I had so much to be thankful for. The sun beamed down on me. This was my kind of day. I loved being up here. I could see for miles, the whole ocean surrounding me. The salty sea air blew through my long brown hair.

I was on my way back home after my long expedition. My boss was going to be really happy! I had found lots of gold and silver in the New World. Plus, I found this awesome fruit. I couldn't get enough of it. I bit down on the treasure I had brought up with me.

"Mmm, delicioso!" I said fervently to myself.

Off in the distance I thought I saw something. I took out my spyglass and pressed it to my eye.

"Ship ho!" I called down to the crewmen on the deck. I climbed out of the crow's nest and down the rigging. I reached in my pocket and tied my hair back with a red ribbon.

"Captain! A messenger!"

I looked to my crewmate. Flying next to him was some sort of weird creature I had not seen in the Old World or the New. It wasn't exactly a bird, but it had wings. It kinda looked like a bunny; it was a lovely shade of green.

"Here you go!" it said and handed me the letter to me. The seal of England held the envelope closed. I could tell this wasn't going to be good.

"Someone fetch me a drink!" A glass of red wine was placed in my awaiting hand. I sipped it's exquisite flavor as I opened the letter and read what it said.

"Spain, I don't know if you realize, but having a woman on board is bad luck, especially if the captain is a girl. I would suggest handing over all your trade routes and treasures from the New World over to me if you don't want something bad to happen. England."

I frowned. It really was no good. I sighed.

"Go back and tell your cowardly, sexist boss that if he wants to threaten me, he should see me personally. We'll see how cocky he is when he tastes my espada." How could that small island nation even attempt to embarrass me like that? My empire could beat his to a pulp.

"I'm sorry to hear that," the little bunny said. The voice sounded off. She had sounded so sweet before. I had to do a double take. The happy green exterior was burning off, revealing a little red monster. The thing flew around the ship, setting everything on fire.

"Someone catch that thing!" I cried, but it was too late. The thing made it below deck and found the wine storage. The ship exploded. I dove into the water. Even through the oceans dark waters, I could see my ship and treasure burning. I resurfaced. My ship was a giant ball of fire. I saw my ribbon floating beside me. I felt for the back of my head. My ponytail had been burnt off, leaving my hair short like a boy's. I could see land off in the distance. I swam to it, leaving behind my comfortable life to burn up with my ship.

Exhausted, I laid out on the beach. Pieces of burnt wood from my ship had washed ashore along with me. I could see something red as well. I looked. If it was that stupid little red monster, I'd throttle it. It was one of my tomatoes. A bunch of tomatoes were scattered along the beach. I gathered as many as I could. Boss wouldn't be happy if I came back from that expensive trip with nothing. It was a miracle that they had come to me unscathed. I built a box for them out of the various parts of my ship. I gently put the tomatoes in the box. I needed to bring as many back to the king and queen as possible, but they looked so good. I was hungry, too. I took a red one from the top.

"Put that back!" a little voice yelled at me. The little red monster looked at me from within the pile of tomatoes. On closer inspection, she had a red body and red wings. She must have been a fairy like those magical crap England talked about.

"Put that back!" she repeated. "That is not yours! That is my treasure! England gave that to me. He said I could have any treasure from the ship that I wanted. These tomatoes are mine."

"I don't care what that coward England said to you! That ship and treasure are mine. Now just turn your little but around and go to him and tell him if he thinks he's going to get away with this, he's dead wrong."

"YOU DARE TO INSULT MY MASTER!" she exploded. The tomato in my hand liquefied, leaving my hand red like blood. "OMATAY YATOMA XINOB, I CURSE THEE FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!" she screamed. My body felt like it was on fire. Like I had exploded. My clothes were ripping as I swelled. Eventually, the pain sopped, and I was able to move again.

What was I going to do? I needed to take something home.

"Miss fairy?" I said. My voice sounded odd. I cleared my throat and tried again. "I really need those tomatoes." That was odd. My voice was deeper. Like a man. I looked down and my breasts were gone. I patted my chest. None whatsoever. Just to be sure, of course, I pulled out the waistline of my pants. Oh boy…

"These are my tomatoes, not yours," she said stubbornly.

"I realize. If you would let me have these tomatoes, I promise to give you the best of my crop every year for as long as I live. Do we have a deal?"

She considered for a while. "Alright. We have a deal. But if you break your promise, expect something a whole lot worse than what I've just given." With that she disappeared. I was able to build a boat and sail back home in peace. But now I had a new problem. How was I going to explain to everyone my sudden change into a man?