A/N: First fic, woohoo! This'll probably be a multi-chapter thing. Owing to education, updates may be fairly sporadic... Any reviews/comments/constructive criticism/whatever will be very much appreciated and well-looked-after. :) Also I know nothing whatsoever about airplanes, air regulations, or how planes fly, so if I get anything dramatically wrong then either indulgently overlook it for the sake of plot or inform me in a review.

Disclaimer: Most unfortunately, I do not own Cabin Pressure. All characters are the creation of the very wonderful John Finnemore and are brought to the world by the BBCeeeee!

Episode 1

[Quiet humming sound of flying plane.]

Martin: The minister's cat is an angry cat.

Douglas: The minister's cat is an avuncular cat.

Martin: The minister's cat is an able cat.

Douglas: The minister's cat is an aeronautical cat.

Martin: The minister's cat is an…American cat?

Douglas: We'll let it pass. The minister's cat is an avant-garde cat.

Martin: The minister's cat is an… is an…

Douglas: Dearie me. I seem to have won that round- shall we move on to 'B'?

Martin: [angrily] I just had one! It went away.

Douglas: That is a tragedy indeed. One might even describe it as 'agonising'.

Martin: Douglas.

Douglas: Were you perhaps thinking of 'acrimonious'?

Martin: Yes, alright, there's no need to-

Douglas: Oh, how about 'arboreal'?

Martin: Douglas-

Douglas: 'Asinine'? 'Adamant'?

Martin: Alright! You win. Again.

[Flight deck door opens and shuts]

Arthur: Hello, chaps!

Carolyn: Good day, O pilots. I bring fortuitous tidings.

Martin: 'Adorable'!

Carolyn: Martin, as much as I appreciate your advances, I'm afraid that I am not able to return them in any way, shape or form. Particularly not by finding you 'adorable'.

Martin: No, no, no! It's my adjective beginning with 'A'! I remembered it! That means it's your turn, Douglas.

Douglas: It may have escaped your notice, Captain, but the rules of the game state that the adjectives must be in direct sequence. Your response, well-spirited though it was, was anything other than direct.

Arthur: Oh, are we playing a game? What is this time?

Douglas: The Minister's Cat.

Arthur: Oooh! Can I play?

Douglas: Very well, Arthur. Martin, care to start?

Martin: The minister's cat is an adorable cat.

Douglas: The minister's cat is an assiduous cat.

Arthur: The minister's cat is a BRILLIANT cat!

[Pause]

Martin: … In all fairness, we probably should have seen it coming.

Douglas: Anyone fancy explaining the rules to Arthur?

[Pause]

Douglas: Let's take that resounding silence as a 'no'. Arthur, coffee.

Arthur: Righto, Douglas!

[Flight deck door opens and shuts again]

Douglas: So, Carolyn. What delightful secrets have you got in store for us?

Martin: It can't be a new commission.

Carolyn: A-ha! And that is where you are wrong.

Martin: What? You can't have got a booking call, we're in the air!

Carolyn: And, as per the regulations, I have of course remembered to switch off all electronic devices prior to takeoff, for fear of offending Gertie's delicate sensibilities. No, Martin, this trip has been lined up for weeks.

Martin: But you told us that once we got back from Cardiff we wouldn't have any more trips until Tuesday!

Carolyn: Oh Martin, you who are so young and innocent in the ways of the world, however shall I break to you the devastating reality? I lied.

Martin: But I need that time off! I'm- doing things!

Carolyn: I'm sure you are. And one of those things includes flying the Fitton Pony Club to New Zealand on Thursday morning.

Douglas: To fly the Fitton Pony Club! It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Carolyn: And back again on Saturday.

Douglas: To fly the Fitton Pony Club! It's a twice-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Martin: Carolyn, I can't. I'm in Liechtenstein from Friday until Monday.

Douglas: Ah, Liechtenstein! Paying a visit to our favorite princess?

Martin: Yes, actually. It's her birthday.

Douglas: And your being there will improve it? My, your relationship must be doing well.

Carolyn: Well Martin, I'm afraid you're just going to have to un-Liechtenstein yourself- I need you.

Martin: No! I'm sorry, Carolyn, but I promised Teresa I'd be there.

Douglas: If it helps, I could suggest that I take on the Ponies of Fitton both out and back, leaving Martin free to visit his beloved.

Martin: Thank you, Douglas! You see, Carolyn-

Douglas: But I'm not going to.

Martin: What?

Douglas: As I'm sure you're aware, Martin, being the stickler that you are, on any long flight- and Fitton to New Zealand constitutes exactly that- the regulations require at least two pilots, in case one becomes ill, is stolen by gremlins, or is overcome by fatigue due to the extreme slowness of Arthur's coffee-fetching ability.

Martin: [bitterly] Oh, thanks a lot, Douglas.

Douglas: Speaking of which, where is our all-providing angel of caffeine?

[Pause, in which a muffled CRASH from the other end of the plane is heard]

Carolyn: And I thought making coffee was the one thing that Arthur could do without causing havoc. [Sigh] I'd better go see whether he's broken anything of vital importance. So glad we've sorted out the Pony Club flight.

[Door opens]

Martin: Hang on hang on hang on no we haven't-

[Door closes]

Martin: Carolyn!

[Pause]

Martin: Thank you for your support there, Douglas.

Douglas: Oh, I don't know- I think you handled it superbly by yourself. Not everyone can be steamrolled by Carolyn with quite that degree of petulant inefficiency.

[Silence]

Douglas: Oh, cheer up, Martin. After all, your girlfriend's birthday- unlike the opportunity to fly the Fitton Pony Club to New Zealand and back- is not an unmissable opportunity. You can simply go twice next year.

Martin: [sigh] I… suppose. It's just that… well, Douglas, you know my history with relationships- [bitterly] me and my- whatever the hell it was that was almost a bobsled. And then I met Teresa and she actually wants me to spend time with her…[tearfully] and, well, I just want to make sure that nothing goes wrong…and I did promise…

[Pause]

Douglas: Here.

Martin: [thickly] Thank you. [Sounds of Martin blowing his nose.] Alright then, I'm ready for the teasing.

Douglas: Teasing? Perish the thought! I find myself- in a rare state of sincerity- deeply moved by your concern. As a matter of fact, Martin, provided that I can think of something, there may just be a way to ensure that you are able to attend your girlfriend's birthday party- without being mutilated by Carolyn, no less.

Martin: [Defensively] She's not my girlfriend. And…really?

Douglas: But of course! And when have I not been able to think of something?

Martin: Um. Thank you. [Sniff] Alright, Douglas, ready to begin descent into Cardiff.

Douglas: Aye-aye, Captain.

Martin: Oh! 'Aromatic'! The minister's cat is an aromatic cat!

Douglas: Which is more than can be said for most members of the feline order. The minister's cat is an altruistic cat.

[Sounds of adjectives, amiable bickering and the landing plane fade out.]

A/N: This chapter did seem rather pilot-dominated... I promise more Arthur and Carolyn next time! And, if all goes well, we may even meet some of Arthur's girlfriends in the Pony Club. :)