed herself as a liar.
"Easy," Jack said, wrapping his arm around her protectively. "You right or you need me to carry you?"
"I'm fine," she said, and she allowed Jack to lead her to his car. "You're a great friend, Jack," she murmered. "The best a girl could ask for." She started giggling. "But nothing more, despite what people will think now."
Through the window, Gabrielle watched Jack put his arm around Charlotte and Charlotte lean into him and she felt a frission of jealousy. Stop it, she told herself. It's not like you have any claims on him.
Then why did she feel so cut up inside?
--
Jack left Charlotte's a few hours later after seeing a tipsy and giggling Charlotte to bed and making sure Zach was alright. He was surprised to see Gabrielle already home; he figured his little stunt just cost her a ton of paperwork. "Back already?" he asked. "I thought you'd be busy with incident forms for the next hundred years."
Gabrielle pointed to a small stack of papers. "I figured you could share," she said with a smirk.
Jack made a face. "I'll pay that. It was funny though."
"I, uh, didn't realise you and Charlotte were that close."
"We're not. I just saw how jealous Rhiannon was looking just us being together and I figured I'd rile her up a bit more. I'm kind of mean like that when it comes to people who screw over my friends."
Gabrielle reflected on the last few hours. Once she'd blurted out the truth, Rhiannon realised there was no reason to hide it anymore and babbled on about her crush on Charlotte and Charlotte turning her down and being so jealous about seeing her and Jack together...
It had been a stab in the heart everytime Rhiannon came back to Jack and Charlotte being together and Gabrielle felt oddly relieved to know they weren't. "So... you decided to just kiss her?" she clarified.
"Yup." Jack grinned. "If I'd known she'd react like that I would have done it weeks ago."
"So... where are you guys now?"
Jack looked at her strangely, and Gabrielle felt like he was trying to read her mind to get exactly what she meant. "She's by best friend," he said cautiously, watching Gabrielle's face for her reaction. "I love her but... when I kissed here there wasn't nothing there. It wasn't horrible, it wasn't great it was just... platonic."
He saw relief in her face and her chest deflate slightly as she exhaled and it dawned on him. "I had no idea," he said quietly.
Gabrielle felt herself blushing madly. She hadn't realised until Jack had admitted the whole thing had been a joke and he was just as single as he had been yesterday how much he meant to her... and how much she wanted him to mean even more. And he was looking at her studiously, gauging her reaction as if trying to work out the best way to let her down gently. "Jack, it's nothing," she said. "Please, just... I need to be alone."
She turned to go. With the same snake-like speed that he had wedged himself in between Charlotte and Rhiannon to protect Charlotte, he was in front of her blocking her path. He took her hands in his and was surprised at the way the touch made his skin tingle. He'd had his wandering thoughts, of course, but he'd never thought there was anything to it until now.
He thought about his counsellor's words about needing to be friends with someone first and how right on the money she had been. He needed emotional intimacy before sexual intimacy. He needed someone who knew him, even though there were things he would rather Gabrielle not know, like treating Rachel so badly she'd quit the ED or being so self-absorbed that he didn't realise Mercedes wasn't available, or shouldn't have been... "I've done some shit stuff," he admitted huskily. "And I don't know what kind of boyfriend I'll make but... I really like you and I like being with you... you make me feel good about myself and... shit, I'm babbling and - "
Gabrielle silenced him with a kiss. She didn't know what had made her so bold but hearing Jack babble was actually quite sweet. He was trying hard, she knew, and the Jack she knew possessed too much self-honesty to hurt her. It was one of the things she loved about him.
It took him by surprise, but a pleasant one. And it meant she wanted him to kiss her. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her as gentle as he could manage given how much he wantedher- he was surprised by how much. And she wasn't exactly helping, pushing her body against his eagerly, a little awkwardly, but there was charm in that. He ran his tongue across her lips and nearly shuddered with pent-up desire... she opened her mouth eagerly to meet his tongue with her own and he completely lost control and slammed her against the wall, wedging her body between his and the wall, exploring her mouth with complete abandon and a force that scared him as much as it exhilerated him.
He pulled away. "Sorry," he said. "I think I need a cold shower."
She smiled up at him and wrapped her arms around his neck, running her fingers through his hair the way he liked. "Jack, I want you to know that I know I can tell you no or to slow down and that's what you'll do. I know you're scared that maybe there's some part of you that's hardwired to force for sex but I know you, I know how gentle and respecting you are. I trust you and... you don't need a cold shower... I mean not if you don't want one."
The way she said it was endearing for its clumsiness. He kissed the top of her head, feeling momentarily propriety towards her. "You won't let me make you do anything you don't want to do?" he pressed.
She wanted to reassure him that she already knew he wasn't capable of forcing her to do anything, especially not sexually, but she gave him the answer he wanted to hear: "I promise."
He hugged her, then cupped her face and tilted her head so he could kiss her. This time, he didn't even try to hold back, kissing her deeply, hungrily and passionately. She kissed him back just as hungrily and after a minute he lifted her easily into his arms and carried her to his room.
Afterwards she held him, trembling, and wondered if it had been too soon for him. "How are you feeling?" she asked.
He snuggled into her. "Vulnerable," he admitted.
"Do you regret it?"
He propped himself up one one elbow so he could look down at her. God, she was beautiful. He couldn't believe he hadn't noticed that before. "No," he said. "But I've never been with someone who didn't know and... it was really intense. I'm sorry, I'm not expressing myself well here. You're going to have to be patient with me."
She led him snuggle back into her arms. Patience she could do. Patience and love and affection. She had never met someone so desperate for all three. She kissed him gently and held him as he quickly slipped into a deep and uninterrupted sleep.