Katniss doesn't sleep at night. Katniss doesn't sleep in the morning. Katniss doesn't sleep. She nods off for ten minutes, and then wakes up, damn near close to forcing her teeth through her bottom lip to stop herself from screaming.

I wouldn't mind if she screamed. If she did something. She sits, and stares into the fire, and when the clock hits 10 at night, she goes upstairs and repeats the process of nodding off, having nightmares, not screaming and then staring into nothing. Then at sunrise, or when sunrise in the middle of summer would be, she has a shower goes downstairs, and then does nothing.

I'm worried about Katniss. It can't be healthy for her to keep it in. At least she doesn't give herself alcohol poisoning every night. She just sits and stares. I watch her a lot, especially when she sleeps. For a few precious minutes, she sleeps peacefully, but after that. That's when she starts struggling, thrashing around, and talking. I always watch her eyes. Even though I can't see her eyes, I watch. I've seen her eyelids snap open, and when they do, she has so much fear and pain in her eyes. If she's seen me looking, Katniss makes a point to look away.

I don't know if she realizes that she talks in her sleep, but I'm not going to tell her. It's the only time she talks. It hurts that she doesn't talk to me, especially because she knows that I've been there with her for most of her life. I've even saved it a few times, and she still doesn't talk to me?

I wonder what messed her up so much. So much that she can't sleep, and won't talk wheb she's conscious and barely eats. I think she needs to see a therapist. But not the one she had before. Maybe it should be him though, because she seemed to be getting better. But that was when she didn't speak, right after the whole kill Coin thing. The therapist that she had then said that she killed Coin because Katniss was grieving.

God, I'm such an idiot! That was nearly a year ago, give or take a week. I know Katniss saw Prim die, apparently Prim was helping injured Capitol children. I don't know if, or how Prim got there because she was only 13. Katniss blames Gale for it, but I don't know why- whenever I ask about it she shuts down. They had a really big argument- Katniss went crazy, and screamed her throat raw at him. And Gale just stood and took it. He started crying when she mentioned 'gift bombs'.

I think that Katniss is an empty shell at the moment, forced to live her own memories again and again. It's almost as if she's hijacking her own memories. I don't want to know if her memories really are that bad. I just want to help her.

I don't understand why she won't let me help her. Is being in debt, not that it would affect me, really that bad to her? I mean she helped me- if Katniss really wants to look at it that way, I'm in debt to her. I just want to know what's troubling her.

I won't say that there's something wrong with her, because there isn't. It's her mind that has the problem. I know what it's like being in her position, or I like to think I do. I never saw any of my family members die, and I know they're all dead, so I can't really be abandoned by a dead family. There's only one person that I've ever felt as protective about anyone as she was with Prim.

Maybe that's why it hit Katniss so hard. She mothered Prim so much, that it became instinctual. Who the hell am I kidding? I'm no doctor, not a therapist either, but she needs help.

But even after thinking about it so much, and trying to explain her actions, God knows I've come up with so many theories, I think that she's still grieving. Maybe it's not just for Prim. Maybe it's for Rue, Thresh, even Cato. Sometimes I think it might be the 'little girl in the lemon yellow coat' that she talks about sometimes.

And sometimes I don't want to know. I don't want anything except her to be happy. Is that really too much to ask for? Considering all we've been through, I really think that she's owed this. Through her weird debt system, the debts she has with life should really just let her have a better life than she is right now.

I wonder if Snow knows that they Games had this effect on people, whether they won or lost. If you won, you have to deal with the fact that you've murdered innocent children, cause when we go into to the Games, that's all we are. Kids. And then kids leave either in a body bag or with other kids' blood on their hands. Sometimes both. Everyone wonders if it's really that bad for Haymitch, because I seem to be coping fine, and Katniss was always a tidge messed up.

But it's bad for me, and there were only 23 others, 22 if you look at it winners vs. losers. And then there were the 75th Games. I don't want to be a part of this. I wish I could just leave. Maybe leave life. Leave everything behind. Leave the memories, the grief, the fame. Everything. But I don't think I could survive without Katniss. I hope if I do ever leave, it might be positive for her. Maybe I remind her of the Games. I was the only one present in both of them that's around her constantly. Haymitch visits when he can.

Haymitch understands the stress of the Games, and feeling resposible for other people's deaths. He was a mentor for a while, as well as a tribute. But he didn't go through 2 games. He wasn't there. He saw it, experienced- but so did all of the Capitol. We were there, in the middle of it, all the freaking time. It just gets annoying sometimes, especially when people think that they know Katniss or I. They saw us at our worst. When we killed people and we didn't stop.

I know it was hard for Katniss when we were in District 4, when that young girl said that she wanted to volunteer, like she did. The girl looked about Prim's age. It was surprising that she carried on normally during the rest of District 4- if I'd have known her better at the time, I would've thought she'd break down or something.

She was a different person then though. We were all different before the war. It was the war that deprived so many people of their childish naivety. Mostly people from the Capitol. Idiots. They think that life and death is just a game- something to be toyed with. Something to be shown to the world. Like it's acceptable to kill them because they're not like you. One thing I've learnt about life and death is that everyone enters and leaves as equals. Nothing can help if you can't think of a way to make it help.

Hi! Please review, I would love to hear some feedback and whether to carry this on, or just leave it as it is. If you could read my other stories as well, that would be great!

-Nothing More And Nothing Less