The silence was deafening between them. It had been like that awhile. The bond they used to share now stretched thin, worn by a tremendous gulf. They couldn't speak to each other, and without that communication they were quickly becoming strangers. Ed sighed, getting up from the couch and reaching for the research notes, the very thing that had started this fight.
"Human lives….After all we've searched, after all these years… it comes down to murder..."
He threw the notes onto the ground, the truth almost enough to make him sick. He glanced at his brother, taking in his form. The way Ed saw it, his brother's shell of a body and his own automail arm and leg were price for the sin he committed. The sin of trying to bring back their mother from the dead. Ed had bullied and pushed Al towards this attempt, promising him the return of their happy family. For this reason they had found a teacher...And completed their study months ahead of time. Though Al repeatedly had complained, Ed had ignored him. His own greed and longing was stronger than listening to the sense his brother was speaking.
That fateful night they had pooled some of the money that had been left for them and gathered together the ingredients needed to create a human body. Ed remembered the list well and mentally went over it in his head. 'Water, 35 litres. Carbon, 20kg. Ammonia, 4 litres. Lime, 1.5kg. Phosperus, 800g. Salt, 250 g. Niter, 100g. Sulphur, 80g. Fluorine, 7.5g. Iron, 5g. Silicon 3g. And traces of fifteen other elements. 'He'd repeated those elements so many times they were burned to his memories. They were his mantra in the long nights of study, pouring over his father's notes with his brother at his side. If only he'd known there was nothing he could give that would equal his mother's soul.
He sighed again. Turning to his brother, the one he'd wronged, he attempted to put a smile on his own face. He failed miserable, the result looking fake and mirthless.
"Al, I'm sorry…I never should have gotten angry with you."
Though he was happy his brother was calming down, Al couldn't help but feel disappointed. Something in his brother's tone seemed final, as though he were giving up. This is turn brought back memories to Al. Not of the rainy night that haunted his brother awake or asleep, but the painful healing process after the night. Ed had been listless and Alphonse thought he had lost his brother for good. It was one thing to be trapped with a suit of armor for a body, but it was harder to watch his elder brother trapped in his own mind. They had tried everything, but he barely ate or slept his dreams troubled. It had only been when Colonel Mustang had extended his hand to help them, that the fire had returned to his eyes…He had a purpose again.
The purpose had been severely tried when they had decoded Marcoh's notes. The secret of the Philosopher's Stone being too much to bear. Ed had thrown a small fit, and then eventually had simply laid down on the couch staring quietly at the ceiling. The silence engulfing them and creating more silence. It had lasted for days, wearing on the younger brother's nerves. Al didn't want him to give up. There had to be another way. Remembering how years before Mustang had come to offer them salvation Al decided it was time for a new vow, and a new promise. He placed an unfeeling, metal hand on his brother's shoulder.
"Brother, I know you're hurting right now, and feel we should just give up...But I can't do that. Ever since mother died you've been sacrificing for me, to try and make me happy. You can stop that. You've already given me so much. Your arm and leg…Your innocence and your freedom. I know the things you've seen during your time in the military have chilled you, and you hate being chained like a dog to an organization you detest, but please, let's continue on. I want to get my body back…And I want you to be whole too. I want you to promise…You won't bear it alone anymore."
Too shocked to speak Ed simply nodded, his eyes filling with tears...The tears he hadn't shed, not even at their mother's funeral. Ed hid his face, embarrassed that he'd let it show. After wiping his eyes he turned back to his brother, his eyes dry and a confident smile on his face.
"Yeah, we'll find a way...I made a promise after all."
As if nothing had ever happened Ed went around tidying the room, hiding evidence of his despair. Then carefully he tucked the research notes into his suitcase, yet another reminder of the miles they crossed and the people they had met. In the grand scheme of things, Ed knew the setbacks didn't matter and the result of it all paled in comparison to the journey. He was just glad to have his brother at his side, and couldn't think of anyone else he'd rather share his experiences with.
"Well...We have lots of work to do! Let's get going Al!"
He grabbed the crimson jacket and whisked out the door, leaving behind only a wish.
'Let him forgive me.'