Standard Disclaimer: These characters belong to Janet Evanovich. I just like to play with them and sadly don't get paid to do it.

A New Way to Clean

By Heidi

SMUT WARNING

I love Sunday mornings. No work, nothing to do but hang out on the couch in my pajamas until it's time for dinner at my parents' at 6:00. I flicked mindlessly through the channels finding nothing that held my interest for more than 30 seconds. I clicked off the television and flopped onto my back across the couch. On second thought, Sunday mornings are boring.

I glanced at the living room. Shit, I really should clean. I couldn't help but sigh as I took in my surroundings. There was junk mail and bills that I didn't have money to pay piled high on the coffee table along with this morning's coffee cup and cereal bowl, my soda glass from dinner last night and a take out wrapper from a meatball sub. At least if Bob was here he would have eaten some of the mess, I thought wistfully, but Morelli took Bob with him when he moved to Philadelphia.

I spent another couple of minutes debating the merits of watching Ghostbusters for the millionth time instead of cleaning but decided I needed to clean. Ok Steph, suck it up, just do it, I encouraged myself. Nope, still don't feel like cleaning. I stretched my arms up over my head and felt something hard and cool on the arm rest of the couch. I turned and found it was my new Zune media player. My iPod went to handheld device heaven when Harvey Goldman, one of my FTAs, stole my car and drove it into the river. Bastard. I bought the Zune as a reward for myself with his bond money once I finally brought him in. I liked my iPod but this Zune was super cool. It played movies on its little three inch screen. I thought it would come in handy when I was bored shitless on stakeouts. Ok, so I suppose watching movies isn't the best idea while on stakeout, but I figure it's better than sleeping. At least I'd be awake.

I plugged in the ear buds and scrolled through the music folders looking for something that screamed CLEANING MOTIVATION. I pulled up the folder called Lula's Dance Grooves. I hadn't listened to most of the songs that Lula gave me yet, but I figured they'd be up-tempo if nothing else.

I like big BUTTS and I cannot lie

You other brothers can't deny

Um, how about no! I thought as I skipped to the next track.

Shakira, Shakira

I never really knew that she could dance like this
She makes a man wants to speak Spanish
Como se llama, si, bonita si, mi casa si, Shakira Shakira, su casa
Shakira, Shakira

Oh baby when you talk like that
You make a woman go mad
So be wise and keep on
Reading the signs of my body

Yeah I could get into this, I thought as I picked up the dirty dishes and trash from the coffee table. I walked into the kitchen and dropped the dishes in the sink and the garbage in the trash can. I shook my hips as I walked. Hey, maybe this could count for exercise too!

I carried the trash can into the living room and got to work on the stack of mail.

Oh I know I am on tonight my hips don't lie
And I am starting to feel it's right
All the attraction, the tension
Don't you see baby, this is perfection
Shakira, Shakira

Oh boy, I can see your body moving
Half animal, half man
I don't, don't really know what I'm doing
But you seem to have a plan
My will and self restraint
Have come to fail now, fail now
See, I am doing what I can, but I can't so you know
That's a bit too hard to explain

Junk mail, trash can, junk mail, trash can. Bills I can't pay because I bought this damn Zune, junk drawer for now. Throw blanket folded and laid across the back of the couch. I danced and cleaned, shook my ass and cleaned. And damn if it wasn't working! After only one song, the living room was clean except for dusting and vacuuming.

The song changed as I fished my lone rag and bottle of Multi-Surface Windex out from under the sink. I didn't see the need for different types of cleaner, this one was multipurpose!

Wait, what is this? Country music? I never pictured Lula to be the type, but you know…it does have a great beat for shaking your ass to!

Left, Left

Left, Right, Left

Hustlers shootin' eightball
Throwin' darts at the wall
Feelin' damn near 10 ft. tall
Here she comes, Lord help us all
Ol' T.W.'s girlfriend done slapped him outta his chair
Poor ole boy, it ain't his fault
It's so hard not to stare
At that honky tonk badonkadonk
Keepin' perfect rhythm
Make ya wanna swing along
Got it goin' on
Like Donkey Kong
And whoo-wee
Shut my mouth, slap your grandma
There outta be a law
Get the Sheriff on the phone
Lord have mercy, how's she even get them britches on
That honky tonk badonkadonk

Now Honey, you can't blame her
For what her mama gave her
You ain't gotta hate her
For workin' that money-maker
Band shuts down at two
But we're hangin' out till three
We hate to see her go
But love to watch her leave
With that honky tonk badonkadonk
Keepin' perfect rhythm
Make ya wanna swing along
Got it goin' on
Like Donkey Kong
And whoo-wee
Shut my mouth, slap your grandma

There outta be a law
Get the Sheriff on the phone
Lord have mercy, how's she even get them britches on
With that honky tonk badonkadonk
(Ooh, that's what I'm talkin' bout right there, honey)

Spray, spray, wipe, wipe, left...left…left…right…left. Wow, cleaning never felt so…sexy before, I thought dipping and grinding. Hell if I wasn't turning myself on, shit. I might need to go a couple rounds with the shower massager after this. I am getting pretty hot and dirty doing all this cleaning after all. There, the dusting is DONE!

I plugged in my old, clunky, hand-me-down vacuum as the next song began. It started out like someone humming the theme from an old western movie.

Well, I walk into the room Passing out hundred dollar bills And it kills and it thrills like the horns on my Silverado grill And I buy the bar a double round of crown And everybody's getting down An' this town ain't never gonna be the same. Cause I saddle up my horse and I ride into the city I make a lot of noise Cause the girls They are so pretty Riding up and down Broadway on my old stud Leroy And the girls say Save a horse, ride a cowboy. Everybody says Save a horse, Ride a cowboy

Ooh, this song has some bounce to it I thought as I pushed the vacuum forward, and back, forward and back taking little side to side steps as I did. Holy shit! Did he just say what I think he said? Yup he just said it again, Save a horse, ride a cowboy.

Well I don't give a dang about nothing I'm singing and Bling- Blinging While the girls are drinking Long necks down! And I wouldn't trade ol' Leroy or my Chevrolet for your Escalade Or your freak parade I'm the only John Wayne left in this town And I saddle up my horse and I ride into the city I make a lot of noise Cause the girls They are so pretty Riding up and down Broadway on my old stud Leroy And the girls say Save a horse, ride a cowboy. Everybody says Save a horse, Ride a cowboy

Yikes, this song was giving me ideas, dirty ideas! I turned and straddled the vacuum like a stick horse and before I knew it I was singing right along, one arm in the air, straddling the vacuum I pumped my hips wailing "Save a horse, ride a cowboy." My hand was waving circles over my head as if I had a lasso. "Save a horse, ride a cowboy."

Suddenly I was yanked backwards and pulled tight against a rock hard, muscular chest. Before I had time to protest hot lips were on my neck then a hotter, wetter tongue licked a trail up my neck to my ear. The ear bud was pulled out just before teeth nibbled my ear lobe.

"Babe, are you trying to kill me?" Ranger gritted out, his voice husky.

"Ranger, I..." my sentence was interrupted as he spun me around in a flash and crushed his lips to mine. The kiss was hot and hard, his tongue thrust deep inside of my mouth. Hell yeah, forget the shower massager!

I pulled his t-shirt out of his pants and ran my hands beneath the fabric, skimming them lightly across hard muscle covered in hot, smooth skin. I found a nipple and brushed my nails across it, my other hand kneading the muscles of his perfect ass, drawing him closer to me.

Ranger groaned and took a step back, eyes wide, panting.

I removed the other ear bud and placed the Zune on the coffee table.

"I want you. Ranger, please" I said softly as I pulled my tank top over my head and tossed it aside. I wasn't wearing a bra since I never got dressed. I stepped out of my cotton shorts and panties and swung my hips as I stepped toward Ranger. He seemed frozen in place, his dark eyes on me.

I grabbed his shirt and pulled it over his head. I kissed his bare chest, flicking his hardened nipples with my tongue. I felt a shiver race through him as I took one nipple between my teeth gently. I licked and sucked my way up his chest to his neck. Ranger remained stock still as I pressed my body against him and slid side to side so my peaked nipples brushed across his chest. I sucked the flesh above the pulse point in his neck into my mouth while reaching down and unbuttoning his cargos. I slid my hand inside his pants and grasped his hard length firmly, fingers wrapped tightly around him. I licked up the shell of his ear to whisper to him.

"Will you be my cowboy Ranger?"

That seemed to snap him out of it because the next thing I knew I was over his shoulder in a fireman's carry as we moved across the room. Ranger set me down in front of the couch then quickly removed his remaining clothes. He shoved the coffee table out of the way spilling the remotes and candle centerpiece onto the floor. He sat down on the couch and slouched back. I watched him and batted my eyelashes in false innocence.

Ranger winked at me, a playful tilt to his lips. "Mount up" he said taking my hand and pulling me down on top of him.

I straddled his lap, careful to stay off of where he wanted me the most and sealed my lips over his. I plunged my tongue deep into his mouth and grabbed him by the hair, forcing him to tilt his head back against the couch. His arms came up and encircled my waist forcing my wetness down to touch his rock hard cock. I pulled back from the kiss, grabbed his hands and forced them up over his head.

"Oh, no cowboy, I'm in charge this time."

Ranger growled but clasped his hands together behind his head.

"That's right" I breathed. I rewarded him with a shower of hot, wet kisses over his lips, chin, jaw and neck.

I slid my body down his legs to kneel on the floor between his knees. I licked a hot path down his chest, stopping to lathe both nipples and suck them between my lips firmly. Ranger groaned and licked his lips, his eyes locked with mine. I kept the eye contact as I lowered myself even further and wrapped a hand around his pulsing length. I took a long lick of his cock from base to tip then sucked the head into my mouth hard. If possible Ranger's eyes grew even darker as I drew him deeper into my mouth.

"Babe" he gritted out. I could see that he was struggling to keep his hands behind his head wanting to fist them in my hair, but he obeyed.

"My way" I said firmly then took him as deeply into my mouth as I could. I grasped the remainder of his length tightly and moved it up and down as I raised and lowered my head.

I felt the muscles in his thighs tense as I continued to suck him deeply.

"Steph" he breathed as he came, spilling himself onto my tongue and down my throat.

I gentled the motions and swallowed before letting him slip from my lips.

I sat back onto my knees and took in the sight before me.

Ranger wore a soft smile on his lips. His eyes were closed, his dark lashes resting on his cheeks. He let his arms drop from his head and reached for me, his eyes still closed.

He helped me crawl up into his lap sitting me sideways across him. Ranger wrapped his arms around my back and buried his face in my hair. I hugged him to me while he came back down. It didn't take long.

In a flash I was on my back lengthwise on the couch with Ranger's body covering mine.

I let out a surprised squeak which was cut off by Ranger's lips on mine. He kissed me hot and demanding with lots of tongue.

"God Babe, you have no idea the things you make me want to do to you" he breathed against my lips before claiming my mouth again.

He kissed my chin, my neck, my collarbone. Then he licked his way down between my breasts and raised his head to meet my eyes.

"I want to kiss you Stephanie, to taste you all over." I closed my eyes in anticipation.

"Yes" I breathed as he sucked at my breast, his hand kneading the other, tweaking the hardened nipple.

He kissed along the underside of my breast then moved to the other side giving it equal treatment.

He kissed lower, licking and nipping my belly, swirling his tongue in my navel. He gently bit my hip bone then licked lower.

I was shaking with need, urging him to move lower still with a hand on his head. He settled between my legs and blew cool air across my wet heat. I shivered and looked down at him. His eyes were black piercing mine.

"Please Ranger" I begged afraid he would never put his mouth where I wanted him.

He pressed his tongue to my clit and my hips rose off the couch as the incredible sensations shot through me. Ranger took advantage of the motion moving his arms under my hips and my legs over his shoulders. He placed one hand flat on my stomach urging me back down. He swirled and sucked my clit then moved to lick my wet pussy enthusiastically.

He moved his hand from my belly up and pinched my nipple hard. With his other hand he pressed two thick fingers inside of me sliding them in and out in a sublime rhythm. He sucked my clit between his lips and massaged that perfect spot deep inside of me with his fingers. I felt the heat pooling low in my body and spreading upward. With a pinch of my nipple I went flying over the edge sobbing my release as it went on and on and on.

As I lay in a pool of barely coherent jelly I felt Ranger kiss his way back up my body slowly. He settled on top of me and covered my chest and throat in warm kisses. He kissed every inch of my face butterfly soft. The feel of his hot, hard, growing erection pressed against my thigh reawakened my arousal. I brought my hands up and ran them over the muscles in his back enjoying the feel as he quivered beneath my touch.

I opened my eyes and looked up into his.

"You are so sexy, Babe."

I raised my head to kiss him, pushing my tongue past his lips and tasting myself there. I threaded my fingers into his hair and pressed him harder to my lips. After a minute he broke the kiss and looked down at me with heat in his eyes.

"I almost forgot my plan Cowboy" I said pushing up on his chest. Ranger sat back and I stood on shaky legs. "Go sit in the chair over there" I said indicating my one comfortable living room chair. "Go."

Ranger looked at me in amusement but followed his order.

I stalked toward him pinning him with my eyes, a wicked grin forming on my lips as I thought of what I was about to do.

I stood between his knees and Ranger went to pull me down on top of him, to straddle him like before.

"I had something else in mind" I said as I turned my back to him looking at him over my shoulder. Ranger ran his hands over my hips then palmed my ass.

"Damn Babe, you have a great ass" he said then gave it a playful swat.

I laughed deep in my throat as I sat back and lowered myself onto his hard, thick cock. I lowered myself oh so slowly until he was fully inside of me and my ass was resting on him. We both went perfectly still savoring the moment.

I rolled my hips forward and back slowly and gasped as his cock rubbed my g-spot. I heard Ranger chuckle softly behind me. He sat up and pulled my upper body flush against his. The heat from his chest soaked into my back as he kissed and sucked at the nape of my neck.

"I like this. I can stay buried deep inside of you and kiss my favorite spot on your neck" he said doing just that.

I moved my hips again and Ranger moved below me picking up my rhythm. He had his lips on my neck one arm wrapped around my chest cupping a breast and the other arm down low across my hips.

I was panting and gasping as the movements grew faster and I felt my head start to spin. His cock was so deep inside of me, touching a special place no other man could touch. Ranger dipped his fingers down to stroke my clit as we moved. He rubbed in swift circles matching the pace of our strokes.

I threw my head back onto his shoulder pressing my cheek to his neck. "Ranger" I breathed into his ear as the ecstasy overtook me lifting me higher and higher into oblivion. I felt Ranger shudder his release as he pumped his come deep inside of me with a ragged "Steph."

Ranger collapsed back against the chair bringing me back with him. He wrapped his arms around me tightly and I covered his hands with mine as we rode out the aftermath of our lovemaking.

After a few long moments, I lifted myself off of him and turned to sit across his lap. A long sigh escaped my lips as I snuggled deeper into Ranger's body. His warmth enveloped my body and my heart as he cradled me to him stroking my hair gently. I pressed my lips to his throat and gave him a smacking kiss there.

I looked out across the room and grimaced. It was a mess again! Ranger had tipped the coffee table over and the candle and stone centerpiece was now spread across the rug. The TV remote was across the room and the stereo remote was on the other side of the room. Our clothes were strewn here and there along with my Zune and the throw blanket was crumpled on the floor at the end of the couch.

"Hey, I just cleaned this place and it's a mess already" I said with mock sternness.

Ranger looked at me with a wicked grin and a gleam in his eye. "I'll get the MP3 player, Babe."

A/N – The songs are:

Hips Don't Lie by Shakira

Honky Tonk Badonkadonk by Trace Adkins

Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy) by Big and Rich