In honor of Independence Day, and in celebration of the life and career of Ross Martin, Pet and Apple have collaborated on another story. No mystery, no intrigue, just lighthearted fun, as our holiday stories usually are. We hope that you enjoy it. Happy Birthday USofA and we love you Ross!
The Night Of The Sparkling Revelry
Jim approached the train he shared with his partner, Artemus Gordon, with caution. The signal lamp was out. Jim pulled his steed to a halt a short way from the train and, drawing his gun, approached quietly.
When he entered the parlor car and looked around he saw nothing amiss. Relaxing just a little, he headed toward the door when he noticed the signs. KEEP OUT! DO NOT ENTER! And ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK! THIS MEANS YOU JAMES WEST! posted all over the door. iJust what the heck is Artie up to?/i Jim wondered as he returned his gun to its holster, poured himself a brandy and settled onto the settee with a newspaper.
Finally after about an hour reading every newspaper the parlor car had to offer, Jim heard his partner approaching singing as he came down the hallway. Artie pushed the door open and entered the room and began removing the signs from the door. Jim saw that his partner was intentionally ignoring him and he cleared his throat to make his presence known.
"Something you need, James?" Artie asked nonchalantly.
"Artie, you're doing it again." Jim replied, irritated.
"Doing what, James?"
"ARTIE, what's up with the signs?" Jim demanded pointing at the last sign his friend was removing from the door.
"What? Oh THESE signs?" Artie tried not to smile.
"Yes Artemus, THOSE signs. What are they for? Why couldn't I go in there?"
"Really James," Artie clicked his tongue, "do you not remember what curiosity did to the cat?" Artie scooped up the signs and disappeared into the car leaving Jim to glare after him.
"Artie you aren't getting off that easy!" Jim hollered as he followed his partner to his lab.
He entered the lab to see Artie dipping something in a waxy substance but he didn't pay attention. Instead he launched headlong into a tirade against his partner.
"Just what are you up to Artie? I come back to the train from a wild goose chase to the apothecary for you…" Jim reached into a pocket and withdrew a small package and handed it to Artie who smiled.
"I got you the powder you asked for but the apothecary couldn't stop laughing when I asked him for colored sulphur." Jim snapped as Artie tried to avoid his glare.
"Then I almost gave him apoplexy when I asked for strontium nitrate. Just what the heck did I ask him for Artie?" Jim thrust another small package at his friend.
"Just some things I really do need Jim, honest. Now if you could just go clean your guns or something, I have work to do." Artie shooed him out of the lab and Jim was even more perplexed when he heard the lock slide into place.
Jim shook his head and walked toward the stable car muttering to himself about his partner's apparent loss of functioning brain cells.
WWWWWWWWWW
Danielle Oliver glanced quickly at her reflection in the mirror, then turned and left her room. She met her Godfather in the hallway.
"You look lovelier than usual Danielle. Special plans for the day?" he asked, knowing full well that one of his top agents would be arriving to escort her around town for the festivities. Dani had been discussing their plans the previous evening.
"Oh no, just going to a picnic on the White House lawn at the invitation of the President and Mrs. Grant," she said nonchalantly, though the idea of finally meeting President Grant gave her butterflies. Though he was her Godfather's superior, she had not yet met him.
"Oh is that all?" the Colonel teased as Danielle took his arm and the pair headed downstairs.
WWWWWWWWWW
Jim called to Artie that the hansom cab had arrived and it was time to depart and pick up the ladies. They disembarked the train and as they were about the get into the cab Jim noticed two men carrying a rather large box to a small buckboard. He moved to investigate when Artie pushed him toward the cab, telling him to mind his own business. Jim entered the cab confused by his partner's odd behavior.
They arrived at the home Danielle shared with her Godparents. Coming here these past few months gave Artemus butterflies in his stomach even though he had been to the home many times over the course of his time in the Service. It just turned his stomach into knots when he was here to call on the Colonel's godchild.
Artie straightened his vest and jacket, glad he had decided not to dress too formally, took his hat off, ran his hand over his hair, put his hat back on and knocked on the door. He let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding when Mrs. Richmond opened the door, smiling at him.
"Welcome Artemus, do come in." She pulled the door open to allow him to enter.
"Thank you ma'am," Artie spoke softly as he removed his hat and entered the house.
"Danielle will be down in just a minute…you know us ladies!" She chuckled as she led him into the parlor where Artie's face lost all color. Seated on the settee was the Colonel.
"Oh…uh…hello sir." Artie nodded toward the Colonel.
"Artemus." The Colonel nodded back sternly; he was going to love this.
"Uh…yes…well…nice weather for the celebration isn't it?" Artie tried to make small talk.
"Yes it is." Richmond could barely keep his face solemn. "So you are taking my Godchild out for the day." Richmond stated.
"Y…yes sir. Jim and I are going to take the lades to dine at La Maison then we thought we'd…uh…take the ladies back to the train so they can bake some apple pies before going to the White House." iHow does he do it? I'm an agent in the Secret Service and yet every time I talk to him regarding Danielle I get tongue-tied!/i Artemus stared at the floor wishing Danielle would hurry up. Richmond's eyes widened.
"Taking the ladies back to the train without the proper chaperones?" Richmond intoned choking back his laughter, "I have heard stories about the goings on aboard that train…" Seeing the look of abject horror cross Artemus' features Richmond decided he had tortured him enough for now.
"Relax Artemus. I'm sure your intentions are honorable…" Richmond began when his wife entered the room.
"Oh Douglas stop torturing the man! Dani is old enough to make her own decisions and you know she couldn't have made a better one." Mrs. Richmond smiled warmly at Artie.
"Yes dear." He replied and Artie hid his smile.
Danielle descended the stairs in time to hear the last bits of conversation from the parlor. She entered the room glaring at Richmond as she slipped her arm into Artie's.
"Really Uncle Douglas," she rolled her eyes dramatically, "must you do this to ALL my suitors?" Artie's eye bulged and this time Richmond could not contain his laughter.
"Have a nice time you two," he told them with a smile before looking sternly at Artie. "None of your or your partner's usual shenanigans or troublemaking Mr. Gordon."
"Oh never sir!" Artie turned to leave the parlor and whispered to Danielle, "Just how many suitors do you have?" Dani merely smiled coyly and laughed.
WWWWWWWWWW
While Artemus was squirming and trying to loosen his seemingly tight collar back at the Richmond home, the hansom cab carrying Jim rolled to a stop in front of a plain home just a street over. He jumped down and strolled up the brick walkway leading to a stone slab that served as a porch.
As he knocked at the wood and glass door Jim could tell that he was being watched from behind a lace curtain. A young maid answered the door, admitting Jim when he told her that he was expected.
The house was stuffy, but clean. Antimacassars adorned every settee and chair in sight, glass and ceramic curios were crowding tables and shelves, but not a speck of dust on any of them. Jim stood in the parlor, dumbstruck at the sight of so many gnomes, dancing ladies, elegant gentlemen, birds, beasts, and other adornments. Finally he heard footsteps coming down the hallway. He turned to greet Rebecca and was surprised to find her with a much older, very austere woman.
"Good afternoon, you must be…" he began.
"Alma Maynor," she snapped.
"Jim this is my…" Rebecca tried to introduce the two.
"I'm her mother's aunt; her grandmother's sister. Now, who the devil are you?"
Rebecca paled at the choice of language, but doggedly continued. "Aunt Alma, may I present James West? James, my Aunt, Alma Maynor."
Jim swept forward, oozing more charm than he ever needed. "Miss Maynor, it is indeed a pleasure." He lifted her hand to his lips, quietly kissed it, and continued on, "I can honestly see how your niece came to be so beautiful." When those flickering blue eyes were focused on a woman, she could see nothing else. Aunt Alma was no exception.
She blushed, then opened her mouth to speak, then had to close it again, and then to Rebecca's surprise…she giggled! Rebecca pressed her lips together to keep from laughing, but her eyes danced at Jim.
"Mr. West, I won't keep you and Rebecca from the festivities, but you must come back and dine with us, very soon." Alma Maynor drawled.
"I will, of course," Jim bent to kiss her hand again, then opened the door for Rebecca. "Very soon, I promise." He winked at Aunt Alma as he pulled the door closed.
When the maid found her employer a few minutes later she was standing in the same spot of the parlor, looking at her hand, smiling a goofy smile. When she saw the maid she snapped back to the present.
"Well? Don't you have silver to polish?" The girl scurried away as Alma sat down in her rocking chair by the window and took up her stitching.
WWWWWWWWWW
The happy group arrived at La Maison and were ushered to one of the privacy booths in the back by the Maitre'd. The curtains had been pulled back and tied with a velvet sash. The Maitre'd untied the curtains and waved them into the booth. They continued to carry on their lively discussion about the impending private tour of the White House later that evening. Jim smiled and laughed at something Rebecca said but he had not been listening. His partner was up to his old tricks again. He had quietly excused himself from the table to speak to the Maitre'd and Jim saw him slip the man a large bill.
When Artie returned to the table Jim gave him that look that demanded an explanation. Artie merely returned the look with a smile as he grasped Danielle's hand and drew himself back into the conversation.
The waitress arrived and the group ordered their meals with Artie demanding to make the desert selection. He spoke to the waitress in his flawless French, bowing deeply when she complimented him.
The food arrived and the conversation continued. Throughout the meal Jim had tried to discern Artemus' secret but the agent was as stubborn as he himself could be. Just as Jim was about to pronounce the meal completed Artemus stopped him.
"We're not quite finished James. There is one more thing, the piece de resistance you might say." Artie grinned like a Cheshire cat.
"Artie what have you done?" Jim asked not sure he really wanted to know.
"Nothing much…just my way of saying I'm sorry." Artie waved the waiters over as they carried their large tray.
"Sorry? For what?" Jim was more confused than ever.
"I forgot your birthday Jim. We were hurrying to get here in time for the Independence Day celebrations and I forgot your birthday. I hope you can forgive me?" Artie looked questioningly at Jim.
The waiters arrived at the table and all eyes in the restaurant were on their booth. The cake in and of itself was something special to look at. Three tiers of decorated decadence. When Artie informed them it was devil's food Jim glared while the ladies laughed in delight.
The waiters placed the tray on a stand at the end of the table and Artie told them he would take care of the candle lighting. Jim thought it odd the waiters not only didn't try to talk him out of it, but saw their chance for a getaway and they nearly tripped over each other in their haste.
"Artie, these aren't candles." Jim stated as he began examining the cake.
"Oh no those two on top are sparklers. In honor of the day. These are your candles. And I must say James you are accumulating quite a lot of them." Artie winked at him and Jim groaned.
Artie struck a match and began lighting the candles, finishing with a flourish as he lit the sparklers. They looked at the cake as the rest of the patrons looked on and applauded. Jim waved sheepishly and again glared at his partner.
"Make a wish James and blow out your candles." Jim sighed and leaned forward to blow on the candles.
Jim drew in a deep breath and puffed on the candles. Nothing happened. Confused he breathed deeply and again puffed on the candles. Again nothing happened. By this time Artemus could hold his amusement no longer and he burst into laughter.
"You're gonna pop a lung trying to blow those out, Jim."
"Artie…"
"They're a new invention I've been toying with. Novelty candles…you can blow on 'em all day and they won't go out!" Jim looked at the faces around the table and smirked.
"Bet I can blow 'em out."
Jim leaned forward and breathed as deeply as he could and huffed heavily on the candles, causing the flames to bend over backward. They flickered and Jim smiled triumphantly thinking he had beaten his partner. His smile quickly turned to frustration when the candles flames quickly returned.
Not about to be beaten by a simple flame, Jim leaned close to the cake and began to breath on the candles in quick, short breaths, puffing quickly toward each candle. Artie and the ladies sat back to watch the spectacle. Suddenly Jim leaned too close to the cake and it tipped just a little on the tray.
The sparklers on the cake's top were still lit and gently tossing red sparks harmlessly down onto the cake. One of the sparklers came into contact with the privacy curtain and instantly caught hold of the cloth.
The harmless sparks turned into small flames licking at the curtain. Thinking quickly Artie jumped up and grabbing the pitcher of water from the table he poured it on the curtain, while pushing the cake out of the way.
When he turned back around to inspect the damage Artemus was stopped in his tracks. Not by the stares of the restaurant's patrons but by his partner. Jim was covered with cake!
"Artie…" Jim stared at his partner.
"Mmm…the chef really outdid himself on this cake. You should taste it Jim, its mouthwatering!" Artie told him as he reached forward and pulled a chunk of cake from his partner and popped it into his mouth.
WWWWWWWWWW
The foursome returned to the railcar so that the ladies could make apple pies for the evening festivities at the White House. As they worked in the galley Jim and Arte sat in the parlor, listening to the sounds of Dani and Rebecca laughing as they worked.
Arte was content as he looked over at his partner. "Those are sounds I could listen to everyday, James my boy." He smiled and went back to organizing his disguise case. Jim raised his eyebrows at Arte's revelation, but he didn't say anything.
The better part of an hour had passed before the ladies exited the galley, Rebecca smoothing her hair as she sat down next to Jim on the settee. A lazy smile crossed his face as he put his arm around her.
"Finished?" he questioned quietly.
Rebecca murmured a faint "MmHm" as she snuggled into Jim's side and laid her head on his shoulder. iMaybe Arte is right…/i
Arte had stood up as the ladies entered the parlor and he offered his arm to Danielle. "Let's get some fresh air." She accepted his offer and they made their way out to the platform, then stepped off the train in order to take a turn around the grassy area that surrounded the train depot.
"We can't stay long, those pies won't take themselves out of the oven," Dani said gently as Arte steered her to a bench under a wide oak tree.
"We won't be long, and besides, Rebecca and Jim can watch the pies," Arte said softly as he leaned in to steal a kiss.
When the kiss was broken Dani giggled, her hand pressed against his chest. "I'm not sure that we could trust that those two are paying any more attention to the pies than you want to, Artemus."
"That's probably true," but he leaned in for another kiss anyway.
WWWWWWWWWWW
Meanwhile Rebecca was asking Jim about the President, as she had never met him before either.
"James, what is the President like? I mean I've heard you speak of him many times but what is he really like?" Rebecca asked timidly.
"President Grant? Well, he's…just think of him as a great big cuddly bear." Jim smiled.
"Oh that's a very reassuring description, James." Rebecca rolled her eyes.
Rebecca gently pushed him away with a coy smile, "I think it's time to check the pies."
WWWWWWWWWWW
Reluctantly Dani got to her feet, pulling Arte up with her. "I will not take burnt pies to the White House, Mr. Gordon," she gently admonished with a twinkle in her eye.
"Of course not. Although I am sure Jim would smell the scent of burning apples and rush in and save them," he muttered facetiously. Dani laughed and the couple walked hand in hand back to the Wanderer.
As it turned out, Artemus was correct. Rebecca had kept watch over the pies and she and Jim were just placing them in a wide, low basket with handles to be transported to the picnic. Arte gave Dani a smug look, which she brushed away with a wave of her hand.
"Are you ladies ready to leave?" Jim asked expectantly.
"Now Jim, we are going to the White House. We just finished baking pies, and Dani just came in from a walk. Do you think we are ready to leave?" Rebecca asked, hands on her hips, a hint of smile in her brown eyes.
Jim slipped his arms around her waist, "You look beautiful. I think you're ready," Jim said then caught her in a warm kiss. Dani put her hand to her lips as she glanced at Arte who was tugging at his right ear. They quietly left the room to freshen up, leaving the other two alone.
A few moments later Rebecca had joined Dani, her face flushed from the kiss. Danielle burst into quiet gales of laughter. "Stop it Danielle!" Rebecca admonished her friend, then began laughing too. "Oh that man." She blushed as she quickly brushed her hair and put it back into place with a red ribbon and some hairpins. Finally the ladies had put themselves back to rights and joined Jim and Arte in the parlor.
"Now, are we ready?" Arte asked rhetorically as he picked up the pie carrier and opened the door. Jim led Rebecca outside with Danielle and Artemus following.
The day was beautiful so they had decided to walk the short distance to the White House. Along the way the flag was hung on flagpoles and from porches in honor of the day, and families were in their yards and gardens celebrating with picnics and games. The four young people chatted and laughed as they approached the gate to the presidential mansion. They were escorted to the North Lawn where hundreds of people were gathered. Colonel and Mrs. Richmond approached them, the Colonel doing his best to look gruff.
"West, Gordon, the president wants to see you," he began, but his wife didn't let him finish. "Douglas!" she pursed her lips slightly, then hooked her arm in his as she continued, "Gentlemen, he simply wants to greet you and Danielle and Rebecca. He and Julia are seated in the small gazebo…there," she turned and pointed.
"Thank you, Aunt Rachel," Dani kissed both of her Godparents. "Uncle, I will have lost all of my suitors if you persist!" Colonel Richmond winked surreptitiously at her as Artemus took her by the hand.
"Dani, you keep mentioning 'all' of your suitors…" he began, but was interrupted by a group of small children playing tag who ran between the four, forcing them to part. They were all laughing as they mounted the steps into the gazebo and joined the president and his wife.
"Jim, Artemus! Glad you could make it, gentlemen," Ulysses S. Grant stood and shook hands with his agents, his wife Julia joining him.
"Sir, may I present Rebecca Moore. Rebecca, President and Julia Grant."
"A pleasure to meet you both," Rebecca said, almost breathlessly, as Grant took her hand in his own and kissed it. She then shook hands with Julia. "Thank you so much for inviting me, Mrs. Grant."
"Friends of James are always welcome," Mrs. Grant assured Rebecca.
"And this must be Richmond's godchild I have heard so much about," Grant observed.
"Yes sir, Danielle Oliver," Arte answered, his arm around her waist. Danielle stepped forward as Grant took her hand to kiss as well. "Delighted, Mr. President," she turned to his wife, "Mrs. Grant."
"Yes, Danielle, we have heard a lot about you and your studies," Mrs. Grant began as she and her husband motioned for the group to sit. "Tell me how you like the university."
Danielle and Rebecca regaled the First Lady with stories of the lectures they attended, as well as their professors and fellow students. The gentlemen listened for a time then slowly began chatting of other matters, business related.
Finally Julia decided that they had taken up too much of their time. "Now you young people go have fun instead of discussing business," she looked pointedly at her husband. She pushed them in the direction of the various amusements set up on the lawn.
The couples walked hand in hand down the Lawn taking in the various booths and other amusements, chatting idly about the things they might want to come back to, when Artie's eyes lit on the perfect choice….a wooden dance floor had been placed in the center of the North Lawn.
Artie tapped on Dani's arm and pointed toward the dance floor. He asked her to dance and Danielle nodded her head and smiled. Jim and Rebecca decided to follow suit and joined them in the dance line. The music was just winding down and The Virginia Reel was the next scheduled dance.
While they are waiting for the dance to start Artie noticed Danielle receiving adoring looks from several young gentlemen. His repeated inquisitive glances in Danielle's direction went unanswered as the music began.
On the right hand turn Artie saw Danielle smiling at a particularly handsome young man and his breathing increased. On the next step, the left hand turn, Artie had to crane his neck to get a quick glimpse of one young man commenting to her, making Danielle throw back her head in a hearty laugh. iJust how many men does Dani know and just how well does she know them?/i Artie wondered as he mindlessly followed the steps waiting to regain his partner.
The end of the dance drew near and Artemus saw his chance to talk to Danielle. The head couple separated. The man turned outward and walked toward the foot of the line behind the line of other men, followed by all the men in single file. At the same time the head lady did the same thing on her side of the set.
Then the head couple met at the foot of the set and walked together to the head of the set, followed by the other couples. As Artemus passed Danielle he smiled at her and whispered a quick "We need to talk young lady" as he smoothly moved past.
As Artie approached Danielle to reclaim his partner after the dance a breathless, well built young man rushed up to her and spoke quickly.
"Hey Dee, are we still on for next week? I've got everything ready and I'm so excited!"
"Next week? Yes, we are still on, Len. I am excited as well." Danielle replied not noticing Artie's wide open mouth and horrified stare.
WWWWWWWWW
After several dances the two couples were ready to rest. Jim decided that he and Arte should show the ladies through the executive mansion.
"Should we?" Rebecca asked, looking at Danielle. "Artemus?" Danielle searched Arte's face. "Do you really think anyone would object?"
"No, I shouldn't think so," he scoffed at the question. The four slipped away from the rest of the crowd and through a private entrance that the servants were using to go quickly from the festivities to the inner workings of the mansion.
Danielle was taken with the portrait of Washington that Mrs. Madison had salvaged as the British were burning the original White House. "All of these artifacts…oh the history of this building!" she exclaimed.
"Amazing, isn't it?" Arte asked quietly, as Jim and Rebecca slipped away, unnoticed.
Arte saw this as his chance to finally speak to Dani about what had been bothering him all day. "Danielle," She turned to look at the handsome man.
"Yes Artemus?" She reached for his hand.
Artemus Gordon wasn't a jealous man, by nature, but what he felt for Dani…he had to know if she felt the same.
"Several times today you have mentioned 'all' of your suitors," he hadn't been able to look at her, just looked at her graceful hand in his, "and I just wondered…"iget it out Gordon!/i
Danielle knew what he was trying to ask. "Artemus, you are my only suitor."
Relief flooded through Arte as he looked into her smiling green eyes. But then he remembered the young man who had called Dani…iDee./i\ He grimaced at the thought.
"What is it Artemus?" Danielle said when she saw the look on his face.
"Then who is Len, and what plans have you made with him for next week?" he asked quickly as he looked her in the eye.
"Oh, Len." She smiled softly at Arte.
"Yes, Len. You spoke to him earlier." Arte was feeling those butterflies again.
"Artemus, Len is my lab partner. We have been trying to get a table in the lab to do part of our research project."
Suddenly Artemus pulled Danielle into an embrace, breathing in the heavenly lilac scent that he associated with her. Dani pulled back and touched his face as Arte leaned down and kissed her tenderly.
WWWWWWWWWW
Jim slowly opened the door to the Lincoln room and ushered her in. This was one of his favorite rooms and he puffed with pride at being able to show it to them. Rebecca ohh'd and awww'd as Jim explained some of his more favorite pieces of artwork or statues. Rebecca paused before a particularly beautiful settee, running her fingers across the back.
"Go on Rebecca…sit." Jim smiled at her gesturing for her to take a seat.
"Oh no…I couldn't." She replied shaken with fear.
"It's okay there's no one here to see us. And settee's ARE for sitting on." Jim steered her around to the front and gently pushed her down.
Rebecca inhaled quickly as if expecting someone to jump out from behind a potted plant and take her away. As her breathing slowed, Jim took a seat beside her and held her hand. iNow is the time/i she decided as she reached into her purse and withdrew a small delicately wrapped parcel.
"Jim I know we have only known each other for a short time and I do hope you don't think me too forward but…well…I got you a gift for your birthday." Rebecca placed the gift in Jim's hand and smiled at him.
"Rebecca…I…don't know what to say." Jim stammered.
"How about thank you and open it so we can get out of here before we get caught." Artie smirked and Jim rolled his eyes, while Rebecca jumped in surprise at having been found.
"Thank you Rebecca," Jim said as he removed the wrapping paper from the box and gently lifted the lid.
In the box was a stunning golden locket. Jim was slightly taken aback by the gift but he smiled broadly taking in the ornate detail of the initials engraved there…iT and R?!/i
"This is…uh…very nice, Rebecca. But who is T R?" Jim grinned at her as Rebecca's face lost all color.
She quickly snatched the box from Jim and looked into it. iThe jeweler had made a mistake! This was supposed to have been a set of cuff links with J W engraved on them!/i She grabbed her purse and snatched the box making a mad dash for the door crying her apologies as she went. When she opened the door she found herself face to face with none other than President Grant himself.
WWWWWWWWWW
Presenting his most imposing look Grant pushed the door open and gently redirected Rebecca back into the room. The ladies huddled close to their companions shaking with fear. Danielle didn't feel quite so bad at not putting up as strong a front as she would have liked when she noticed that Artie's hand was trembling slightly in hers and she was sure Rebecca was experiencing a similar sensation judging by the look on her face.
Grant glared first at the agents, then softened his look just a tad when he glanced at the ladies. His cigar jutting out of the corner of his mouth as he bit down hard as he chose his words carefully to gain the greatest impact.
He strode down the line as if he were inspecting the troops during wartime, looking each one up and down before moving on. Finally, he reached the end of the line and he turned to stand in front of Artie who didn't dare breathe. Tiny beads of sweat were beginning to break out on the agents foreheads as they had witnessed the wrath of this man many times before. iThe ladies! They have never faced him when he's this mad Jim thought. Oh my Lord,Artie thought as he squeezed Danielle's hand a little tighter, The Colonel is gonna bust you for sure this time Artemus! And poor Dani what you subjected her to…/i
"Gentlemen, I assume the ladies are not at fault for this breach of security?" Grant finally spoke in a low and menacing tone.
"No, sir!" Jim and Artie replied in unison, "They had nothing to do with this, it was all out idea." The men hoped to lessen whatever discipline the ladies might receive.
"The lovely young ladies have tongues of their own do they not gentlemen?" Grant asked sternly.
"Yes, sir!" Artie replied trying to maintain his eye contact with the President.
"Then let me speak for themselves." Grant looked at the two ladies and smiled.
"Ladies…"
"Uh…yes, sir." Rebecca answered timidly.
"Yes, sir." Danielle answered in a voice that waivered more than she had hoped.
"Fine then. Now, while I am certain my agents know the penalties for trespassing they will be repeated for the benefit of you ladies." Grant shifted his eyes to Jim then back to Artie biting down on his cigar to keep the smile from finding it way onto his features.
"Trespassing is akin to treason in this administration. Neither will be tolerated or excused. James, tell the dear ladies what the penalty is for treason." Grant smirked knowing Jim was sweating buckets about now.
"Uh… the penalty for treason is…death, sir." Jim remained at attention although Grant grinned inwardly when he saw his hand close tighter around Rebecca's.
Rebecca inhaled quickly her complexion losing some of its color. Artie stole a look at Danielle and cringed. She looked loaded for bear.
"Sir, I do believe that death is hardly a fitting punishment to fit the crime." Danielle had found her strength, iat the worst possible moment/i Artie thought.
"The punishment is up to my discretion, Miss Oliver. And I am a firm believer in doling out proper and suitable punishment." Without taking his eyes off Artemus Grant called out to the hallway.
"Doug, get in here!" All four in this captive audience inhaled deeply and quickly as if it might be their last breath of fresh air.
Colonel Richmond walked into the Lincoln room, hands behind his back, doing his best to look truly disappointed. Grant waited until the Colonel stood next to him before he spoke again.
"Douglas, you know your duty."
"Yes sir, I do," Richmond's expression was serious. "James West, Artemus Gordon, Rebecca Moore," he paused as he composed himself, "Danielle Oliver. You are all under arrest for treason."
"REALLY! Uncle Douglas, I…"Danielle's outraged, indignant cry was interrupted by Grant.
"MISS OLIVER! I will not tolerate that tone of voice from anyone besides myself in this house." He thought briefly of his wife, then pushed the thought from his mind.
Dani was seething, and her Godfather and Artemus knew there could be trouble.
Arte whispered, "Calm down before we get the gallows, please." Dani turned her head slightly and looked at Arte through the corner of her eye, then looked at her Godfather again.
"Gordon, I thought you promised me there would be no troublemaking, no shenanigans," Richmond pointed out.
"Yes sir, I did sir. I'm sorry sir." Arte tugged at his right ear, doing his best to maintain eye contact with his superior.
Jim intervened, "Sir, sneaking into this room was my idea, Artemus and Dani were simply looking for Rebecca and me."
"And just what were the four of you doing inside this building in the first place?" Richmond demanded. "Just because it was your idea to be in this room, all of you were in the building!"
"I've heard enough," Grant turned and addressed the Colonel. "Douglas, get the guards in here."
Danielle could not tolerate this from anyone, not even the President of the United States. She stepped forward as Colonel Richmond stepped into the hallway to signal the guards.
"You've heard enough? You haven't heard our side at all." Grant puffed his cigar, trying to hide his mirth behind the smoke he was creating. "Artemus apologized, Jim apologized. "Rebecca and I didn't realize that your agents were not permitted inside the White House, especially when they and we were invited!"
By this time Colonel Richmond had reappeared with several guards. The guards having been let in on the little plot beforehand, entered the room their faces stone masks. Four guards moved to stand behind them and four more trained their rifles on them.
Soon all were hand cuffed and reality set in with Artie and Jim. As they were being led away they looked to Grant and Richmond pleadingly. The only thing they received in return was a stern warning to the guards that they not be let out of their sight until they were on the North Lawn.
Artie and Jim exchanged curious glances, ithe North Lawn?/i
"That's the wrong direction, James. The jail is back this way that way is the gallows." Artie gulped nervously.
"It sure is, Artie." Jim replied.
It was almost more than the President and Colonel Richmond could bear as they followed the motley group as they were led out of the White House and onto the front steps. All heads in the area turned and watched the spectacle. The guards led them down the steps and stopped on the Lawn.
Finally unable to contain themselves any longer Grant and Richmond broke down into a raucous uproar of laughter. Jim and Artie's eyes bulged out and the ladies looked at them wondering if the stress of the evening had finally gotten to them.
"Let them go guards. Artemus, I thought the Colonel had made it quite clear NO shenanigans! I believe he means it this time. You'd better get these ladies home without any further incidents." Grant winked, "And boys…do close your mouths it's unbecoming of agents of your stature."
As Grant and Richmond walk away from the dumfounded group they exchange a look and broke out in laughter.
"Wait until I tell this one at the next cabinet meeting!" Grant laughed.
"ULY!" "Douglas!" The First Lady and Mrs. Richmond's approach had gone unnoticed and their admonitions stopped them all in their tracks. Mrs. Grant and Mrs. Richmond stood with fists firmly planted on their hips, glares fixed on their respective husbands.
"You two have had enough laughs at their expense. Let them come watch the fireworks with us." As if to accentuate Julia Grant's words the first of many fireworks of the evening burst into the air behind her bathing her in red white and blue sparkles.
"Yes, dear," the men answered dejectedly.
"I think we have something coming up in the Seward's Folly area don't we, Doug?" Grant leaned over and whispered to the Colonel as they followed their wives to the gazebo.
"Oh yes sir! And I believe we have just found the perfect agents for that assignment." Richmond smiled.