Title: Osculating
Pairing(s): Hephaistion/Alexander
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I own nothing, nothing is true ... these are the lies I have created.
Warning(s): m/m slash, slight teenage angst, fluff
Word-count: 5,550
Note: Written for bi-weekly Alexander Alphabet Challenge.
I cannot believe I let him do this to me again. I cannot believe I let him lure me away and do this ... again. Whatever was I thinking? Have the Gods finally struck me dumb and taken away any common sense that I was surely born with? Have I fallen so hard into the admiration and adoration trap of my prince that I now allow myself to follow him anywhere and everywhere merely to be in his presence? Gods, Hephaistion, what have you become?
I see the snap of his fingers in front of my face before I actually hear him say my name.
"Phai? Hephaistion. What are you doing? Phai? Hephaistion!" His voice gets louder and higher with every word he utters, something I find mildly amusing, at least the higher part. His final ranting of my name comes complete with a shake of my shoulders, his small fingers digging warmly into the flesh of my bare arms. I lift my head and am faced with the warmth of his eyes seeking out mine, the browns reflecting the worry and frustration that also riddles his voice.
"What are you getting so excited about, Alexander?" I ask innocently, watching as his nose wrinkles up and his brows furrow, the pale, blonde hair almost forming a perfect "V" on his forehead.
"What am I so excited about? I cannot believe you'd ask me that when you have just spent the better part of half an hour staring into the nothingness of the side of this cave."
"Perhaps I was seeking out the moonlight that I am inormally/i able to enjoy from the window of my room?"
"Then iperhaps/i you should go find your own way back to your room, should you not?" There's that temper of his, winding its way to the surface, taking a situation that is clearly and unmistakably his fault, and making it appear as if it is ihe/i that has been slighted in some way.
"I intended on doing just that until iyou/i, my Prince, decided that we just had to see the other side of the river because you iwere certain/i you'd seen an injured wild dog along its banks." I try very hard to keep my voice even and more than a little annoyed, wanting to show anything but the amusement that is threatening to send my body into hysterical streams of laughter.
The stern, gruff look on his soft, pale face always turns me into a raving lunatic, since it does not suit him in the least, but I know from experience that making fun during those times only makes Alexander turn his back to me, or in some instances, try to pin me to the ground in an attempt to show me how much of a true man he really is. Unfortunately, since I am still a great deal bigger and stronger than he, I'm sure only because he has not begun his growth spurt as I have, I am still able to turn the tables and get the better of him. Something which, of course, also fuels his anger.
"I thought it was suffering and needed assistance," he grumbles at me, turning his head from mine and lying back on his elbows on the hard floor of the cave.
"But it wasn't even a dog, Alexander," I return, the grin on my face becoming almost impossible to hold at bay. "It was a fallen tree; but if it's any consolation to you, I do believe your stroking of its aching bark must have been of great comfort to it in its last precious moments of life."
He roughly pushes me to my back and has my body straddled beneath him before I even have enough time to think, let alone react. And though I know I can easily flip him off of me and reverse our positions, I allow him to have the upper hand, perhaps for my own personal enjoyment.
"Your cheekiness is beginning to wear on my nerves, Phai," he growls, only inches from my face, his eyes wild, his lips curled up in a sneer. "iPerhaps/i you should have guided us back to the palace with your exceptional skills of orientation, rather than complaining like a woman that Aristotle would surely beat our backsides once we returned."
"I believe that I did exactly that, my Prince, but you, in all your princely wisdom, would not listen to a lowly, unprincely sod like myself." I cannot contain my amusement any longer, and break into raucous snickers beneath his royal body.
"Stop saying prince!" he bellows, the spit flying from between his ruby red lips and landing in various spots on my face. "You are most annoying at the moment, Hephaistion."
"iPerhaps/i I'd be less annoying if I was able to sit up and be unencumbered with the weigh of your body pushing me to the ground?" I know I'm just egging him on further, making it impossible for him to let me up. Another ploy for my own personal enjoyment, perhaps?
"I never got us lost on purpose, Phai," he says suddenly, rolling to the side and freeing my body, which in complete honesty, did not want to be freed. "I thought I was helping something." He shakes his head and dips it to his chest, the whole stance of his body changing from angry confidence to slumping defeat. "Are you truly angry with me?"
My breath sucks in automatically and I feel like a complete bastard, instantly. My intention was never to hurt his feelings or make him think I was angry. Do we not usually banter this way? Why does today seem different somehow?
"I'm not angry, Xander," I say softly, lifting myself back to my bottom and turning towards his downcast face. "I was only joking. Just having a bit of fun. It was not my intention to cause you upset. You know your kindness is one of the reasons I lo ... like you so much. Are you alright, Alexander?"
I watch as his slumped shoulders rise slightly, and his head turns to the side, his eyes seeking out mine. "I'm fine. I am sorry I got us lost ... again, though."
"That seems to be one of your finer skills, Alexander."
"Hephaistion!"
"My apologies. I'm merely trying to lighten your rather dark mood, my Prince. I truly believe that one day you will guide us to great places without getting us lost at all." I smile at him, but get a single grunt in return. "Is there something else you wish to talk about, since we will most likely be stuck here until the new light of the morning?" I see the hesitation in his eyes as his lips open, then close again. What is he hiding from me? And is it in my best interest to push the issue or let him come around to it in his own time?
"Have you ever kissed ... anyone, Hephaistion?" he suddenly asks, lying back to the earth and staring into the dark recesses of the cave ceiling. "I mean, someone that is not a relative or a friend?"
"I'm sixteen ..." I reply, following his example and lying back down, as well. "All sixteen year-old men have surely had at least their first kiss, if not many more."
"Yes, I guess you're right," he mumbles, his voice low, almost too low for me to make out, if not for the echoing in the stillness of the cave. "When did you do it for the first time?"
"Do it? You mean, kiss someone?" I am not entirely sure if I'm being purposely thick as a means of stalling my answer to his question, or whether I am not entirely sure if he is only speaking about a kiss.
"Yes."
"I ... um ... don't recall. It's been a while since the first time, I'm sure."
"I guess," he mumbles again, his sad response making me uncomfortable for some strange and unknown reason. "May I tell you a secret, Phai? One that you cannot tell anyone else? You must swear on your very life."
I nod, hoping my action will be sufficient enough to him, since my mouth suddenly seems too dry to push out any actual words. When he doesn't reply, I realize that he was not actually looking at me so could not have iseen/i the answer he is seeking. "Yes ... of course," I reply quietly, the words from my mouth seeming shaky and unsure. I pray he only heard the words and not the shakiness attached to them.
"I only had my first kiss yesterday."
I'm sure that had I been sitting up when he made this confession, that my mouth would have dropped open, but seeing as I'm lying down, I merely feel the slackness of my jaw, rather than the full display of it dropping to the ground. "Yesterday?" I manage to squeak out.
"Yes," he sighs. "Is that not the most pathetic thing you've ever heard?"
"And how ... how was it?" I ask the question without a clear indication in my mind of whether I wish to hear the true answer, but by the Gods, there is no way I icannot/i ask it. "How was she?"
I force myself to look at Alexander, who remains on his back, eyes still turned to the darkness. I would like nothing better than to grab his hand or touch his shoulder in an assurance that he can trust me, and that he can say whatever appears to be troubling him. My only fear is if I do that, I'll become overwrought and try to comfort him in ways that are less than acceptable to him, and may embarrass us both, as well. "You do not need to tell me, if you don't want to, Xander."
"It was horrible, Phai!" he suddenly blurts out. "It made my stomach roll and my skin crawl. It was mushy and wet and the girl touched me in places that I certainly did not wish to be touched, at least not by her."
"Horrible?" I say, my heart thumping loudly in my chest as I watch his head turn, and his eyes finally meet mine. "How can kissing someone be horrible?"
"I already told you," he insists, his voice consumed with frustration, and dare I say, embarrassment? "I did not like the feel of someone else's spit in my mouth, nor the feel of that girl's tongue trying to gain entrance between my lips. People should just keep their iown/i tongues in their iown/i mouths, don't you think?"
I really have no answer to that question. Do I agree with him, and thus feel like I betray him by lying, or disagree, which might make him angry, and prompt him to ask me questions about why I think other people's tongues should be in my mouth?
"You never told me about your first kiss, Phai. We need something to talk about don't we? You aren't holding back on me now, are you?"
"I ... um ... as I said, I don't really recall, Alexander," I stumble out, my heart beating faster in my chest, my brain whirling to find something else that we ishould/i talk about at that very moment. "Oh!" I suddenly let out. "What did you think of Aristotle's lesson today?"
"What?"
"The lesson ... you know, the one Aristotle taught today ... away from the palace ... out by the ... river ..." I feel like my lungs are going to burst from lack of air. Has the cave suddenly been blocked off so that no fresh air is coming in? Will we die from a deficiency of air simply because Alexander wants to talk about ... kissing?
"I don't even remember the lesson, Phai!" Alexander hisses, his voice wrought with frustration. I smile to myself, thinking I have changed the subject from one I do not want to talk about, to one that is ... just better somehow. "You know that you're a much better student than I. All that talking and listening and sitting. I would much rather be up, moving and exploring ..."
"And getting lost?"
"You are truly treading on my last nerve today, Hephaistion," Alexander says. He says it, but his words do not match the twinkle I can just make out in his dark eyes. "iAnd/i I do believe you are changing the subject on purpose. Have you an unsightly story of your first kiss that you do not wish to share with me? I thought we shared everything?"
Oh, Zeus's balls! Why must he be so pushy and persistent and yes, annoying. If he keeps up, he will surely wear down my resistance to him and things that should not be said may be said. If he would only allow me the privacy of my feelings and answers for one moment ...
"Hephaistion? Are you listening to me? Why will you not speak of ..."
"I've never had a first kiss! Alright, Alexander, are you quite happy and amused now?" The words pour from my mouth before my brain has time to process them. What have I done? By the Gods, Alexander will one day surely drive me mad.
"No! You cannot be serious. But ... all the girls gather around you, and not for the same reasons they do me. They chase you because of the beauty you possess, not because of the title you hold. I dare say, even the boys have the most lustful things to say about you some days."
"Alexander!" Now he is treading on last nerve if he thinks he can get away with saying such things to me, and to my face!
"It's true, Phai. It appears you are surely sought after by all the sexes, so why have you not yet been kissed?"
"I never said that no one had itried/i to kiss me, I simply said iI/i had not kissed anyone. There is a difference."
"So you have been kissed, then?" Alexander asks, a hint of something other than query diffusing his voice. What exactly was that tone? Disappointment? Amazement? Ridicule?
"Yes, but I do not consider any of the kisses ..."
"Any? How many have there been?"
"I don't know, it's not like I kept a running tally," I snort involuntarily, but quickly regain my decorum upon seeing the annoyed look on Alexander's face. "Several at least, but as I was trying to say, I have never considered any of those kisses as my first kiss because I did not participate in said kisses."
"What are you saving yourself for then?" That question cannot be answered easily, but he might have at least asked iwho/i I was saving myself for, not what. iWhat/i makes it sound as if I'm waiting to kiss some sort of mangy dog or run-about cat. "Or is there a certain someone who you wish to kiss? Can I make a guess at who it is, Phai? You know how good a guesser I am."
"No!" I snap, sick and tired of Alexander's games, and his toying with me as if I were a child. He of so much experience, taunting me, when he has only had one kiss more than I. "Perhaps we should not wait for first light to make our way back, Alexander. I'm sure we can find our way. The moon must be at its fullness by now."
"Leaving now will only make us more lost, and we'll surely lose the way back to the cave, as well."
"Only if I let you lead."
"Who do you want to kiss, Phai? Please tell me. I'm bursting with curiosity, and surely you don't want to have to explain to Queen Olympias why you left behind her only son, after I'd exploded into a million pieces."
"You are not as amusing as you think you are, Alexander." Yes, he really is, but letting him know that will only fuel his endless barbs and only slightly amusing jokes, and make his head much too large to even fit back into this cave. "Why must you know so badly? It is not something a prince should be worrying himself about."
"I'm not a prince when I'm with you, and you know I deplore it when you call me that. I'm your best friend and friends share, do they not? Even things that make you uncomfortable?"
The burning look in his eyes when he recites these words makes my whole body tremble, mostly because I know he said the words from memory, and because I am the one who said them in the first place. How does he manage to pull things like that out of his constantly spinning mind, yet still be able to get us lost every other week?
"Come on, Phai. Share. Friends share, right? Especially best ..." As his body keeps moving closer and closer, the fabric of his chiton rubbing noisily in the dirt and gravel of the cave floor, his words become mere sounds to my ears; nothing but annoying, constant buzzings that need to be silenced. Then before I even realize what I'm doing, I sufficiently silence those sounds ... with my lips.
The sudden feel of the dryness of his mouth on mine, and the slight tickle of the soft facial hair when it rubs against my chin, startles me. I am kissing Alexander and by the Gods, I need to stop!
"Oh ... my ..." I stammer, jumping up from my spot and shoving Alexander from my arms, not entirely sure how he'd gotten there in the first place. I stagger backwards, my young body suddenly pumping with adrenaline, my heart pounding painfully in my chest. By the Gods, where can I hide? That's the only thing I can think of doing. The only thing that's wedged inside this so-called brain that sits in my fractured head, atop my shuddering shoulders. How did I let this happen?
"Well ..." my smirking friend suddenly says, rising to his feet and stepping towards me, as I slyly keep stepping away. "I guess that was my second kiss, and it was certainly different than my first."
I can honestly say that I do not know what he means, but what I do know is that I don't really iwant/i to know what he means, either. It obviously cannot be anything good. How could anything be good after you've been kissed by your best friend, without warning and without reason? Not that I don't have a reason, on the contrary, I certainly do, but Alexander does not know the reason nor the meaning behind it, and I believe he is better left in the dark on both those issues.
"Do you not want to know how I feel about my second kiss, Hephaistion?" He's teasing and baiting me, and I'm finding myself less embarrassed as he continues. Unfortunately, the embarrassment is quickly being replaced with anger, anger that I certainly do not have any right to feel since I am the one who violated him, not the other way around. "How about you tell me how your first kiss was, and I'll tell you how my second was?"
"No," I say flatly, turning my back to him, seeking my way out of the airless confines of the cave. My arm is suddenly yanked and held painfully behind my back, as Alexander's nose nuzzles into the back of my neck. "Alexander! Let me go at once. It has been a long day and I do not wish to wrestle with you. Let me be."
"My second kiss was one hundred times better than my first, Phai," he whispers, so close to my ear I can feel the heat of his breath warming me up and sending shivers down my spine at the same time. "It was neither mushy nor wet and my stomach certainly did not become upset. Quite the contrary, actually. I believe I felt the loveliness of that second kiss right down into my groin."
"Alexander!" What on earth is he going on about? Into his groin? Is he trying to make fun of me or is he really being honest ... no ... he can't be feeling ... that is just not possible. He can't be feeling the same way I am. He's a prince, and princes take princesses and then queens, not ... other men. I feel I have no choice but to shove him away from me and flee the cave like a frightened little girl, which is truly how I am feeling at the moment. Alexander is nothing but the cruel man that his father has always been accused of. The apple certainly does not fall far from the tree.
"Let go, Alexander," I say, as forcefully as my air-deprived lungs will allow.
"Not until you tell me how your kiss was."
"You are absolutely repugnant! The fun is over. Release me, Alexander!"
"Did you like it, Phai? That's all I want to know."
"No! I most certainly did not! Now will you release me before I have to use my strength and do it myself?" I'm saddened that he made me say it, and in such a way.
I feel his hold on me loosen just a little, and prepare myself to flee like a scared female, but instead of being allowed to escape, I'm flipped around to face him. His arms squeeze with all his strength, squashing my body to his, his wild, daring eyes staring intently into mine. "Perhaps your first kiss was like mine, then? Perhaps you need a second kiss to bring the true goodness of the act to light?"
I suck in my breath, trying to get enough air into my lungs and my brain not to lose control of either my words or my body. "You feel you are an expert now, my Prince?" I hiss, feeling his body tense up at his royal name. "Two kisses does not an expert make, Alexander." My heart is pounding so loud in my ears that it would not surprise me if he is also being subjected to the incessant racket. I draw myself up to my full height, my eyes parallel to the mop of blonde curls on the top of his head. "You must let me go. I do not wish to play at this game anymore."
My body is suddenly pushed backwards, my bottom colliding hard with the ground, followed by my back, shoulders and head. "What in the name of Zeus ..." I have no time for words as I feel Alexander's body press full-length to mine, and his lips crush my mouth with enough force to take all the breath from my body.
His lips aren't dry anymore, but rather soft and moist, and I can taste the sweetness of the apple that we shared just before we reached the cave. I feel the warm, roughness of his hands holding my face, his thumbs caressing the contours of my cheeks, fingers tickling my skin. My initial reaction is to send him flying from my body, just as I had before, just as I felt was the right thing, but I can't. His mouth opens slightly against mine, the heat of his tongue pressing the seam of my lips, seeking entrance into the warmth of my own mouth. Did he not say that tongues have no business being in other people's mouths?
Why do I feel afraid? How can I feel afraid, yet excited at the same time? Is this what he was talking about when he said he felt our kiss travel straight to his groin? Are these feelings I'm having actually being returned, or is this another one of Alexander's games that he is famously known for playing?
"Phai?" I hear and feel his words at the same time, the vibrations against my skin sending shivers up and down my spine. "Open your mouth. I wish to taste you."
I shake my head, trying to struggle free from the hold he has taken on both my body and my heart. "No, Alexander. Please let me up," I whisper, as my body begins to wiggle away from him.
"Are you embarrassed?" His words end my squirming and go right to the logical center of my brain, the part that fully understands the question, but does not know how to answer. "Are you embarrassed or do you truly not want to kiss me?"
"I want to," someone else whispers with my voice. "I am not embarrassed. I just do not understand why you are doing this, Alexander."
He gently sucks my bottom lip between his teeth, and my eyes roll back slightly in my head. What is wrong with my body? Why is it not cooperating? Why do I feel that I have no control over it, or over the thoughts and feelings that are overpowering me?
"You are the only one I wish to kiss, Hephaistion," he whispers, pulling his head back to look intently at me. His eyes are so dark that I can hardly make them out in the dim light, but what I can see is different from the eyes I usually look into. These eyes are warm, just as they usually are when Alexander looks at me, but there's also something else, something mysterious and loving and yes, even lustful. "How was your second kiss, Phai?"
I throw caution to the wind, the spinning thoughts in my head telling me there is no way back, there is no way to flee, there is no way to ignore what has happened, to ignore what iis/i happening. I tilt my head to the side, pressing my lips firmly to Alexander's, feeling the soft intake of his breath, and finally realizing that I am the one who caused that. I am the one who can make this boy ... this man ... shudder beneath my mouth, make him lose his breath from the mere touch of my lips to his.
Wrapping my arms around his waist, I hook one leg behind his knee and flip him to his back, reversing our positions and straddling his body as he had mine. My lips never lose their hold on his, my tongue coming out to sweep across his lips, then forcing its way inside. The feel of his tongue against mine sends additional shivers through my body; the heat of his mouth warms me from the inside out, making me see stars. I don't want this to ever end. This has to be the reason I was born; to kiss Alexander.
My body suddenly convulses with surprise when I feel a hand slide between our bodies. "I want to touch you, Phai. I have wanted to touch you for so long. Do you want to touch me, too?"
"Yes," I whisper, to my own surprise. "I have never imagined you felt the same way as I do, Alexander. You do feel the same way, do you not?"
The smile on his face lights up every corner of the cave, at least in my mind. "That's hard to say when I do not actually know how you feel. Do you love me as the best friends we have always been? Do you love me like a brother? Or do you love me in a way that is both new and exciting?"
"I love you in the way that I have for a long time." My body trembles atop of his, the palms of my hands sweaty as my fingers caress his face. "I wish to do nothing else but kiss you and hold you, for the rest of my life."
Alexander's face reddens slightly and I feel my own face do the same. Have I said too much? Have I made this perfect moment into something that he will only wish to forget once we leave this cave? I feel all the confidence leave my body as his eyes continue to explore mine, his mouth turned up in a half-grin that does little else except make me exceptionally uncomfortable in that moment. "Alexander ... perhaps I've said ..."
"It has taken you so long to realize my feelings for you. How could you have been so daft and unaware?" His words surprise me as the half-grin turns into an angry frown. "I had all but given up on you. With you being the better student, the one with more brains and smarts than I, I just assumed you had gotten my hints but had no interest in me, other than as a friend who stands by your side."
"How was I to know you were waiting for me to react when you gave me no indication that you were looking for a reaction?" The nerve of this man ... no, I believe he is back to being a boy in my thoughts, with his games and name-calling. "You treat me no different than anyone else, so how was I to know you wished to ..."
"Kiss you?"
"Yes."
"I tried at least once before. That time when you fell into the river and had to stay in bed with a fever for almost a week."
"You tried what?"
"I kissed you, Phai. I kissed you right on the mouth in your own room. How is that not an indication that I wanted to kiss you more?"
"Was I awake at the time?"
"Well ... perhaps not, but is it not the thought that counts? All those around us say we are so in-tune with each other, so how did you not tune into that?"
"I was unconscious, Alexander! No one knows they've been kissed if they are unconscious!"
"Alright, Phai. Calm yourself. I do see your point. Do you think we could switch positions for a bit, please? You are much heavier than I thought you'd be."
"No. I quite like having you pinned under me. It's the only time I have seen you lay so still, unless you are asleep."
"You've watched me sleep?"
"I never said that."
"But you have, I can tell by the look in your eyes. You cannot lie to me, Hephaistion. It is just an impossibility for you. And your eyes are telling me that you ihave/i watched me sleep, and you ihave/i kissed me while I've been asleep. Have you not?"
"I do not see the point of this conversation. Can we not just kiss and hold and touch as we were originally doing?" Games, games, games.
"I would like that very much, but first you must tell me how your second kiss was. Was it better than the first, or are you continuing to kiss me in hopes it will get better?" Alexander's smirk makes me really want to hit him, or perhaps, kiss him instead.
"My second kiss was everything the first one was not. It was warm and mushy and wet, and as you so elegantly put it, it went straight to my groin. And I do believe I enjoy having someone else's tongue in my mouth, at least yours, anyway."
Letting out a laugh that nearly crumbled the walls of the cave, Alexander dragged my body to his, holding me tightly in his arms and winding his hands in my hair. "I feel we have begun a new journey together, Phai – a journey that will always involve us being together."
"A journey where you will not get us hopelessly lost, I presume?"
He ignores my question, a far-away look appearing in the eyes that are now piercing mine again. "But before I allow you to kiss me again, I have but one question."
I rest my forehead against his, still meet the dancing eyes that continue to mesmerize me. "Yes, my Prince. What is your question?"
"Have you ever considered growing out your hair?"
"I bet your pardon? You're asking me to allow my hair to grow?"
"Yes. Have you ever considered how beautiful you would be with long flowing locks?"
"Do you wish to turn me into a woman so soon after our first and second kisses, Alexander?" I am not aware of what he's getting at, but this particular game has peaked my curiosity.
"By Zeus' balls, certainly not! But I once saw General Cleitus in the arms of a long-haired woman. He kissed her passionately and her response was not one of passion, not until he grabbed a large section of her hair and pulled it quite harshly. She let out a scream that I admit made me shiver a little inside. So, I was hoping you would grow out your hair so I could make you scream, too."
"Alexander!"
*****
A/N: Osculating means Kissing :)