The Best Fanfiction Ever
Naruto was sitting in his apartment, alone. He was depressed because people always beat him up. So he ate lots of ramen, and only wore an orange jumpsuit because it was all he could afford, not at all because he liked orange or the jumpsuit or anything.
Outside his window sat an ANBU with gray hair. He looked into the boy's apartment feeling very depressed because he couldn't do anything to help Naruto. He knew about his Parentage, but despite all of Naruto's importance, the boy lived in the slums, with meager support, and shitty protection. For his safety, of course.
Suddenly, he came to the realization that he liked men. He ripped off his mask, revealing his face to the world for the first time. He then ran to Iruka, who had randomly come to the same conclusion about his sexuality, and made love with him, despite the fact that they had never previously interacted. Thus concludes Kakashi's story.
Meanwhile, at Ino's house, said girl was having an epiphany. She had always pretended to like Sasuke, but it was only so she didn't give away her actual love. That's right, she was in love. At eleven years old, she had decided who the love of her life was. It wasn't just a silly crush; she was obviously old enough to know the difference.
"Oh, Naruto, if you only knew…" She trailed off, staring through her rain-soaked window. Even though it wasn't raining. Quite the conundrum when one thought about it. But Ino was much too preoccupied at the time.
All the girls at the academy were too obsessed with Sasuke, and it impeded their training. Ino, however, spent her time training and was strong enough to beat a Joūnin, because she was secretly a child prodigy.
Suddenly, a feeling came over her. It was like some other outside force had taken ahold of her and gave her the courage to rush out of her home and run off towards Naruto's house. She was determined to express her true feelings then and there. She rushed up the stairs in Naruto's apartment complex and swung open the poorly painted wooden door.
"NARUTO, I LOVE YOU," Yelled Ino
"Yes, I know," Naruto said, suavely.
And they consummated their love and lived happily ever after.
The End
Just kidding, when Ino's father found out Naruto had knocked his daughter up, he murdered the boy and spread his body parts across the countryside. The pieces were never completely recovered. Ino eventually married an odd boy with nonexistent social skills that she secretly suspected played for the other team. Naruto's son, who was named Naruto Jr., in his honor, eventually betrayed the village and joined the snake-sanin, Orochimaru. He was used as a vessel in less than two days. Orochimaru used Naruto Jr.'s incredible power (The boy was a prodigy don'tcha know), to destroy the leaf village. In time, all lands fell under his iron rule, in what became known as the age of the snake. The empire would last for well over a millennium.
The Actual End; Sweet Dreams.