A/N: This is a crack fic I wrote for my BFF, and it is ridiculous and poorly written. That's the idea.
"No, stop, Alec!" Gillian begged. Alec wasn't wearing pants or underwear or a shirt. All he had on was socks and he had a hard purple penis. Gillian asked him not to have sex with her but he didn't listen.
"What if I get pregnant?" She asked.
"I don't care" Alec told her.
"Don't you know that the cocaine you're taking can attach to your sperm and then it'll be a crack baby?"
"TOO BAD!" Alec yelled while raping her.
When he was done Alec went to the couch and did some heroin, leaving Gillian on the floor crying. She dragged herself into her room and cried a lot. Then she started to read romance novels but they made her sad because she could never have a true love like in the books. She did love someone, but he didn't love her back… or so she thought.
Cal was at home and had sex with a random woman for three hours and then she left. Cal came downstairs and Emily was watching tv.
"Dad when are you going to do that with Gillian?" She asked.
"I can't luv. She deserves better than me luv. I'm too horrible of a person for her after all of the bad things I've done, luv!"
Emily went to bed while crying because she was sad that her dad couldn't be happy.
The next day Gillian was at work in a dress and was sitting in her office. When Cal came in she was embarrassed because she thought she looked ugly because she didn't sleep a lot and looked tired. Cal looked at her dress and became really horny but knew he couldn't do anything. Cal had watched a lot of porn in his life but Gillian was hotter than all those girls put together. After doing some work he went into the hallway and Loker and Torres were standing there. They saw that he was horny and felt awkward.
"You guys should have sex." Loker said and Cal punched him.
"NO! I'M TOO VIOLENT AND HORRIBLE FOR HER!" Cal screamed. Gillian didn't hear him.
"Wait, you've never had sex with her?" Torres asked. "I thought you were doing that all the time!"
Cal punched her too and then ran out and had sex with another person to make him feel better. When he came back Gillian was talking to someone who needed their help but he was looking at Gillian's boobs and Cal got angry and went home.
That night Gillian took a pregnancy test and it was negative. She was sad because she wanted a baby even if it was a crack baby. She started reading another romance novel when someone broke into her house. She was scared and started screaming when they came into her room. The person kidnapped her and knocked her out and she was asleep. When she woke up she didn't know where she is and began to scream again. Cal burst through the door and told her it was okay. She stopped screaming and Cal went back downstairs.
"Emily you can't kidnap people, luv. It's bad."
"I don't care, daddy! I want you to be with Gillian and be happy!"
"Okay." Cal said going back upstairs. He went into his room again where Gillian was lying on his bed and told her that he loved her. Gillian cried a lot because she was happy and kissed him. They made out for a long time and Cal took off his shirt and pants. Gillian took off his boxers and her dress. They made out some more until Gillian was really horny.
"Wait." Gillian said. "I don't want to have sex."
"Why not, luv?" Cal asked.
"You have sex with a lot of people and I won't be able to satisfy you" she said and started crying again. Cal kissed her a lot until she stopped crying and they had sex the whole night. It was the most best amazing sex Cal had ever had. They slept in the same bed and got married. Gillian had sixteen babies and cried because she was so happy. She read more romance novels and was happy because she did have a true love now. They had sex every night and got married. The end.