Don't Love me, Don't Look at me, Don't Leave me

by L'alouette.blanche

Romano wars within himself over his muddled feelings for Spain, his own feelings of inadequacy, and his fear of needing someone, of trusting someone. A one-shot poem, spawn of writer's block.

I want to be filthy.

I want to be so dirty no one will lay their hands on me ever again.

I want to be pure.

I want to be clean, so you can touch me without sullying your hands.

I never want to see you again.

I want skin on skin.

I want your heartbeat too close.

I want your hands all over me.

I want to trace out all your scars,

map out our history stretched over your bones.

I want your breath hot and fast on my neck.

I want blood. I want it to hurt.

I want to be whole again, to fly again.

I want to run so fast I can't breathe.

I want you to break me.

I want to cry; I want to laugh.

I want to cut my heart out, beat it to a pulp on the ground;

I can't sleep from the pounding; I can't think.

'I hate you,' just say it.

Tell me you hate me; tell me I'm filthy, I'm broken, I'm a whore.

Do anything but hold me.

Rip my clothes off, throw me down, hit me,

slit my throat, cut me open, just don't comfort me.

Don't tell me it'll be all right.

Don't try to fix me when you're still broken.

Don't love me.

Don't' look at me.

Don't leave me.

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A/N: This is a product of writer's block, so why not. I can't seem to get anything else done. Anyways, it's supposed to be Romano talking to Spain, but it can probably work with other pairings. After the Roman Empire was split up and the west was left undefended, the city of Rome was sacked by the Visigoths. My head canon is that Romano was raped in the sack, and feels tainted while Spain takes the burden on himself for not being able to protect Romano. This makes Romano guarded and feel undeserving of anyone's sentiments. Pain is so much easier to comprehend than emotions, and that is something around which Romano can understand the world.