A/N: This is not a happy Rachel story whatsoever. I decided on the couplings the way did because as much as I can tolerate Finn/Rachel, I think her and Puck would make way hotter babies. Sorry if that sounded teenagerish haha. Anyways, continue on.
Summary: it had perfect, planned down to the letter, it didn't end the way she wanted it to, but the aftermath, was better than she could have expected.
Disclaimer: I only own my OC's! Don't steal 'em! Everything else belongs to Ryan Murphy and Co.
It was February; a month that she wasn't too particularly fond of, not because of the cold or the snow, but something it represented. The one thing in the world that she cringed at still, made her uneasy and fidgeting. He never was the same after it happened, like he blamed her. When in all honestly, it was no one's fault, no one could have prevented it, or could they have?
It had been planned, first she'd make it big on Broadway, be there for awhile, and then they would do it, try for a baby. That's what they did, she was twenty six when they had started trying, and four months later they found they were pregnant. The tabloids read: Rachel Berry, Tony Award Winner is having a baby! All of the fans and critics congratulated them on the baby; they were thrilled.
At twenty weeks they found it was a girl. A girl; something to dress up in dresses with bows, and hopefully was coordinated like her mother, and not freakishly tall like her father. Which Rachel highly doubted would be possible considering she was so short and so was Carole. Finn Hudson was going to be a first time father, to a girl none the less and that scared him more, made him more nervous then anything championship football game or Nationals competition ever could. The advertising exec kept the nerves underwraps until Rachel was into her third trimester and then it started.
Something was wrong when Rachel turned thirty weeks, she had started having contractions, but the doctor said that was normal, they were Braxton Hicks, the body's way of preparing for child birth. But Rachel couldn't get over the feeling something was wrong, really wrong. They were laying in bed one night and something felt off, more then the past week had been, she had told Finn, he asked if they should to the hospital and she said she didn't know.
So he got up from bed and got ready, telling her they would to make sure the baby was okay and she got ready as well. The drive to the hospital was silent, not a good silent, the quiet, uneasy silent, like after Quinn's accident. The sheer quietness from Rachel, made Finn grip the steering wheel a little harder. Why wasn't she being reassuring? Talking up a storm about how perfect her name had to be or how the nursery still needed to be painted.
When the arrived and got checked in, the nurse hooked Rachel up to monitors and had a horrified look on her face before slipping out the get the doctor. Rachel knew then, she wasn't imagining things, something was wrong. The doctor walked in with a said look on her face informing the couple that the baby had died, and they had no explanation for it.
Rachel asked for a c-section, not wanting to endure the labor to be heart broken when the moment the baby was born and not be able to take her home with her. The doctor nodded, and went to get an OR ready. At 12:03 a.m. Emily Ruth Hudson was born, lifeless, and not breathing. The doctor had her fears confirmed, Emily's umbilical cord had wrapped around her neck so tight it had choked the infant.
While most mom's were planning to bring their babies home, Rachel was planning a funeral, telling the world that Broadway Star Rachel Berry's baby had died was hard. They had asked for privacy, and for once got it. Emily was buried February sixteenth.
Now four years later, Rachel and Finn were divorced, he had gotten remarried to some blonde girl he met at work and they had two children, Zach and Allie. Rachel didn't care anymore, he could've driven off a cliff and it wouldn't have affected her. She had two more Tony's, a "new" boyfriend. Noah Puckerman had come into her life and turned it upside down after her divorce and now they were three years strong.
"Hey Emmy," Rachel said to the cold air. "Four years baby girl, I still miss you. Part of me wonders would you be in ballet now, would you look like me as much as I look like my mom. Your dad still hasn't talked to me. Nothing new there, Noah and I have some news, we are moving into together. I wonder if your dad and I were meant to last. Quinn and Joe just had another baby, they named her Maggie. Jake is completely smitten with his baby sister. Mercedes and Sam still have one. Oh yeah, before I forget Beth is in the New Directions, freshman year of high school, gosh do I feel old."
Rachel breathed deeply before continuing, "Santana and Brittany moved into the apartment building, so did Kurt and Blaine. We graduated almost twelve years ago and we all can't stand to be apart from each other." She laughed quietly. Snow began falling and tickled her nose, and stuck to her eyelashes and wavy hair. A crack was heard and Rachel whipped her head around to see Finn Hudson standing awkwardly there.
"What are you doing here, Finn?" Rachel asked bitterly, slightly cringing at the sound of her voice.
"I came to see my daughter,"
"After four years?" he nodded.
"Do you feel guilty about something? Because that's the only reason I can figure out why you are here," She crossed her arms in front of her chest.
"Rach, I came to see her, okay?"
"No not okay, first of all, it's Rachel, not Rach, you lost that privilege a long time ago, and secondly, why now? You have a new family, you have a daughter."
He stood there in front of her, not moving, not talking. Rachel narrowed her eyes at him.
"I think it's better that you leave, you haven't cared in four years, being here now won't make a difference."
"Rachel," Finn said stepping towards her, Rachel took a step back. They hadn't talked in four years, not even seen each other.
"Four years and you haven't cared. All you do is pay your alimony and that's it."
"You can't protect her Rachel! She was my daughter too!"
"Yeah well I wish she wasn't!" she shot back at him. "You showed up to the reunion with Kim. You didn't think I knew you had moved on? Two years after our daughter died, Finn! Two years it took you to find Kim and have Allie with her!"
"Just because I moved on and you haven't, doesn't mean you should make me feel like shit." Finn commented.
Rachel bit the inside of her cheek and shook her head at him. She could not believe he said that.
"I have moved on Finn, it may not be as fast you did, it may not be in the way you did, but I have. I'm living with Puck by the way, yeah your best friend and I have been seeing each other for about three years. Go ahead and say I'm being a hypocrite for being at you about Kim. But having another child with someone two years after your child dies, isn't something I can forgive and forget about." With that, Rachel walked away from Finn again, for the second time in her life about Emily.
Two years after the interaction with Finn at the cemetery Rachel finds out she's pregnant, and to say the least she's scared shitless. It went wrong once, it could go wrong again. But it didn't, and November sixteenth Rachel Barbra Berry and Noah Matthew Puckerman welcomed their first child, a girl, Rachel was afraid she wouldn't love this baby as much as she had loved Emily, but she loved the newborn just as much. Born six years and nine months after her sister's death, Audrey Caroline Puckerman had big brown eyes and a full head of dark hair. Audrey looked identical to Rachel.
Over the next few years, Rachel had adjusted to motherhood after loss quite well. At thirty five, Noah and hers second child arrived, another girl they named Olivia Grace. Audrey and Olivia took after their mother in the singing and dance department. Rachel didn't feel upset that she was the last of the Glee Club kids to become a parent.
The question of marriage came up a lot between Puck and Rachel, they both wanted it, but with two failed marriages between them, they were happy with their situation.
At thirty seven, a big surprise arrived, Noah and Rachel's third and final child, after that Puck had gotten a vasectomy per Rachel's request stating, "We have a son and two daughters, we don't need anymore children." He agreed with her. They had named him Henry Matthew Puckerman. Audrey, Olivia and Henry were all they needed.
With all three kids in bed, Rachel took a seat next to Noah on the couch and he wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling into his side.
"Rach, why are so quiet?"
"I'm just thinking how this would be different with Emily." she said looking down at her hands.
"Rach, look at me." Rachel looked at him, his face had aged, wrinkles around his eyes and mouth, made her smile slightly. They were not in high school anymore. "If Emily was here, it would be the same, you would've realized Finn was doing what he was he doing, he would go to that blonde whore, and you would come to me. We would have Audrey, Livi, and Henry. We would be just like this, but with a teenager." Rachel nodded knowing he was right, Henry came out of his room rubbing his eyes, dragging the teddy bear he had named Optimus Prime, despite Puck's insisting that G.I. Joe was more bad ass.
"Henry, what are doing up?" Rachel asked untangling herself from Noah and picking up Henry.
"I had a dream, mama,"
"Was it bad a dream?"
"No. A girl who looked a lot like you and 'drey was there,"
"Oh," Rachel said quietly kissing the side of Henry's head.
"Did she say anything?" Noah asked taking the curly headed boy from Rachel and watched his girlfriend sink down into the chair.
"She said she knew mommy and that I had to tell she was okway." Suddenly Rachel left the room and into the bedroom, where she shut the door, breaking down and crying. Stepping outside on the terrace she saw all of New York City lit up; something about the bustling of the traffic made her calm down. A wind blew threw the large buildings and sudden chill filled the air.
As the wind whooshed right past, she could have sworn she heard, a cry from long ago and the words:
"Mommy, I'm okay."
A/N: I'm sorry for the super sad story, but I really couldn't just let this idea go. Probably been done a million times but I don't care. Thoughts?