"Keep dreaming Rox! It aint going to happen!" Zack exclaimed.
"Just....you....wait," she puffed. Brandishing her 'sword' wildly at Zack.
"What are you going to need this for?" he retorted hitting his 'sword' hard against hers, making hers snap in half "to fight off squirrells? Because you have officially gone nuts," his 'sword' was pressed tightly to her throat.
She pouted, showing off her supple pink lips and made a small whimpering noise " that wasn't even funny and what's wrong with wanting to fight?"
Zack loosened his stance and sighed. "Be a normal girl okay! Your living in the 21st century! Swords aren't made for fighting, guns are." He gave her a light smile to show he wasn't trying to annoy her.
She frowned and pushed him away before picking up the stick she had been using, until he snapped it in half. "Great now I have to find another one" she grumbled casting her eyes around at the stick littered grass.
The light was slowly fading behind the trees and they knew it was the end of the day "I'll find you a new stick," he murmered begrudgingly.
A smile lit her face and she gave him a short hug, a thank you. "Thanks Zeebee. Your truely my best friend!"
He knew it was her way of appreciationg the fact he stuck around through her weird phases. Her current phase being sword fighting with sticks. "And your mine. You rock my socks Rox" he joked before kissing her forehead affectionately.
A hint of sadness lit her smile and she turned to the setting sun, suddenly wistful "I wish the sun was frozen this way. So beautiful, but the night is inviting and the day is ugly" she frowned momentarily before shrugging like what she had said wasn't odd for her.
Zack laughed heartily and pushed her shoulder lightly. "Who knew Roxy Lutador could talk so poeticly?" he flourished his hand and pursed his lips in a way that suggested he had tasted something bitter.
She couldn't help but wonder if her handsome best friend may- somewhere deep down of course- be homersexual. She hoped not. It would be awkward everytime she introduced him to a boyfriend. She didn't realise she had been staring vaguely at Zack's earlobe while in her daze and immediately felt embarrassed when he spoke.
"Rox, your day dreaming again," he said while raising his thick eyebrows with a quirky smile.
She blinked 3 times before actaully answering. "Whatever Trevor. I'm going to go home now." She yawned "And possibly sleep on the couch if I can make it that far." Zack laughed.
She watched curiously, as leaves flitted towards her and Zack and wondered why she was so different. She didn't ask to be so set in her ways. She didn't ask to be friends with boys instead of girls. She didn't ask for her sister to leave her. She didn't ask for the nightmares that made her skin crawl and make her wake up in a sweat. She didn't ask to be so weak that she was dying every second. All she asked for is acceptance and passing. But all she got was more unanswered questions.
"Bye Rox. See you at school." He nodded his head curtly at her before turning with the wind and walking away.
Roxy watched his walk and noticed the way he stuck his hands in his jean pockets with only his thumbs sticking out. He was unique and all hers. She couldn't survive without that boy. Okay, it was a lie. She would probably be more popular then she is now if she didn't have him. But he was always a big part of her and she wouldn't toss that important piece of her away. Her house was only 3 streets away, on the outskirts of town. Away from the traffic and sounds. She had always been more of a 'lets climb a tree and get stuck' than a 'lets go shopping and meet boys'. She didn't care so much that she was a loser in a way. Its just the way she was. She wrapped her checked jacket tighter around her stick thin body and fought the wind for dominance to walk home.
"Mum? I'm home," Roxy yelled in the hollow house. She was almost surprised she didn't hear the echo rebound off the bare white walls.
Roxy didn't wait for an answer from her Mother because the repeated exhaustion crashed in her head, knocking her out flat on the couch. She was so weak. Roxy would never dream of lollipops and flowers like a happy girl should. She dreamt of cemetries with her name carved on wooden headstones. She dreamed of a tall cloaked man standing before her as she screamed helpless, to a pain she didn't know existed, that made her lungs collapse. She felt herself crying. She felt herself dying. Just before her last breath she would wake up, breathless, tired, scared and dehydrated. Every night she would see the same time flash on her alarm clock when she found the energy to go to her room. Three past one o'clock. She would always fall asleep again and dream. This time she would dream of something else. Her mother conversing with the tall cloaked man, her lips covered in blood red lipstick. She would sneer and point fingers at someone just out of Roxy's sight. Then Zack would appear from thin air and he would help Roxy run but they were to slow. They fall. Then she wakes up. It was always the same routine and every night still scared her to no end Tonight wasn't any different and her dream ended faster as she rolled straight off the couch and onto the hard carpeted floor. Her back ached painfully as she lay there silently. It felt like moving would cause her to snap in half. She was becomming more fragile with every single dream. After what must have been hours she finally shifted onto her side. The effort was breathtaking. Little rays of light were creeping through the barely transparent, thick, brown curtains. It didn't reach her body, which was covered by the dark shadows from towering furniture. It felt as if she had experienced a major heart attack. Her chest was thumping extra hard against her ribcage causing aches to pulse in her blood. It was uncomfortable to say the least. Her eyes were half closed and she felt the same as she had last time she went to the hospital. Drowsy from all the drugs being pumped into her blood. She hated feeling so exhausted all the time. Always in so much physical pain. Her body seemed to be wearing out and dissolving to nothing.
"Roxanne?" Her Mums voice broke the silence.
Roxy tried pushing herself off the floor but her arms were to weak and shook under her weight. "Mum," she called out quitely. Even her throat felt raw.
She heard footsteps and the tips of Mums fluffy, baby pink ugg boots were visible beside her head. "Not again." She sighed and grabbed under Roxys arms, hoisting her to her feet.
This was certainly not the first time she had been found lying on the floor unable to move. It was always humiliating for her to have to be helped to her room, she prefered being independent and to rely on someone else was weak in her mind.
"I'm so sick of this," Roxy grumbled under her breath as her Mum put Roxys arm around her shoulders and supported half her body weight.
She had been to doctors and all kinds of therapists but nobody seemed to understand what was causing her body to drain all its energy so quickly. She wasn't doing anything unhealthy. She was eating right and exercising until she couldn't anymore. It didn't make sense. Melinda- Roxys Mum- tucked her in and looked at her thin and wasting face.
"Maybe we should visit Doctor Morrison tomorrow?" she suggested.
Roxy knew she was scared of what was going on and all she could do was nod. She knew that the doctors would again be stumped and she'd get more tests done. Tests meant blood samples which meant needles. Roxy hated needles. But even she couldn't deny the fact that it looked like she was dying. Melinda smoothed down the sides of Roxys blanket and pushed hair off her forehead, just like any Mother worried sick about her girl would.
"You keep getting worse." She sighed and Roxy could see her eyes glistening from unshed tears.
Using some of her remaining strength Roxy shuffled closer to one side of the bed, inviting her Mum into the queen bed. The warmth of another person always helped Roxy sleep and not to dream of wicked things.
"Come in" she croaked. She tried not to wince at the raw feeling in her throat.
Melinda smiled softly and slid under the sheets and putting her arms around Roxy, taking up the maternal position. Though Roxy was sixteen she still loved her Mum enough to be able to sleep in the same bed when she felt upset and scared. She curled into her Mothers warm embrace. She couldn't stop thinking about what her Mum had just said. 'You keep getting worse'. But it was true. She was getting worse and death seemed the only thing she was approaching at a scarily fast pace. She felt so miniscule, cuddled up to her Mum and crying silently. She didn't want to die. Not when she had so much to live for. Surely God wouldn't curse her life with the blessing of an early death. Melinda stroked Roxys hair and let her cry out her fustrations and fears.
Her Mum had a way of numbing the fears when she needed it most. "Hush honey. Sleep"
* * * * * * *
Roxy ran a hand through her dead, brown hair and smiled weakly at her balding, obese teacher. "I don't know sir," she said quitely.
She had never been good at Math. It was her weakest subject. But it was Zacks strong point and he was literaly jumping out of his seat to answer the question.
Mr Finklin frowned and came over to her desk, staring at the work she had scribbled down seconds before. "Since when does Johnny have anything to do with Math?" he demanded.
The class erupted simultaniously in hoots and cat calls. Roxy slid down into her chair and flushed a bright red. Behind her she could hear jeers from Johnnys mates and she cast a small look behind her. Johnny winked before puckering his lips at her. She turned to the front and scribbled out what she had printed heavily into the thin paper of her book. 'Johnny Langard is a creep' was what she had actually written to Zack but Mr Frinklin obviously didn't find that important. She couldn't be bothered silencing the idiotic boys at the back although she really wanted to.
"Now that's over would you like to give me an answer?" Frinklin stared her down.
She looked over the equation, at least it was easy enough "three bracket two n plus y bracket over eight?" she said hopefully.
A tight smile from Frinklin had her relaxing in her seat. "See what can happen when you actually have a go?" he glowered at the boys in the back disapointedly.
Today luck wasn't in her favour. Roxy got at least 10 notes from those same stupid boys and every time she scrunched one up they would laugh and write another. Mr Frinklin seemed to be having a 'lets see how far we can push Roxy' day. He had been targetting all his equations at her because she kept getting them surprisingly correct. She finally gave him a fake answer and he moved onto another misfit in the classroom to target. She was grateful when class ended and could have kissed the old dusty school bell if it didn't have so many germs. During the day she was always really good, she wasn't usually weak. It was just after the day when she could finally sit down that she become exhausted and most of the time, angry. But it still didn't mean she wasn't tired, it was still there. Sometimes she would find herself falling asleep during a drug seminar or boring HRE class.
"How were you last night?" Zack walked beside her there hands close to brushing.
Roxy clicked in the numbers and her locker swung open, temporarily blocking him out. She slammed it closed "I hate being so helpless. Mum had to help me up to my room again!" she growled.
Zack rubbed her back comfortingly. "It will all get better. You have the apointment this afternoon don't you?"
Roxy nodded. "But its like a hopeless case. No one knows what's wrong,"
She slammed her tiny fist against the locker. She was so angry! Zack bit his lip and he looked utterly helpless against Roxys anger. She may be fragile physically but she had a really bad temper. She glared at him.
"What if I die? What if they have to put me down like a dog!" she snarled and clenched her fist, ready to throw a punch if need be.
Zack didn't answer and instead picked up her bookbag. Saving her from wasting small energy that she would need. He was so good to her but she got so mad everytime the idea of death came up. She vented her fear by forcing anger on whoever was closest.
"The hospital doesn't put people down like dogs," Zack corrected bemusedly.
"They probably will. Just for me," one of Johnnys friends dared to pucker his lips at her as he passed. She snapped. She wasn't good under pressure.
She jumped at him in a tight little ball and pushed all her body weight onto the arrogant boy in a fruitless effort to push him to the floor. When she bounced off him like a rubber ball she screamed angrily. Always so unfair! Greg had an amused smirk on his face and Zack knew what was comming.
"Push him over!" Roxy demanded of Zack and pointing an accusing finger at Greg.
She had no doubts that Zack would be able to push him over easyily "I'm not going to do that for you," he whispered calmly.
Roxy turned her daggers to his apologetic eyes and screamed her words in fustration. "Do it! Does it look like I can?" she balled her fists and pointed at herself.
He shrunk under her wrath but shook his head defiantly. "No Roxy," he argued stubbornly.
Greg scoffed and rolled his eyes at the scene. "Might as well be a soapie."
Roxy lost all restraint and brought her balled up fist into Gregs nose. Shocking both boys. She didn't hear the satisfying crack she wanted but she heard his surprised yelp and a rush of adrenaline tremored down her spine. Suddenly all she wanted was for him to be her human punching bag. She just wanted to go crazy on Gregs overly confident arse and get rid of some of the anger she had been harbouring. But he didn't stick around long enough to feel more of her fury. Zack was looking at her totally appalled at what he had just seen. It was a glorious moment for Roxy. Then the moment disapeared.
"My hand," Roxy groaned in pain. Clutching her hand tight to her chest she felt her eyelids drooping as her whole body started trembling.
Everything went black.
-||-
The next moments were the most excruciatingly painful she had ever experienced. Everything was still dark as night but she could feel someone prodding her arm. She recognised the sting of a needle sliding into her arm.
"Mmhmfreyna" she tried to say something to communicate with whoever was stabbing her.
Blurred words reached her ears. It was like she could hear them but nothing was making sense. There was one voice that did.
"Roxanne you better wake up this minute!" she could recognise Melindas voice anywhere. The layers of fear and hysterics that she heard regularly these past few months.
Try as she could, she couldn't respond. She couldn't tell her Mum that she was okay and that the bastard stabbing her could stop. Roxy was lucky she grown accustomed to her eyes not being able to open. Otherwise she would be feeling very claustrophobic and scared. But still, she was used to the dark dreams and strange visions when either asleep or day dreaming. She felt someone touching her hand and knew the drill but waited for the signal.
"Can I just get you to clench the fist that we didn't enter the needle in, into a ball Miss Lutador?" His voice dripped authority and demanded respect with the calm, well rehearsed words.
That's when she panicked. Roxy couldn't feel a thing! Her arm was numb all over. She tested various body parts. All with her eyes stubbornly shut. She attempted to wiggle her toes but to no avail. The claustrophobic feeling was comming back and she was tempted to start screaming. If only she could open her mouth and work her vocal chords.
"Gah," a shaky noise rolled off her tongue and dry lips.
Roxy heard the brief sound of pen on paper scribbling something "your daughter seems to be unable to move her limbs. We just gave her some morphine to sustain the pain," he pressed a finger to what I thought was my wrist. "Her heart rate seems to be stabilising nicely and she will be under 24 hour care so that when she regains ability of movement we will be by her side but you are free to stay. Hospital visiting hours just started."
Roxy knew he didn't care. As long as he was getting paid it didn't matter what happened to her. Even though Doctors had been branded as 'modern day heroes' she didn't believe half of them even had a heart. Everything they said never sounded genuine. But maybe that's just because she practically lived here now, with the times she has passed out or been checked up on. She heard the scrape of steel on the tiled floor and the warm hand that cradled hers.
"Baby, this is going to be sorted out once and for all," Mum whispered decidedly.
Roxy felt the strands of hair hit her arm- which was strange because she was numb and couldn't move it- and Melindas cheek pressed to her palm. Roxy made a noise in the back of her throat. If it had been heard from her lips it would sound disbelieving. She knew this was only the beginning.