You may have read this before, but I was asked to post it here too. I didn't use my usual screen name (farmgirl0012). Hopefully that won't cause any confusion. Anywhoo...read, enjoy, and review, please.
Booth made it perfectly clear that he would not have a relationship with someone he worked with. Just too many blurred lines. Two years ago she would have agreed with him, but now…now things had changed. Sometimes she felt that he had forced his way into her life, but other times she felt such an acceptance of him. It was so confusing for her. Unconditional love wasn't something she had ever been on the receiving end of. Only the giving and the pain that went with it as the people in her life left her. Although she never expected anything more than a friendship out of Booth, somehow his declaration of no co-worker relationships made her stomach drop.
She chalked it up to something she'd eaten or not eaten as the case might have been. Definitely weren't feelings. Feelings were reserved for those who could love and be loved. Nope, definitely not feelings, not for Dr. Temperance Brennan.
Sitting there on the park bench listening to him, she begged her heart to stop fluttering about, but it seemed to ignore her and continue its out of rhythm beat.
They said their good-byes. She gave Parker a hug and a wave as he and Booth disappeared into the parking lot. She sat there alone watching the other families. The roles were all so clear. She guessed that was why anthropology made so much sense to her. No feelings, no emotional attachments, she could simply look at them from a scientific standpoint and understand their actions. Although she would never admit it, part of her longed for that emotional attachment. That sensation of knowing that someone loved her unconditionally, but some things in life just can't be. She had learned to accept that too.
Later that evening she ran into Booth and Parker at the diner. Being the gentleman that he was, Booth offered her to join them. She declined, using her all time favorite excuse…work. Her work was her rock. Without it she felt certain she would simply drop off the face of the earth. She existed through the bodies she identified, through the cases she and Booth solved. She thought without that, she was nothing. After all, it wasn't like she had a large cheering section.
Carrying the take out boxes up to her door, she paused and listened to the family that lived down the hall. A gentleman in his mid-thirties had just opened the door to his families' apartment. It sounded like they were welcoming a hero home from war. Laughing, talking, hugging, they were just happy to see him; he made their family complete. Temperance made her family complete. It was just her, but deep down she longed for someone to welcome her home. She wasn't willing to accept that she was lonely.
Eating take out and working on her novel was the highlight of her day. She only had herself to answer to. The clock chased itself to morning and she was still on her couch. Another sleepless night, oh well. It wasn't like someone was waiting for her to come to bed or waiting for her to tuck them in. So many nights she just watched the hours pass. She had accepted the fact that she was alone, but not lonely.
Work was work. She did her job; Booth did his. They had a new case. Teenage girl murdered by a relative. Booth could get a confession out of a brick wall if it did the crime. He understood people. He knew how they worked, what made them tick. She only understood pain. She guessed that was why it was easy for her to figure out the puzzle. To understand the clues they had left her. They were clues of pain and she knew how that worked. His role; her role, she had accepted this.
The week was a blur. It was Friday. Everyone had plans, everyone except her. She would never let anyone know that. She hated it when people felt sorry for her. This was her life and although it might not have been the most attractive life, it was still hers. Hers…there were few things in this life she could call hers. She had accepted that better than most.
She had decided on Italian for dinner and she knew a great little Italian restaurant on the other side of town. She called ahead and placed her order. Driving to the restaurant, she listened to the radio and sang along with the songs she knew. She pulled into a front parking space and there in the corner booth sat her partner. His elbows were propped on the table as he stared off into the hazel eyes of his date. She would laugh; he would laugh. They looked very happy. Happy…she often wondered what that feeling was like. She had never really felt it. She continued to watch them. They displayed all the correct gestures for a dating couple, but she didn't understand most of them. Too emotionally based she thought to herself. She got out of her car and went inside. In a matter of minutes she was back and took one last look at Booth. This time he saw her too. He jumped as if to get up and invite her over, but she just waved started up her car and drove away. Once again her stomach dropped and her heart began to flutter. She would not…could not accept this feeling that was growing inside of her.
Pulling up at her building, she noticed all the lights of other apartments on. They looked so warm and inviting. For a second she let herself yearn for that kind of warmth and then she told herself it was just an appearance and since when did she care about appearances. She climbed the stairs to the second floor and reached for her keys. Fumbling with them, she finally managed to unlock the door and let herself in. She flipped on the light and set the boxes on the coffee table. Grabbing herself a beer, she turned on the T.V. and slouched down on the couch. She methodically scrolled through the channels until she found a movie she could get lost in. Her head ached from all the paperwork, but the growing pain in her heart was much worse. It was a pain she knew all too well and there was no way she was going to accept it again.
Booth pulled up outside Bones building. He stared up at the window noticing the glow of the T.V. No lights, just the T.V., it seemed so cold, so lonely. He didn't know what to say. He didn't have a reason for coming here. It was just like his heart drew him closer to her. She never asked for anything, never expected anything. Maybe that's why he'd fallen head over heals for her. Would she be able to accept him? That question scared him too much. He decided to leave.
Not paying attention always managed to be disastrous for her. Dropping sauce down her shirt was just another example. She took the boxes to the kitchen and headed for the bedroom. Pulling off her clothes and dumping them into a pile on the floor, she found an old college CREW tee shirt and slipped it on. She wondered back to the couch, another beer in hand and attempted to find something else to get lost into. She had accepted that work was pointless tonight.
She hated sappy love story movies, but she couldn't resist getting lost into it as she flipped through the channels. Love…why does it come so easy for some and so hard for others. Everyone seemed to be on the look out for their true love. She had decided long ago that true love looked at her and laughed. Love wasn't a necessity in order to live; she had decided, but Booth would fervently disagree. She had tried to love, but just found it too one sided. And why would you put your heart on the line if you knew it was going to be broken. She had accepted that her heart would always be broken if she decided to fall in love, and so her mind swore to never do so. The only problem was her heart never listened to her head.
Before long the movie was over and the clock was pleading with her to go to bed. She stretched, released a big yawn, and reached for the remote to turn the T.V. off. A few hours of sleep might be a good thing. That is if she could sleep.
It was two in the morning and Booth found himself outside her building for the second time. He saw the glow disappear from her window and he knew that if he was going to talk to her now had to be the time. He hopped out of the SUV, sprinted to the door, and up the stairs. Knock…it wasn't that difficult of a task, but for some reason he couldn't manage to get his hand to cooperate. He heard her footsteps growing closer, but how could she know he was there. Then he heard the click as she locked the door.
"Bones," he whispered barely audible.
The click came again and her head poked out around the corner.
"Booth, what are you doing here," she questioned squinting her eyes from the glare of the hallway lights.
Booth shrugged his shoulders and shoved his hands into his pockets.
"Well…come on in," she motion him through the door. The door closed and Brennan walked toward her perch on the couch. Once Booth's eyes adjusted to the dimly lit room, he locked the door and followed her to the couch.
"How many times…"
"I know…lock the door and look out the peep hole before opening the door," she cut him off before he could finish his lecture.
They sat on the couch for a few minutes, neither saying a word. They both had accepted that many times they didn't need to talk. Booth was memorized by how beautiful she was. She glanced up at him hoping that he couldn't read her heart as well as he read her mind.
He inched toward her. She froze, darting her eyes at everything but him. He gently cradled her chin in his hand as his eyes pleaded for her to look at him. He finally caught her gaze.
They stared into each other's eyes and she realized that he could read her heart like a children's picture book.
He leaned in; she leaned it. Their lips met.
Maybe she needed to rethink her outlook on life. She could accept that.