Title: Outside
Author: Ann
Summary: Carlo Songfic.it made sense when I heard the song
Disclaimer: Not mine.don't sue
Distribution: ok just let me know if you want it and where it's going
Song Credit: Staind Outside
And you
Bring me to my knees
Again
All the times
That I could beg you please
In vain
All the times
That I felt insecure
For you
And I leave
My burdens at the door
I still remember the first time I heard this song.I was in my car, back when I drove, and I had just seen the supposed love of my having sex with his lawyer.IN MY FREAKING BED.okay I am not gonna get worked up over this.it will all be okay.breathe Carly breathe, okay so I am on my way to Jake's, don't ask me what I was thinking, but anyway, so I was on my way to Jake's and I hadn't paid attention to what radio station was on, and all of a sudden this song was blaring. I think I turned the radio up when it came on, but I remember thinking, no one will ever know me like that. No one will ever see me to the core and recognize themselves. For a long time I thought that was how Jason saw me, but not really, he saw me saw all the ugliness sure, but it was never reflected back into him. He never knew what it felt like to be that ugly, to feel the shame of regret. I have always known Sonny would never really know me. In the way that he should, like a friend does, he never really respected me enough or cared enough or whatever enough to really see exactly how I was ugly. He always knew it was there, but he projected his own regrets onto me.he never really accepted my mistakes.
But I'm on the outside
I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside your ugly
You're ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you
Of all the men in my life the only one that I think sees me, or that image of myself, is one of the few friends I have. I told him that we weren't friends though. And, the truth is we really aren't friends. I told him some of my secrets he told me some of his, but that bond that will never break for true friendship, I don't know if we have it or not. I do know that if I ever needed anything he would help me, but is that truly a friendship. I don't know.
All the times
That I felt like this won't end
It's for you
And I taste
What I could never have
It was from you
All the times
That I've cried
My intentions
Full of pride
But I waste
More time than anyone
He has experienced loss. Not the way I have but he did lose something that he loved more than anything. That bonds us I guess, but really the way he sees me, he respects me, knows what I have done. He knows that I am not perfect, the same way I know he isn't. I mean for god's sake he deals drugs, but everybody's got to make a living right. He is a good man; trapped in a life he never really wanted. That is his ugliness. The bitterness that he won't admit. The regret of knowing that history is doomed to repeat itself if he doesn't learn from it. I think that is why he is trying so hard to not let me become an obsession. An obsession over a woman killed his brother. So I watch him, he is standing there, looking out over the water. I know that he is thinking of me, the same way he knows that I am thinking of him. I went back to my husband knowing that I would never really have that once in a lifetime love. That fairytale, I don't deserve it.
But I'm on the outside
And I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside you're ugly
You're ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you
All the times
That I've cried
All this wasted
It's all inside
And I feel
All this pain
Stuffed it down
It's back again
And I lie
Here in bed
All alone
I can't mend
But I feel
Tomorrow will be OK
I will always be on the outside looking into what could have been. I will always look at him, my Lorenzo, and know that he is my other half. One day we will be together and it will be a fairy tale. But until then I will stand here and wait. Wait for it all to begin. Never letting on that I can see him the same way he sees me. Never telling him, that when he looks at me my insides melt and all I want to do is smile, to see him smile at me. I want to wake up in his arms. I fell alone, feel cold without his arms around me, holding me, caring for me.
Loving Me. Until then I stand here, out in the cold, looking into my future
But I'm on the outside
And I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside you're ugly
You're ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you
And you
Bring me to my knees
Again
All the times
That I could beg you please
In vain
All the times
That I felt insecure
For you
And I leave
My burdens at the door
I still remember the first time I heard this song.I was in my car, back when I drove, and I had just seen the supposed love of my having sex with his lawyer.IN MY FREAKING BED.okay I am not gonna get worked up over this.it will all be okay.breathe Carly breathe, okay so I am on my way to Jake's, don't ask me what I was thinking, but anyway, so I was on my way to Jake's and I hadn't paid attention to what radio station was on, and all of a sudden this song was blaring. I think I turned the radio up when it came on, but I remember thinking, no one will ever know me like that. No one will ever see me to the core and recognize themselves. For a long time I thought that was how Jason saw me, but not really, he saw me saw all the ugliness sure, but it was never reflected back into him. He never knew what it felt like to be that ugly, to feel the shame of regret. I have always known Sonny would never really know me. In the way that he should, like a friend does, he never really respected me enough or cared enough or whatever enough to really see exactly how I was ugly. He always knew it was there, but he projected his own regrets onto me.he never really accepted my mistakes.
But I'm on the outside
I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside your ugly
You're ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you
Of all the men in my life the only one that I think sees me, or that image of myself, is one of the few friends I have. I told him that we weren't friends though. And, the truth is we really aren't friends. I told him some of my secrets he told me some of his, but that bond that will never break for true friendship, I don't know if we have it or not. I do know that if I ever needed anything he would help me, but is that truly a friendship. I don't know.
All the times
That I felt like this won't end
It's for you
And I taste
What I could never have
It was from you
All the times
That I've cried
My intentions
Full of pride
But I waste
More time than anyone
He has experienced loss. Not the way I have but he did lose something that he loved more than anything. That bonds us I guess, but really the way he sees me, he respects me, knows what I have done. He knows that I am not perfect, the same way I know he isn't. I mean for god's sake he deals drugs, but everybody's got to make a living right. He is a good man; trapped in a life he never really wanted. That is his ugliness. The bitterness that he won't admit. The regret of knowing that history is doomed to repeat itself if he doesn't learn from it. I think that is why he is trying so hard to not let me become an obsession. An obsession over a woman killed his brother. So I watch him, he is standing there, looking out over the water. I know that he is thinking of me, the same way he knows that I am thinking of him. I went back to my husband knowing that I would never really have that once in a lifetime love. That fairytale, I don't deserve it.
But I'm on the outside
And I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside you're ugly
You're ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you
All the times
That I've cried
All this wasted
It's all inside
And I feel
All this pain
Stuffed it down
It's back again
And I lie
Here in bed
All alone
I can't mend
But I feel
Tomorrow will be OK
I will always be on the outside looking into what could have been. I will always look at him, my Lorenzo, and know that he is my other half. One day we will be together and it will be a fairy tale. But until then I will stand here and wait. Wait for it all to begin. Never letting on that I can see him the same way he sees me. Never telling him, that when he looks at me my insides melt and all I want to do is smile, to see him smile at me. I want to wake up in his arms. I fell alone, feel cold without his arms around me, holding me, caring for me.
Loving Me. Until then I stand here, out in the cold, looking into my future
But I'm on the outside
And I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside you're ugly
You're ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you