TITLE: Holiday Hangover
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid (hlnkid@aol.com)
SUMMARY: Pre-TPM. (Obi-Wan is 13) Non-slash. When Qui-Gon decides to have a holiday party, he and his fellow Jedi get a little tipsy and Qui-Gon pays the price.
FEEDBACK: Yes, please.
ARCHIVE: Ask me first.
MY WEBSITE: http://www.angelfire.com/movies/obithekid/
DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.
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Holiday Hangover
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"A holiday party? Really?" Obi-Wan smiled broadly as his master told him of the news.
"Yes, Padawan. We are having a holiday party this year. But we can only invite a certain amount of people. I don't want the entire temple in my quarters." Qui-Gon lifted an eyebrow at the boy. 'Understand?"
"Yes. Can I invite Taj and Bant?"
The tall Jedi shook his head. "No, we'll be having alcohol at this party, so no one under twenty-one will be attending."
Looking confused, Obi-Wan spoke up. "But I am under twenty-one. I can't come to a party in my own quarters?"
"You may attend, but that's it. And NO drinking." He towered over the shorter Jedi as he made sure that Obi-Wan was getting the message.
"Yes, Master. So who will be here?"
"I have to invite the council of course. Bren, Brazo, Master Jerra and Master Sio."
Obi-Wan stopped him. "HOLD IT! You can invite the trolls, Poofy and Sio the headhunter, but I can't invite ONE friend?"
"I can't be responsible for another master's padawan with alcohol around. Sorry, Obi-Wan. But anyway, I think I'll invite your Shrink, Nev and your Exorcist, Evad."
The padawan rolled his eyes. Some holiday party this was going to be. A lot of adults yapping about gray hair and when they were young. "Master, please? Just one friend?"
"No. Now go clean your room. The party is tomorrow night. I want a clean room and a clean padawan. Go."
******
The next day was spent preparing for the party. A pouting apprentice reluctantly helped his master put up the decorations and prepare the food and beverages. When the evening of the party arrived, Obi-Wan was in charge of answering the door and taking the Jedi's robes for them. It wouldn't be long before his bed was one large pile of brown fabric.
When the door chime rang, Qui-Gon yelled for his student to answer it after the third ring. "OBI-WAN? The door please?"
"I'm going, sheesh. What am I, door man?"
"For tonight, yes."
Opening the door he was greeted by Bren and Brazo. "OBI-Wan! GOOD EVENING!"
"Master Brazo!!!!" He thumped himself against the big man's chest finding the hug he was after. "Hi Master Bren."
"Hey kid. Where is everyone?"
"You're the first ones here. The trolls will be here shortly."
Qui-Gon came to greet his guests. "Padawan, please do not refer to them as trolls. Hi Bren, Brazo."
The door chime rang again. Obi-Wan held up his hand before Qui-Gon could say anything. "I know, I know. Obi the door man at your service." He opened the door and in walked most of the council as well as Obi-Wan's personal healers, Nev Daloon and Evad Daphool. "Oh great. If I do anything wrong tonight, I am gonna get lectured by my master and psychoanalyzed by my healers. Oh, hi Mr. Nev, Mr. Evad."
"Obi-Wan, good to see you. Where's the food?" Evad was a bit impatient when there was food to be had. He gave his robe to the boy and tore off in the direction of anything that was edible.
******
Eventually all the guests had arrived and Obi-Wan was relieved of door and robe duty and he began to sniff around the party. Bren was busy taking holo's of everyone, yelling at Master Sio when she insisted on sticking her head in EVERY single shot. "Sio, GET OUT OF THE WAY! I have fifteen holo's of your head. Don't need anymore. Go find a tree or something."
Obi-Wan was thirsty and soon made his way to the beverage table. He knew Qui-Gon would probably kill him if he had any alcohol, but everyone was having such a great time, and no one was paying any attention to him, he reached for a drink. Then a voice from behind froze him.
"Don't do it, kid. You know you can't have alcohol. Drink your milk."
"Oh come on, Master Bren, just let me taste it. This one here is my master's favorite, Choc Bea. Can't I just try it?"
She looked around. Seeing Qui-Gon on the other side of the room trying to keep Brazo from hugging him, she nodded. "Okay kid, but just a taste. If he finds out you've been drinking, he will kill you, then me. Go ahead. Hurry."
The boy put his mouth to the glass and started gulping.
"OBI-WAN! STOP!" Bren grabbed the glass. "I told you, a TASTE."
"I know, but that stuff is GOOD. Gimme more."
"NO!"
From across the room, Qui-Gon heard Bren yelling. "Bren, what's wrong? Is Obi-Wan acting like a fool?"
"No, Qui. Just he and I joking around. Nothing to see here. Go back to your hugging lesson."
"I am NOT taking a hugging lesson. I don't need to know how to hug, I just...OW! Brazo! LET ME GO!"
Turning back to the apprentice Bren gave him the evil eye. "You owe me one, kid. No more alcohol. Understand?"
Obi-Wan dropped his head. "Yes, Master Bren. I'm bored. My master is over there getting drunk. My Shrink is sitting in the corner sipping quietly to himself plotting my next session. Mr. Evad has his face stuffed in the bowl of chips. Master Sio is, well I don't know where she went. Master Windu is showing off his so-called sexy legs, scary. The trolls are....ewwww, necking on the couch. Remind me to have this apartment fumigated tomorrow. Mr. Poof is mocking Master Qui-Gon and doing his impersonation of a balloon. Everyone is having fun and getting drunk except for me."
Bren put her arm around the small shoulders. "Now Obi, I'm not drinking. Brazo is not drinking."
"Yeah but he's high on life. And you just want to watch my master get drunk. I'd go to my room and lie down, but there's a pile of robes in there that I can't see over." He was pouting now, something Bren knew he did rather well.
"Obi-Wan, stop. Go sit with Brazo, he always has time for you. Don't sit and sulk, it's so degrading."
The food on the nearby table caught his attention and he wandered over to it. "Mace-a-Roni, what kind of party food is that? My master has not a clue about some things. I think he's on his tenth bea. He's gonna be a mess tomorrow. Oh no...how did she get invited? I thought it was only adults."
Bren looked up. "Who? Ooooh. Karah Brymer. I thought you liked her."
"Shhh, don't say anything. I can't let everyone know. Oh, here she comes."
Karah approached Obi-Wan who had his eyes turned down. "Hi Obi. Great party huh?"
"Oh um. Hi, Karah. Yeah." His face has turned beet red and he had this sudden urge to run from the kitchen. "Um, how did you get invited? Master Qui-Gon told me he was just inviting adults."
"Oh, my father is here. Master Evad."
Bren couldn't help but snicker. "Evad is your dad? But you have different last names."
"Yes, I use my middle name as my last name, just because of his profession. I mean, if everyone knew I was the daughter of an Exorcist, I would never hear the end of it. Although I am an apprentice healer."
"I suppose you're right."
Karah looked at Obi-Wan who seemed dumbfounded. "Are you okay Obi? You look a bit pale."
"Yeah," he stammered out.
The female padawan continued to push him. "I really like this song that's playing. Care to dance?"
The boy was stumbling now. "I, uh. No, I don't dance. I just...um..."
"Come on, kid," Bren chimed in, "show her your sexy Obi dance."
Obi-Wan's eyes went big and he lost his ability to breath normally. "Ha ha, she's just kidding Karah. I think, um...I really need to use the bathroom. Excuse me please." And he took off running. Bren and Karah smiled at each other.
"He likes you. But it makes him nervous. His master is still that way with me sometimes," Bren smiled.
A laughing Karah took a sip of her drink. "He's cute."
"He is. I'd better go check on him."
Bren left Karah to mingle and hurried back to the bathroom. She knocked on the door. "Obi-Wan? You can come out now. Come on."
"No. I'll just stay here for the rest of the night."
"Obi-Wan, come out of there please. I can't tell your master you are hiding in the bathroom. Open the door."
She heard the lock flip over and then pushed the door slowly in. Obi-Wan was sitting in the tub, fully clothed, looking like he was awaiting execution.
"Come on," Bren offered her hand. "That's it. Are you all right?"
"Yes," he nodded. "Just a bit um..."
"Flushed. Obi-Wan Kenobi, you are blushing. I've never seen you quite this rattled before."
He hid his head again by looking down. Bren tilted it back up.
"Nothing to be embarrassed about. It happens to everyone. Still happens to Qui-Gon. You and Karah look about the same age, you could be friends."
"But, she's so...she...she makes me feel weird."
"That's a good weird, trust me. Let's go back out to the party before Brazo hugs your master to death." She encouraged him out the door and down the hall.
"What if she finds out that her dad is my...um...personal healer?"
"Don't worry about that kid. You're a good student, and likeable. You have a hard time keeping your mouth shut sometimes, but it makes you unique. Not to mention, you're only thirteen. Just try and make casual conversation with her. Let things happen normally."
"Okay. I can do this."
"Good."
They got back to the common area to find that Karah and her father had left. Bren found Nev still huddled in the corner sipping his drink and sat down next to him. "Nev, where did Evad go?"
"Evad? Oh, um...ah...uh...well...um...hmmm...okay."
"Right. Thanks for your help."
"Anytime...heeeeeeeeey, Obi. What's shakin'?"
Obi-Wan tried not to laugh at the sight of his normally stoic Shrink in his inebriated state. "Not much Mr. Nev. Are you drunk?"
"Me? No. Never. Just trying to concentrate on my three drinks here."
The younger Jedi exchanged a humorous look with Bren. "You only have one drink in your hand."
"Yes, I see that now. Thank you. You don't need to see my identification. Move along."
"Okay. Anyway, let's go talk to Brazo."
*********
They found out that Karah left to help her father home. They had called it a night. Obi-Wan breathed a sign of relief. Until he saw what his master was doing.
"MASTER NO! No one wants to see your boxers. Keep your pants on."
Qui-Gon turned quickly in the direction of his padawan. The move was made much to fast and he fell over the chair that was in front of him. "I'm okay...nothing to see here."
Rushing to the big Jedi's side, the boy tried to help him to stand. "Master?"
"Hey, Oba-One. I wuz wonderin' where you were. I love you."
While the other Jedi around them continued on with their drunk and incoherent conversations, Bren and Obi-Wan managed to get Qui-Gon into the chair. "Qui, I think you've had enough. How about we call it a night?"
"No, it's cool. Just gimme my drink back.
"Master, you need sleep. You can't even stand...or sit up for that matter." They were holding him in an upright position as fowl smells came out of his mouth and he sighed heavily over and over again.
"Naw, I'm good. Let's party. Woooo! I was gonna show them my sexy Qui dance with my boxers and then show them how I curl my hair. They want to know this stuff. Lemme go."
"Master..."
Qui-Gon got up and immediately fell over, landing flat on his face. "Ow. I'll just sleep right here Obo-Wand. 'k?"
"Shall I send everyone home?" Brazo asked as he strolled over to the trio.
"Yes, please. Make sure they get home okay. If I have to watch Mace show off his hairless, shiny legs one more time...or watch Sio take one more holo of herself, or watch those trolls on the couch...GAH! Obi and I will see to Qui-Gon."
**********
Brazo had to decide just to how to go about getting everyone to leave. Poof and Mace were having a mocking contest. Each was seeing who could sway his head faster than the other. Master's Adi and Plo Kloon were slowly being hypnotized by the constant pendulum swing of the long-necked Poof. Nev was still hidden in the corner holding on to his drink for dear life. Sio was busy taking close up holo's of everyone's face, while at the same time making sure she was in the holo as well. And Yoda and Yaddle had vanished.
"Okay, Sio first. Come on Sio, give me the image recorder. I'll take you home."
"Say 'Bantha Burger'...smileeeeeeeeeee!" The flash from the recorder temporarily blinded Brazo, but he recovered enough to get Sio out the door and send her on her way when she protested loudly that she didn't need any help walking home. So he set his sites on Nev next.
"Dr. Nev. Party's over. You need to go home and get some sleep so you can make your appointments tomorrow. Lots of looney padawans will need the assistance of a sober Shrink. Up we go. Can you stand?"
"Huh? Stand on what?"
"Can you walk?"
"Wellllll, normally I would say yes. But, I'm not to sure 'bout that right now. Can I have a bea for the road?"
"No, you're not taking a road. You're just taking the lift. I'll see you home." He escorted the healer out of the apartment.
*******
Meanwhile, Bren and Obi-Wan had their hands full getting Qui-Gon into the bed. They had moved him down the hall and were at the entrance to his room, when he would not go any further.
"NO! I gotta curl my hair before bed. Look like a rooster if I don't make it pretty. Where are my boxers? Oba-Wand, did you take 'em? Give 'em back."
"Master, I don't have your boxers. You have them on."
"Well I'll be. I do have 'em on. Now, get me my curlers, boy. Ain't going nowhere without 'em."
With her hands on his back, Bren was slowly inching the tall Knight forward towards his bed. Obi-Wan had grabbed his hand and was pulling, while Qui-Gon kept babbling about anything. "Pada...pad...pada...padawa...pad..."
"Yes, Master? Keep moving."
"You're such a good pada...pad...padwan...pad..."
"Yes, Master. I know what you mean. Almost there."
"Have the trolls stopped screaming?"
"No, Master. Well, I don't know. They just kinda vanished. Okay, here's your bed."
When Qui-Gon made no attempt to get into the bed and instead just stood there, Bren pushed him over from behind. "Look out, kid! TIMBER!" And the Jedi bounced into the bed face first. Once he landed he made no attempt to move. "Oh, come on Qui, at least pull your legs up. You're not exactly Mr. Lightweight."
"Huh? Who? Oh, I feel terrible. Turn off the light."
"The light is not on, Stretch. If you drink too much, you pay the price for it. This is a good lesson for your apprentice. Grab that leg, Obi."
After some maneuvering, Qui-Gon was finally settled. They got his boots off and covered him with several blankets.
"Master, you look horrible."
"Thannn you, Oba-One."
"Okay, Qui, just close your eyes and take a nice long nap. You are going to feel worse in the morning. Any rest you can get you will need."
'Yes...sleep. Tell Mace that the Mr. Clean look is just not happenin' for him. An tell that sith troll that he can take his walking stick and put it where the sun don't..."
"MASTER!"
"Oh, sorry. And get Poof outta my house. Had enough of him mocking everything I do. Gonna whack that head right off that neck soon enough. Tired of him makin' it go baaaaaack and fooooooooooooorth, baaaaaaaaack and fooooooooooorth...baaaaaaaack and fo....
"Qui-Gon! Enough." Bren said firmly. "Close your eyes. Obi, help me put him into a deep sleep. Otherwise he's liable to ramble all night long." They both place their hands on his forehead. "Sleep Qui-Gon. Sleep."
"No...need...my...curl...ers...Oba...Wand..."
And he was out. "Finally. Obi, we have got to keep your master and alcohol away from each other. He doesn't drink often, but when he does, it's not pretty."
"Yeah, then I get to suffer his wrath the next day."
"Well, I have a class early tomorrow morning, but after that I can come to relieve you of hangover duty for a while if you like."
Obi-Wan nodded quickly. "YES! Please!"
"Okay. Let's go see if Brazo needs any help before I head home."
***********
In the common area, Brazo had grabbed Poof by the neck and Mace by the tunic and was dragging them out the door. Once out, he threw them across the hall. "Go home. Both of you. Or go somewhere. But take your mocking contest elsewhere."
Bren approached him. "Nicely done. I've been wanting to do that for ages."
"Tell Qui-Gon, next party, NO COUNCIL! I still can't find Yoda and Yaddle. I didn't see them leave though."
"Oh, they probably snuck out at some point during the evening. They were really in need of a room. Maybe they found one."
"Master Bren, please don't talk about that. I have enough trouble dealing with you and Master Qui-Gon and all that adult mush crap, I don't need to know about what the trolls are doing behind closed doors."
"On that disgusting note," Brazo interrupted, "I am going home. Good night you two. Give me a hug."
A couple hugs later and the big Jedi was on his way. Bren lay a hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder. "Okay, kid. I am heading out as well. Call me if you need anything. Otherwise, I'll see you tomorrow, early afternoon."
The boy frowned. "Okay. Prepare for Mr. Grumpy. Good night, Master Bren. Thanks for your help."
"Anytime, kid. Good night."
**************
Obi-Wan looked around the apartment. It was a disaster. He figured as long as he was still awake he may as well clean things up a bit. He did, even though it took him over an hour. By that time he was exhausted. But a noise from the bedroom caught his attention. As quietly as he could he padded into his master's room. The man was snoring soundly.
"Okay, maybe I was just hearing things. You're worn out Kenobi. Get some sleep."
Making his way to his own room, the boy took his boots off and was about to flop himself into bed. Things were quiet. Too quiet. But he shrugged it off and walked to his bed.
A hand reached out from beneath, grabbing him and hanging on.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OH GODS! SITH SITH SITH! GET OFF ME! MASTERRRRRRRRRR!!!!" He ran from the room screaming and panting heavily. He stood outside the door and tried to catch his breath. "Force, there is something in there." He found his saber and ignited it. Then he crept into the bedroom, pulse racing and weapon ready. "Okay little monster, come out now. You don't belong here, whatever you are. Get out of my room."
He heard a giggle.
"I hear you under there. Come out with your hands up and I promise not to slice you in half." The giggling continued. Nothing Obi-Wan said convinced the 'thing' to come out from under the bed. He knelt down and stuck his head lower, careful to keep his humming saber away from his hair. He'd burnt his hair before on the thing and stunk up the apartment for several days. As he lowered his head to try and peek underneath, the giggling form jumped out at him.
"AHHHHHHHHHH! NO NO NO! GET OFF! SITH! GET OFF ME! Get...off...Yaddle? Ewwwww, there's a troll on me. Get away! How did you get under my bed? Where is the other one?"
Yaddle only giggled as she hurried out the door. Obi-Wan was not amused. "Master Yoda, I know you are under there. This is not funny. You scared me to death. Please come out."
"Come out I will not. Until put your saber away you do."
"Oh," he replied as he powered down his weapon. "Sorry. Come out now. I need to go to bed and I can't do that with you under there."
Yoda crawled out from beneath the bed, stood and grunted before he left. "Hospitable you are not." And he waddled out.
"That's just to creepy. I don't EVEN want to know what they were doing under there. Note to self, fumigate this apartment as soon as possible." He dressed into his nightclothes before doing a final check. "Okay, trolls are gone, Master Qui-Gon is asleep, I am tired, time for bed." And he curled into his blankets. Before long he was oblivious to the world.
**********
Awaking the next morning, he was greeted by Qui-Gon yelling for him. He went in to see what he was needed for and found his teacher lying on the floor next to his bed. "Master, are you okay?"
"No. What happened to me? I feel like I was run over by a herd of trolls."
"Well, not quite. You drank a little to much Bea at your party."
"And did I say anything foolish?"
"Uh, probably. But I think most of the talk about your curlers and boxers was just to Master Bren and myself. Don't worry though, you weren't the only one to make a fool of yourself. Most of the council did as well."
Obi-Wan helped Qui-Gon into a sitting position on the floor as the master's head began to spin. "Oh Force. What is that smell?"
"That's you, Master. You weren't vertical enough to get a shower last night. You should really get one now though. You're really stinking up this place."
"Thank you for your kind words, Padawan. Help me up, oh, my head. Slowly."
Once upright, Qui-Gon inched his way towards the bathroom. The younger Jedi took it upon himself to change the sheets on his master's bed. As he was dressing the bed with clean sheets, the quiet was broken by a yelling Qui-Gon.
"OBI-WAN!!! THERE IS A TROLL IN MY TUB! WHAT IS GOING ON? GET OUT OF MY BATHROOM!"
"YELL AT ME YOU WILL NOT. YOUR MASTER I AM. SHOW RESPECT YOU SHALL."
"OUT! NOW!"
"HUNGOVER I AM. NO YELLING THERE WILL BE!"
"OUT DAMN TROLL!"
Obi-Wan decided it was time to break things up, and he entered the bathroom. "Master, please stop yelling. Master Yoda, I thought you left here last night after you got out from under the bed?"
"Left I did. However, locked me out Yaddle had. Return here was my only choice."
Qui-Gon was confused. "Under the bed? Obi-Wan?"
"Long story, Master. Master Yoda is just leaving, aren't you?"
"Leaving I am. Remember this I will." And he was gone.
Qui-Gon stood shakily on his rubbery legs. "There better not be any troll slime in this tub. I am NEVER having another one of these parties."
"Whatever you say, Master. Just get in the tub before you fall over again."
"Yes. Thank you Obi-Wan. Get out."
Knowing he'd be needed again soon enough, the apprentice left his teacher to get cleaned up. He did some final cleaning of the common area before sitting down to breakfast. A few minutes later, Qui-Gon yelled for him. "Sith, not again. COMING MASTER!"
Qui-Gon was sitting on the edge of the tub, a large towel draped around his waist. He was leaning against the tiled wall, trying desperately to keep what was in his stomach...in his stomach.
"Master?" the boy said softly. "Are you okay?"
"No. My head is pounding and I am about to throw up. Help me."
Obi-Wan crunched his face up. "Help you throw up? I think you can manage that on your own. You should tie your hair back though."
"No, help me out of the tub. I can't move."
With a little help from the Force, the young student got Qui-Gon away from the tub and next to the toilet, where the older man promptly lost the contents of his stomach. Luckily, Obi-Wan had been ready and had kept the big Jedi's wet hair out of his face, quickly placing a tie around it and allowing the long hair to lie in a single ponytail on his back.
When it seemed that the master was finished with the porcelain bowl before him, he steadied himself with the padawan's help and carefully made his way to the common area where he collapsed on the couch. "I want a quiet home today, Obi-Wan. No talking, no walking, no lights, no nothing. Got it?"
Obi-Wan didn't answer, just stared at his master.
"Understand?"
Still no response.
"Obi-Wan? Do you understand? Speak."
"Sorry, Master, you said you didn't want any talking."
"Don't get smart," he replied with an evil glare. "You know what I mean. Keep things quiet."
"Yes, Master."
*********
With Qui-Gon camped out on the couch moaning in agony every time Obi-Wan made even the slightest noise, the boy was beginning to lose his mind. He was bored beyond belief but unsure about leaving his master alone. He remembered Master Bren saying she would be by in the afternoon, but until then he could only sit in silence while Qui-Gon crowded the couch.
A chime at the door startled him and he hurried to reach it before it sounded again and Qui-Gon began whining about the noise. Opening the door he found Master Brazo standing there with open arms. "GOOD MORNING!"
Obi-Wan worked quickly to try and shush him. "Quietly, Master Brazo." He pointed to the couch.
"Oh, I see. Someone is paying for his indulgence. You get what you deserve, Qui-Gon."
Qui-Gon picked his head up slowly. "What? Who is yelling? Obi-Wan, I told you I wanted quiet. Tell your friends to come back later."
"But it's Master Brazo."
"I don't care if it's the Queen of England. Make him go away."
"The Queen of what?"
"QUIET!"
"Okay. Sorry, Master Brazo. He's a happy drunk but a grumpy hangover. Can you come back another time?"
Brazo patted the boy on the shoulder. "Yes, I will do that. Are you okay with him?"
"Yes," Obi-Wan nodded. "Other than his whining and bad mood he seems okay."
"Very well. If you need any help give me a call. GOOD MORNING TO YOU QUI-GON!" Brazo laughed as he yelled out the last few words and then disappeared out the door.
Qui-Gon was not happy. "OBI-WAN! SO HELP ME!"
"There is no help for you, Master. He's gone, go back to sleep."
"Remind me to kill you later."
"You better rest now, Master. When Master Bren gets here, you will suffer."
"Just give me quiet, that's all I want."
Obi-Wan shook his head and walked away. He thought briefly about grabbing his image recorder and snapping a few shots of his once stoic teacher sprawled out on the couch unable to lift his head. This was just to good to pass up. Sure Qui-Gon would kill him, but not until he was able to walk again. And he did need something to entertain himself while he was busy doing nothing. "Just a couple holo's of him on the couch. He'll never know. He'll just think it's me playing with the lights."
Sneaking softly around the room he found the recorder and waited for the prime opportunity to attack. Padding through the common area he drew Qui-Gon's blanket up around his shoulders and tucked it around him. The man stirred.
"Obi-Wan, what are you doing? Please leave me alone."
"Just tucking you in, Master. You were a bit chilled. Can't have that now can we?"
Qui-Gon's voice softened. "Oh, okay. Thank you, Padawan. You're such a good apprentice, as long as your lips aren't working overtime. Let me go back to sleep now."
"Sleep well, Master," he smiled. A few minutes later, Qui-Gon seemed to be out cold. Obi-Wan pulled out the recorder and snapped a few holo's.
"OBI-WAN!" Qui-Gon sprang up. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU TAKING HOLO'S OF ME? GIVE ME THAT!"
Obi-Wan ran from the room when his master tried to pick himself up off the couch and run after him. He fell several times before he got on his feet. Obi-Wan was snapping holo's the entire time. It was then that Qui-Gon realized that he was wearing nothing but his lightsaber boxer shorts. "OBI-WAN? WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES! Don't you dare take a holo of me in my underwear. Don't do it. DON'T DO IT!"
But it was of no use. The boy was snapping away. And giggling hysterically the entire time. "Master, you need a tan. Put some clothes on man! Master Bren will be here soon, you'll scare her with that look."
"What? Bren is coming here? Why? Obi-Wan, help me get some clothes on, NOW!"
"I don't think so. You did this to yourself. Then you treat me like a step-pad. You expect me to help you? I've cleaned up the entire apartment, cleaned YOU up, chased trolls out of our home, and put up with your bad attitude this morning. I think you need to help yourself now." He managed to say everything with a straight face.
Standing between the couch and the wall bracing himself with both arms, Qui-Gon was trying to keep his head up long enough to finish this argument. He felt the bile rising in his throat again. Obi-Wan sensed it and took pity on him, but not until he got one more holo of his teacher in this position.
"Okay, Master. Let me help you to the bathroom. You look like you are going to give into the nausea soon." They made it just in time. Qui-Gon was as sick as he had ever been, pressing his head to the coolness of the metal sink. He rested for a few minutes before trying to get to his feet again. Grabbing onto Obi-Wan's tunic, he pulled his large frame off the floor. "Okay," he said as he stood shakily. "Get me back to the couch."
"Please. Please get me back to the couch, Padawan. That's what you should be saying, Qui-Gon. Have some respect for your apprentice." The pair looked up to see Master Bren standing in the doorway. Obi-Wan immediately let out a sigh of relief.
"Master Bren, thank the Force. Am I glad to see you."
"I let my class out early. Thought you could use a hand. Qui-Gon, where are your clothes?"
"Don't start. I don't know where they are. Don't stare at me like that. You shouldn't see me in my underwear."
"You are so pathetic. I've seen you without your towel, what's the big deal about underwear? You could use a tan though."
"That's what I told him," Obi-Wan snickered. "Can you help me get him to the couch?"
"Sure thing, kid. Come on, Qui-Poo."
Qui-Gon flinched at the name. "Please Bren, no nicknames today. I've already thrown up twice. Can someone turn the light off?"
The moved him to the common area again, and put him in a chair to keep him upright. The Jedi protested the vertical position. "Just let me lie down, I'll be fine if you just let me sleep."
"You need to function a bit today Qui. I will make you my famous Poorogi-hangover soup and...hey, Obi? What's the image recorder out for?"
"He was gathering evidence to use against me," Qui-Gon snapped out.
"Actually I just wanted something that would remind him of what he looks like after he's had to many drinks. Next party I am thinking...show him these and he'll stick with drinking milk all night."
"Good idea. You get some shots of him in his boxers?" Bren was smiling now.
"Oh yeah! I'll show them to you later when he's asleep."
Qui-Gon turned an ear towards the pair in the kitchen. "I hear you, Obi-Wan. Don't think you won't pay for what you've done."
"Oh relax, Qui. He's been taking care of you since last night. Lighten up. Okay...here it is. My hangover soup. Take a taste, Obi."
Sipping the soup off the spoon Obi-Wan immediately spit it out all over the counter. "DAMN! That is NASTY!"
"Hey, watch your mouth. Be nice. You think Mr. Grumpy will enjoy it?"
"No! HAHAHA! But make him eat it anyway."
She approached the now dozing Jedi, "Oh, Qui-Gon, wake up. I have something for you to try. I want you to eat this all up. It will help you start to feel better."
He opened his eyes when the foul-smelling odor was under his nose. It was pushed away as he turned his head from the smell. "Get that away. I'm fine. Just need rest."
"No can do, Stretch. Come on. Open up. Here comes the airplane."
As she shoved spoonful after spoonful of soup into his master's mouth, Obi-Wan just sat back and smiled. He was enjoying this...too much for Qui-Gon's taste.
"Obi-Wan, you will get yours, don't worry. Making me suffer like this. GAH! That stuff is just...AH! Stop it, Bren. No more."
"Yes, more. And if you threaten that boy once more, I will force two more bowls of this stuff into you. He's only trying to look after you."
Qui-Gon's head bobbed a bit. "I know. Thank you, Obi-Wan."
"Much better. Now you can lay your head back and sleep for a while."
There was no answer as he wasted little time in closing his eyes and drifting off. Bren tucked a blanket around him and escorted Obi-Wan to the kitchen. "You want to head down to the gym for a short sparring session?"
"I would love to, but you think it's okay to leave him alone?"
She glanced at the pitiful soul in the chair. "I think so. We won't be gone long. Part of my hangover soup includes a stomach settling sedative, so he'll sleep soundly for a while. Come on, let's get some exercise."
*********
One good sparring match later and the pair were headed home. When they arrived Qui-Gon had somehow slid off the chair and landed face down on the floor. Obi-Wan suppressed a laugh. "Should we just leave him like that?"
"Believe me, I am tempted. But just so he doesn't wake up in an even worse mood, let's put him on the couch. This is why you don't drink until you can't stand. Have a drink and enjoy yourself. Have more than you can handle and suffer the consequences. Up we go, Qui."
With some difficulty they managed him onto the couch. "Now what, Master Bren?"
"Just leave him. I'll make you some lunch and we can watch a Lima holo."
"But Master Qui-Gon is on the couch. I always watch Lima cuddled with my blanket on the couch."
"You can sit with me on the floor. I could use a good cuddle."
Obi-Wan smiled. "Yes! But let's not watch Trolltanic. That scene with those two trolls standing on the bow of that ship singing with their arms flared out to the sides kills me. Let's watch Schindler's Trolls. Lima is SO good in that one."
"Oh that holo always gets to me at the end. Get a box of tissues while I finish up lunch. I could use a good cry."
"Me too," the padawan sniffed. "I'll set everything up."
*********
Halfway through the holo, Bren and Obi-Wan's attention was diverted from the monitor when they heard a big THUD behind them. Looking back they saw that Qui-Gon had rolled right off the couch, once again, landing on his face. The pair shared an amused look and laughed.
"Just leave him there, kid. Throw the blanket over him. As long as he's breathing it really doesn't matter."
"Wait! Put the holo on pause for a minute. I want to get my image recorder." He ran out the room and returned a few seconds later. "Master, smile...say 'Sith Troll.' Perfect!" Qui-Gon remained unconscious through out the entire ordeal.
Obi-Wan sat back down next to Bren in his cuddle position. "Okay, ready for more Lima."
"I think I know why your master has a thing for pathetic life forms. He is one himself, so he can take pity on them."
"That would explain it. One pathetic life form deserves another. Look, Lima is about to break down. Pass the tissues please."
"Sniff...here ya go, kid."
"Does this...sniff...make us pathetic life forms too?"
"I think...so, Obi. That's okay though. Us pathetic creatures need to stick together. You want a hug?"
"Yes," Obi-Wan said as he climbed into Bren's lap and hugged her. The saddest part of the holo played before them.
"We are pathetic, Master Bren. But I...sniff...wouldn't have it any other way."
"You ain't just kiddin', kid."
END
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid (hlnkid@aol.com)
SUMMARY: Pre-TPM. (Obi-Wan is 13) Non-slash. When Qui-Gon decides to have a holiday party, he and his fellow Jedi get a little tipsy and Qui-Gon pays the price.
FEEDBACK: Yes, please.
ARCHIVE: Ask me first.
MY WEBSITE: http://www.angelfire.com/movies/obithekid/
DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.
=================
Holiday Hangover
=================
"A holiday party? Really?" Obi-Wan smiled broadly as his master told him of the news.
"Yes, Padawan. We are having a holiday party this year. But we can only invite a certain amount of people. I don't want the entire temple in my quarters." Qui-Gon lifted an eyebrow at the boy. 'Understand?"
"Yes. Can I invite Taj and Bant?"
The tall Jedi shook his head. "No, we'll be having alcohol at this party, so no one under twenty-one will be attending."
Looking confused, Obi-Wan spoke up. "But I am under twenty-one. I can't come to a party in my own quarters?"
"You may attend, but that's it. And NO drinking." He towered over the shorter Jedi as he made sure that Obi-Wan was getting the message.
"Yes, Master. So who will be here?"
"I have to invite the council of course. Bren, Brazo, Master Jerra and Master Sio."
Obi-Wan stopped him. "HOLD IT! You can invite the trolls, Poofy and Sio the headhunter, but I can't invite ONE friend?"
"I can't be responsible for another master's padawan with alcohol around. Sorry, Obi-Wan. But anyway, I think I'll invite your Shrink, Nev and your Exorcist, Evad."
The padawan rolled his eyes. Some holiday party this was going to be. A lot of adults yapping about gray hair and when they were young. "Master, please? Just one friend?"
"No. Now go clean your room. The party is tomorrow night. I want a clean room and a clean padawan. Go."
******
The next day was spent preparing for the party. A pouting apprentice reluctantly helped his master put up the decorations and prepare the food and beverages. When the evening of the party arrived, Obi-Wan was in charge of answering the door and taking the Jedi's robes for them. It wouldn't be long before his bed was one large pile of brown fabric.
When the door chime rang, Qui-Gon yelled for his student to answer it after the third ring. "OBI-WAN? The door please?"
"I'm going, sheesh. What am I, door man?"
"For tonight, yes."
Opening the door he was greeted by Bren and Brazo. "OBI-Wan! GOOD EVENING!"
"Master Brazo!!!!" He thumped himself against the big man's chest finding the hug he was after. "Hi Master Bren."
"Hey kid. Where is everyone?"
"You're the first ones here. The trolls will be here shortly."
Qui-Gon came to greet his guests. "Padawan, please do not refer to them as trolls. Hi Bren, Brazo."
The door chime rang again. Obi-Wan held up his hand before Qui-Gon could say anything. "I know, I know. Obi the door man at your service." He opened the door and in walked most of the council as well as Obi-Wan's personal healers, Nev Daloon and Evad Daphool. "Oh great. If I do anything wrong tonight, I am gonna get lectured by my master and psychoanalyzed by my healers. Oh, hi Mr. Nev, Mr. Evad."
"Obi-Wan, good to see you. Where's the food?" Evad was a bit impatient when there was food to be had. He gave his robe to the boy and tore off in the direction of anything that was edible.
******
Eventually all the guests had arrived and Obi-Wan was relieved of door and robe duty and he began to sniff around the party. Bren was busy taking holo's of everyone, yelling at Master Sio when she insisted on sticking her head in EVERY single shot. "Sio, GET OUT OF THE WAY! I have fifteen holo's of your head. Don't need anymore. Go find a tree or something."
Obi-Wan was thirsty and soon made his way to the beverage table. He knew Qui-Gon would probably kill him if he had any alcohol, but everyone was having such a great time, and no one was paying any attention to him, he reached for a drink. Then a voice from behind froze him.
"Don't do it, kid. You know you can't have alcohol. Drink your milk."
"Oh come on, Master Bren, just let me taste it. This one here is my master's favorite, Choc Bea. Can't I just try it?"
She looked around. Seeing Qui-Gon on the other side of the room trying to keep Brazo from hugging him, she nodded. "Okay kid, but just a taste. If he finds out you've been drinking, he will kill you, then me. Go ahead. Hurry."
The boy put his mouth to the glass and started gulping.
"OBI-WAN! STOP!" Bren grabbed the glass. "I told you, a TASTE."
"I know, but that stuff is GOOD. Gimme more."
"NO!"
From across the room, Qui-Gon heard Bren yelling. "Bren, what's wrong? Is Obi-Wan acting like a fool?"
"No, Qui. Just he and I joking around. Nothing to see here. Go back to your hugging lesson."
"I am NOT taking a hugging lesson. I don't need to know how to hug, I just...OW! Brazo! LET ME GO!"
Turning back to the apprentice Bren gave him the evil eye. "You owe me one, kid. No more alcohol. Understand?"
Obi-Wan dropped his head. "Yes, Master Bren. I'm bored. My master is over there getting drunk. My Shrink is sitting in the corner sipping quietly to himself plotting my next session. Mr. Evad has his face stuffed in the bowl of chips. Master Sio is, well I don't know where she went. Master Windu is showing off his so-called sexy legs, scary. The trolls are....ewwww, necking on the couch. Remind me to have this apartment fumigated tomorrow. Mr. Poof is mocking Master Qui-Gon and doing his impersonation of a balloon. Everyone is having fun and getting drunk except for me."
Bren put her arm around the small shoulders. "Now Obi, I'm not drinking. Brazo is not drinking."
"Yeah but he's high on life. And you just want to watch my master get drunk. I'd go to my room and lie down, but there's a pile of robes in there that I can't see over." He was pouting now, something Bren knew he did rather well.
"Obi-Wan, stop. Go sit with Brazo, he always has time for you. Don't sit and sulk, it's so degrading."
The food on the nearby table caught his attention and he wandered over to it. "Mace-a-Roni, what kind of party food is that? My master has not a clue about some things. I think he's on his tenth bea. He's gonna be a mess tomorrow. Oh no...how did she get invited? I thought it was only adults."
Bren looked up. "Who? Ooooh. Karah Brymer. I thought you liked her."
"Shhh, don't say anything. I can't let everyone know. Oh, here she comes."
Karah approached Obi-Wan who had his eyes turned down. "Hi Obi. Great party huh?"
"Oh um. Hi, Karah. Yeah." His face has turned beet red and he had this sudden urge to run from the kitchen. "Um, how did you get invited? Master Qui-Gon told me he was just inviting adults."
"Oh, my father is here. Master Evad."
Bren couldn't help but snicker. "Evad is your dad? But you have different last names."
"Yes, I use my middle name as my last name, just because of his profession. I mean, if everyone knew I was the daughter of an Exorcist, I would never hear the end of it. Although I am an apprentice healer."
"I suppose you're right."
Karah looked at Obi-Wan who seemed dumbfounded. "Are you okay Obi? You look a bit pale."
"Yeah," he stammered out.
The female padawan continued to push him. "I really like this song that's playing. Care to dance?"
The boy was stumbling now. "I, uh. No, I don't dance. I just...um..."
"Come on, kid," Bren chimed in, "show her your sexy Obi dance."
Obi-Wan's eyes went big and he lost his ability to breath normally. "Ha ha, she's just kidding Karah. I think, um...I really need to use the bathroom. Excuse me please." And he took off running. Bren and Karah smiled at each other.
"He likes you. But it makes him nervous. His master is still that way with me sometimes," Bren smiled.
A laughing Karah took a sip of her drink. "He's cute."
"He is. I'd better go check on him."
Bren left Karah to mingle and hurried back to the bathroom. She knocked on the door. "Obi-Wan? You can come out now. Come on."
"No. I'll just stay here for the rest of the night."
"Obi-Wan, come out of there please. I can't tell your master you are hiding in the bathroom. Open the door."
She heard the lock flip over and then pushed the door slowly in. Obi-Wan was sitting in the tub, fully clothed, looking like he was awaiting execution.
"Come on," Bren offered her hand. "That's it. Are you all right?"
"Yes," he nodded. "Just a bit um..."
"Flushed. Obi-Wan Kenobi, you are blushing. I've never seen you quite this rattled before."
He hid his head again by looking down. Bren tilted it back up.
"Nothing to be embarrassed about. It happens to everyone. Still happens to Qui-Gon. You and Karah look about the same age, you could be friends."
"But, she's so...she...she makes me feel weird."
"That's a good weird, trust me. Let's go back out to the party before Brazo hugs your master to death." She encouraged him out the door and down the hall.
"What if she finds out that her dad is my...um...personal healer?"
"Don't worry about that kid. You're a good student, and likeable. You have a hard time keeping your mouth shut sometimes, but it makes you unique. Not to mention, you're only thirteen. Just try and make casual conversation with her. Let things happen normally."
"Okay. I can do this."
"Good."
They got back to the common area to find that Karah and her father had left. Bren found Nev still huddled in the corner sipping his drink and sat down next to him. "Nev, where did Evad go?"
"Evad? Oh, um...ah...uh...well...um...hmmm...okay."
"Right. Thanks for your help."
"Anytime...heeeeeeeeey, Obi. What's shakin'?"
Obi-Wan tried not to laugh at the sight of his normally stoic Shrink in his inebriated state. "Not much Mr. Nev. Are you drunk?"
"Me? No. Never. Just trying to concentrate on my three drinks here."
The younger Jedi exchanged a humorous look with Bren. "You only have one drink in your hand."
"Yes, I see that now. Thank you. You don't need to see my identification. Move along."
"Okay. Anyway, let's go talk to Brazo."
*********
They found out that Karah left to help her father home. They had called it a night. Obi-Wan breathed a sign of relief. Until he saw what his master was doing.
"MASTER NO! No one wants to see your boxers. Keep your pants on."
Qui-Gon turned quickly in the direction of his padawan. The move was made much to fast and he fell over the chair that was in front of him. "I'm okay...nothing to see here."
Rushing to the big Jedi's side, the boy tried to help him to stand. "Master?"
"Hey, Oba-One. I wuz wonderin' where you were. I love you."
While the other Jedi around them continued on with their drunk and incoherent conversations, Bren and Obi-Wan managed to get Qui-Gon into the chair. "Qui, I think you've had enough. How about we call it a night?"
"No, it's cool. Just gimme my drink back.
"Master, you need sleep. You can't even stand...or sit up for that matter." They were holding him in an upright position as fowl smells came out of his mouth and he sighed heavily over and over again.
"Naw, I'm good. Let's party. Woooo! I was gonna show them my sexy Qui dance with my boxers and then show them how I curl my hair. They want to know this stuff. Lemme go."
"Master..."
Qui-Gon got up and immediately fell over, landing flat on his face. "Ow. I'll just sleep right here Obo-Wand. 'k?"
"Shall I send everyone home?" Brazo asked as he strolled over to the trio.
"Yes, please. Make sure they get home okay. If I have to watch Mace show off his hairless, shiny legs one more time...or watch Sio take one more holo of herself, or watch those trolls on the couch...GAH! Obi and I will see to Qui-Gon."
**********
Brazo had to decide just to how to go about getting everyone to leave. Poof and Mace were having a mocking contest. Each was seeing who could sway his head faster than the other. Master's Adi and Plo Kloon were slowly being hypnotized by the constant pendulum swing of the long-necked Poof. Nev was still hidden in the corner holding on to his drink for dear life. Sio was busy taking close up holo's of everyone's face, while at the same time making sure she was in the holo as well. And Yoda and Yaddle had vanished.
"Okay, Sio first. Come on Sio, give me the image recorder. I'll take you home."
"Say 'Bantha Burger'...smileeeeeeeeeee!" The flash from the recorder temporarily blinded Brazo, but he recovered enough to get Sio out the door and send her on her way when she protested loudly that she didn't need any help walking home. So he set his sites on Nev next.
"Dr. Nev. Party's over. You need to go home and get some sleep so you can make your appointments tomorrow. Lots of looney padawans will need the assistance of a sober Shrink. Up we go. Can you stand?"
"Huh? Stand on what?"
"Can you walk?"
"Wellllll, normally I would say yes. But, I'm not to sure 'bout that right now. Can I have a bea for the road?"
"No, you're not taking a road. You're just taking the lift. I'll see you home." He escorted the healer out of the apartment.
*******
Meanwhile, Bren and Obi-Wan had their hands full getting Qui-Gon into the bed. They had moved him down the hall and were at the entrance to his room, when he would not go any further.
"NO! I gotta curl my hair before bed. Look like a rooster if I don't make it pretty. Where are my boxers? Oba-Wand, did you take 'em? Give 'em back."
"Master, I don't have your boxers. You have them on."
"Well I'll be. I do have 'em on. Now, get me my curlers, boy. Ain't going nowhere without 'em."
With her hands on his back, Bren was slowly inching the tall Knight forward towards his bed. Obi-Wan had grabbed his hand and was pulling, while Qui-Gon kept babbling about anything. "Pada...pad...pada...padawa...pad..."
"Yes, Master? Keep moving."
"You're such a good pada...pad...padwan...pad..."
"Yes, Master. I know what you mean. Almost there."
"Have the trolls stopped screaming?"
"No, Master. Well, I don't know. They just kinda vanished. Okay, here's your bed."
When Qui-Gon made no attempt to get into the bed and instead just stood there, Bren pushed him over from behind. "Look out, kid! TIMBER!" And the Jedi bounced into the bed face first. Once he landed he made no attempt to move. "Oh, come on Qui, at least pull your legs up. You're not exactly Mr. Lightweight."
"Huh? Who? Oh, I feel terrible. Turn off the light."
"The light is not on, Stretch. If you drink too much, you pay the price for it. This is a good lesson for your apprentice. Grab that leg, Obi."
After some maneuvering, Qui-Gon was finally settled. They got his boots off and covered him with several blankets.
"Master, you look horrible."
"Thannn you, Oba-One."
"Okay, Qui, just close your eyes and take a nice long nap. You are going to feel worse in the morning. Any rest you can get you will need."
'Yes...sleep. Tell Mace that the Mr. Clean look is just not happenin' for him. An tell that sith troll that he can take his walking stick and put it where the sun don't..."
"MASTER!"
"Oh, sorry. And get Poof outta my house. Had enough of him mocking everything I do. Gonna whack that head right off that neck soon enough. Tired of him makin' it go baaaaaack and fooooooooooooorth, baaaaaaaaack and fooooooooooorth...baaaaaaaack and fo....
"Qui-Gon! Enough." Bren said firmly. "Close your eyes. Obi, help me put him into a deep sleep. Otherwise he's liable to ramble all night long." They both place their hands on his forehead. "Sleep Qui-Gon. Sleep."
"No...need...my...curl...ers...Oba...Wand..."
And he was out. "Finally. Obi, we have got to keep your master and alcohol away from each other. He doesn't drink often, but when he does, it's not pretty."
"Yeah, then I get to suffer his wrath the next day."
"Well, I have a class early tomorrow morning, but after that I can come to relieve you of hangover duty for a while if you like."
Obi-Wan nodded quickly. "YES! Please!"
"Okay. Let's go see if Brazo needs any help before I head home."
***********
In the common area, Brazo had grabbed Poof by the neck and Mace by the tunic and was dragging them out the door. Once out, he threw them across the hall. "Go home. Both of you. Or go somewhere. But take your mocking contest elsewhere."
Bren approached him. "Nicely done. I've been wanting to do that for ages."
"Tell Qui-Gon, next party, NO COUNCIL! I still can't find Yoda and Yaddle. I didn't see them leave though."
"Oh, they probably snuck out at some point during the evening. They were really in need of a room. Maybe they found one."
"Master Bren, please don't talk about that. I have enough trouble dealing with you and Master Qui-Gon and all that adult mush crap, I don't need to know about what the trolls are doing behind closed doors."
"On that disgusting note," Brazo interrupted, "I am going home. Good night you two. Give me a hug."
A couple hugs later and the big Jedi was on his way. Bren lay a hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder. "Okay, kid. I am heading out as well. Call me if you need anything. Otherwise, I'll see you tomorrow, early afternoon."
The boy frowned. "Okay. Prepare for Mr. Grumpy. Good night, Master Bren. Thanks for your help."
"Anytime, kid. Good night."
**************
Obi-Wan looked around the apartment. It was a disaster. He figured as long as he was still awake he may as well clean things up a bit. He did, even though it took him over an hour. By that time he was exhausted. But a noise from the bedroom caught his attention. As quietly as he could he padded into his master's room. The man was snoring soundly.
"Okay, maybe I was just hearing things. You're worn out Kenobi. Get some sleep."
Making his way to his own room, the boy took his boots off and was about to flop himself into bed. Things were quiet. Too quiet. But he shrugged it off and walked to his bed.
A hand reached out from beneath, grabbing him and hanging on.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OH GODS! SITH SITH SITH! GET OFF ME! MASTERRRRRRRRRR!!!!" He ran from the room screaming and panting heavily. He stood outside the door and tried to catch his breath. "Force, there is something in there." He found his saber and ignited it. Then he crept into the bedroom, pulse racing and weapon ready. "Okay little monster, come out now. You don't belong here, whatever you are. Get out of my room."
He heard a giggle.
"I hear you under there. Come out with your hands up and I promise not to slice you in half." The giggling continued. Nothing Obi-Wan said convinced the 'thing' to come out from under the bed. He knelt down and stuck his head lower, careful to keep his humming saber away from his hair. He'd burnt his hair before on the thing and stunk up the apartment for several days. As he lowered his head to try and peek underneath, the giggling form jumped out at him.
"AHHHHHHHHHH! NO NO NO! GET OFF! SITH! GET OFF ME! Get...off...Yaddle? Ewwwww, there's a troll on me. Get away! How did you get under my bed? Where is the other one?"
Yaddle only giggled as she hurried out the door. Obi-Wan was not amused. "Master Yoda, I know you are under there. This is not funny. You scared me to death. Please come out."
"Come out I will not. Until put your saber away you do."
"Oh," he replied as he powered down his weapon. "Sorry. Come out now. I need to go to bed and I can't do that with you under there."
Yoda crawled out from beneath the bed, stood and grunted before he left. "Hospitable you are not." And he waddled out.
"That's just to creepy. I don't EVEN want to know what they were doing under there. Note to self, fumigate this apartment as soon as possible." He dressed into his nightclothes before doing a final check. "Okay, trolls are gone, Master Qui-Gon is asleep, I am tired, time for bed." And he curled into his blankets. Before long he was oblivious to the world.
**********
Awaking the next morning, he was greeted by Qui-Gon yelling for him. He went in to see what he was needed for and found his teacher lying on the floor next to his bed. "Master, are you okay?"
"No. What happened to me? I feel like I was run over by a herd of trolls."
"Well, not quite. You drank a little to much Bea at your party."
"And did I say anything foolish?"
"Uh, probably. But I think most of the talk about your curlers and boxers was just to Master Bren and myself. Don't worry though, you weren't the only one to make a fool of yourself. Most of the council did as well."
Obi-Wan helped Qui-Gon into a sitting position on the floor as the master's head began to spin. "Oh Force. What is that smell?"
"That's you, Master. You weren't vertical enough to get a shower last night. You should really get one now though. You're really stinking up this place."
"Thank you for your kind words, Padawan. Help me up, oh, my head. Slowly."
Once upright, Qui-Gon inched his way towards the bathroom. The younger Jedi took it upon himself to change the sheets on his master's bed. As he was dressing the bed with clean sheets, the quiet was broken by a yelling Qui-Gon.
"OBI-WAN!!! THERE IS A TROLL IN MY TUB! WHAT IS GOING ON? GET OUT OF MY BATHROOM!"
"YELL AT ME YOU WILL NOT. YOUR MASTER I AM. SHOW RESPECT YOU SHALL."
"OUT! NOW!"
"HUNGOVER I AM. NO YELLING THERE WILL BE!"
"OUT DAMN TROLL!"
Obi-Wan decided it was time to break things up, and he entered the bathroom. "Master, please stop yelling. Master Yoda, I thought you left here last night after you got out from under the bed?"
"Left I did. However, locked me out Yaddle had. Return here was my only choice."
Qui-Gon was confused. "Under the bed? Obi-Wan?"
"Long story, Master. Master Yoda is just leaving, aren't you?"
"Leaving I am. Remember this I will." And he was gone.
Qui-Gon stood shakily on his rubbery legs. "There better not be any troll slime in this tub. I am NEVER having another one of these parties."
"Whatever you say, Master. Just get in the tub before you fall over again."
"Yes. Thank you Obi-Wan. Get out."
Knowing he'd be needed again soon enough, the apprentice left his teacher to get cleaned up. He did some final cleaning of the common area before sitting down to breakfast. A few minutes later, Qui-Gon yelled for him. "Sith, not again. COMING MASTER!"
Qui-Gon was sitting on the edge of the tub, a large towel draped around his waist. He was leaning against the tiled wall, trying desperately to keep what was in his stomach...in his stomach.
"Master?" the boy said softly. "Are you okay?"
"No. My head is pounding and I am about to throw up. Help me."
Obi-Wan crunched his face up. "Help you throw up? I think you can manage that on your own. You should tie your hair back though."
"No, help me out of the tub. I can't move."
With a little help from the Force, the young student got Qui-Gon away from the tub and next to the toilet, where the older man promptly lost the contents of his stomach. Luckily, Obi-Wan had been ready and had kept the big Jedi's wet hair out of his face, quickly placing a tie around it and allowing the long hair to lie in a single ponytail on his back.
When it seemed that the master was finished with the porcelain bowl before him, he steadied himself with the padawan's help and carefully made his way to the common area where he collapsed on the couch. "I want a quiet home today, Obi-Wan. No talking, no walking, no lights, no nothing. Got it?"
Obi-Wan didn't answer, just stared at his master.
"Understand?"
Still no response.
"Obi-Wan? Do you understand? Speak."
"Sorry, Master, you said you didn't want any talking."
"Don't get smart," he replied with an evil glare. "You know what I mean. Keep things quiet."
"Yes, Master."
*********
With Qui-Gon camped out on the couch moaning in agony every time Obi-Wan made even the slightest noise, the boy was beginning to lose his mind. He was bored beyond belief but unsure about leaving his master alone. He remembered Master Bren saying she would be by in the afternoon, but until then he could only sit in silence while Qui-Gon crowded the couch.
A chime at the door startled him and he hurried to reach it before it sounded again and Qui-Gon began whining about the noise. Opening the door he found Master Brazo standing there with open arms. "GOOD MORNING!"
Obi-Wan worked quickly to try and shush him. "Quietly, Master Brazo." He pointed to the couch.
"Oh, I see. Someone is paying for his indulgence. You get what you deserve, Qui-Gon."
Qui-Gon picked his head up slowly. "What? Who is yelling? Obi-Wan, I told you I wanted quiet. Tell your friends to come back later."
"But it's Master Brazo."
"I don't care if it's the Queen of England. Make him go away."
"The Queen of what?"
"QUIET!"
"Okay. Sorry, Master Brazo. He's a happy drunk but a grumpy hangover. Can you come back another time?"
Brazo patted the boy on the shoulder. "Yes, I will do that. Are you okay with him?"
"Yes," Obi-Wan nodded. "Other than his whining and bad mood he seems okay."
"Very well. If you need any help give me a call. GOOD MORNING TO YOU QUI-GON!" Brazo laughed as he yelled out the last few words and then disappeared out the door.
Qui-Gon was not happy. "OBI-WAN! SO HELP ME!"
"There is no help for you, Master. He's gone, go back to sleep."
"Remind me to kill you later."
"You better rest now, Master. When Master Bren gets here, you will suffer."
"Just give me quiet, that's all I want."
Obi-Wan shook his head and walked away. He thought briefly about grabbing his image recorder and snapping a few shots of his once stoic teacher sprawled out on the couch unable to lift his head. This was just to good to pass up. Sure Qui-Gon would kill him, but not until he was able to walk again. And he did need something to entertain himself while he was busy doing nothing. "Just a couple holo's of him on the couch. He'll never know. He'll just think it's me playing with the lights."
Sneaking softly around the room he found the recorder and waited for the prime opportunity to attack. Padding through the common area he drew Qui-Gon's blanket up around his shoulders and tucked it around him. The man stirred.
"Obi-Wan, what are you doing? Please leave me alone."
"Just tucking you in, Master. You were a bit chilled. Can't have that now can we?"
Qui-Gon's voice softened. "Oh, okay. Thank you, Padawan. You're such a good apprentice, as long as your lips aren't working overtime. Let me go back to sleep now."
"Sleep well, Master," he smiled. A few minutes later, Qui-Gon seemed to be out cold. Obi-Wan pulled out the recorder and snapped a few holo's.
"OBI-WAN!" Qui-Gon sprang up. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU TAKING HOLO'S OF ME? GIVE ME THAT!"
Obi-Wan ran from the room when his master tried to pick himself up off the couch and run after him. He fell several times before he got on his feet. Obi-Wan was snapping holo's the entire time. It was then that Qui-Gon realized that he was wearing nothing but his lightsaber boxer shorts. "OBI-WAN? WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES! Don't you dare take a holo of me in my underwear. Don't do it. DON'T DO IT!"
But it was of no use. The boy was snapping away. And giggling hysterically the entire time. "Master, you need a tan. Put some clothes on man! Master Bren will be here soon, you'll scare her with that look."
"What? Bren is coming here? Why? Obi-Wan, help me get some clothes on, NOW!"
"I don't think so. You did this to yourself. Then you treat me like a step-pad. You expect me to help you? I've cleaned up the entire apartment, cleaned YOU up, chased trolls out of our home, and put up with your bad attitude this morning. I think you need to help yourself now." He managed to say everything with a straight face.
Standing between the couch and the wall bracing himself with both arms, Qui-Gon was trying to keep his head up long enough to finish this argument. He felt the bile rising in his throat again. Obi-Wan sensed it and took pity on him, but not until he got one more holo of his teacher in this position.
"Okay, Master. Let me help you to the bathroom. You look like you are going to give into the nausea soon." They made it just in time. Qui-Gon was as sick as he had ever been, pressing his head to the coolness of the metal sink. He rested for a few minutes before trying to get to his feet again. Grabbing onto Obi-Wan's tunic, he pulled his large frame off the floor. "Okay," he said as he stood shakily. "Get me back to the couch."
"Please. Please get me back to the couch, Padawan. That's what you should be saying, Qui-Gon. Have some respect for your apprentice." The pair looked up to see Master Bren standing in the doorway. Obi-Wan immediately let out a sigh of relief.
"Master Bren, thank the Force. Am I glad to see you."
"I let my class out early. Thought you could use a hand. Qui-Gon, where are your clothes?"
"Don't start. I don't know where they are. Don't stare at me like that. You shouldn't see me in my underwear."
"You are so pathetic. I've seen you without your towel, what's the big deal about underwear? You could use a tan though."
"That's what I told him," Obi-Wan snickered. "Can you help me get him to the couch?"
"Sure thing, kid. Come on, Qui-Poo."
Qui-Gon flinched at the name. "Please Bren, no nicknames today. I've already thrown up twice. Can someone turn the light off?"
The moved him to the common area again, and put him in a chair to keep him upright. The Jedi protested the vertical position. "Just let me lie down, I'll be fine if you just let me sleep."
"You need to function a bit today Qui. I will make you my famous Poorogi-hangover soup and...hey, Obi? What's the image recorder out for?"
"He was gathering evidence to use against me," Qui-Gon snapped out.
"Actually I just wanted something that would remind him of what he looks like after he's had to many drinks. Next party I am thinking...show him these and he'll stick with drinking milk all night."
"Good idea. You get some shots of him in his boxers?" Bren was smiling now.
"Oh yeah! I'll show them to you later when he's asleep."
Qui-Gon turned an ear towards the pair in the kitchen. "I hear you, Obi-Wan. Don't think you won't pay for what you've done."
"Oh relax, Qui. He's been taking care of you since last night. Lighten up. Okay...here it is. My hangover soup. Take a taste, Obi."
Sipping the soup off the spoon Obi-Wan immediately spit it out all over the counter. "DAMN! That is NASTY!"
"Hey, watch your mouth. Be nice. You think Mr. Grumpy will enjoy it?"
"No! HAHAHA! But make him eat it anyway."
She approached the now dozing Jedi, "Oh, Qui-Gon, wake up. I have something for you to try. I want you to eat this all up. It will help you start to feel better."
He opened his eyes when the foul-smelling odor was under his nose. It was pushed away as he turned his head from the smell. "Get that away. I'm fine. Just need rest."
"No can do, Stretch. Come on. Open up. Here comes the airplane."
As she shoved spoonful after spoonful of soup into his master's mouth, Obi-Wan just sat back and smiled. He was enjoying this...too much for Qui-Gon's taste.
"Obi-Wan, you will get yours, don't worry. Making me suffer like this. GAH! That stuff is just...AH! Stop it, Bren. No more."
"Yes, more. And if you threaten that boy once more, I will force two more bowls of this stuff into you. He's only trying to look after you."
Qui-Gon's head bobbed a bit. "I know. Thank you, Obi-Wan."
"Much better. Now you can lay your head back and sleep for a while."
There was no answer as he wasted little time in closing his eyes and drifting off. Bren tucked a blanket around him and escorted Obi-Wan to the kitchen. "You want to head down to the gym for a short sparring session?"
"I would love to, but you think it's okay to leave him alone?"
She glanced at the pitiful soul in the chair. "I think so. We won't be gone long. Part of my hangover soup includes a stomach settling sedative, so he'll sleep soundly for a while. Come on, let's get some exercise."
*********
One good sparring match later and the pair were headed home. When they arrived Qui-Gon had somehow slid off the chair and landed face down on the floor. Obi-Wan suppressed a laugh. "Should we just leave him like that?"
"Believe me, I am tempted. But just so he doesn't wake up in an even worse mood, let's put him on the couch. This is why you don't drink until you can't stand. Have a drink and enjoy yourself. Have more than you can handle and suffer the consequences. Up we go, Qui."
With some difficulty they managed him onto the couch. "Now what, Master Bren?"
"Just leave him. I'll make you some lunch and we can watch a Lima holo."
"But Master Qui-Gon is on the couch. I always watch Lima cuddled with my blanket on the couch."
"You can sit with me on the floor. I could use a good cuddle."
Obi-Wan smiled. "Yes! But let's not watch Trolltanic. That scene with those two trolls standing on the bow of that ship singing with their arms flared out to the sides kills me. Let's watch Schindler's Trolls. Lima is SO good in that one."
"Oh that holo always gets to me at the end. Get a box of tissues while I finish up lunch. I could use a good cry."
"Me too," the padawan sniffed. "I'll set everything up."
*********
Halfway through the holo, Bren and Obi-Wan's attention was diverted from the monitor when they heard a big THUD behind them. Looking back they saw that Qui-Gon had rolled right off the couch, once again, landing on his face. The pair shared an amused look and laughed.
"Just leave him there, kid. Throw the blanket over him. As long as he's breathing it really doesn't matter."
"Wait! Put the holo on pause for a minute. I want to get my image recorder." He ran out the room and returned a few seconds later. "Master, smile...say 'Sith Troll.' Perfect!" Qui-Gon remained unconscious through out the entire ordeal.
Obi-Wan sat back down next to Bren in his cuddle position. "Okay, ready for more Lima."
"I think I know why your master has a thing for pathetic life forms. He is one himself, so he can take pity on them."
"That would explain it. One pathetic life form deserves another. Look, Lima is about to break down. Pass the tissues please."
"Sniff...here ya go, kid."
"Does this...sniff...make us pathetic life forms too?"
"I think...so, Obi. That's okay though. Us pathetic creatures need to stick together. You want a hug?"
"Yes," Obi-Wan said as he climbed into Bren's lap and hugged her. The saddest part of the holo played before them.
"We are pathetic, Master Bren. But I...sniff...wouldn't have it any other way."
"You ain't just kiddin', kid."
END