New story! Apologies this one is depressing. I like writing depressing stuff because.. it seems so deep yeah! This story isn't completed; I don't know how to finish it. This is about Ronnie's death penalty from episode "2245" season 4. Pardon me if I get any of the facts wrong and make plot holes :/ you can read in on a bad day if you like … contains no slash and no bodily harming – though you never know. I haven't finished the story to end yet. So… read on -
Doug waited next to a dull grey old building that stood close to State Prison feeling shudders run up and down his body. It wasn't the look of it or the air was cold; the fact it was a place where people get death penalties because their crimes are not stopping. It is what was being to Ronnie Seebok at this moment. A young man who was suspected of murder but was not guilty, however his drug deals were found out because Hanson was there with him while undercover. In that way when Ronnie killed another Tom felt responsible. He felt he was always responsible for other people. It becomes a problem when it evolves around a person's death because he would blame himself. He didn't know why and wished Tom wouldn't feel that way. Is it that he strives to be a good cop like his father who passed away or is over-sensitive? Probably both.
This late evening, Tom was in the building watching the execution because Ronnie asked him. Reason was because they have sort of developed friendship so Tom agreed to be there, for him. Of course Tom accepted because as he said, he felt responsible. Doug didn't understand any of it even if asked his friend a dozen times. Then again, he never really understood Tom, even with the four-year friendship. But the most important part of their friendship would be being there for each other like he was doing tonight. He couldn't let Tom be all alone, knowing Tom would be upset by something he didn't agree with. Like the death penalties.
He never met Ronnie Seebok himself but heard he was sly and cold. From those tags he believed Ronnie asked Tom to see to execution to manipulate him for the last time, an own back for getting him into prison. He wanted to tell Tom this but thought better of it as it's not something Tom would agree with. He remembers nearly shouting at Tom when he said that he didn't agree Ronnie should have the execution. Doug was telling him he killed a good person, the good person was a respected undercover police officer they knew. "But Ronnie is still a person", Doug remembered Tom replied.
His hands were tucked deep into his pockets as the coldish, howling wind blew against him. A yellow light surrounded him from a street lamp close by and above, the night sky navy blue.
It was around an hour, Doug waited. He knew that from impatiently checking his brown worn-out leather watch every ten minutes as the time was dragging on so he was relieved when he saw some people come out of the steel door of the building thinking the wait will be over. But he hasn't seen the sight of Tom amongst the people. There were about fourteen of them and they wore passes around their necks that stated 'Visitor' in red letters. Some of them were chatting, like something ordinary happened. Besides the fact they saw a person get executed. Doug bit his lip wondering if he could ask any of them where his friend could be but his wonder was cut off when he saw the last person to exit the building; Tom. He was wearing old jeans and a zipped up brown jacket and his brown lank hair slightly flopped eyes and too, wearing a pass. He walked towards him, his eyes meeting his gaze and stopped a few paces away from him.
The first thing he noticed when he saw Tom, was his eyes. They were dark, so dark with no twinkles dancing in it he usually had...like it was dead. His painful eyes looked right though him and at nothing. He was disturbed by it but didn't look away. Not only was his eyes dark but his face too. It was shadowed grey and long.
"You look terrible" Doug said before he could think about the right words to say. He could just kick himself for saying something so stupid. He has just watched an execution of course he would look like hell and he would know it too. He wasn't all that great at showing sympathy when he felt uncomfortable with the situation. Tom didn't bite his head off though; he just lowered his gaze to the floor.
Tom wasn't speaking either. That made it hard for Doug to as well. What could he say? He couldn't ask anything that happened in there because he knew Tom wouldn't want to talk about it. Maybe he can another time.
When he began to get so sick of the silence he spoke again, "would you like a ride at my place?" he asked. He was glad he came out with something worth saying and at least helpful but he didn't get a reply straight-away. He felt more uncomfortable by the minute of no response. He wondered if Tom hadn't heard him correctly or at all and thought of repeating the question. "Tom?" he repeated hopefully.
"Yes" Tom finally responded. His voice was lifeless and haunting. He didn't reconnect his eyes into Doug's but instead, turned to walk to head to Doug's yellow car outside the open gates of State prison.
State Prison, he had just remembered Tom had in fact been in prison for two months, wrongly accused of murder half a year ago. He thought that could be another reason why he connected to Ronnie. He went to see him a lot in prison probably to say 'I know how you feel' or 'I know what it's like'. If only he knew Ronnie didn't have a care in the world. He killed a good officer for Christ's sake!
Tom dawdled along and Doug tagged by his side. Doug ears picked up to Tom's harsh, heavy breathing. In out, in out, rather loudly. He turned his head to stare at his friend. He had his head slightly down and anger was clouded in his eyes. Then he unexpectedly ripped off the visitor tag from his neck and threw it to the ground as if it disgusted him. Doug's response was a raise of his eyebrows. Did Tom sense he was staring at him for a majority of time and that made him snap? He knew Tom hated being stared at whenever he wasn't in a good mood. "I'm sorry" Doug apologised in it was what he thought. Tom stopped and stared into Doug's soft brown eyes with his fiery menacing eyes "No you're not!" Tom shouted. The loudest he had been so far, in fact it made Doug's heart jump and ears ring. "You wanted Ronnie to die, just like the rest of them!" Tom spat. Oh, now it made sense. It was about Ronnie not about the staring. Tom was right, he had no soft spot for Ronnie and agreed to the testimony he should get the death penalty. No one else disagreed, accept Tom. He struggled to find words to say like Tom was earlier. It looked as if Tom could just bite his head off with his reply, the way he was fuming. He may be shorter than him but was menacing when he was angry. He never hit him but it looked like he would now.
"I don't know how you can be so sick" Tom said in a quiet voice. His eyes glittered back to life with tears. To his surprise, his anger seemed to have washed away to tenderness. He almost felt guilt leaking under the surface, the words Tom chose, the way his eyes showed hurt and betrayal. "I'm...I'm - "Doug's apology was cut off when Tom quickly turned away and began walking again, but faster. Doug tried to catch up with him. He reached out his arm and placed a firm hand on his shoulder to stop him walking. "I am sorry" Doug said softly as he could. Tom shrugged Doug's big hand off his shoulder and carried on walking, not turning back. Doug tried to keep up, sometimes with a little run because Tom was surprisingly a fast walker.
He finally stopped when he got to Doug's car. Doug breathed heavy and his heart hammered in his chest from the cause of catching up. He looked in the car window reflection of Hanson's face and saw he was trying not to cry by biting hard at his bottom lip. Doug gingerly took out his car key from his pocket and unlocked the car door for his friend. Tom hastily opened the car door himself and sat down. Doug walked to the other side of his car, unlocked it and slipped inside on the comfy seat. He moved his hand to the wheel and glanced over to Hanson who sat limply, staring out of the front window before him as if Doug doesn't exist. He willed himself to find something to say that might change Tom's feelings towards him. He licked his lips before speaking, "I… I wouldn't feel the way you feel Tom, because I haven't gotten to know, close to Ronnie and I haven't just watched... him die" he said, regretting the last words because it was too open. Tom reacted by closing his eyes as if he was shameful. "I wouldn't know" Doug repeated, close to a whisper. They sat a few minutes in the car still and silent accept their thoughts.
I hope he won't be against me from this time. It's not as if I killed Ronnie. What should I say and what should I do? What would become of these days? Will he be ok again or would he hate me forever? Why is it so damn hard to know what's up in his head? He seems to get the wrong idea of almost everything. How could he blame everyone and me for Ronnie's death? It's Ronnie's fault, again, for one last time. Angered and buggered thoughts and questions circled Doug's mind he wished someone could answer.
I hope Doug isn't thinking I'm against him. I sure seem like it to him but I can't stop the accusations pushing towards him. Yes, I hate him for agreeing Ronnie's death penalty but he is still my best friend, forever and always and what he feels it's his choice. I can't hate him forever. I just feel the anger and betrayal that I'm the only one to stand up to Ronnie out of all the people. They seem to look down at me as if I'm messed up or something. I cannot help feeling for other people. I know Ronnie killed two people but having a death penalty is too far. He should have lived his life in prison...not die. Ronnie's fear brought both of us together. I can't forget the dreaded fear in Ronnie's eyes in the execution. When lying down strapped down with a needle stuck in his arm for poison to pass through, his fearful eyes turned left and met his own. I could almost read in his mind he was screaming 'help'. I wish I could have. I think the worst part was seeing the fear in his eyes. I can't forget it, I can even see it. He didn't seem to be a bad person to me especially when he was preparing himself to death when he asked me to watch. He asked me because no one else was close to him and felt for him the way I did. "Promise me, promise me you come...please" I remembered Ronnie asked two days ago. I could never say no, seeing the begging pain in his eyes. I agreed, meeting my eyes into the dead man's.
"Do you want to come at my place?" Doug asked. He thought it would be a good idea to watch over Tom tonight and the next few days in case he did something...crazy. He had to say, sometimes Tom is so unexpected and nuts. One time he spiralled out of control; part of the case, he drag raced with the drag raced ending with the suspect seriously hurt, he went off with an old friend to escape Fuller's lesson to retake the police academy, got a tattoo, spent a small time in jail and tried to crash a wedding! No one could control him, not even Fuller! The court warned if they don't find Tom he would lose his job. Eventually Tom decided for himself to make it all right again. He said he couldn't stand being so responsible and for once, wanted to be free and do anything he wanted. But there was just one reason that kept him as a cop, because his father was who passed away. People expected him to be in his dad's shoes and be like...a replacement. He heard some cops who knew his dad say he looks very much like him. He didn't know if Tom minded but knew he loved his father. He would mention him sometimes like in a way, to show he's not forgotten but every time he would get very emotional. He's like a boiled egg, hard shell but soft inside.
"No" Tom replied to his question, so certain. Doug sank in his seat helplessly. When Tom says no, it's a no. The more he asks again the more Tom would be angry at him. He would just have to give up but... just tonight. He might go and see him tomorrow to make sure he hasn't done something stupid. He replied with a silent 'ok' and turned on the engine to drive through the night.
Okie dokie, that's the first chapter, please review to tell criticism, what you like, what you don't like and how sorry you feel for Tommy :P : )