A/N: So, I suppose you could call this a sequel to the story "Oatmeal Cookie", as it's quite similar but not chronologically related or anything. I feel, if anything, that this story is more mature and... who am I kidding, it's just as ridiculous as the last one. I don't own the Nancy Drew franchise, obviously. Please force yourself to enjoy.

Nancy placed the bizarre eye scepter thing on top of the weird broken skeleton shovel on top of the peculiar iron bar she retrieved off the fence, on top of the grate of Bruno Bolet's crypt and breathed a sigh of relief as she heard a satisfying "click." The bony skeleton fingers uncurled a bit, and suddenly a huge bolt of lightning struck the huge gargoyle looming over her, somehow lighting up its ruby eyes, at which point a laser beam of rosy light proceeded to stream from the eyes to the red pupil of the eye scepter. "What the heck?" Nancy murmured. A spark flew off the scepter and then the entire thing disappeared into the ground and the grate slid open accompanied by the enormous sound of scraping rock. Conveniently, an iron ladder was fixed to the top of the grate leading into the inky black depths of the freshly-opened crypt. Nancy gulped. "'Let's-a-go!'" she whispered.

Nancy descended, her own footsteps reverberating back into her ears. She hopped off the ladder and whirled around, coming face-to-face with…. a coffin. Her tense shoulders relaxed into disappointment. "Gee, I really should have expected that," she said. "Oh heavens, don't look at me! I'm indecent!"came a girlish scream.

An old man, fully clothed, thank goodness, in a theatrical skeleton man costume minus the mask, quickly turned away and skittered into the crypt's farthest corner. He wriggled around a bit doing something before facing Nancy. He now had a stray pebble lodged into his eerily empty right eye socket. "Bruno?" She asked in wonderment.

"Thaaaaat's me!" he said proudly, swinging his arm around to point at himself with his thumb.

"But you're dead!"

"Excuse me, do I look dead to you?" Nancy squinted at him and tilted her head, peering at his innumerable wrinkles and liver spots. "Well…" "Wait, don't answer that. So you're the one who found me! Yeah, I have no clue who you are. Nancy Drew, isn't it? Ah, Henry. I should've know he'd be a failure. Anyway, I bet you're looking for this" He withdrew the crystal skull from under his black cape with a sweeping flourish. It inexplicably glinted in the non-existent light flooding the crypt.

"Oh my gosh, yes," said Nancy. "But why is it yellow?"

"Er…"

"Nevermind, how'd you do all this? Why did you fake your own death? Hold on, how long have you been down here?"

"Two months."

"How did you eat?"

He rolled his left eye and sighed. "Hello, I'm not an idiot; I brought trail mix," holding up a Ziplock bag of the aforementioned substance. Nancy raised an eyebrow. "To answer your question, I did all this for Henry."

Henry's head then appeared above at the mouth of the crypt, peering curiously inside. "What in the-AH!" He fell into the crypt landing ungracefully in a heap of tangled limbs. "Ugh, ow," he muttered, rising to his feet. His eyes first landed on Nancy, then he caught sight of his great uncle. "Uncle Bruno?" he said incredulously.

"Hello, m'boy! Good golly gosh, you're goth! What have you done to your lovely ginger locks?" Henry fingered the back of his dyed-black hair self-consciously.

"You're a ginger?" Nancy snickered, although she was practically one herself.

"Uncle Bruno, I thought you were dead."

"Yes, yes. I'm clearly not. I've just been through this. I am however, deathly old, and I'm-"

Henry interrupted, flailing his arms about. "I've been managing your affairs! I've been selling off your estate on the sly! Wait, I didn't mean to say that-"

"It's good to see you too," Bruno said sourly.

"I went to your funeral! I buried your ashes in this crypt! Hang on- if you're alive, then whose ashes did I bury?"

"Renee's."

"What? Renee's not dead; she's right outside in her gardening shed. I don't why she hasn't heard all the commotion!"

Bruno shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry to inform you that-"

"A-CHOOOOOOO!" Lamont materialized with a jolt into the crypt; contrary to Henry, he landed on his feet. "It's okay, everybody! My 'fro took the fall! Man, that hoodoo teleportation powder really works!" And he took a bite of his still intact gumbo in a takeout bowl.

Bruno was thoroughly irritated. "Geez, I thought I was strange. As I was saying, I sincerely regret to inform you, Henry, that the real Renee is dead, and the Renee outside... is an android."