Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. But everyday, I wish I did. *sigh*

This is just after 'Freak the Freak Out'

I Should Hate Her

Jade POV

Chapter 1: Why don't I hate Cat?

I was restless, I kept tossing and turning in my bed not getting an ounce of sleep and thanking god tomorrow was Sunday. Even if it was a school day, I think I would just skip.

But I thought about it and now I couldn't stop thinking about it. It was the kind of person I am, once something came to the forefront of my mind that didn't make any sense I would over-analyze it trying to find the reason.

Like right now. I didn't ever even think about it. How could this go on without my knowledge?

I sighed out loud "How does Cat have a crush on me?" I don't even mind that Cat's a girl because that's stupid. You should love someone because of who they are and I hate people who think otherwise. But how does she like who I am?

I guess I could start any where. Let's find an event unrelated to this. I pushed Cat out of my mind and next is Beck. He's no good; he's been around almost as long as Cat. So I search for my anger, and I find Tori. She's good; she's only been here for a few months so it's easier to track.

Okay, the first day she came. The 'Drive-by Acting' exercise in Improv class. When Sikowitz chose me for the skit, Cat stood up before I even picked her. Which means she knew I would pick her first. Well, that could just be friendship, so maybe it's a little later.

The next thing I can remember about Tori is her 'Bird Scene'. So what happened that day with me and Cat? Oh yeah, we were performing a sketch and Sikowitz hit Cat in the face with a ball. I frowned at the memory, stupid Sikowitz, hitting poor Cat with a ball, who does he think he is? But never mind that! What did Cat do? I guess she bumped into me a bit. She usually did that to find comfort, but that couldn't be it. Must have been earlier.

What happened with Tori next? I smiled, the 'Stage Fighting'. What did Cat do? Well when Tori 'hit' me she came to me screaming that I was bleeding, and she tried to find me a chair to sit in. Then afterwards she asked Tori why she hit me and even though Cat said she believed Tori, I could tell she was lying. And Cat was really shocked when that girl slashed her drink in my face. But that isn't anything a friend wouldn't do.

Tori, Tori, Tori did what next? I think she mentioned it was that annoy sister of her's 'Birthweek', whatever the hell that is. What did Cat do? Well when I said 'You people give me a rash', Cat didn't over react like she normally did. Not that that was directed at her. But I guess she knew that or guessed I didn't mean it. But that doesn't explain anything because Cat gets me.

Oh yeah, I love this one 'Tori the Zombie'. Cat was pretty good at that. At the end of the song 'Uptown, Downtown' Cat was talking to me and congratulating me at how well I had done and babbling on about how I should have been the lead. Then when that nerd with the bushy hair and stupid hairbrush starting playing disco, Cat convinced me to dance with her. That's couldn't be it ether because Cat loved dancing and was just trying to have fun with me and she always compliments me after a performance. So no, that wouldn't be it.

What happened with Tori next? Oh yeah, fucking 'Robarazzi' happened! I hate that kid. Well, Cat didn't really do anything. I did. I wasn't really in the mood for her cheerfulness that morning so I snapped at her when she brought that machine full of fake, stomach-bleeding, snow. But it was kind of weird that she didn't seem that hurt even when she said 'That's so hurtful!' But then again, she knows I didn't really mean it, I suppose. And she didn't say anything when she came with that super juicer and I said 'You're so screwed up.' But maybe she knows I don't mean it.

This isn't getting me anywhere but I have too keep trying. What was next with Tori? Oh, fuck. How could I forget the half a day I spent in beck's stupid-fucked-up-RV? When we finally got out of the RV and Rex insulted me, Cat didn't look too happy but freakin' Beck goes laughing his head off! So I squirted the stupid doll with sun block and Cat was the only one to smile but that could just be because Rex is always mean to her.

What else happened? Oh yeah, when Beck got his 'Big Break'. Cat giggled a little when I made fun of Andre.

Then their was the day we told Tori about the 'Great Ping-Pong Scam'. Cat laughed when I made fun of Robbie, but now that I'm noticing, Cat laughs whenever I make fun of someone else that isn't her. So that's off the list.

What was next? Oh yeah, Danny. Cat's ex-boyfriend, thank god! How the hell does he just go and make-out with Tori of all people, when he's with Cat? He seemed fine at first but then he goes and does that! But Cat didn't do anything with me, so no to that. But I almost chocked laughing when Cat told me she punched Tori right in the nose, well after they fixed my nerves of that stupid South American fish.

Then there was tonight of course, but just then I looked at the clock next to my bed or should I say last night since it's 3:52. Cat happily let me pick the song we would dance and sing to, then when we were dancing we were rubbing up against each other like we did it all the time. Then when I told her my bag was made of monkey fur, she didn't even gasp, she just let it go, and she loves animals! Then when the owner of the club said 'two girls really stood out tonight' I smirked, looked at Cat and she was smiling and I couldn't tell under the darkness of the club but I think she blushed and then we turned away from each other. And when she grabbed my arm after she sort of figured out one of the girls was the daughter of the owner of the joint. Then when we went to Vega's house, Cat told Tori 'Jade has a plan', almost dreamy-like. Then when Tori asked how mean the girls were she said 'not that mean, but still really mean', which means Cat knows I'm mean but she's still my friend? Then after she insulted Haley and Tara she asked if it was good, like she was looking for my approval. Then Cat goes and puts Beck up as a reward for the girls winning the bet! Then after Cat called the girls 'morons' she deliberately leaned back to touch my arm, like she was looking for comfort. And while I saw Sinjin talking to a couple of Northridge girls, Cat was all smiles while we talked but then again, I was smiling too. And once Tori took off her disguise Cat looked at me, and I could see it from the corner of my eye, that she had done everything right and it was leading to me getting my way.

No matter what happened before tonight overrules anything Cat has done been with me because the evidence tonight shatters all doubt, that at the very least, Cat has a crush on me. But what have I done to make her crush on me?

I blink a few times until I realize, that was the question I should have been asking, what did I do to make Cat like be so much?

Stupid Beck, why did he have to tell me Cat had a crush on me? Now, I can't even sleep enough to think strait. I sighed and continued.

I looked back to the first day Tori came. Why did I pick Cat first? If anything I should have picked Tori first or Beck, but why her, of all people, why Cat?

I didn't know.

'The Bird Scene'? I was really upset that Sikowitz threw a freakin' ball at Cat's face. And I didn't even say anything after Cat bumped into me when Cat got up. I usually got mad at anyone who did that to me, even Beck, so why did I let it go?... Because it's Cat. She's… fragile. And she's my best friend. So I can't hurt her, I let her get away with little things and I could see she was hurt so I invited her to lunch because I knew it would make her happy. But Cat has to know it's just that I care about her as a friend, right? But she's Cat, so she might not know.

I groaned "So I do nice things for her once in a while. So? Why does she have to like me?" I huffed in annoyance "What else could I have possible done?"

Well, when I did say 'You people give me a rash', I didn't look at Cat because I didn't mean Cat and she understood that. I didn't include her because she's hurt so easily, but it's not like I complimented her or anything.

After the end of 'Uptown, Downtown' I was talking with Cat, but we always do that. It's what friends do. And I let Cat dance with me because she likes dancing, and I guess I was in the mood to dance, anyway.

And that day I snapped at Cat, I didn't mean too. I felt bad about hurting Cat like that even though she didn't react to it. It still made me feel bad. I even sent her a text saying I was sorry but I only did that because we're friends, because I don't want to lose her. She's the only friend I have, at least the only real one.

When we were stuck in Beck's RV I couldn't help but think if something bad had happened to Cat. And when she finally stepped through the door, my heart kind of lurched at the sight of her and I even went so far as to hug her tightly to me, and I felt my heart beat a little faster.

Wait, when this become about my feelings towards her? We're talking about Cat feelings. I mean she's the one with a crush on me! Not the other way around. It's not even the fact that Cat's a girl that's bothering me. It's the fact that she's Cat.

The fact that she sweet, innocent Cat. It's hard enough to believe Cat is mature enough to get a boyfriend, to even know what a boyfriend is, is shocking enough. Because when you see Cat, you see an innocent little girl that's body is just too old for her mind. But then again, I know Cat. She's not some little girl. She is mature but she hides it but I don't know why and I've tried to ask her before but then her face will drop and she'll pretend she didn't hear it, but sometimes she lets it slip though. But only when she's around me, when we're alone. It will be a small comment but it changes how I think about her and how I treat her.

And last night when we were dancing, I think I might have felt something. Something towards Cat. When we looked into each others eyes.

At the thought of it my heart jumped a little in my chest and I bolted upright, the black and gray covers of my bed flew around me as I realized something. Not once, not even twice, but three times by heart beat a little faster than normal. And the more I thought about it. Its happen more then that. I grabbed my chest, Beck has never done that, not once. I thought that was all in fairy tales, something people wished happened but it never happened in real life.

No, no, no "No, no, no. I can't feel that way for Cat. I'm suppose to hate her how can I-I…" I couldn't even finish it because saying it out loud would make it seem more realistic.

I'm not even suppose to be friends with Cat. We are exact opposites. And even though I knew that was true, a little voice in the back of my mind reminded me 'Opposites attract'.

I'm suppose to hate her.

She loves everything I hate. I hate most people that wear such bright clothing. I hate most people that are too cheerful in the morning. I hate most people that sweat. I hate most girls that wear too tight, colorful bikinis. I hate most people that put ketchup on hotdogs. I hate most girls that wear skirts over there jeans. I hate most girls that wear sparkly or neon shirts. I hate most girls that wear shorts that wear short that are way too short. I hate most girls that touch Beck. And I hate when most people take my photo and edit it with something stupid.

That voice in the back of my head came back 'Cat is all of those things and does all those things but Cat isn't most people. She's Cat.'

And I had to agree to that small voice. Cat's the exception. She's the exception to every rule I've made. That's why I don't say 'I hate people…', I only say it on purpose if it doesn't apply to Cat.

She's my except to everything. I show Cat more of my soft side than I've ever shown Beck and I do that because Cat softer than even that. I show her the other side of me because I know she can't hurt me.

I thought over the last sentence.

Do I really believe she can't hurt me or that she wouldn't hurt me. I think it over but the only reason I can think of is that she's Cat. That's been my answer to everything. And it sounds crazy, and stupid but in a way, it sweet.

And the only feeling that is described exactly like that is what I've been trying to avoid. Because if I admit to it Cat has something she can hurt me with. And I don't what her to be able to because so many others can already do that to me.

Beck can hurt me. He could leave me for anyone he wanted.

Tori can hurt me. She can take Beck away from me.

My parents can hurt me.

Other girls can hurt me.

Other people can hurt me.

Most people can hurt me.

But I don't want Cat to be one of those people. Cat is my best friend because she can't hurt me. If I wasn't Cat's friend, Cat would be alone. She wouldn't have anyone to talk to, to hang out with, and to understand her. So Cat can't hurt me.

But now I wonder if Cat wouldn't hurt me.

Because there's a difference. If she can't, then I know Cat can't have a crush on me, at least not a real one. But if Cat wouldn't, then I would have consider how I feel for Cat because Cat's close to my heart, yes I have one. I would have to consider Cat's feelings for me because I might have feelings for Cat.

But if she doesn't have feelings for me then Cat would be on the road to becoming one of the people that can hurt me, badly.

But how to test it?

Cat would have to willing do whatever I tell her. Cat would have to confess that she liked me, but without me telling her. I would have to get Cat so mad at me, without insulting her, to see if she would try to hurt me. And Cat would have to kiss me first.

It was the only way to make sure she couldn't hurt me.

I looked at my alarm clock, 6:40.

It was time to push Cat past her limit. To see if she can hold out, or if she would hold out. Because just anyone can hold out, but to love someone enough to hold out to the end without giving up is different. But there was only one problem, Beck. I haven't ever cheated on him and I'm not starting now. There was only one solution, to break up with him. And if my feelings for Cat are real, then I need to see who's more important for me to keep. To see if I can move on without needing Beck.

I forced myself out of bed. I noticed I hadn't even changed last night, I only took off my shoes, and I hadn't taken a shower for that matter.

I wasn't even tried. I went to the bathroom, connected to my room and looked in the mirror. I didn't even look tried ether. I sighed and went back to my room to find my monkey fur purse and retrieved my cell phone.

I paused. Did I really want to start this? With Cat? With Beck? I could stop this all right now before anything happening.

I think I stood there for about 5 minutes, staring at the phone in my hands. But I needed to know. So it went to Beck's number and called him.

He asked on the fourth ring "Jade? What's up? We don't have school today, why are you up so early?"

"We need to talk."

His voice turned to worry "What's wrong, Jade? What did I do?"

"You didn't do anything. I just need to figure some things out, I'll explain later. I'll be at your RV at 8." With that I hung up.

After I showered, did my hair and make-up, and put on black, torn-up skinny jeans and a black spaghetti strap top with a black shirt that hung off my shoulders I started heading to Beck's when I got a text from Cat.

Cat-

We should celebrate 2day! Txt me if you wanna go somewhere, like ice cream!

I rolled my eyes, typical Cat, but I texted her back.

Jade-

Yeah sure but Im picking where were going. I'll txt u when Im coming

Almost immediately Cat texted back.

Cat-

YEAH! Thx Jade!

I smiled but when I noticed Beck's house was coming up I wiped the smile from my lips. Time to break up with Beck…

Okay so this is my first fic on Cade. I hope you guys enjoy it!