Chaos in the Star Wars Universe!!!
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, or anything else I might mention in here!!!!!
A/N: If you haven't seen Episode 2: Attack of the Clones yet, you probably shouldn't read this until you have. AND there are jokes making fun of Anakin, Jar Jar and Luke, so if you'll be offended by this, you probably shouldn't read this, and if for some strange reason you do, don't blame me- I WARNED YOU!!!! hahaha ok, now on with the fan fic!!!!!
~~
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... Obi- Wan was getting particularly annoyed with his teenage padawan, Anakin Skywalker. They had just landed on Coruscant and were ordered to protect Senator Amidala. (Episode 2!!!)
*Does he really have to keep saying those-* But before Obi- Wan could finish his thought, Anakin did it again.
"Wizard! Master you have to look at this ship! It's absolutly rugged!"
[A/N: Anakin said 'this is rugged' and things along that order alot in the book: Rogue Planet wonderfully written by Greg Bear.]
*::sigh:: It's like he knows it annoys the hell out of me!* Then he said, "yes, Anakin, it's amazing. However, we really should move on, and you should stop getting distracted. We're meeting Senator Amidala, remember?"
"Oh, yeah!!!"
"You need to remain focus, my very young padawan." Anakin glared at Obi- Wan. He didn't like 'very young' to be attached to his name. Seeing this, and sensing the anger swell in Anakin, Obi- Wan continued, "You need to control your temper. Would you rather me call you Ani?"
"I told you, Master! That name makes me sound like a little kid!"
"Which is why I thought the name fit you perfectly." Obi- Wan mumbled to himself. *he's going to be worse than Darth Maul when he sees the Padme again.*
[A/N: That's a joke I made after seeing Ep. 2. umm... you know how Anakin was leering at Padme thoughout the entire movie, and well, you know how Darth Maul has horns, while my friend was ranting about the leering thing, I said that he was worse than Darth Maul because he was hornier, if that's even a word... anyway, that' s that joke!! hahahaha]
Continuing, Obi- Wan thought *Anyone else! I'd take anyone else for a padawan!! Even for a day! I need to get away from this... this... what ever he is!! Perhaps if I tell Master Yoda that it will clear my senses, he will take him for a while... wait! I think I tried that once and Yoda told me to deal with it because he didn't want to take the boy! ::sigh:: it won't work this time either. I suppose I have to just put up with the boy...* By this time they were on the elevator that took them to the room were they were to meet Senator Amidala. "Anakin, relax." Obi- Wan said sensing the nervousness of Anakin. Then again, you didn't need the force to know he was nervous- you could just look at him!
"I haven't seen her for ten years, Master"
*Great. It's starting... I'm so happy I was assigned to this mission.* The elevator stopped and the minute Obi- Wan stepped out, he was faced with another pathetic life form: Jar Jar.
"Oby- Wan!! Mesa so gladen to see yousa!!"
"oh, me too, Jar Jar..." Obi- Wan replied, though it didn't sound to convincing. Not to worry! Jar Jar didn't take any offense because he didn't notice!! Meanwhile, Anakin had been anxiously awaiting Padme's arrival. Then all of a sudden, Obi- Wan heard a voice in his head. Now I know what you're all thinking: It's Q!! (From Star Trek! First introduced in TNG) But no my friends it is not. It's "ME!"
*Who's me?* Obi- Wan thought in response.
"Jedi Master Earthbound Misfit!!"
*oh*
"You don't sound overly pleased."
*oh, well last time I was in one of you fan fictions, there were those odd people who appeared and knew what Qui- Gon and I were going to say.*
[A/N: That was one of my other fanfics titled: I Don't Know What to Call This or something like that...]
"oh yeah! hehehehe That was funny, anyway I'm here to help you! You know what you wanted a few minutes ago?"
*what, about the getting rid of Anakin for a day? Can you do that? It would really help!*
"yes, I can! You still want it then? good. Do you want to remain here, or go where your new temporary padawan is?"
*Where will Anakin be throughout all this?*
"He will be in the opposite location. For instance, if you were to remain here, Anakin would go to the place where your temporary padawan came from"
*I got it the first time*
"Well, maybe I'm not talking to YOU!"
*Who were you talking to then?*
"The readers! HA!" Misfit then stuck out her tounge at Obi- Wan, who replied
*I can't see you, you know.*
"Oh yeah. heh heh... any way, your meeting with Queenie- er Senatorie no that doesn't work either... hm..."
*I know what you mean... considering Anakin'f going to be leering at Amidalay hm... you know, nothing works but Queenie*
"oh! We can call her former Queenie!!"
*that'll work. So, since he's going to be leering at former Queenie the entire time, I think I'll stay and he'll go. Can I change my mind?*
"And go where your padawan was? sure! just call my name!"
*Do I really have to call it out, as in yell it? because that will sound a little strange.*
"fine. yell it in your head. Your new padawan will come instantly! Just say the magic word!"
*please?*
"No! Not that magic word! the other one!!"
*well how am I supposed to know that?! What's the other one?*
"You don't know? and you call yourself a jedi!"
*so do you.*
"What's that supposed to mean? Oops! We waited too long. Former Queenie's here."
"Ani?! Is that you?!-" They could here Padm- Former Queenie say.
*hurry up!*
"I wan't joking! you really do need to say the magic words! Bibity Bobity Buu! as in the Dragonball Z Buu and I think you have to sing it"
*out loud?!*
"NO, in your mind... I think"
*Bibity Bobity Buu* Obi- Wan sang. After a few moments, Jedi Master Misfit said, "Nope. It isn't working. You're going to have to sing it out loud. But it won't be that bad! Everyone's starring at you with an odd expression anyway" Obi- Wan turned around and saw that exact thing. Then he said, "um... would you excuse us- me for a moment?" and quickly walked out of their sight.
"They can't see me, remember??" Anakin looked at Padme with a confused expression, looking for a clue as what to do next. Thinking he is very stupid, Padme asked, "Shouldn't you see what's wrong?" slowly and motioning with her hands.
"Right! I'll be right back!!" and he ran off.
*Anakin's following us* Obi- Wan thought/ said to Jedi Master Earthbound Misfit.
"I have a really long name! huh? oh- yeah! it'll make things more interesting!!! well, go ahead! sing it!!"
*all right.* "Bibity Bobity Buu" *there. did it work?*
"hehehehe!!! huh? oh uhh... no Oh my force!-"
*Not you too*
"huh? oh I just said that to annoy you. anyway, I have to be present while you sing it."
*great. What kind of messed up ritual is this?? I'm ready to just skip the whole thing!!* Anakin caught up and said, "Wizard, Master! You're acting kind of strange... not rugged at all!" Just then, Misfit appeared beside him and said, "You know that makes no sense, right? Are you sure Obi- Wan?"
"uh, yeah...nevermind about that."
"huh? Who're you?"
"Why don't you hurry up and sing already!"
"::sigh:: Bibity Bobity Buu"
"Master, what's going on? Why are you singing? Should I sing also?"
"NO!" Misfit responded, fearing his singing voice might be even worse than her sister's. Then, in a poof of smoke, in his place waaaasssss this son! LUKE! "See ya BWA HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I accually didn't plan this! It's not my fault! HAHAHAHA!" With that, she disappeared.
*well, maybe he's not like his father.*
"Ben? Ben Kenobi! You look different somehow!"
"My name is Obi- Wan Kenobi"
"So then you ARE him! That droid belongs to you" He turns around frantically, as if looking for something then, for the first time, realizes he's not on Tatooine any more.
"Hey! Where am I??"
"You are in another time than your own."
"I don't understand."
"What's your name?"
[A/N: How Obi- Wan knows he is Anakin's son, which he shouldn't, but doesn't know his name, we'll never know. It's just one of those many mysteries of the universe like how photographers are able to capture footage of Eagles out of water...(this is the part where you're supossed to laugh out of stupidity of the comment)]
"Luke. What's YOUR name?"
"I already told you Obi- Wan Kenobi"
"Kenobi! Obi-Wan! Then this droid belongs to you!!" and he starts turning around as if looking for something, again.
"::sigh:: listen, Luke-"
"AGH! How do you know my name?!?!?!"
"You just told me. We really have to get to a meeting with Senator Amidala."
"Oooooh.... But I wanted to go to the Tashi station to pick up some power converters" Luke said in that whinny voice of his.
"You remind me so much of your father..." then under his breath,"when he was nine."
"Thank you! I love hearing that! You know, old you told me the same thing!"
"Is that so?" *you know, at least Anakin didn't whine... sure he was amazed at the littlest of things, but-* His thought was cut off by Luke.
"What were you thinking about just now, Ben?"
"I am your master for today, you need to remember that. And my name is Obi- Wan, Ani"
"huh?"
"Oops, force of habbit that was-"
"was that my mother's nickname: Ani?" he asked
"um, no... Your father's."
"oh, well since I remind you of him I guess I shall be called Lukie from hence forth!"
"um, ok..."
"yes! and I will follow in his exact footsteps!"
"well you don't really want to do that. But we really must go to that meeting"
"Who's Senator midla, or whatever?"
"Amidala, and she's your mother."
"oh, I never got to see her."
"Let's go"
~~
On Tatooine (where Anakin is):
For that split second when Luke, or Lukie, had disappeared, Obi- Wan was so happy he was about to jump with joy! But then, Anakin appeared in his place.
"Master? Master Obi- Wan? You look different somehow!"
"That's probably because I'm older" Obi- Wan replied figuring out what had happened.
"But, you're always older than me" Under his breath Obi- Wan said,"It's amazing how a stupid kid like you could become Darth Vader. Then again, it's even more amazing how a kid like Luke could be our last hope..."
"What was that Master?"
"Oh, nothing, Dar- Anakin"
"huh?"
"oh, nothing.... I just- uh... was about to call you- er Ani" *even though that sounds absolutly nothing like Darth Vader, he'll never figure it out... I hope*
"That's ok, master." Then his voice became all dreamy, "Padme called me that- hey! where am I?"
"You're on Tatooine."
"Why am I here? and where's Padme?"
"::sigh:: Mind your feelings, padawan." *I always wanted to call Darth that, I wonder what his reaction would be... well, I'm going to see him soon, maybe I'll do it then* Then continueing, Obi- Wan said,"It will be your demise."
"Yes master. But how can you be sure? I thought Master Yoda said the future was clouded by the dark side."
"Oh, I have my ways..." *He's almost as stupid as Luke.*
"yes, Master"
"now, even though Luke is gone, we must carry on with our mission."
"Who is Luke? Why would it matter if he's here or not? And how are we going to carry on with our mission if we're on Tatooine, and Padme and everyone else is on Coruscant?"
"You're in the future. Didn't you get that? Luke is- well I probably shouldn't tell you that. Luke is... special. That's why I was going to go on the mission with him."
"You- you were going to ditch me, master??" then Anakin starts crying.
"No, Anakin. This is the future so you're-"
"oh!! I get it! Luke is your new padawan and you were on a mission with him, and for some reason he and I switched places, and I'm a jedi knight!! perhaps even a master in this time! That's so wizard!" When Anakin said 'wizard' Obi- Wan's eye starts to twitch seeing this, Anakin asks, "Is there something wrong with your eye, Master?"
"no, no... and about you being a jedi-"
"can I find myself?! That would be rugged!"
*Take deep breaths, Obi- Wan... it doesn't matter what- wait what did he just say?!* "No, we can't find you now!- er it wouldn't be very... pleasant. Now lets get a move on"
"Why wouldn't it be pleasant, master?... master?" Obviously Anakin didn't catch on that Obi- Wan was ignoring him.
~~
Back on Coruscant (where youngish Obi- Wan and Lukie are):
"Who's this?" Padme asks upon seeing Luke.
"This is my-er new apprentice for the day... it's, uh, a new program we have at the jedi temple... his name is Luke Sky- er Skytalker."
"Oh! That's almost like Anakin's last name: Skywalker!" Padme observed.
"Obi- Wan Oops! I mean Master Ben- er uh... Master Obi- Wan? My last name IS Skywa-" Luke tried to say.
"Let's get on with the meeting shall we?" Obi- Wan said, trying to get everyone's attention off of Luke. *he's going to end up saying that Anakin's his father, or possibly even worse! That Padme is-*
"Hey, Mom!" Luke said to Padme.
"Excuse me?"
"You're my mother. You died before I got to-" Luke was then cut off by a hand, Obi- Wan's to be more precise. "Would you excuse us for one second?" Out in the hall, Obi- Wan continued, "What do you think you're doing, Luke?-"
"Lukie"
"Fine, Lukie?! You can't tell your mother that she's your mother!"
"What? Master Ben-"
"Obi- Wan"
"Master Obi- Wan, I'm confused."
"Great. ::SIGH:: maybe it would be better for us to go to your time."
"No! I want to stay here!! I want to meet my Mommy!! Leia got to meet her! It's not fair!!"
"Wait a second... your not supposed to even have MET your sister yet! Much less know that she is your sister! You were in Star Wars: A New Hope, remember?"
"oh yeah... oh well! I wanna meet my MOMMY!!!!!"
"alright fine! We'll stay but ONLY if you don't call her mom, mommy or anything in that nature. AND you can't tell her that Anakin's you father either."
"Why?"
"Because then there will be the question of who the mother is"
"and I'm..." Luke paused, as if trying to remember what was so wrong with that. It was a very long time, so Obi- Wan felt inclined to help him out.
"You're not supposed to..."
"Tell my mom she's her!"
"Close enough. Sorry about that Senator."
"That's quite alright..." The meeting started. They told Obi- Wan what had happened and about half way through their explination, Lukie- boy decided he wanted to start paying attention so, he said, "Oh, uh... could you start over? I want to know what's going on now"
"Padawan! You need to stop interrupting, and you need to have your concentration here and now, where it belongs." [A/N: Did anyone notice Obi- Wan to told Luke what Qui- Gon had told him??!!]
"Yes, Master. Sorry, Master."
"We can start over" Padme said. For some reason, she was not annoyed with this very strange apprentice... *It feels as if he's my brother, or something... how strange!*
"Well, you're close, Padme, but way off! He's your son!! HAHAHAHA... if only she could hear this!! hehehehe" Jedi Master Misfit said.
*You're back again? How come?* Obi- Wan thought to her.
"You can hear me?! Oops!! uh... it's- um, I'm just an illusion!! An ILLUSION!!!!! heeheeheehee..." Obi- Wan shook his head, and looked over at Luke. He wasn't paying attention again. He found a chinese finger trap, and couldn't figure out how to get un- stuck. Obi- Wan decided to say something, but never got the chance.
"Luke?-" Padme started, but was cut off by her son.
"Lukie"
"Alright. Are you paying attention, Lukie?"
"uh, yes?"
"You weren't, were you?" Luke shook his head and looked down. "Oh, it's ok, Lukie! I'm sure your master for the day will tell you what you need to do. Oh really!! It's no reason to cry!!"
*Oh god! Why is he crying?! Why on earth do I get the idea that he's the universe's last hope!?! He's a frickin cry baby!!* Obi- Wan thought.
"My- You- You are going to be killed because I never got to see you!! I'm an orphan!!! Both my Mommy and Daddy are-" Once again, Obi- Wan's hand flew over Luke's mouth. *How many times am I going to have to do this?! My hand always gets spitty!* Out in the hallway, Obi- Wan tries to explain to Luke why he can't say that to his mother but now Luke was crying about being yelled at by him.
"I'm gonna be in trouble again!! I don't like trouble! I get all shaky- like!!! ::SOB!::"
"Luke! Luke!!" When Obi- Wan said this, Luke became very serious and glared at his Master for the day. Obi- Wan, obviously, wasn't worried about this. *he stopped crying!!* Then Luke said, kind of like Neo from the Matrix, "My name is Lukie."
"::sigh:: Why do you want to be called that so bad? Your father was younger than you when he didn't want to be called that any more! Oh well, it is absolutly imparitive that you do NOT tell your mother anything about the future! If you do, we are going to have to go to your time instead. You won't be able to see your mommy again!"
"I won't Master Obi, don't worry."
"Lukie-"
"Luke."
"Make up you mind!! Don't abbreviate my name."
"I didn't."
"Yes you did. My name isn't Obi."
"Fine then, Master Smarty pants, what is it??"
"::sigh:: *I'm not sure how much more of this I can take!!* Don't you remember? It's Obi- Wan, Luke. Obi- WAN!"
"sorry Master Obi- WAN"
"No, you see I was just emphisizing the last part of my name. It's not really pernounced like that."
"What's emfisezing?"
"What?"
"What you just said: you were just emfisezing the last... something I stopped listening there"
*And HE'S the one that's going to rebuild the Jedi population? He hasn't even gotten proper training! I'm just glad I'm not going to be there- oh wait... I'm going to be a spirit, I'm going to have to guide him along with Yoda and... Anakin. damn.*
[A/N: In most of the books that take place after Return of the Jedi, Luke uses a old building- thing on Yavin 4 as the new Jedi Temple and is supposed to have rebuilt the Jedi population that way!]
"Let's get back to the meeting, Luke. And stop spitting on my hand when I stop you from talking."
~~
On Tatooine:
"What do we need to do, Master?"
"We need to secure a ship in order to get to Alderaan."
"And I was going to teach Luke about the Force then, but since he's not here, it'll be alot more peaceful"
*I probably should try to get Anakin to change his ways so he doesn't end up going over to the Dark Side... I'll see how I feel*
A few minutes later, at Mos Eisley, Obi- Wan and Anakin entered a bar and Obi- Wan went immediatly to the counter.
"Give me a- um... look, just give me anything- I've got a really annoying-" Obi- Wan was interrupted by the bar keeper, Wuher. "Let me guess. Luke?" Just then, Anakin entered.
"Nope. His father."
"Oh, man! Here, drink this. It's the best thing for you right now."
"Wizard! I could go visit my mommy! That would be absolutly rugged, Master!!"Obi- Wan took a drink of the... drink and responded, "No, my young padawanie.... keep it here and now where it longs ::hiccup:: you know, I really miss the old days where the Neanderthals were all gay!"
"uh... Master? Are you feeling alright?"
"what do you think, you sad excuse for a... a... a whatever you are!" With that, Obi- Wan collapsed.
"Well, it looks like it's up to me to... do whatever we were supposed to do... whatever that was... hm... maybe I'll go visit Watto! I'll be right back, Master!" and Anakin left, along with him was Han Solo and Chewie. Obi- Wan suddenly woke up! "Wait! Wait! Talk! I need to take yor shipp to, uh... go to a plllanet..." Unfortunately, Han Solo gave no nevermind to this 'old drunken guy' but Chewie stopped and insisted that they talk to him. Eventually, Obi- Wan got his point across, and they were on their way to the Millenium Falcon. While running up the platform to the ship, Obi- Wan couldn't shake the feeling that he was forgetting something, or someone... "Ah crap, I forgot Anakin!"
~~
Back in time on Coruscant:
Obi- Wan and Lukie-er Luke just walked back into to room but there wasn't anyone there except a few security gaurds. *Former Queenie must have left. I don't blame her, if I was her, I would have left a long time ago.*
"So, what do we need do, Master Obi- WAN?"
"We need to protect Former- er Senator Amidala."
"oh... is that all?"
"Yes, Padawan, and it's more than you can handle. You haven't had any Jedi training, Luke. You do know that it takes practically your whole life to become a master of the force- even when your a Jedi Master!"
"Really?! I thought I was practically a Jedi Knight! Wow... so this accually takes some work then, huh?"
"uh... yeah..." *You idiot!*
"Oh, what happens if you don't really... want to be a Jedi any more...?"
"Y- You don't want to be a Jedi any more because you found out that you have to WORK?!" *Ok, now I'm REALLY surprised he rebuilt the Jedi population and saves the universe from Darth Vader! That's going to take WORK! *
"um, well... yeah..."
"Let's see what your mom says about this."
"I thought we weren't supposed to tell her-"
"We won't! Come on. Wait! Didn't you want to be a pilot before this?"
"yeah, but what does that-"
"You know that would take work too!"
"It would?!"
*What did he think it would be like!?! Oh, the academy would just magically teach them how to fly without making anyone work! and you can become a Jedi Knight in a day without working!! What kind of delusional world does he live in? How on earth- er How in the universe- hm... How the hell was he ever able to defeat Darth Vader??*
At Padme's room:
Obi- Wan knocked on the door and Padme came out. "Oh, hello, Obi- Wan, Lukie!-"
"Luke." Luke corrected.
"You don't want to be called Lukie any more? How come?"
"My father didn't want to be called Ani-" Luke started until he was cut off by Obi- Wan.
"What we came here for is I wanted you to tell Luke that you have to work-" Now it was Padme's turn to cut Obi- Wan off.
"Wait, sorry Master Obi- Wan, but what did you say your father's name was, Lukie- Luke?"
"Ani-"
"Anison." Obi- Wan finished then thought *Dammit. That's a planet. Maybe she hasn't heard of it*
[A/N: That was the planet that Obi- Wan and Anakin went to for a mission just before AOTC Luminara and her padawan were there also. This was also in the book Star Wars: Approaching Storm. I think that's the title...]
"Your father was named after a planet?"
"Huh?" Luke asked.
"Ansion. That's a planet too."
"Oh. What else is it?" Padme looked dumbfounded when Luke asked that... then slowly responded, "You said that was your father's name. Do you remember saying that, Luke?"
"um... uh..." While Luke was pondering the question, Padme asked Obi- Wan about Luke's... uh... problems.
"Is he... mentally unstable, Master Jedi?"
*Why does she always call Jedi that? It doesn't even make much sense.*
Obi- Wan thought before answering, "No, he just... forgets certain things."[A/N: Padme called Qui- Gon Master Jedi in Ep. 1 just to let ya know]
"Like when he called me 'Mom'?"
"Yes..." *this'll work. She thinks Luke just forgets things like that she's not his mom... I guess. Maybe we should leave before either she figures it out, or Luke tells her. MISFIT!!!!.... damn were is she? Wait, do I have to say it out loud? well, I'll try it.* Under his breath, Obi- Wan said, "Misfit!" But when she didn't show up again, he said it again, but louder. "Earthbound Misfit!" Padme heard it this time.
"What did you say?"
"Oh, uh... nothing." Then he tried coughing while saying her name. "COUGH! Earthbound Misfit! ahem.."
"Are you ok?" Padme asked.
"Oh yes I'm fine." Obi- Wan answered. Luke turned to Obi- Wan and instantly forgot what he was thinking about a second ago.
"Maybe you should a drink, Master Ben."
"Ben?" Padme was very confused.
"Why can't you remember my name!?" Obi- Wan said, exasperated. "That's his real Master's name."
"Jedi Master Ben?"
"yes."
"ok" Padme said, though not fully convinced. "Is there also a Master Bob?"
"No, I don't believe so." Then he decided to try again, "COUGH! Master Earthbound Misfit! Cough!!"
"Master, I really think you should get a drink."
*You don't know how much I've wanted one ever since I met you, Luke.* But then he said, "That might just be a good idea, Padawan." And he left for the bar, once there was a very short person there drinking. Accually the 'person' sitting there was a hobbit named, you guessed it! Pippen! Well, you would have guessed it if you read the book or ::sigh:: saw the movie instead of reading the book... Anyway, Obi- Wan TOOK [A/N:get it?! Pippen is a Took?! hahahahaha!!! anyway...] a seat next to the hobbit and ordered a drink. After a while, the two started talking and then they decided to have a drinking contest! You know, I think Obi- Wan has a bit of a drinking problem. Anyway, it looked as if Pippen was going to win when all of a sudden, Obi- Wan remembered that he needed to call Jedi Master Earthbound Misfit, AND that he probably shouldn't have left Luke alone with his mom. He probably told her that she was his mom by now! He called out "Jedi Master Earthbound Misfit!! Where the hell are-" and she showed up.
"Why didn't you ::hiccup:: come when I called with the coughses ::hiccup:: earlyerer?"
"Uh... you called coughs and hiccups earlier?"
"no I- never mend."
"um... ok-ay... I think you had a little bit too much to drink, Obi- Wan"
"That's MASTER Ben to yoU!"
"I thought you didn't want to be called that."
"huh? What do you know? Your just a Sedi!"
"and what exactly is that?"
"a mixes between a sith and a you"
"a... jedi?... you know I'm going make you un-drunken, I can't think of that word right now...oh well" and with a poof of smoke, Obi- Wan became un- drunken! "You know, I'm probably not excatly a jedi because I can do that... oh well- close enough! What did you call me for? do you want to jump dimensions?"
"Yes! Luke is over there probably telling his mom she is her!"
"huh?"
"Look, just take Luke and I anywhere far away from here!"
"Alright! Bwe hee hee hee..."
Poof! They were gone!
~~
That's it for now! I'll post more soon, I promise!! It's summer and I have nothing better to do!! lol review, but if you don't have anything nice to say...
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